“So this is it,” Adam says, handing me the key. “My parents are out of town at the moment, but I’m right across the yard if you need anything. You can use the pool and hot tub if you’d like and we don’t have a dog so the yard is completely free for Cake. If there’s anything you need, don’t worry about bothering me.”
“Is there a good restaurant you could recommend?”
“Yeah, there’s a diner. Rick’s. I can take you there if you’d like. Or just give you the directions.”
“You could take me. If it’s not too much trouble.” He is a very attractive person. He explains how he needs to eat and how he can’t cook which is very unfortunate given his attractiveness and before I know it I’m across from him in a booth with a chocolate milkshake in front of me.
“So what do you like to do?” He asks, breaking the silence.
“I like to swim. I swim a lot. I also really like to tan. I hate being pale, I just feel like it makes you look so sickly you know? When I’m tan I just feel healthier. And remember, if you can’t tone it, tan it. I love to travel. I read and write a lot too. Mostly fiction but poetry too. If you scroll through my Instagram feed you’ll just find quotes and fitness people. I really like to workout too, the gym has become my safe haven over the past couple years.” I don’t know why I’m telling a stranger all this, but after tomorrow I’ll never see him again anyway so it doesn’t matter.
“I don’t know a lot of poetry but do you mean people like r.h.Sin and Rupi Kaur?” I raise an eyebrow at the fact that he actually knows poets, even if they are a couple of the most famous ones.
“Rupi, I like. But Sin? No. Definitely not.” He furrows his eyebrows at me.
“I just think that Sin is a sexist, hypocritical, fake feminist who likes to write about broken girls. He talks about how a strong woman starts as a broken girl and how broken girls have the most love to give. And I’m sorry, but that’s unacceptable. He’s just teaching young, “broken”, girls that the only way they can be helped is if they have a man. We’re strong, independent, women who don’t a man’s approval. We don’t need someone else to tell our stories for us. We’re doing just fine on our own.
“And don’t even get me started on how he likes to say he’s a good husband because he only follows one person on Instagram: his wife. Just because you only follow your spouse on social media doesn’t make you a good husband. He published four books last year. Approximately 300 poems per book, that’s 1,200 poems in a year. While it’s definitely possible, I just don’t think that you can really produce enough high quality poems in a year to fill four books. But that’s just my opinion.” I shrug and eat a fry. “If other people like him, fine. But I just can’t support him. He thinks that we’re drowning and need saving, we don’t need saving, we can save ourselves.”
“Well aren’t you passionate about that topic,” He remarks, his eyebrows raised. I shrug, nodding.
“You could call me a liberal feminist, most do. Some agree with me and those who don’t, that’s just too bad, I don’t really care. I do, however, respect others’ opinions. I don’t automatically assume that I’m right about everything. That’s one thing I hate about some people is when they try to force their beliefs on you. Like, no, I have my opinion and you have yours. I respect yours so why can’t you respect mine?” He stays silent, nodding.
“I’m normally not this talkative around strangers, but you aren’t talking and it’s awkward to just sit here in silence with a stranger so I may as well try to fill it. Anyway, I’m gonna shut up now.” He smiles at me and anything that I could have kept talking about flies out of my head.
“No, no, you can keep talking. It’s cute when you ramble.” I feel a blush start to creep up my cheeks, and I take a sip of my milkshake to give myself something to do.
“So this trip you’ve embarked on, what’s your final destination?”
“I’m going to southern California, Newport Beach to be exact. I have a cousin that lives there and so I’m going to be staying with her for a couple weeks. We’ve discussed me moving in with her since she has an extra room and I’m trying to get out of Portland. But,” I shrug, “I don’t know what’s happening yet.”
“You’re not planning on making it all the way down there tomorrow are you?” He looks very concerned.
“Oh no, of course not. That’s like a 14 hour drive. Tomorrow I’m stopping in San Francisco for a few days to see my other cousin. After that I’ll stop in Malibu to see my brother for a couple days.” I try not to grimace. He interrupts me before I can go on.
“What’s wrong with you and your brother?”
“I never said there was.”
         “I can tell from the look on your face when you mentioned him.”
“Well, basically my brother, Ryan’s his name, left when I was 11. It’s not like he couldn’t, he was 18, he was legal, whatever. But our parents Roger and Laura are evil. They’re absolutely terrible. They love our brother and hate us. Don’t ask me why, I have no idea. But it’s true. Anyway, he left when he turned legal.”
         “And left you as well,” He fills in for me.
         “Exactly. When we were younger we had a really good relationship but once he left, he cut all communication with us. With me. Then one day when I was 15 he sends me a Facebook request out of the blue, he doesn’t have Instagram or Snapchat because he’s old, and I tried to ignore it for as long as possible but then I gave in and accepted because I suck at ignoring people and then a month later he’s like why won’t you talk to me anymore and was just being so ignorant about everything and ugh. I just can’t with him anymore.
“So I don’t know if I’m going to be able to deal with him while I’m there or not. He lives on the beach, which I don’t know how he swung that, so I can always just go for a run or swim or something, I don’t know. I’m kind of excited to see him though, I haven’t seen him in seven years. But I’m also scared, I’ve changed a lot. I don’t think he knows what to expect and he’s been known for kind of...running away, I guess, from situations he can’t deal with. So seeing me all grown up might just push him over the edge.”
Our food is set down in front of us before I can keep spilling my life story to him and we eat in silence; for the first time in half an hour I’ve shut up. I insist on splitting the check since it’s most definitely not a date and he drives me back, inviting me to go swimming with him in his family’s infinity pool. I accept, obviously, and soon find myself floating in the only infinity pool I’ve ever been in in my life thus far.
“So what’s the real reason you’re going on this trip?” He asks, running his fingers through his hair.
“I needed to get out of Portland. My relationship with my parents is basically nonexistent; it sucks, but it’s true. I couldn’t leave Cake with them since my brother’s allergic to him so I brought him with me. I wouldn’t leave him even if I could since he’s basically my child and my family would probably somehow find a way to kill him.
“I just got out of a relationship too and it didn’t end very well. I guess I’m just kind of trying to figure my life out at this point. I don’t really know what I want to do. I want to do something that helps people. I’ve had this fantasy since I was like, 11 that I could be a FBI or CIA agent or something but when it comes down to it, I don’t know if I could deal with that kind of life.” I look up at him hoping for some input but he just nods and motions for me to go on.
“I don’t know. Maybe I’ve seen too many Criminal Minds episodes, actually, I definitely have, but if I ever wanted to have a family and try to lead a somewhat normal life, I don’t know if I could manage that. Which I do actually want and I don’t know if anyone could deal with me if I was a federal agent. And the danger I could potentially bring to my family, I couldn’t do that.”
“I think whoever you ends up with you will just have to deal with whatever career choice you make. If they criticize that or are too scared to deal with that lifestyle, then you obviously shouldn’t be with them.”
“Would you put up with that lifestyle if your spouse chose that career path? It’s not exactly a 9-5 job. Hypothetically of course.”
“I would I think. Especially if she was you.” My eyes tear away from the ocean and go to his.
“You don’t mean that.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because you met me not even two hours ago?”
         “I know nothing’s going to happen between us but Maia, come on, you’re gorgeous.” I shake my head, laughing, and look away.
         “You’re funny. You know that right? You are absolutely hilarious.”
“I’m being serious,” He says, his eyes flashing at me. He looks like an angel, with the sun setting behind him, his head surrounded by golden light.
“Prove it,” I challenge him, leaning back against the side of the pool, propping my elbows up behind me. I raise my eyebrows at him and let a smirk slide across my face, when I see his face, his eyes look threatening but the rest of his face shows a different emotion and before I know it, his arms are wrapped around me and my hands are in his hair and he does, in fact, prove it.
He proves it the next morning too, in the parking lot of Rick’s before me and Cake begin the drive through the Redwoods to San Francisco. Cake looks very concerned as he watches us through the back window of my car.
“You should text me if you’re ever back in the area,” He says through the rolled down window right before Cake and I pull out.
“I will, definitely.” I smile because if I don’t, I don’t know what I’ll do. He kisses me through the window again and when he pulls away, I roll it up because I don’t know what could potentially happen if I don’t.
Last night we stayed up until two in the morning talking about life. We talked a lot about our families and traveling and our futures. We talked about a relationship, because obviously, but then the reality that he’s actually moving to the East Coast for college in a couple months hit and we both realized that it just isn’t worth it. We don’t know each other well enough to even attempt a long distance relationship and while it’s sad, it’s reality. He’s a great guy and maybe in a different lifetime I’d pursue it, but not in this one.

“You’re finally here!” My cousin Chloe squeals as she runs down her driveway towards me, flinging herself onto me. I, for one, am not a squealer so I just stay silent and don’t say anything.
“We have so much to talk about, I have so many things planned for these next few days.” She starts rambling about her plans and takes my bags from me as I get Cake out of the car. She promptly drops my bags and starts to give all her attention to him which isn’t a new thing for people to do. She leads me into her house while she keeps talking about everything we’re going to do. It sounds like it revolves around shopping, getting coffee, and driving all over the Bay Area to have photoshoots. My aunt and uncle make their appearances and Chloe finally stops talking about some boutique she’s planning on taking me too.
“Maia?” My aunt says tentatively and I turn around, to find my aunt standing in the doorway of Chloe’s bedroom. My aunt, my mom’s sister, is estranged from my mom because of something that happened when I was young enough that I don’t remember and they don’t openly talk about it. I haven’t seen this part of my family since I was six.
“You’re so beautiful,” She breathes, coming towards me. “You look just like your mother when she was your age.” I smile my thanks and don’t say anything because all I can think about is how much nicer she is than my mother. She asks how my family’s doing and I can’t help but wonder how on earth these two women are related. They act nothing alike: my mom is rude and says whatever crosses her mind while the woman in front of me is kind and soft spoken. Or at least she is right now.
“Do you want food?” Chloe asks, leading me into the kitchen and opening the refrigerator, revealing a plethora of all kinds of food. She then decides that she wants to make me tacos and since they’re my favorite food, I don’t stop her. If someone wants to make me food I’m not going to complain. She’s hands down one of the most indecisive and neurotic people I’ve ever met in my life, and those are two things that don’t go together very well. She seems to finally settle down once we start eating which I’m grateful for since I was starting to get a headache from her rambling. I can’t really talk though since I tend to rant a lot too.
“So how’s your trip been so far?” She asks, opening another bag of tortilla chips.
“It’s been good,” I say and she whips around, her hair flying everywhere.
“What happened? Something happened. What happened?” I raise my eyebrows at her.
“Sorry,” She says, seeming almost sheepish. “I’m just really excited you’re here.” I smile at her excitement and end up telling her about Adam. Between all the questions she asks and the mini stories I have to throw in, it takes me nearly an hour to tell her the whole story.
“But weren't you dating someone?” She asks, rolling onto her side to look at me from her spot on her bed. Cake and I are on a sofa on the opposite side of the room.
“Carson Grey?” She nods.
“I dumped his sorry ass a week before graduation.” She sits up, clearly shocked.
         “But weren’t you really into him?” I nod.
         “I was until I caught him in a web of lies that he couldn’t get out of and I just didn’t trust him anymore. The first week was the worst, but I can do so much better than him so…” I shrug and run my hand over Cake’s back.
“But weren’t you in love with him?” She asks, her eyebrows raised. She’s a couple years younger than me and hasn’t been through half of what I have.
“I was. For sure. But then he started to lie more and more and he never cheated on me, I don’t think he’d ever do that, and as we began to fight more, so I started to fall out of love with him. I started to not really care as much anymore. He didn't either. We kind of just gave up. There was a period of time where we went for nine days without talking. I’d see him and he’d see me but neither of us made an effort. I just saw him one day and he wasn’t what I wanted anymore. So I ended it. I’m not going to stay in a relationship for no reason.” She nods and asks me for the whole story even though she’s heard the main details over Facetime.
“We were friends for a while. A long while actually, almost three years. Then we were partners for this one project and it was a very big project too and one thing led to another...” I make a rolling motion with my hand and hope she gets it. She raises her eyebrows at me and her jaw drops to the floor.
“Seriously?” She asks incredulously, her eyes getting even wider.
“Not like you think,” I say, tempted to slap her across the face. I’m not that easy.

Cake finally starts to settle and plops himself down laying out beside me. I rest my hand on his back and watch as he stares down a group of girls. There’s one that seems to not be as ‘in’ as the rest of them. She looks over at us and then back at her friends and then back at us. It seems as though she’s about to say something to her friends but then she just crosses her arms over her chest and stays silent, still occasionally glancing over at us. I keep my eye on her little group though because she reminds me of me. The next time she glances back at us, I smile at her and try to look nice even though with my resting b**** face that’s difficult to do. I watch as she turns to her friends, like she’s about to say something, before pausing, standing up and walking towards us.
She’s very pretty. Not in a necessarily conventional way but still beautiful. She seems strong, not just physically but mentally and emotionally too. She’s someone who’s probably cried herself to sleep multiple times but wouldn’t dare admit it to anyone. I could be wrong but the way her friends treat her, I’m nearly positive I’m not. As she gets closer, I can see that her arms and shoulders are at least three shades tanner than the rest of her body but unlike her friends who are almost ghostly pale, she has a deep, golden tan that I know can only come from laying out in the sun for three hours a day. Her lower body is defined in a way that I know from experience can only come from years of lifting and dedication to the gym.
“Can I pet your dog?” She asks as she approaches Cake and I.
“Of course.” I smile, attempting to seem friendly. She kneels down in front of him and he rolls over, revealing his stomach.
“He loves attention from anyone who’ll give it to him,” I tell her, watching her love on my dog. She reminds me of me. A lot. She nods in agreement, scratching him behind his ears.
“Your friends can come pet him too if they want,” I offer and she shrugs, her full attention still on Cake.
“They’re pretty self absorbed,” She says quietly and she sits back on her heels.
I press my lips together, trying to not say anything, glancing at them. They’re looking back at us and one of the brunette’s says something and before I know it, we’re surrounded by them. Cake’s just living it up but when I look up, she’s not directly across from me anymore. She’s been pushed to the back and I can tell that this isn’t an unusual occurrence. They start to leave and they thank me for letting them pet Cake.
         “C’mon Tash, let’s go,” The last blonde one says, starting to walk away. Tash looks at me and I raise my eyebrows at her.
“I’ll be there in a minute,” She says, kneeling back down beside Cake. He rests his head on her leg and I pat my towel.
“You don’t have to get all sandy,” I say, encouraging her to sit on the end of the towel, tucking my legs underneath me. She smiles her thanks and we sit in silence for a while, her petting my dog and me watching her group, if you could even call it that.
I feel like she’s friends with them because she thinks there’s no one else who’d want to hang out with her and they’re willing to put up with her. She hangs out with them because at this point she feels like it’s obligatory. She doesn’t enjoy it and she’s not happy when she’s with them. She finds herself walking behind the group and she doesn’t quite know how because she tried her damn hardest to make sure she was in the front and center to maybe at least make sure she’s have someone to talk to while they walked.
She’s the last to find out about plans and when something happens she’s probably the last one to find out. She has a best friend but her best friend probably isn’t her. They make plans without her and when she finds out, there’s a knot in her stomach that you can’t quite explain and all you can do is act like she’s fine even though she’s far from it.
I’m extremely tempted to say something to her about it, but I know I absolutely don’t have the right since I’m a complete stranger so I keep my thoughts on how she could be friends with whoever she wants to myself and wish I could take my own advice.
She thanks me for letting me pet Cake and as she goes back to her group, I stand up and fold my towel. Ryan should be off work by now and at home. I’m scared to see him after all these years but after the past few days with Chloe, it’ll be a nice change. Chloe’s great and I love spending time with her but she can kind of be a pain in the ass sometimes. However, the hikes we went on to get pictures were unforgettable and Cake had an absolute blast. I just also happened to spend an ungodly amount of money when we went shopping and broke my previous personal record of coffees in a day (it went from three to five). She took me on an iced latte tour of San Francisco.
I pull up to the address that he sent me a couple hours ago and raise my eyebrows at the fact that it’s a true Malibu house with stairs in the back leading out to the beach and the all glass balcony. I don’t think I want to know what Ryan did in order to be able to swing a house like this.

“So how’s your life been going?”
“You mean after you left me in Portland with Roger and Laura?” He nods.
“Oh it’s been going just fabulously. You know, super well, I had the time of my life in high school. Best experience. For sure.” He raises his eyebrows at me.
“Seriously?”
“No of course not you dumbass. It was terrible. I went on this service trip and got hit on by this 20 year-old Spanish dude and now I’m traumatized for life. I was accused of flirting with my teacher by another teacher who was jealous of the relationship I had with him. I was screwed over by Preston Delaney and then my favorite person in the whole entire world, Tiffany Williams. Remember them?” Ryan nods. “I was dating this one guy for almost a year, I don’t think you know him. But we broke up after graduation, we just didn’t vibe anymore.”
“That’s unfortunate.” He studies me for a while before waving his hand at me.
“And are you going to elaborate on any of these stories?”
“Only if you want me to.”
“Well duh.”
“Which one? I have a lot.”
“Start with the Dominican dude.”
“Oh. He thought my name was Orange. He was just trying to tell me how he loved me and how I was beautiful and I was just like, no thank you. He never sees girls that have blonde hair and blue eyes and not only that but I also happen to be, you know, not exactly a stick and that’s what Dominican guys like for the most part. It was honestly traumatizing, not gonna lie. Even more traumatizing was the nine year old who grabbed my ass but whatever.”
         “I don’t think I want to know about the teachers.”
“No, probably not.”
“But what happened with Preston and Tiffany?”
“Preston Delaney. Preston, Preston, Preston. To put it simply I really, really liked him. Probably more than I should have. We were never even together, and I think that’s what made it even worse. Then Tiffany Williams got involved and she just made the whole situation an even bigger disaster. I think the worst part was that I never got closure from him and that bothered me for a really long time. I eventually realized that the closure I needed didn’t need to come from him, it could come from myself. Once I realized we weren’t compatible and we never would be, I was able to let him go. Some people just aren’t meant to be and Preston and I are two of those people.”
“And who is it that you weren’t vibing with?”
“Carson Grey? I don’t know if you know him. You had already left by the time he came.”
“Did he play football?” I nod.
“Does he have a sister?” I nod again. I don’t like where this is going.
“Zoe?”
         “Yeah. You know her?” He nods.
“We were dating for a few months but like you and her brother, we just didn’t work out. But how exactly did you manage to land him?”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean, I’m not gay or anything but Carson Grey is very attractive.”
“I’m aware of that.”
“So how’d you get with him of all people?”
“I don’t share my ways,” I say simply, shrugging and smirking at the look on his face.
“You’re not going to elaborate at all?” I shake my head. After enduring one of the most condescending looks I’ve ever received in my entire life, I tell him what I told Chloe, leaving out the details that I know he’d kill Carson in his sleep over.

I, mistakenly, pulled up to Chloe’s sister’s house with all my windows down. It was an extremely nice day so why not, I thought. But no, Cake had other plans. I hadn’t even parked in her driveway yet and he’s running across her yard to the next door neighbor’s yard to see the people standing in the driveway next door. I love that dog but he loves attention more and he’ll do anything to get it, even if it means jumping out of a car window. And that’s how I find myself meeting some of the most attractive people I’ve ever met in my life looking like a hot (not) mess.
“I am so sorry,” I apologize profusely, clipping his leash onto his collar, looking back and forth between all of them.
“I’m Isaac,” The one that’s by far the most pleasing to look at introduces himself, before motioning to the others who I soon find out are Sienna, Paige, Levi, and Eli. They disappear into the house but Isaac follows me back across the yard to Carissa’s driveway and my car.
“So are you Carissa’s cousin?” He asks, watching me get bags out of my car.
“You know her?” She’s an extremely social person so it’s not that surprising.
         “Kind of,” He nods, “She’s friends with Sienna.” Sienna’s his older sister.
“Don’t tell her I told you but she told me I should try to befriend you and now I can see why,” He says, his eyes trailing over my body, lingering on my denim shorts before going back over my stomach and chest. He takes a couple of my bags from me, one on each shoulder and one in each hand.
“We were all thinking about going down to the beach in like half an hour,” He says, handing me the key. Carissa’s still at work and apparently she had asked him to let me into her house. “Would you want to join us?”
I’m shocked that someone I just met is asking me to go somewhere when I just met him five minutes ago. I drop the two bags that I’m holding inside the door and he puts the ones he’s carrying down beside them. He closes the door behind him so that Cake doesn’t escape again and his eyes fall back on me.
“So would you or…”
“Yeah, I would actually,” I nod, making a decision that a few days ago I wouldn’t dream of taking.
“So we’ll leave in half an hour?” He checks, moving back towards the door. I nod and he leaves, leaving me alone in the house. I let Cake off his leash and he makes his rounds through the house, sniffing everything and making sure everything’s okay before coming back and staying within five feet of me. I decide to take the second master bedroom and haul all my bags upstairs but leave the rest of my car packed, I’ll unpack it later when Carissa’s here. She’s still at work but she texts me she should be back by the time I get back from the beach. I have to dig through three different suitcases but I eventually find my favorite turquoise Billabong bikini. I pull on a white tank top and a pair of denim shorts, slipping on my Rainbow flip flops.
“You ready?” Isaac asks as soon as I open the door to find him standing on the front porch. I nod, and follow him to his Jeep Wrangler, sliding into the passenger seat.
“Is it just us or…?”
“Yeah, I hope that’s okay. Eli had to go home so Paige went with him and Sienna and Levi kind of just...disappeared a little while ago so I think it’s just you and me now.” I nod in understanding and we make the rest of the drive to the beach in silence, it’s kind of awkward but it’s only a couple blocks so it’s not too bad.
Isaac manages to find a parking spot and we grab our towels, going out onto the beach and finding a spot between two families that will probably always have someone with their stuff that can also keep an eye on our stuff without us asking. We strip down and as I pull my tank top over my head, I feel Isaac’s eyes run up and down my body, his eyes lingering on the ring dangling from a chain around my neck. I stack my clothes and put my phone in between the folds of my shirt, my flip flops on the bottom.
“You ready?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at me.
“Yeah, of course,” I respond, absolutely psyched. I love the ocean and it’s one of the main reasons I’m wanting to move in with Carissa because I’ll be closer to the beach. We wade in slowly, adjusting to the temperature before finally being forced to take the plunge and duck dive under a wave. We swim out to just past the breaking point, bodysurfing several waves in. Before we know it, almost two hours has passed and we start to realize that we’re getting cold and numb. The waves have also been getting progressively stronger all afternoon and I consider myself a strong swimmer, but it gets to a point where I just can’t fight the ocean anymore.
“I’m getting tired,” I say as a wave rolls under us, “And I’m starting to wonder if I’m going to be able to get in without being pummeled. If it gets any stronger I’m not gonna be able to.” He looks me over and nods, turning around.
“Get on,” He says, and I raise my eyebrows at him but don’t question his methods and jump onto his back, wrapping my legs around his waist.
“Are you sure this is safe?” I ask, adjusting myself and trying to ignore how defined his back and shoulder muscles are.
“Yeah, of course. I’ve done it before. Just hold your breath and you’ll be fine. I’ll do everything else,” He says simply and I try to ignore the twinge in my stomach when he says he’s done this before. He catches us the next wave and it takes us almost all of the way in, only making him duck dive once. I try to slide off once we get to a point where I’d be able to save myself but he hooks his hands under my knees so that I can’t go anywhere, and takes me all the way in, standing up once it gets too shallow to swim and dropping me at our towels.
“You’re right,” He remarks, looking back out at the ocean. “It is getting rougher.” As he finishes his comment, we watch two teenage girls get completely trampled because they don’t know how to duck dive.
“Should we go or do you want to stay for a little while?” He asks, watching me wrap myself up in a towel. I’m freezing. I check my phone to see several texts from Carissa, all saying that she’s home and is excited to see me.
“We can go,” I say, reluctant to want to leave because then my time with Isaac will be over but at the same time, it’s getting later and the breeze is starting to pick up, making me even colder. I tie my towel around my waist and carry the rest of my clothes in my arms, not bothering to put them on because we’re just going back to Carissa’s house, and it’s pointless to get them wet. I watch as Isaac attempts to towel dry his hair and pulls his white t-shirt back on, making it instantly wet and so that you can see literally everything through it. I raise my eyebrows at him and try to keep my face as neutral as possible.
“Ready?” He asks, and I nod, following him back to his jeep, trying to keep my eyes focussed on the spot on the spot between his shoulder, not daring to let them stray.
“Well thanks for going with me,” He says smiling at me, and I see everything I’ve ever needed and everything I’ve ever wanted in that smile. I see my future in that smile.
“Yeah, of course. I had a lot of fun,” I say, my heart beating faster than it’s ever beat before, even when I was with Carson.
“Everyone will probably be hanging out at mine and Sienna’s house tonight, would you want to join us?” I search his face for a few moments, trying to figure him out before eventually agreeing and telling him that I’d be there.
“You want to come over at like eight? Nine?” I nod.
“We’ll be in the backyard and you can just let yourself in through the side gate.”
“Okay, I’ll see you later then,” I say, and he turns to go to his house. I go into Carissa’s house where I get promptly pounced on by Carissa. Unlike her sister though, she doesn’t squeal.
“How was the beach?” She asks, stepping back to look at me.
“It was good,” I say, raising my eyebrows at her, wondering why she’s so excited.
“And how was Isaac?” Of course, that’s what she really wanted to know.
“He was fine…” She pulls me into the kitchen so she can still keep cooking our dinner and I slide onto a bar stool across from her at the island. She raises her eyebrows at me as she adds cheese to a sauce and checks the chicken that’s cooking in a different skillet.
“You really like him don’t you?” I try to keep a poker face but a small smile slips out from behind my hand and I nod.
“I do, a lot actually. He’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met before. I don’t know what it is, he’s just…” I trail off, trying to find the right word.
“Perfect?” Carissa asks, raising her eyebrows at me and I nod.
“Yeah, perfect.”

I decide to go over to Isaac’s at ten to nine because I don’t want to be super early and seem like I care too much about being there. When I went through the gate, I promptly got attacked by a blue-eyed Siberian husky who I soon found out has the name of Zeus. Isaac patted the spot next to him on the outdoor sectional and I took it, propping my feet up on the coffee table. At about 11, they got a small fire started in the fire pit and by that time, Isaac’s arm had found its way to around my shoulders.
         “Are you okay?” He murmurs in my ear as Sienna gets up to start it and Paige and Eli go inside the house to get more drinks and food.
         “Yeah, why?”
         “You’re just not being very talkative.” That’s not necessarily a bad thing but whatever.
         “I just don’t really talk in a group of people this big when I don’t know them that well and aren’t that comfortable around them yet,” I assure him, leaning into his side and resting my head on his shoulder, staring into the fire. When everyone comes back, they fall back into conversation and even though I’m not really talking, I feel like I belong more than I ever have before.
“We should go skinny dipping,” Paige suggests, tossing something into the fire pit.
“Here?” Eli asks, glancing over at the hot tub.
“No, there isn’t a pool sweetie,” Paige says, patting his knee.
“I might know a place,” Isaac says, glancing over at me. “You’d have to drive though. You have the nicest, and biggest, car.”
“So where are we going exactly?” I ask, climbing into the driver’s seat.
“My mom’s a real estate agent and there’s this house she’s selling up in Bel Air. I know Bel Air’s an hour away but I think it’ll be worth it.” I raise my eyebrows at him but pull onto the 405 and don’t say anything. He takes the aux cord, turns up his Post Malone playlist and before I know it he’s directed to me what I’m pretty sure is the nicest house in Bel Air, maybe even Los Angeles.
“You didn’t say it was selling for $68 million,” Levi remarks, looking at the for sale sign at the end of the driveway.
“Isaac. I’m trying to not get arrested over here thank you very much.”
“We’ll be fine. We’re not going to get arrested.” It sounds like he’s trying to convince himself too.
“It’s not like we haven’t been arrested before,” Eli comments and I raise my eyebrows at him in the rearview mirror.
“Just because we’re from the City of Angels doesn’t mean we’re good.” We fall into silence as we take in the house sitting in front of us, it’s kind of big and has an even bigger fence surrounding it.
“Do you guys normally just sit in the car when you go skinny dipping or is this the LA version?”
“No…we’re just waiting for you.”
“Me? I’ve been waiting for you guys.”
“Then what are we waiting for?” Levi asks, leaning over the back seat.
“I have no idea,” Isaac says, opening the door and I do the same, following him to the side of the fence and watch as he evaluates the fence.
“You can make it over right?” He asks, looking me over.
“Yeah, I’ve got it,” I say but he’s already sitting on the top.
“I know you do.” I jump and somehow manage to pull myself to the top. I actually didn’t think I had it but I wasn’t about to tell him that. We slide down to the ground and everyone else joins us on the other side momentarily. He leads us around a corner of a house to reveal a huge infinity pool extending all the way to the edge of a cliff. The next thing I know, Isaac’s streaking across the backyard and pool deck and is surface diving into the pool. Sienna, Paige, and I all exchange a look before shrugging our shoulders at each other and following him in. Without surfacing, I swim all the way to the other side and come up by Isaac, turning around just in time to see Levi and Eli cannonballing into the pool.
Sienna and Levi start a chicken fight against Paige and Eli and I swim over to the edge of the pool, resting my elbows on the side, looking out over Los Angeles. Isaac joins me a few moments later but doesn’t disturb my silence, just the laughter and splashing of Sienna and Paige disrupt the peaceful night. It’s almost one in the morning and even though the city is quiet, it’s still lit up.
“You don’t have to put up with us if you don’t want to,” He says after a few moments, running his hands through his hair. It seems to be a nervous habit of his, one that he does a lot.
“Have you ever thought about braiding it? Or putting it in a bun or something?” I ask, motioning to his hair. It’s more of a lion’s mane: long and thick and coarse. It’s also fabulous and I love it.
“Yeah, I have actually,” He nods, turning towards me, “I’m just not talented enough to do it myself and Sienna doesn’t have enough patience to do it for me every day.”
“It’s so thick and nice though, you’ve got to take care of it. Do you at least condition it?” He looks at me sheepishly and I already know that he doesn’t.
“I do sometimes,” He protests, but it’s not very strong. I roll my eyes at him but my smile gives away the fact that it’s not that big of a deal.
“So we were talking earlier,” Isaac starts, motioning towards the others.
“About me?” I raise an eyebrow at him and he nods.
“We were thinking about going to Disneyland tomorrow. We were wondering if you’d maybe want to go with us. If you don’t that’s totally chill too.” I’m tempted to say no since I’m antisocial but I have a feeling that it was Isaac’s idea to invite me and I don’t want to disappoint him. I think about how excited Carissa was when I told her that I was going to be hanging out with Isaac and Sienna’s group tonight and when I look back up at Isaac and how expectantly he’s looking at me, I can’t help but agree to go with them.
“You’re serious?” He seems shocked.
“Yeah, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He blinks at me.
“I don’t, I don’t really know,” He says, looking away from me and back towards the city. I glance towards the other end of the pool to see everyone looking over us, talking quietly among themselves, probably about us.
“Why have you been inviting me to do stuff with you guys?” I ask, turning to him. “I mean, the group is clearly very set. And I don’t really think I’m exactly very welcome in it. It’s clear from the way they treat me. Only Paige seems willing to put up with me. And you of course.”
“They’re coming around to the idea. And even if they don’t, that’s just too bad.” He stares over my shoulder and I know he’s trying to keep his eyes away from my chest and I appreciate his effort but don’t do anything to help him.
“They’ll really like you if you drive us tomorrow too.”
“So they want me to be their personal chauffeur?” I half-jokingly ask, unfolding my arms from across my chest.
“Hey you said it, not me…” He drags off, his hazel eyes meeting my blue ones and I know that he’s trying his hardest to not look below my collarbone so I press myself back up against the side of the pool again and he breathes out a sigh of relief. It’s silent for a while with the soft humming of the city in the background coupled and my apparently new friends talking at the other end of the pool.
“I gotta ask,” He starts, looking over at me.
“Hmm?”
“I don’t want to be too forward is all.”
“At this point nothing really surprises me.”
“What’s your, ah, current relationship status?” He asks, his eyes falling to the chain around my neck. I meet his eyes, raising my eyebrows at him and a smirk slides across my face. “Like, are you single?”
“I am.” A small, light, smile comes across his face and I know he’s pleased with the answer.
“Isaac, Maia,” Sienna calls from the other side of the pool, sounding panicked. We turn around to find a light turned on inside the house, a small one that seems to be coming from the kitchen. Everyone at the other end hops out of the pool, gets dressed as quickly as they can while retreating into the shadows, and they scale the fence, leaving me and Isaac still in the pool. Another light turns on, closer to the exterior of the house. Isaac and I duck underwater, swimming all the way to the other end and doing our best to stay in the shadows, I pull my shirt over my head and reach for my shorts when the back door of the house opens.
“S***,” Isaac swears under his breath and we move towards the fence, going around the corner of the house, out of sight of the couple that’s decided to make an appearance. I pull on my shorts, slip on my Vans, and follow Isaac back over the fence. We book it back to my car and grabbing the keys from the center console, I shove them into the ignition with Isaac beside me and everyone else already in the back seats. I floor it and don’t stop until I pull into a deserted gas station, my heart beating out of my chest.
“Okay so what happened to it being staged and the owners had already moved out?” I ask, doing my best to not yell at him. He apologizes profusely, explaining that that’s just what his mom told him and that they must have come back for some unknown reason.
We decide to go eat since our skinny dipping adventure didn’t only fail but also because we’re starving. They direct me to a 24/7 restaurant in as close to downtown LA we could possibly get. I find myself in a booth, sandwiched between the wall and Isaac, across from Sienna, Paige, and Levi with Eli on the other side of Isaac.
“Okay, so he’s really into you,” Sienna says as soon as Isaac gets up to go to the bathroom, leaning in towards me. I raise my eyebrows at her and Paige turns to me too.
“She’s right. I’ve never seen him look at anybody the way he looks at you.” I feel my eyes start to get even wider and I try to get them to go back to normal but that fails because then Levi says something and he’s never said more than six words to me.
“They’re not wrong,” He agrees, nodding along with them. I’m more shocked by the fact that he said something to me than the fact that they think Isaac likes me to say anything. I just thought that Levi didn’t like me so he tried to not interact with me even though Isaac insisted he’s just shy and doesn’t talk that much but I know that’s not true because I’ve seen him talk Isaac’s ear off before.
“I don’t know if it’s the fact that you went along with our skinny dipping plan but he’s really into you,” Sienna says again, leaning in towards me. I look back and forth between all of them, trying to decide how they feel about me and Isaac.
“He asked me if I was single earlier.” I admit, causing Sienna and Paige to smirk and raise their eyebrows at each other. Isaac comes back moments later and slides back in beside me, his eyes not leaving me, making everyone else exchange not-so-subtle glances at each other.
“What?” Isaac asks, glancing around at everyone before back at me. I give him a simple shrug and nobody says anything. Sienna winks at me as his hand rests on my knee underneath the table and for the first time I feel like I’m actually in the group. His hand doesn’t leave my knee the whole time we’re at the restaurant.

I get up extra early the next day to get ready for Disneyland, knowing that I’ll need extra time to figure out my outfit. I settle on a black and white striped crop top, denim shorts, and my Adidas Superstars. I partially straighten my hair before braiding it back and examining my face extremely closely in the mirror, deciding to skip the makeup.
I drive us all to Disney and they all give me $5 for parking and gas before we’re finally able to make it into the park. Almost immediately we get separated from everyone else but Isaac doesn’t seem concerned, saying how we’ll probably run into them later on and this is what normally happens. Little did I know we wouldn’t see them until the very end of the day.
“What do you want to ride first?” Isaac asks as we walk down the middle of the street, not having a destination. We decide to ride Matterhorn first because the line’s so short and then we get a fastpass for Space Mountain while we get breakfast and go on a couple of non-fastpass rides. That’s what we do for most of the day, get in line for one ride that doesn’t accept a fast pass and the other person goes and gets a fast pass for a ride that does. It works until we get to Splash Mountain and the return time is 9:15 PM. We decide to bite the bullet and just wait in the line.
“So what’s the story with this?” He asks, running the chain that’s around my neck between his fingers, letting the ring that’s on it rest in the palm of his hand for a few moments. I lean back against a wall and fold my arms over my chest, taking a deep breath.
“It’s a promise ring.”
“I thought you said you were single?” His eyebrows furrow at me, and he looks very confused.
“I am.”
“So why do you wear a promise ring around your neck?”
“I dated this guy for a while, Carson Grey. We were friends for a long time before we started dating and when we did it was amazing. We were unbelievably happily in love. He was my first everything and we dated for almost two years so when we made the decision to break up, it was really hard. On both of us.
“We broke up a few days before graduation. If we hadn’t, he’d probably be on this trip with me. We still loved each other when we broke up but we had to let each other go. It was one of those breakups where he’s kneeling on the floor, with his head buried in my stomach. I was crying, he was crying. I’d never seen him cry before, supposedly he hadn’t cried since he was four. He gave me this ring three weeks into our relationship.” I reach behind my neck and undo the clasp on the chain so I can see the ring better.
“It was soon but we were just two high schoolers head over heels in a relationship that we had no intention of ending. He promised me that the next ring he gave me would be an engagement ring. I guess I kind of just assumed that that would happen.”
“So why’d you break up? And why didn’t you stay together?” Isaac asks quietly, his eyes searching mine.
“It got to a point our senior year where we were just in it for the physical relationship. We were always just a text away if the other needed them but eventually, because our relationship was really just physical, we’d start talking to other people. Particularly him, he likes to have validation and likes to be told that what he’s doing is right. Since I wasn’t doing that anymore, he started to find someone else. What it really came down to was that there was so much s*** in our past that our future was doomed.” He pulls me to him, wrapping his arms around me.
“I’m sorry,” He murmurs, running his hand over my hair.
“It’s okay,” I shrug, clasping the chain back around my neck. “But to answer your original question, I still wear it because when we broke up and I tried to give it back to him, he told me to keep it. So I did and I wanted to have it on me to remind me of all the memories and good times I had with him. I didn’t feel right about just letting him go like that.” Isaac nods, taking it all in.
“Do you still love him?” His question comes out so quietly that I almost don’t hear him. I look up at Isaac and there’s something that I’ve never felt before for anyone in the pit of my stomach.
“Yeah, I do,” I admit, nodding slowly. “And I think I always will. I’ve loved him since before we even started dating and to just stop loving someone is something that isn’t possible for me. A small corner of my heart will always be reserved for him, no matter what. Too much s*** happened between us for that to not happen, but if you’re going to ask if I’d ever get back together with him, no, I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.” Isaac gives me a questioning look.
“He’s just not what I want anymore,” I say simply, shrugging.
“So what do you want?”
“At this point, I really have no idea.” We move forward in the line but we have at least another hour to wait before we’d be on the ride and we’re both starving.
“Do you want me to go get food?” He offers, checking the time on his phone.
“Honestly, yeah, but will you be able to get back up here?”
“I’ll find a way.”
“Well then, yeah, go. I could eat an elephant.” He leaves and I get onto my phone, scrolling through social media. He reappears nearly 40 minutes later with Dole Whips, churros, corn dogs, and bottles of water.
“How’d you know I wanted one of these?” I ask, starting on my Dole Whip before it completely melts.
“I saw you eyeing them earlier when we were walking over here.” We eat the rest of everything in silence before finally getting on the ride and getting out of the attraction.
“What do you want to do now?” He asks, as we walk down the street, checking his phone again, “Do you think we should get ready for the fireworks and find our spots on the sidewalk or…? Some people are already claiming their spots.”
“Yeah, that’s probably a good idea.” He leads me to an empty spot on the sidewalk right in front of the castle, and we sit down. We’re going to have to wait another half hour but it doesn’t matter because we have a good spot. Somehow Sienna and Paige reappear with the other guys and eye me and Isaac, giving me a questioning look. I give a small shake of the head, knowing what they want. Sienna decides we all should take pictures and with Isaac’s hand on my hip, smiling down at me and his hair going every which way, I think about kissing him but I know that that’s stupid and irrational and even though I am indeed a stupid and irrational person, I’m not someone to just kiss someone. Even though I know that if his sister and friends weren’t around, I wouldn’t even think about it, I’d just do it.

For the next three weeks, Isaac and I become almost completely inseparable. We go bodysurfing almost every morning, and he attempts to teach me how to surf but we soon find out that my balance on the ground doesn’t translate to a board in the middle of an ocean and so we go back to body surfing.
         He takes me out on their family’s boat a couple times and we go tan in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Well, I tan, and he pretends like he’s not watching. We take Cake and Zeus out to Joshua Tree a couple times and we go up to Yosemite and go camping for a night. Sometimes everyone else joins us on our adventures and sometimes they don’t. We go skinny dipping a couple more times too, but this time we make sure that the owners are actually gone. We go on a hike to the Hollywood sign, and almost die because of the heat, and decide to go to Death Valley, just to say we did.
         We get coffee every morning, me with an iced vanilla latte and him with an extra hot mocha even though it’s 95 degrees outside, and we sit in the same booth in the corner. I read poetry books and will tap the top of his computer when I find a line I like, and he looks at used cars online, finding one to fix up and sell, tapping the top of my page if he finds one he likes, to see my opinion. Sometime into my second week in California, Isaac buys an old VW Jetta for $200, puts a $70 part on it, and sells it again for $2000.
We get in a routine, me and Isaac, and I find myself wondering what will happen if I go home. Isaac confides in me that it’s nice to be able to hang out with someone other than his friend group when they’re all paired off into couples, and I tell him the whole story about Carson, about the problems I’ve had with my parents, and the troubles that I’ve had with my brother over the past few years. He’s a very good listener, one of the best I’ve ever met. He tags me in memes all the time and within a short period of time, I find him quickly becoming my best friend, my confidant, and I find myself falling more and more in love with him every day.
         A few days ago I told him that I wanted to go to Bestia, a five star Italian restaurant in Hollywood. He told he’d see what he could do and would try to get us reservations. Carissa’s going out tonight with a bunch of her friends and so I have the house to myself if the Bestia thing doesn’t end up happening.
         “Are you ready to go?” Isaac asks from the doorway of my room, making me look up from my phone. Carissa had done my makeup before she left but my hair is hopeless and I’m just in a bra and spandex. Isaac, on the other hand, is wearing a black button down shirt tucked into black dress pants and what looks like a very expensive pair of black leather Italian dress shoes. His hair is brushed, something I never thought I’d see.
         “Wait, you were serious about taking me to Bestia?” He nods.
         “We have reservations for 7:45.” S***, that’s in two hours and it’ll take an hour, or longer, to get there because of traffic so I have a solid half hour to finish getting ready.
         “Just give me, like, 20 minutes,” I say, pulling my hair out of its bun and starting to brush it, plugging my curling iron in. He goes back downstairs to wait and I run into my closet with no idea what to wear. I decide on a simple black bodycon dress with cutouts on the side that I know looks good so I won’t have to change 17 times before running into Carissa’s room to raid her shoe and jewelry collection. I settle on a pair of tall, black, chunky heels and grab a pair of silver hoops off of Carissa’s dresser.
         Going back to my bathroom, I text her to ask if I can use her black, quilted, Chanel bag, and I lightly curl my hair, attempting to give it beachy waves. I pin back the sides so it won’t be in my face all night and put in the hoops, leaving all my other earrings in. I take out my nose ring, put in a tiny stud, choose a pair of black heels that are taller than I ever would have worn with Carson but I can get away with when I’m with Isaac and take Carissa’s bag, even though she never replied.
         I go downstairs, my heels clacking on the wooden floor, and turn the corner to get Isaac from where he’s probably in the kitchen. He’s sitting with his back to me and he stands up, pushes the barstool in, and turns around, slipping his phone into his pocket. When he turns around to face me, I find myself breathless. He’s put on a black jacket and tie, and the lion’s mane that is normally his hair isn’t such a lion’s mane anymore and it’s framing his face in a way that makes him look angelic.
         It takes a minute for me to catch my breath again after he turns around and I know that I took his breath away too by the way his lips slightly part and the way his gaze hovers over my body, like he’s undressing me in his mind.
         “Hello? Earth to Isaac,” I say, waving at him after a few moments because he’s gone to a completely different planet. He blinks a couple times before coming back to earth and realizes where he is. While he refocuses on planet earth, I drink a bottle of water, trying to balance out the pre gaming that I may or may not have done with Carissa and her friends before they went out.
         “You ready?” Isaac asks, holding his hand out for me and I slip mine into his, intertwining our fingers. He leads me outside, and parked in Carissa’s driveway is a black Mercedes which he opens the passenger door of for me and I slide in, trying to figure out how on earth he managed to get his hands on a car like this.
         “So who’s car is this?” I ask, as he slides into the driver’s seat and starts the car, the motor purring ever so quietly underneath us.
         “This is my dad’s company car, I convinced him to let me borrow it for the night.”
         “Or did you just steal the keys?” I ask, raising my eyebrows at him. He looks sheepish and I know I’m right. We make most of the trip to Bestia in silence with just Post Malone playing in the background; our mutual love for him has definitely brought us closer together. When we pull up to the restaurant, he tosses the keys to the valet and taking my hand again, says something to the lady at the desk in low tones and she leads us to the back of the restaurant to a quiet booth that offers a perfect view of the restaurant.
         “So should I be concerned that you didn’t think I would actually bring you here?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at me. He seems concerned, kind of sad and disappointed.
         “What do you mean?”
         “Well you weren’t ready when I came to get you and you were shocked when I told you that I was actually going to bring you here.”
         “I guess I’m just surprised that you were actually serious and even more surprised that you actually followed through with it.”
         “You didn’t think I’d do something nice for you?”
         “A lot of people have disappointed me. My family, my friends, my exes, almost everyone in my life. For a long time, I gave everything to my relationships, I just want the people I care about to be happy. But sometimes you need someone to be there for you too and to just love you as much as you love them but you end up expecting way too much, and then when nothing happens, you turn out to be unbelievably disappointed and I found myself to be way too disappointed, way too often. So now I just don’t assume and never get my hopes up.” His eyes scan my face and I can tell that he feels bad for me, something that I hate.
         “You don’t have to feel bad for me, it’s been happening since I was 12, I’m used to it by now.” His eyes search mine for a few moments.
“I’d never disappoint you.”

We finish our dinner at Bestia, the conversation turning to talking about our future and what we want to do. We didn’t end up leaving the restaurant until almost 11, and after, he insists on getting ice cream and going down to our favorite place: the beach. He hands me my ice cream and I follow him out onto the beach, carrying my shoes.
“Thank you for tonight,” I say, sitting down on the towel that he laid out. “And thank you for these past few weeks. It’s been a lot of fun.”
“So you’re actually going to go back home?”
“I really don’t know. I don’t want too, obviously. But the day for me to be back in Portland is in a couple days so I only have a few hours left to decide.”
“I’ve gotta be honest Maia, I don’t want you to leave. Not at all. But it’s really up to you and what you want to do, and I know you’ll make the right decision. Even if it does mean leaving me here all alone with my friends all paired off.” He jokes, bumping his shoulder against mine and smiling down at me, and that’s when I know that I can’t lose him. I rest my head against his shoulder and he takes my hand in his, intertwining our fingers, running his thumb over the back of my hand.
“It’ll be okay,” He whispers, bringing my knuckles up to his lips. He turns on a Spotify playlist and we lay back on the sand. I listen as he points out constellations that I didn’t even know existed and fall into a stream of thoughts about how if I left then I’d just be letting him go and I can’t do that.
After a few minutes, he pulls me to my feet, wrapping his arms around me, swaying back and forth in sync to the music. He found one of the playlists that I listen to when I want to cry about my problems. His eyes meet mine and I know that even though I’ve only known this boy for a miniscule three weeks, I love him more than I ever thought was possible. He’s crazy, but I’m crazy too, and together we’re a beautiful chaos. I’ve never been as happy as I am when I’m with him and I know that this is it. He’s it. And I realize that I’ve known that he’s it since that day in the driveway when Cake escaped. It also dawns on me that if Cake hadn’t jumped out of the car window that day, damn dog, I might not be on this beach with him.
If I leave, I might lose my chance with him and even though we’re not dating right now, that doesn’t mean that we might not be in a couple months, or a couple years, or even a couple weeks. I’ve heard stories from family and friends about the one that got away and I don’t want that to be him. If I leave then that might happen and I don’t know if I can deal with that. If I leave and really do lose him, I think I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering what could have been.
“I don’t want to influence your decision or anything because I truly believe that you need to do what’s best for you and your life and your future but Maia, you’re becoming my best friend and while Eli and Levi and all them are great, you’re my favorite and I really don’t want to lose you. But if you feel that going back to Portland is what you need to do, then do it.”
And I don’t know if it’s the alcohol coursing through my veins, or the way my heart’s beating out of my chest, or if it’s just him and the way he makes me feel, but I do something stupid and irrational, something I’m surprised I didn’t do a long time ago. I kiss him and at first he doesn’t do anything and he’s as still as a deer in the headlights, and I wonder if I’ve messed up. I wonder if the looks he gives me are all coming from the depths of my imagination and if I’ve been reading him wrong all this time. But then he becomes unfrozen and I know that I definitely was not wrong and I realize that I can’t leave California, because if I left California, I’d be leaving my best friend, my hopefully now boyfriend, and my entire world behind.

I’m laying on the beach beside Sienna, on Isaac’s empty towel. The guys are gone getting us lunch and normally I’d be swimming but without Isaac it’s not very fun. Sienna and Paige are rambling about a fitness account that they follow on Instagram.
“Are you talking about @sashasquats?” I ask, sitting up on my elbows and trying to not roll my eyes.
“Yeah, why? Do you not like her?” I shake my head.
“Why not?” I shrug, sitting up and pulling my hair up so I don’t get bad tan lines. I turn over onto my stomach, resting my chin on my hands.
“I just think she’s a little full of herself. Like, she’s been working out for two years to try to grow her glutes but her whole feed is just her posing and a picture of her standing up straight is I’m pretty sure non-existent. I don’t know, I just don’t like her or her attitude. Isaac and the rest of the guys appear seconds later, casting shadows over us. Isaac hands me my poké bowl and a fork, sitting down on the end of our towel, creating a circle with everyone.
“You’re still talking about Sasha Ivanov?” Isaac asks, popping the top off of the container.
“She’s...interesting,” Eli starts but shuts up when he sees Paige’s raised eyebrows.
“She’s not that impressive,” Isaac says, spearing a piece of salmon, his eyes on me. I stay quiet, and just raise an eyebrow at my spicy tuna, vowing not to say anything, but deep inside I am very, very, happy.
We all eat in silence, and when we’re done, the guys go back into the ocean, inviting me to go with them. Well Isaac and Levi do, I’m still not Eli’s favorite person. I decline, choosing to attempt to even out my tan line and nap instead. Isaac and I climbed up to the roof of their house last night and stayed up until four this morning just talking about life. We talked for hours about our mutual travel plans to Amsterdam and Croatia hopefully somewhere in the near future, how we need to start saving up for our future whether it involves us together or not, the multiple loopholes in Harry Potter and most importantly, The Office and how stupid Michael really is.
I end up falling asleep but I’m not a heavy sleeper, and so when the guys come back in from the water and Isaac starts dripping water on me, I wake up but don’t get up. I’m half asleep, half awake, in a semi state of consciousness where I know what’s happening but can’t really do anything about it.
Isaac sits down near my feet and I can tell that Sienna sits up, while everyone disperses, going somewhere else. I know they think I’m asleep and I probably shouldn’t be eavesdropping on the sibling’s conversation but I can’t help it.
“You’re in love with her aren’t you?” Sienna asks quietly, and I can tell that they’re trying to not wake me. There’s a long silence and I can just imagine the golden flecks in his eyes running over my body, his hair going everywhere but still very wet from the ocean.
“We were talking last night, about how we want to travel, and adventure, and see the world. She said something about how she wants to retire in Hawaii, and I realized that even though it’s years from now, I wouldn’t want to retire anywhere else, with anyone else. And we were talking about family and it just hit me like a ton of bricks that she’s it for me and if it weren’t for Cake, then we may never have ended up here.”
“So you think you’re going to marry her someday?” There’s a long silence again and my heart drops into my stomach and I have to work to steady my breathing so they think I’m asleep.
“Yes. Absolutely.”

“Y’all are damn cute,” Sienna smiles at me from across the hot tub, and Isaac’s hand that’s resting on my thigh squeezes my knee underneath the water. The arm that’s around my shoulders pulls me closer into his side, kissing the top of my head.
         “I’m pretty lucky,” Isaac says, smiling down at me. Eli and Levi roll their eyes at each other and Paige hits both of them.
         “You guys should be happy for him. When was the last time you’ve seen him this happy?” She asks, splashing Eli.
         “I guess you’re right,” He says, looking back and forth between us. He and Isaac exchange a look and I recognize the glance from between Carson and his friends when we first started dating. The conversation turns to what we should do this weekend and I just listen, putting in suggestions when I feel like it. I’m finally starting to feel like I’m part of the group now, even Levi talks to me now. Not happily, but he does.
         My phone rings from the other side of the yard and everyone looks to me to see if I’m going to get it or not. I consider letting it go to voicemail but then wonder if something bad might have happened so I get out of the hot tube, Isaac’s hand slipping from its spot around my waist and it drops to my hip and then to my thigh as I stand up.
I check caller ID: Jasmine Jackson, my ‘best friend’ back in Portland. I’m tempted to send her to voicemail but think about everyone up there and consider the fact that something tragic could have occurred so I pick it up.
I do miss her, and the rest of my friends, kind of. They probably haven’t even noticed my absence and for once the thought doesn’t even phase me. I smile at the sound of her voice and there’s a twinge in my stomach but I know what I need to do and at this point I’m not turning back. I glance across the yard at everyone in the hot tub, Levi whispers something in Sienna’s ear and she looks at him in shock before playfully splashing him. Isaac rolls his eyes at them before his eyes fall on me and the conversation that I had with him last night, and the conversation between him and Sienna this afternoon comes into my head and I know that this is where I belong.
“So when do you think you’ll be coming home?” Jasmine asks and I can tell she’s preoccupied by something else. I sit down on the nearest chaise lounge to steady myself and take a deep breath.
“That’s the thing, Jas, I don’t think I’m going to be coming home.”