J & A

I would give anything to turn back the clock five minutes. He’s dead. Dead. Gone. Shot dead by....who? I don’t even know the bastard who did it. Alessio is dead. It’s only been five minutes since he was last breathing. Breathing. He’s not.. He can’t… If only I could have done something, Jesus, I… Only five minutes. Alessio… How did this even happen? Where am I? What happened, I don’t understand. Six minutes. I wish I could turn back the clock SIX minutes… Then maybe I could have saved him. Right? … Yes. Where am I? I’m so cold, it’s so dark… it’s probably so late and our parents are going to be so- Oh, God. Alessio’s parents. Their oldest son is dead. Shot. All because I… What did I do? I don’t even remem- Oh. Church. Out for lunch. Waiting until 10 to sneak out to go to Josh’s party. Leaving two hours in. Alissa bailing on giving us a ride home. Walking home. And now we’re here. Dead. Alessio is dead. 13 hours. I wish I could turn the clock 13 hours. Then maybe Alessio’s dead body wouldn’t be laying in front of me.

My God- Goodness, how long is this priest going to lecture about the importance of praying? If only I was religious, and wasn’t just here for Alessio. Maybe if mom wasn’t into tarot cards and spirits, and fortune telling we would be Catholic. What Alessio and his family believes in doesn’t seem TOO far fetched… Who knows. At least when mom does her readings they don’t last an hour and a half. Either way, all I want is to go enjoy some Popeye’s chicken with my Catholic-practicing Mexican boyfriend. I check my watch. 11:55. Thank God-GOODNESS.

Walking briskly out of the church, still avoiding touching Alessio due to judgemental Catholics, I check my watch. 12:15. Way too late to eat lunch, in my opinion. Once we are within 10 feet of my Jeep, Alessio grabs my arm and smiles up at me. “Finally. I hate going that long without touching you.”  I look back at his parents, who are trying to wrangle the rest of his siblings into their family van. Seeing that they aren’t looking, I sneak a kiss onto Alessio’s cheek. He sticks out his bottom lip and furrows his brows. “Stop pouting babe, and let’s go eat some chicken. I’m starving!”

“Ugh, you’re always hungry, James.” He lets go of my arm and walks to the passenger side of my Jeep.

“Ahh, the fresh smell of over-priced diabetes. I can’t wait to put this crap into my already-decaying body!” Alessio reaches for my hand as we walk into Popeye’s, my favorite place, like, ever.

“Oh stop it, Less, you know you love this place just as much as I do.”

“I don’t think anyone can love this place as much as you do. Even Popeye himself.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” We laugh and order an abundance of chicken and find a table in the back to sit.

As I am shoveling chicken into my mouth, Alessio’s phone rings and he glances up at me, grimacing. “I’m sorryyyy. I’ll call whoever it is back when we’re done.” He switches ringer off and goes back to his mashed potatoes.

“No, no, babe, it’s fine, go ahead.” I gesture towards his phone and nod.

He picks up his phone and answers immediately, smiling.  “Oh! It’s Alissa!”

I smile back and take a sip of my sweet tea. “Heeeeyyy Alissa, what’s good, girl?”

As Alissa updated Alessio on the latest drama that I could care less about, I continue eating and try stealing one of his fries. He swats my hand away and smiles.

“Yeah, yeah! Me and James will be there! And you said Josh King’s house? … Ok, cool!” I raise my eyebrows at him as he is saying bye. “A party? You expect me, James Sullivan to go to a party?”

Alessio locks eyes with me and shakes his head. “You need to get out more, Jame.”

I pause from stirring my macaroni and cheese and look up at him.

“What’s that supposed to mean…?”

Alessio sighs and rubs his forehead.  “You know what I mean, James, we’ve had this conversation, and it always ends bad. So let’s just not.”

“Yeah… Yeah. I know. Alright, I’ll go. I don’t really want to be out all night, though.”

Alessio smiles at me and nods. “Deal. Thank you. Now let’s go, I wanna kiss that greasy chicken face.”

I roll my eyes and pick up both our trays to dump them.

The next details are muddy. All I remember is going to Alessio’s house while his parents were still out with his siblings and playing Mario Kart until 10 to go to Josh’s party.

Before we arrived at Josh’s party, Alessio swore to me that he wouldn’t leave my side all the time we were there, and just as I thought, as soon as we got there he found Alissa and ran off to get drinks. Leaving me to stand by the TV awkwardly. What seems like an hour later, he comes back, two solo cups in hand.

“THERE you are, babe! I was looking all over for you! You missed it, me and Alissa did some shots, you should have seen it!” He thrusts a cup towards me, causing the contents of the cup to slosh out on the shiny and expensive hardwood floor of Josh’s living room.

“Jesus, Less, how much have you had to drink already? I think we should leave,”

“Leave?! But we’ve only been here for an hour! You’re being a buzz-kill, James. As usual.” He rolls his eyes and takes another swig of his beer.

I was standing here for an hour?! Dear Lord, I need to get out of here.

“Alessio, both you and Alissa are drunk already, and how are we supposed to get home? Walk?” I hand my cup of poison to Alissa, who has just walked up to me yelling at Alessio.

Alessio considers my question and nods, a smile breaking out on his face, “Yeah, I guess we will have to walk home! Haha! That’s going to suck!”

I rub my temples and sigh, “Jesus, Alessio, I knew we shouldn’t have come… OK, we’re leaving. Now. If we walk fast we can get home before 3.”

Alissa sighs and nudges Alessio, “You know, your man is probably right, you’re wasted,” In the time I have been scolding Alissa, she seems to have sobered up a little.

“You know, I didn’t have that much, and it takes me a lot to be completely wasted, unlike him,” I shake my head profusely and look her in the eyes.

“Absolutely not, Alissa. Thanks for the offer, but no. We’ll just walk home.”

Alissa nods and glances away. Alessio is still pouting.

I sigh and look back at Alessio, who is still pouting.

I open my arms for him to come hug me, “Come on, babe, let’s get you home.”

We start the long walk home with Alessio throwing up on the side of Highway J. Cars pass, some fast, some slow. Some honk their horns and some have trashy rap music blaring out the windows. I check my phone about fifty times within a 10-minute span expecting the time to go by faster so I can lay in bed and finally sleep. Alessio’s feet stumble and trip over the dips in the road and the gravel scattered around, and I attempt to keep him walking straight.

When he does try to speak, it comes out in slurred words and incomplete sentences,

“Jame, ‘M sorry,” He slouches on my shoulder and wraps his arms around my waist.

I kiss the top of his head and hoist him so he’s standing straight up.

“It’s okay, Alessio. I’m not mad at you. I just wish you would take care of yourself more,”

He looks up at me and tries to smile, but his intoxicated state causes it to seem more of a grimace. “I love you,  Jame.”

I smile back, “I love you too. And, don’t worry about it. We can talk about it tomorrow when you’re sobered up.” He nods and turns his body forward again and starts walking a bit faster.

“Wanna get home…”

“Me too, honey, me too.”

I check my phone. 4:25. Cars are still passing and cutting a little too close to us on the shoulder.

“Come on, let’s scoot over,”

A car  slows next to us and Alessio looks back at it.

Panic surges through me as I try to get Alessio to scoot over.

Some of the details are fuzzy. All I remember next is-

BANG.

Alessio crumples and my ankle twists as I try to catch him.

“Alessio?”

The car speeds off, rock music blaring.

Alessio doesn’t move. I think for a second that he’s just fallen, passed out.

And that’s it. That was the end. My boyfriend gone, in a matter of a split second.

One second his eyes were blinking, trying to process that an unknown car was right next to us, then they were shut, never to open again.