I stare down at Jackie’s picture. She looks happy. I put the picture back into the box with the rest of the contents. I am about to close the flaps of the box, when something catches my eye. I grasp the soft, gray item of clothing. It’s Jackie’s lacrosse hoodie. On the front is our high school’s logo. On the back ‘Adams’ is written in big letters with a number below it. 14.

I lay the hoodie on my bed then close the flaps. I move the box to the floor and push it under my bed. I slide the other boxes under the bed too.

A half an hour later, Ashlynn returns from her social adventure. Her dirty blonde hair is now twisted into a messy bun.

She notices I have finished unpacking. “Allie invited us to go out for dinner at the pub down the street. Do you want to go?”

“Yeah! I heard they have amazing food,” I respond.

“Great! I think she invited Cade too.” Ashlynn blushes a little.

“Oh, you like him, don’t you?” I tease her.

“Maybe.”

“Ash, it’s really obvious that you do. You’re blushing like crazy!”

Her face flushes even more. “I am not!”

“Don’t deny it.” I laugh.

She suddenly becomes serious. “Okay, fine. I do like him, but you have to admit, he is hot!”

Ashlynn bursts into laughter and I join her. Her laugh is contagious. She is right about one thing though, Cade is hot. Almost every girl drools over him, except me. He’s not really my type, but we are pretty good friends.

                                                    **********

At 5:30 there is a knock on the door. I get up to answer, since Ashlynn decided to take a nap before dinner. Allie stands in the doorway wearing a pink tank top that says “Rebel” on it, with black letters, and skinny jeans. She has a white sweatshirt over her shirt and has on red converse shoes. Her hair is wavy, black with her tips dyed a light blue.

“Hey, Ry! Is Ash in there too?” Allie asks.

“Yeah. She is taking a nap.”

“Well, Cade is waiting for us at the dorm entrance.” Allie comes in and I let her wake Ashlynn up, while I slip on Jackie’s hoodie over my blue T-shirt.

“What do you want?” Ashlynn mumbles, after Allie had shaken her awake.

“Dinner time. Cade’s waiting,” Allie informs her.

“Oh, s***!” She springs out of bed. “I forgot to set my alarm.”

Allie starts towards the door as Ashlynn fixes her bun. I follow Ashlynn out of the room and close the door behind me. Once we reach the dorm’s main entry, Cade greets us.

“Hey, Rylee. Ash. Are you glad to be back?”

“Yes!” Ashlynn and I say in unison.

“Shall we get going?” Allie suggests.

“Yes, my car is out front with the engine running,” Cade replies. Cade has light brown hair spiked up in front and his eyes are an ocean blue.

I hop into his black Camry’s passenger seat. Cade gets in the driver’s seat while the other two sit in the back. On the way to Pete’s Pub (where they make the best fried pickles), we discuss what we did over summer break.

Minutes later, Cade pulls up to the pub and parks near the front. We all get out and head toward the front door, while Cade locks the car doors. The hostess brings us to our table, putting down four menus for us to look at.

Once the waitress comes around, I order a water. “Boring! I’ll take a Shirley temple,” Allie says.

I stick my tongue out at Allie and we laugh. I notice that Ashlynn is biting her lower lip and looking at Cade. I nudge her side with my elbow to get her to stop before she starts drooling.

The waitress comes back. “Can I take your orders?” She hands us our drinks.

“Sure,” Cade replies.

I order meatloaf with gravy and mashed potatoes. While waiting for our food, we all talk. Most of the time, we just end up laughing until we can’t breathe. That’s what friends are for, right?

The waitress returns with our plates of food and we all lick our lips as she puts them down.

‘Speaking of friends’, I think to myself looking at my meal. ‘Jackie’s favorite food was mashed potatoes.’

*7 Years Ago*

“Rylee! We have a surprise for you!” Mom yelled from downstairs.

I folded one of my shirts and put it in my black duffle bag. Today was my birthday and Jackie and I were going over Kayla’s house to sleep over and celebrate. I had already opened my presents, so I was wondering what the surprise was.

I ran downstairs into my living room. Mom was standing by the entryway to the kitchen looking in front of her.

“What’s the surprise?” I asked walking towards her.

“Dad has it, why don’t you go look?”

I began to walk into the kitchen and I saw Dad holding a little black furry thing. As I got closer to Dad, I saw that it was a puppy!

“Oh my God!” My hands flew up to my mouth in surprise. “I can’t believe it! You got me a puppy!”

“Here, why don’t you hold him.” Dad handed the small ball of fur to me. It was a black lab with beautiful, shiny fur. I couldn’t help but smile down at him.

“Thank you so much! I love him, Mom and Dad!” I was so excited to tell Jackie and Kayla!

“I told you she would love him,” Mom said to Dad, who smiled back.

“So, what are you going to name him, Ry?” Dad queried.

I looked down at the puppy looking up at me with his black eyes. “I’ll name him Casper.” My parents smiled and nodded in approval.

Dad picked Casper up out of my arms and let him down to the floor. Casper started to look around the house, while sniffing everything and wagging his cute little tail.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!” I said grabbing Mom and Dad into a hug. I didn’t think I could have said thank you enough.

A bunch more thank you’s later, I finished packing for the sleepover. I threw my things in the trunk of my car. Mom drove me the quick seven minutes to Kayla’s house then helped me carry everything inside and began talking to Kayla’s mom.

“Kayla’s upstairs,” Mrs. Standish informed me.

I nodded, heading for the stairs. I went through the kitchen passing Hale, Kayla’s older brother, doing his homework at the island while eating pizza.

Once upstairs, I went into Kayla’s room and dropped my things on her floor. Her room was neat. Everything was organized. Her bed was pressed against her wall and next to the only window in her room. The walls were light blue with black patterns painted on them. She had a white desk with shelves above it and a dresser by the door.

“Hey, Rylee,” Kayla said sitting on her bed. “Jackie should be here soon. She just left her house.”

A few minutes later, Jackie was in the doorway holding her things. Her blonde hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail. A few loose strands were on either side of her face. She was holding a folded piece of paper which she handed to me. Written in her neat cursive handwriting was, ‘Happy Birthday, Rylee!’

I smiled down at the handmade card she gave me. “Thanks, Jackie.” I got up from where I was sitting, in Kayla’s desk chair, and hugged her.

“Read it,” she said.

I looked back down at the card, opened it up, and there was more cursive:

‘Rylee, you are the best friend I could ever ask for. I love you, Happy 12th Birthday! –Love your friend, Jackie.’

Those words brought tears to my eyes. “Aw, Jackie! I love this!” I hugged her once again.

From downstairs we heard Mrs. Standish yell, “Girls! Dinner’s ready!”

We all ran downstairs and sat in the usual spots we sit in at Kayla’s house; Jackie and I sat next to each other across from Kayla and Hale, while Mr. and Mrs. Standish sat at either end of the table. We held each other’s hands and prayed. After prayers we all dug in. The meal was barbecue chicken with mashed potatoes.

“So, Rylee, how’s your birthday been?” Mrs. Standish stirred conversation.

“It’s been really good!” I replied blissfully. “My parents got me a puppy!”

“Rylee! Why didn’t you tell us you got a puppy?” Jackie exclaimed.

“I was gonna tell you later,” I shyly stated.

“That’s awesome! What type of dog?” Kayla chimed in.

“He’s a black lab.”

“He? What’s his name?” Jackie smiled big.

“Casper.”

“Oh my God! That’ such a cute name!” Jackie shouted full of excitement.

I grinned and ate some of the mashed potatoes on my plate.

Conversation after that was continuous including school activities, friends, and favorite memories. Hale was the first person to leave the table and clean his plate. The three of us went back up to Kayla’s room after we cleaned our dishes.

                                                        *******

12:03am is what the clock read hours later. Jackie and I were in our PJ’s and lying in our sleeping bags. Jackie had a green one, while I had a red one. Kayla was under her blue bed sheets looking down at us. We had been talking and playing games on our DS’s since we finished dinner.

“Why don’t we play truth or dare?” Kayla suggested.

Jackie and I both agreed that we should. “Who wants to go first?” I asked.

“I’ll go first,” Kayla responded.

“Okay, truth or dare?” Jackie questioned.

“How about dare,” Kayla pronounced the words confidently.

“I dare you to go into Hale’s room and draw on his face with your mom’s eyeliner.” Jackie smirked.

“Alright.” Kayla paused. “Follow me.” She opened her door quietly. We followed her into the bathroom as she went through her mom’s makeup to find the eyeliner. Next, she uncapped the pencil and went over to Hale’s bedroom door. Kayla opened his door slowly and stepped in. She walked slowly towards Hale as Jackie and I watched from the hallway. Kayla reached Hale’s bed and started to draw on his forehead, when he woke up and pushed Kayla away.

“Kayla, Godda-“ he stopped himself and stormed out of his room into the bathroom. From the corner of my eye, I could see Jackie’s face become slightly red as Hale walked by shirtless with only boxers on. When Kayla looked back at us I could swear she saw it too.

We went back into Kayla’s room and shut the door behind us. “I’ll go next,” Jackie said.

“Alright, truth or dare?” Kayla asked her.

“Truth.”

Kayla didn’t even have to think. “Do you like my brother?”

“What?” Jackie was thrown off by the question.

“Do you like Hale?” Kayla repeated. “In other words, do you have a crush on him?”

“Well, um, no,” Jackie stuttered.

“C’mon, Jackie, don’t lie! I can see it on your face!” Kayla came back at her.

“Well I mean, I guess.” Jackie’s face became a deeper shade of red.

“Jackie likes Hale! Jackie likes Hale!” Kayla paused. “Jackie and Hale, sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G!”

“Shut up, Kayla!” Jackie’s hands flew up to her cheeks to hide the redness.

“You have a crush on Hale! I can’t believe it.” Kayla laughed.

“Kayla. Stop!” Jackie pleaded.

Kayla was now prancing around her room. “What would their ship name be? How about Jale or Hackie? I’m gonna go with Jale.” Kayla thought for a moment, then went over to her closet and pulled out pom-poms, “Give me a J! Give me an A! Give me an L-E! What does that spell? Jale!”

“Please, Kayla.” I could hear the hurt in Jackie’s sweet voice. Kayla didn’t stop, but went on for minutes until she was tired.

“Why don’t we stop playing truth or dare? Maybe we should just go to sleep,” I suggested, feeling a little guilty for not stopping Kayla.

“Aw, but I was having fun,” Kayla whined.

I didn’t say anything, but just got comfortable in my sleeping bag. As I rested my head on my pillow, I swore I heard Jackie sniffle a few times.

I look in the mirror, carefully putting mascara on my top eyelashes. The only reason I wear some makeup is to bring out the color in my light brown eyes. Once I finish, I pull my dark brown hair into a tight ponytail. The natural auburn highlights in my hair show up when I’m close to the bathroom light.

“Are you done yet, Rylee?” Ashlynn asks, knocking on the door.

“Almost,” I say slowly as I finish applying chapstick to my light pink lips. I open up the door and grab my bag. “Okay, I’m ready.”

“Good,” Ashlynn replies. “I like your shirt.”

“Thanks,” I look down at my black crop top and high-waisted jean shorts.

Without saying much else, we take the elevator down to the first floor. Classes are in different buildings spread all over campus. Ashlynn’s a business major, so we part ways.

My first class is statistics. I head to Bushwell Hall, the math and science department. The room where the class is is huge and packed. I find Allie and head over. She has her hair in a half up- half down style.

“Hey!” I say.

“Rylee!” She hugs me.

The professor, Professor Smith, walks in the room with his laptop. He has graying hair and a start of a beard. He writes his name on the whiteboard.

“I’m Professor Smith.” He has a slight accent that I can’t quite figure out. “This is statistics. If you are in the wrong class, you may leave now.”

“He seems like a tough professor,” Allie whispers to me. I nod.

“I will call out your name. Raise your hand when I call yours.” He begins to call them out. I recognize most of the names, but some of them are new to my ears.

“Rylee Carson.” I raise my hand.

“Alexandria Taylor.”

“I prefer Allie, sir,” Allie says when she raises her hand.

“Okay, Allie,” he emphasizes her name.

“Jeez, he’s got some sass,” she mutters under her breath.

“Welcome to statistics. Let’s begin.”

Class starts with a PowerPoint that we have to take notes on. I’m a little distracted. The notes are going by really fast and I have trouble writing everything down.

“Rylee. Can you tell me what statistics is?” Professor Smith asks.

I flip back to the beginning of my notes. I see that every word after ‘statistics’ is unreadable. I must have written too fast. I panic as I realize I really need these notes, but I don’t have a good copy of them.

“Ms. Carson?” Professor Smith sounds impatient.

Allie notices my panic and pushes her notes towards me, “Sorry. Statistics is the study of the collection, analysis, interpretation, presentation, and organization of data.”

“Very good,” He says. “Be ready next time I call on you.”

I nod. “Can I copy your notes? I’m a little out of it,” I whisper to Allie.

“Of course. I know what it feels like.” Allie pats my back lightly. As she does that, I realize how glad I am to have such great friends.

*6 Years Ago*

It was the first day of eighth grade. Homeroom had just begun. Students were filing into their classrooms. I watched everyone that entered Mrs. Jackson’s room, my homeroom. Richy Hamill was one of them. He had light brown hair, chocolate brown eyes, and acted like he was cooler than everyone. Kayla came in right after him. She looked so different. Her brown hair was perfectly straightened. Her clothes showed a little more skin than usual, and her makeup was something else. She had lots of mascara on her eyelashes, too much foundation made her pimples disappear, and black eyeliner created wings around her eyes with a touch of pink lipstick. Kayla didn’t even look like her real self. I barely recognized her.

“Everyone take a seat while I take attendance,” Mrs. Jackson told the class. She called out names and we would say ‘here’. As she was halfway down the list, a girl wandered into the room.

“Is this Mrs. Jackson’s room?” she asked.

“Yes, you must be the new student,” Mrs. Jackson replied. The girl nodded and handed Mrs. Jackson a piece of paper.

“What’s your name?” Mrs. Jackson smiled down at the girl.

“Maci. Maci Douglas,” she said without a hint of shyness in her voice.

“Well, hello Maci. Why don’t you take a seat?”

Maci sat in an empty seat to the right of Kayla and started talking with her.

Maci had wavy brown hair with blonde highlights and pale blue eyes. She also had on some mascara, blush, lipstick, and eyeliner. Just like Kayla, she wore clothes that showed more skin than they should.

“I love your shirt!” Maci squealed about Kayla’s loose, bright pink tank top.

“Oh my God, thank you! Your necklace is so beautiful,” Kayla replied.

Maci’s hand went up to the gold chain hanging around her neck. She smiled. “Thank you! What’s your schedule?”

Kayla opened her agenda book and took out a blue sheet of paper. “I have A-gym, B-Study hall, C-Spanish, D-Math, E-Science, F-Social Studies, and G-English.”

“Ooh! We have Spanish, Science, and English together!” Maci exclaimed.

I noticed Richy Hamill was looking over at Kayla and Maci as they were discussing their schedules. He traveled the short distance to their desks. He sat on the desk in front of Kayla.

“I believe we all have Spanish together. Plus, I have Math with Kayla,” Richy said. “Oh, and I’m Richy by the way.”

Richy was known as a total flirt around school. Usually he had a girlfriend, but he was single at the moment (surprisingly).

My phone buzzed as they all started laughing about something Maci had said. I took my iPhone out of my pocket. It was a text from Jackie:

Elena is in my homeroom.

Elena Roberts was a friend of mine. She and Jackie had become friends through me. I texted her back:

That’s good ☺

Jackie wasn’t in Kayla’s and my homeroom this year, but we were in the same unit which was good.

My phone buzzed again:

What’s your schedule?

I looked down at my blue sheet and replied:

A-Math, B-Science, C-Study hall, D-Spanish, E-Gym, F-S.S., and G-English.

A minute later, Jackie replied:

We have gym, study hall, and English together!

Me: Awesome! This year will be great!

“Okay, class, we are going to have you guys go to your A period class,” Mrs. Jackson explained. The class stood up and we all made our way to our classes. As I left homeroom, I heard Maci say that Kayla, Richy, and her should all hang out next weekend.

My alarm goes off at 8:00 and I slam my hand down on the snooze button. It’s the fourth day since classes started. Today I don’t have any classes, but I’m going to study with Allie at 9.

I begin my usual prep; which includes applying makeup, changing into clothes, and grabbing my laptop. My notebooks are sprawled out on the floor, so I grab one of them. During my haste, I tell Ashlynn that I left her half a bagel. She groans and puts a pillow over her head.

Ashlynn never was a morning person; she used to be late to school every day. In college she made the choice to have classes later on in the day so she could sleep in. Of course, I like to get my classes over with early, plus I try to stick to a schedule of waking up at 8 everyday. That way, I have a whole day to enjoy.

I head to the dorm’s lounge to meet up with Allie. The room has several couches and a few bean bag chairs surrounding tables spread out across the area.

I sit on a navy blue couch and take out my Macbook, while I wait for Allie. There’s a picture of me, Ashlynn, and Allie set as my icon. I tap on the picture with my mouse. Underneath, it tells me to type in my password, so I quickly type ‘Casper29’ in the small rectangle. When I first got my laptop, I didn’t have a clue what the password should be. Finally, I decided to use my dog’s name and my lacrosse number.

I click on the internet icon and the last thing I searched is still up: Lacrosse Tryouts. They are going to be held in the spring, but I still wanted to know when I had to go so I could make the team.

“Hey,” I say once she enters the room. As she sits next to me, she’s staring down at her pink iPhone 5c. I tug on her tight ponytail to get her attention.

“Hi, sorry. I was distracted,” she apologizes.

“It’s fine.” I smile and catch a glimpse of her phone’s screen. She’s texting her dad. “How’s your mom?”

Allie takes a moment before answering. “Okay. She’s on her third round of chemo.” She sighs.

Her mother discovered she had liver cancer about three years ago. She felt pain in her abdomen near her right shoulder blade. When she told her family, they rushed her to the emergency room (Allie and her father had both sensed that something wasn’t right). The doctors found her liver enlarged and diagnosed her with liver cancer.

“That’s good.” I give her a small, but hopeful smile. “If you need anything, I’m here for you.”

“Thank you.” Allie hugs me tight.

“So,” I change the subject. “Are we just studying for Stats or do you want my help in your other math class?”

“Well, now that you mention it, I would like help on my Trig homework.”

“Alright, let's get started.”

I had just pulled out my Stats book when Allie says, “Hey, do you know when our first break is?”

“I think it’s Thanksgiving. Are you going home for break?”

“Yeah. I’m gonna help my dad take care of my mom. It’s the least I can do when he’s working overtime to let me go to college and pay for my mom’s chemo.”

“I’ll be praying for your mom, Allie. It must be hard with all the financial trouble and finding someone to take care of your mom while your dad’s working.”

Allie closes her eyes. “It is, but I try not to let it interfere with college. My mom would want me to follow my dreams. I’m doing this for her.”

I hug her feeling so bad for her; she could lose her mother any minute. I’ll be right by her side if that happens. I know what loss feels like and I’m willing to help Allie through it no matter what. She is my best friend after all.

I glance at the clock in the lounge, it’s 9:20. “We should really get started, or we might not be done until later tonight.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I just really don’t wanna talk about math.”

“It’s your fault for choosing a major that involves math.”

Allie frowns. “I want to become a computer whiz and I thought I could get through all the math.”

We study for two hours, with lots of small talk. I teach Allie what she needs to know for her Trig homework. We both don’t realize how long we’ve been studying until our stomachs growl.

“Should we get some lunch? I’m starving,” Allie complains.

I nod and start to stand when my phone dings. The message is from Cade:

Would you like to meet up for lunch? Just got out of accounting.

I reply with a short ‘yes’ and make my way to the cafeteria with Allie. The cafeteria is across campus, but we make it there before the busiest time hits. They are serving pizza with salads today. I grab a slice of onion and pepper pizza and a small garden salad. Allie picks up a bigger salad and looks around for Cade.

“He’s over by the windows.” Allie points to the right.

We walk side by side to the small table with four chairs. I sit across from Cade, who’s eating his pizza, while Allie sits beside him.

Cade looks up. “Hey, guys!”

“Hi,” Allie and I say in unison.

“How was accounting?” I spark conversation.

“Pretty good actually. Ash and I are doing a project together,” Cade responds.

“Nice. With her, you’re guaranteed an A,” Allie comments.

“Yeah I know. It’s also nice to work with a friend,” Cade says.

I pick up my slice of pizza and begin eating it. “If you both got out of accounting, then why isn’t Ash here too?”

“She went to the library for some other class.” Cade wipes his mouth with a napkin.

While chewing I say, “Oh.”

We’re silent for while since we are all eating. I take the time to stare out of the window to my right. The campus has students lounging around or studying. Many people are walking around campus.

Once we all finish our delicious meals we head out. Allie goes to another building for her Trig class, while Cade and I walk around campus. We stop when we get to the sport’s fields.

“Hey, I think they have extra lacrosse sticks in the equipment shed. Want to play a little?” Cade asked.

“How could I say no? It’s my favorite sport of all time.”

The equipment shed is small and only has one or two extra things for each sport’s needed equipment. I grab a girls’ lacrosse stick, while Cade gets a boys’ stick. We run out onto the field with a bucket of balls. Cade places the bucket in the middle and looks up.

“Are we playing boys’ lacrosse? The one with more contact.” He laughs.

“Well, of course. It’s ten times more interesting.”

Cade scoops up the ball and starts cradling. “I’ll start of as offense,” he informs me.

I get ready to defend him. He runs at full speed toward the goal. I ram into him whenever I get close, but he is a lot stronger so he doesn’t falter. By the time he reaches the goal, I’m in front of him holding him back. He tries all the tricks our college’s team does, but I’m so familiar with them, I have a strong advantage.

Cade tries to run around the goal, but I meet him out front. This time I check him and scoop up the ground ball. I begin running to the other side of the field. Cade almost catches up to me, but is too late. I score a point, just as Cade tackles me to the ground.

“Nice play.” Cade laughs, out of breath.

“Thanks. I like to out-smart my competition.”

We both laugh and stand up. We play for an hour or so before Cade has to go do homework. I am still pumped when I get to my dorm room, so I take a cold shower and listen to music in my room. I decide to finish my homework, then go to bed. The covers felt so welcoming after my tiring day.

November is cool. Everyone is starting to bring out their warmer outfits. Many of the students are wearing fall colors, which makes me excited. Fall is my favorite season. When the trees begin to turn crimson, yellow, and orange it’s beautiful.

I take my phone out of my back pocket and get a picture of all the different colored leaves. I post one of those pictures to my VSCO. I add a filter that brings out the colors of the brightly lit leaves.

I smile to myself as the soccer team runs by doing their afternoon run. I wave to them and continue my walk to the river behind Bushwell Hall. I zip up my red sweatshirt with the school’s logo on it. A small breeze blows through my hair making me shiver. Crunching leaves are heard with every footstep I take.

At the river, it’s even colder. Once I sit down on the damp grass, I breathe in the fresh air. It smells like pine and fish. I come to the river to ponder most of the time. Today, I just came to relieve the stress I feel with all the homework we have.

I look into the clear stream of water, small fish are swimming around. Their gray scales contrast against the tan grains of sand. I’ve always been interested by fish. When I was in third grade, I won a goldfish at a contest. It was always by my side.

I always thought fish were the most interesting creatures in grade school. When I reached high school, I realized they were actually quite boring.

I usually stay by the river for hours, but today it’s cold and I’m pretty hungry. I sit on the river bank for a few more minutes, before heading back to my dorm. Ashlynn is inside decorating our room for Thanksgiving.

“Ash, really? You’re gonna decorate for Thanksgiving?” I laugh.

“Yes! Why wouldn’t I? I love holidays,” she exclaims.

“Alright.” I sigh. “Let me help you.”

By the time we finish, our room looks like a hunter’s paradise. The walls are covered with turkeys and trees. There are also some other courses you have for Thanksgiving dinner plastered above our beds.

While Ashlynn is admiring our work, there is a loud knock on the door. Ashlynn runs to get it. It’s Cade.

“Hey!” Ashlynn squeals.

“Hi, Ash,” Cade answers. “Rylee, I want to give you something.”

“Oh, really? What is it?”

Cade smiles and takes out a lacrosse stick from behind his back.

“What’s this?” I ask.

“It’s a lacrosse stick. A new one,” he answers as if it’s obvious.

“No, idiot. Why did you get me a new one?”

“Actually, everyone on the lacrosse team contributed.”

“Why? My stick was in perfect condition.”

“Because, we felt like it, captain,” he emphases captain.

“Captain? I can’t believe it! I’m only a sophomore.” 

“You’re the best on the team. The seniors and juniors agreed. You are officially the new captain for the upcoming season.” Cade smiles.

“Oh my God! That’s awesome! Thank you.” I squeal. “Ash, I’m a captain!”

“Rylee! That’s awesome!” Ashlynn hugs me while Cade beams.

“It was my idea from the beginning.” Cade joins in on the group hug. “The team agreed with me. Oh, and we’re gonna have a captain's celebration tonight.”

After the excitement dies down, Ashlynn and Cade go to the library to work on their project together, so I’m alone in my dorm room. I lay on my bed holding my new lacrosse stick. It’s black with one white stripe and one red stripe; the school colors.

I decide to get ready for the captain’s celebration early. I get into black leggings with shorts over them. I wear the same jacket I wore this morning and gather my hair into a loose bun. I tie my running shoes just as the clock hits seven.

I bring my lacrosse stick down to the lounge passing Allie and Ashlynn on the couch. They’re laughing, which makes me smile. I head out the front doors and jog the mile to the lacrosse field. The other three captains are already there waiting for me.

They cheer as soon as I get onto the grass. “Yeah, Rylee!”

A boy named Carter, and Cade are the boys’ captains, while a senior girl is the other girls’ captain. I smile at all three of them. “So, what’s the celebration gonna be?”

“A ritual. We have to sacrifice humans to the lacrosse Gods,” Cade says sarcastically.

“No, really.” I laugh.

Cade chuckles. “We’re gonna play. Obviously. Now, the rules are simple. You can’t tackle, but you can shove. We’ll do sophomores against seniors.”

“Okay. Go!” Carter yells.

We play nonstop for what seems like forever. This is my heaven, lacrosse all the time. It’s my favorite sport and it probably will be for the rest of my life.

“Rylee! Cade!” We hear our names being called.

Cade and I look over to the entrance of the field. Ashlynn stands there waving us over. We both jog over to her with our sticks in our hands, while Carter and the other girl begin playing one-on-one.

“What is it?” I ask her once we get there.

“I thought you two would be here,” Ashlynn begins.

“Ashlynn, why are you here?” I repeat more concerned.

Her face becomes worried, as if she had tried to get something off of her mind, but it didn’t work.

“It’s Allie,” is all she said.

*5 ½ Years Ago*

“Hey, guys!” Elena called running up in between Jackie and I.

“Hi, Elena,” I said. We were heading to the cafeteria for lunch.

“Guess what I found out,” she said sounding proud of herself.

“What?” Jackie and I said in unison.

“There’s a party at Grayson Radell’s house tonight.” Grayson Radell was a junior at the high school and he always threw parties when his parents were away.

“So?” I was confused.

“We should totally go!” she exclaimed. “You can both come over after school. We can get ready at my house and go later on.”

I wasn’t so sure about this. What if our parents found out? Well, Elena’s parents wouldn’t care. They let her do whatever she wants. Jackie’s and my parents would kill us though.

After a few moments of silence went by, Elena added, “C’mon guys! Have you ever wanted to know what a party was like? This is our chance to experience one.”

“Alright, I’m in. Just hope that my parents don’t find out,” I responded.

“Jackie? What about you?”

“Okay, I’ll come,” Jackie said reluctantly.

“Yes! I promise we will have a great time!” Elena said smiling hugely.

                                                                 ************

The bell rang to signal that school was over. I waited by the front doors for Jackie and Elena. We all got on bus 12, Elena’s bus.

Her house was very close to the school, so the bus ride wasn’t long at all. When we got off the bus, we walked towards Elena’s house. Her house was a baby blue with black shutters on each window. There were flowers planted in front of the house on either side of the front door. On her mailbox, it had the number 28 with ‘Roberts’ written on the side. Her house was two stories, but just big enough for a big family. Elena had three older brothers and a bunny. Kenneth, the oldest, was a sophomore in college so he wasn’t home most of the time. Zach, the second oldest, was a senior at the high school. Nathan was only a year older than Elena. He was a freshman at the high school. Their bunny was named Buttercup. She had light brown fur with white spots. Elena’s parents were usually working or on vacation away from the kids, so I never really saw them.

We walked up the perfectly paved driveway to the front door. We went inside and slipped off our shoes, then went to the stairs. We had to go through the living room to get to the spiral staircase. Elena’s house was always clean and organized, even if three boys lived there.

“Hey, El.” Zach was in the hallway at the top of the stairs.

“Hi, Zach,” Elena replied beginning to walk past him to her room.

“El.” She paused to look back at Zach. “I’m going out with friends tonight and Nathan is going to his girlfriend’s house. You’re going to be home alone.”

“Okay.” Elena kept going straight until she reached her bedroom door, which had ‘Elie’ painted on it in big red letters. Jackie and I followed her inside and shut her door behind us.

“This is going to be even better since we’ll be home alone. We don’t have to make up a lie about where we’re going,” Elena said.

“How are we going to get something good to wear?” Jackie questioned.

Elena opened her closet door. “Welcome to my closet.”

We looked inside and found many things that could be worn to a party like this. “Whoa.” I was surprised by how many shirts would look amazing at this party.

“Shall we get started?” Elena smirked.

                                                *************

By the time we were done, the party would be starting soon. Elena was applying more lip gloss on her light pink lips. Jackie was looking in the mirror smiling.

We were all dressed in skinny jeans and neon shirts that showed just a sliver of our stomachs. My hair was in a half up-half down style with its natural waves. Elena straightened her dirty blonde hair, while Jackie had loose curls at her tips. We were each wearing a touch of makeup.

“Ready?” Elena said. Her green eyes popped out with the eyeliner circling them.

“Yes,” Jackie and I both said.

We headed out. Grayson’s house wasn’t far from there, so walking wasn’t a problem. As we got into his neighborhood, we could already hear music playing. ‘Shine On’ by Vinyl Theatre was playing.

The closer we got, the louder the music became until we reached his huge house. I could see some lights flashing and lots of people.

I swallowed. “Are you sure about this?”

“Yes, c’mon!” Elena said and jogged up to the door.

We walked right in. To the right, there were boys all around two tables. One was a pool table with a game going on. The other was a ping pong table with red cups on each end filled with a dark liquid. By the looks of it, I guessed it was beer pong.

To the left, there was a table set up with snacks and drinks. We began to walk to the food. When we got there, we saw beer, wine, and some vodka. A boy, who looked like a senior, stumbled over holding a bottle of rum. He poured it in the punch bowl. For food, there was some popcorn and chips. After seeing the boy spike the punch, we decided not to eat or drink anything.

We went further into the house; there were beads hanging from every doorway and many people had red cups in their hands while they talked to their friends. When we reached the room with the speakers, there were many more people holding red cups while they danced.

I saw several people by the back door smoking weed. I even saw one of the students selling some to the other people at the party.

‘Don’t Trust Me’ by 3OH!3 came on. “I love this song! Let’s dance!” Elena yelled over the blasting music. She grabbed Jackie’s and my hands and pulled us onto the dance floor.

After a couple songs, we decided to go back to the snack table.

“I have to admit, this is kinda fun,” I said.

Cheering ruptured from the beer pong players. “I know! You better thank me!” Elena said while her hips swayed to the beat of ‘Tear in My Heart’ by Twenty One Pilots.

I was singing along when Kayla walked towards us holding Richy’s hand.

“What is she doing here?” I asked Elena.

“I don’t know,” she replied solemnly.

When Kayla noticed us she said, “What are you guys doing here?”

“We decided to come,” Elena said.

Kayla turned to Richy. “Get me a beer, baby.”

Richy smiled and got two red solo cups and filled them with beer. He handed one to her.

“Thanks, babe,” Kayla said kissing him on the mouth.

Kayla and Richy have been dating since October. Maci thinks it’s cute, but I think it’s disgusting. They have so much PDA. It makes me sick.

“Jackie. Do you not like to drink?” Kayla asked.

“No.”

“Well, why not? That’s what parties are for.” Richy slithered his arm around Kayla’s waist.

I took a look at what Kayla was wearing. She had on a white crop top with a black bra underneath and ripped skinny jeans. She seemed taller because she was wearing heels. She had on even more makeup than she wore at school, and her hair was straightened.

“I just don’t,” Jackie said, snapping me out of my thoughts.

“No wonder why you weren’t invited.” Kayla looked at Jackie and sipped her drink. “Wow. You don’t drink and you don’t have a sense of style.”

Elena and I had no idea what to say. We were both silent.

“You might want to go shopping and replace your whole wardrobe. Maybe you should style your hair a different way too.” Kayla paused. “Or you could just get a whole makeover.”

‘All of Me’ by John Legend came on. “Oh! Richy it’s a slow dance!” Kayla exclaimed and they both went back to the dance floor leaving the three of us in shock.

“Jackie?” Elena said putting her hand on Jackie’s shoulder.

“Elena?” A harsh voice interrupted her.

Elena and I both looked over to see Zach. “Zach.” Elena bit her lip. I could tell she was scared of what might happen.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Zach seethed.

“We wanted to experience a party,” Elena answered shyly.

“You are leaving with me, now.”

“Why? Mom and Dad don’t care if I’m here.”

“I care. And I’m sure their parents do too,” Zach spoke with authority in his voice.

“But you can’t tell me what to do! You aren’t Mom or Dad!” Elena cried.

“Listen, El.” Zach closed his eyes for a moment. “Since Mom and Dad aren’t going to take care of you, I have to be the responsible one.”

“But Z, you’re here. That’s not a good example.”

“I’m old enough to be here, but I didn’t want to come. My friends wanted to so I joined them,” Zach replied.

“But-“
“No buts, El. All three of you are coming with me. I’ll drive Jackie and Rylee home.” Zach dragged us outside. “You and I are going to have a talk, Elie.”

“Allie?” I scream through the lounge. Ashlynn brought us here after she met us at the field. 

    “Rylee?” I hear a frail voice in response. 

    I find Allie sitting at the juice bar. Her eyes are glassy with streaks of mascara running down her smooth cheeks. I wrap her in a tight, warming hug. I can’t bear to see her like this. I can see her falling to pieces. Just like I had once.

“Cade, get her a blanket.” I try to sound composed, but on the inside I’m breaking.

“I need to get there.” Allie shakes with every breath she takes.

Ashlynn comes over to help. “Get where, Allie?”

“It’s my mom. Sh-she’s-“

“Shh. Allie it’s okay. We’ll get you there. I promise.” I look over at Ashlynn, “Get Cade’s car out front. I think the hospital’s only an hour or two away.”

“Okay.” Ashlynn runs out the main entrance.

“Rylee, I-I need to get there,” Allie repeats.

“I know. I know.” My heart rate accelerates with every second.

“I have a blanket. I brought a few actually,” Cade says returning. His expression is that of worry.

“Good, let’s go.” I wrap one of the blankets around Allie’s shivering body. “We’re gonna get you there. Okay?”

“Al-alright.” Tears fall even faster out of her beautiful sea-green eyes.

I help Allie down the steps and into Cade’s car. I sit in the back with Allie, embracing her. She cries into the crease of my neck. Ashlynn sits up front with Cade. I could see a single tear fall down Ashlynn’s cheek. Cade rests his hand over Ashlynn’s as he pulls out of the school’s parking lot.

It took two hours, with traffic, to get to the hospital. Cade speeds into the parking lot and sloppily parks at a diagonal. He turns off the ignition. I help Allie out of the backseat and we walk fast up to the hospital’s main entrance. Cade and Ashlynn follow quickly behind. Allie is going faster than all of us.

When we reach the front desk, a young woman with glasses looks up at us. “How can

I help you?”

“This is Alexandria Taylor. Her mother is here. What room is Christine Taylor in?” I rapidly spit out.

“I believe she is in room 298,” the secretary responds. “I’m not sure if you will be able to see her, but Alexandria’s father is up there.”

“Thank you!” Ashlynn shouts and presses the up button on the elevator.

The elevator dings on the second floor. We start down the hallway looking at the room numbers. 292. 294. 296. 298. The room is in the back of the hospital. We find Allie’s dad talking to a doctor and he seems stressed.

“Dad!” Allie shouts and runs into her father’s arms.

“Allie.” He relaxes a little bit.

“Hi, Mr. Taylor. How is she?” Ashlynn asks concerned.

Mr. Taylor purses his lip. “She’s in critical condition. The doctors can’t do anything. I wish they could, but there’s only so much they can do for my wife. I understand that.”

“Can I see her?” Allie asks.

“I’m not sure. Doctor?” Mr. Taylor turns to face the doctor.

“We don’t advise it, but I guess you could for just a few minutes,” the doctor says.

“Thank you.”

Allie slowly goes into her mother’s hospital room across from us, so I sit with

Ashlynn and Cade across from the doorway. Ashlynn is leaning her head on against the wall behind us. 

I look around the hallway. It’s a bright white with blinding lights. There are many mint green doors on either side of the long hall. There are a few vending machines and some bulletin boards with hospital news. Beside our chairs there is a rack filled with white blankets. I grab one for the three of us to share, since Cade left our extras in the car due to our haste.

In the room next to Mrs. Taylor’s room, it says “Staff Only”. I see a couple of doctors and nurses inside. From what I can see, there is an oven for heating blankets as well as a few other gadgets.

“Here. You guys use this blanket; we might be here for a while,” I say giving them the blanket that I grabbed.

“Are you sure?” Ashlynn looks into my eyes with a sad expression.

“Yes. I’ll go get some snacks for us from the vending machines.”

I walk the short distance to the blue vending machine closest to us. It has candy and chips inside. Allie loves chocolate, Doritos, and gummy bears. I decide to get Allie her three favorite snacks while the rest of us share some bags of Cheetos. Once I return to the chairs, I give Ashlynn and Cade the bags of chips and save the other things for Allie.

“I can’t imagine what Allie’s going through.” Cade wraps his arms loosely around both Ashlynn and I.

“What if her mom won’t make it through tonight?” Ashlynn chokes on her tears. She gets the hardest question on point. 

“Then we help her get through it.” I look down at my pink converse shoes.

“Okay,” Ashlynn says. 

I look up as soon as the door across from us opens.

Allie comes out with a fresh river of tears flowing down her gentle cheeks. I can never imagine what it feels like to know your mom might die soon. I bring her into a warm embrace without saying a word.

“She told me to always remember her. She said she’d always be right here.” Allie points to her heart. “I can’t do this. How can anyone?”

“There isn’t a way that anyone can get through this.” I wipe away one of my own tears. “Some people never get over it. You never have to let go.”

“But she told me to. Rylee, I can’t. I don’t know how I’ll be able to live without her. She always encouraged me to follow my dreams. If she’s gone, then part of me is gone too.”

“It happens. When someone dies it doesn’t just kill one person. It kills everyone close to them too. This is normal grieving. We all go through it at times.” Tears start to cascade down my face like a waterfall. “You never have to be strong. Crying is good. Just give it time and you will be able to cope again.”

“How do you know all this?” Allie questions.

“I lost someone once.” At this point, I can’t stop the tears from flowing.

“Allie?” Her dad breaks the moment. “Your mother has requested to end her suffering. She would like to say one last goodbye.”

Allie stands up. She goes back into her mother’s room. I wipe away the rest of my tears as Ashlynn pulls me into a tighter hug with Cade. We all pray to God, hoping that everything will turn out okay. Allie doesn’t come back out for another twenty minutes.

Mr. Taylor stands in the doorway. “Allie would like all of you to be with her for a few minutes.”

We enter her mother’s dimly lit hospital room; it is eerily quiet. Allie’s sitting next to the bed holding her mother’s fragile hand. Her mother is motionless. Her skin is a sickly pale; she looks awful. I’m glad that she doesn’t have to be in pain anymore, but I feel grief for my best friend.

“She’s gone.” Allie closes her eyes tight. It looks as if she is trying to get out of a bad dream. “How can this happen to me?”

“C’mon, Allie,” Ashlynn says, motioning to join our hug.

We embrace Allie in the tightest hug we can manage. “We should call the school to say that we can’t make it to classes tomorrow,” Cade says.

    “I forgot we had classes tomorrow.” Ashlynn sighs and pulls out her cell phone.

After we let go of Allie, we let her grieve with her father. Mr. Taylor grabs Allie into a hug and they both cry together. “Family and friends are the best people to be around at a time like this,” I quietly mumble.

*5 Years Ago*

The bell rang for free period. Everyone in my History class stood up and filed out of the classroom. During free period I usually go to my locker and switch out my binders for the next day. I headed to my locker in the science wing. When I passed the English classrooms, Jackie walked out and went towards her locker which was also in the science wing. Her hair was in a neat French braid and she was dressed for the spring weather. She was wearing her lacrosse hoodie, which had her last name and number on it, with jeans and white converse shoes.

Jackie stopped at her locker and began to switch out her binders. I was doing the same just a few feet away at my locker.

Just as I finished, Kayla, Maci, and Richy went by me heading towards Jackie. Kayla had on a black top and a skirt that showed some of her stomach. It drew attention to her belly button ring. Maci had on a short blue dress that screamed slut. She was holding a lit cigarette in her right hand. Richy was practically attached to Kayla, but she didn’t seem to mind.

They approached Jackie’s locker as a group. Other students were walking by. From the look on all of their faces, they knew something was going to happen. People started to gather around the four of them. I closed my locker and went to the front of the crowd to watch what was about to happen.

Kayla got closer to Jackie. Jackie was holding the binders she used today in her hands, ready to put them inside her locker.

Kayla pushed Jackie’s books out of her hands making them land on her left foot. Jackie cried out in pain, while Kayla slammed her locker shut.

“Oops. You dropped your books.” Kayla smirked.

Jackie looked like a helpless animal being preyed on. She stood there rigid, staring at Kayla, scared of what Kayla would do next.

“Why would you ever French braid your hair? It looks awful,” Maci added, taking a hit from her cigarette.

“Well,” Kayla began. “She always looks awful anyways.”

My mouth hung open in disbelief. How could she say that to such a beautiful, pure girl?

Jackie’s eyes were glassy. “What?” her voice was barely a whisper.

“I said you’re ugly,” Kayla said clearly pronouncing each word carefully.

Maci snickered. “Ug-lee. You know? U-G-L-Y.”

Jackie tried to get away, but Maci grabbed her arm harshly and shoved the lit part of her cigarette into Jackie’s palm. Jackie winced, as tears streamed down her flawless face.

“Don’t you c-care about people?” Jackie choked out.

Kayla got close to Jackie’s face and hissed, “I wouldn’t care if you died.”

After Kayla said that, Maci let go of her arm and laughed.

Jackie ran to the bathroom, so I followed her. When I opened the door, I saw her sitting against the wall with her legs pulled up to her chest. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. I went over to her and sat beside her. We sat in silence while she cried. I didn’t put my arms around her, talk to her, or even look at how bad the burn was.

                                                      *************

A couple days later, I was in my kitchen scrolling through my Instagram feed while eating a sandwich. It was the middle of the day on April 16th. The sun was bright and no one was home except me. Mom and Dad were at work and all my friends were busy. For me, it was going to be a relaxing Saturday.

After I finished my lunch, I cleaned my plate and started towards the stairs. Suddenly, the door flew open and Mom came rushing in. She was supposed to be at work, so I knew something was wrong.

“Rylee?” Mom sounded sad and worried.

“Mom,” I said when she got to me. “What’s wrong?”

She had tears in her eyes and they were red and puffy. Mom put her hand on my shoulder. “Honey,” her voice cracked.

“Mom, what is it?!” I shook her.

“It’s Jackie,” she finally got out.

I could barely hear the rest. Mom’s voice had become distant. I began to stumble up the stairs holding onto the railing for support. Tears blurred my vision. When I got to the top of the stairs, I leaned my head against the wall.

“Goddamit, Jackie!” I screamed, punching the wall and crumbling to the floor in tears.

It has been few days since we drove Allie to the hospital. Allie went home with her dad for a week. Cade drove us back to the school and most things proceeded like nothing had happened. I only missed one class, which was good. I didn’t want to miss too much.

Today is the homecoming dance. Our college makes the student body arrange any dances they want to have. Ashlynn and I always loved to go to school dances, so we are getting ready for this one.

“Rylee, which dress do you like better?” Ashlynn holds up two different dresses she found.

“I like the red one with sequins on it. It’s more… you.” I look around the department store. So far, I haven’t found any dresses that I like.

“Yeah. I like that one too.” She stares down at the other dress and puts it back on the rack behind her. “Now we just have to find you one.”

“None of them stand out to me.”

“C’mon! There’s gotta be at least one that you feel even moderately attracted to.”

Suddenly something catches my eye; a green dress. I begin to head towards it. As I get closer, I can see that it is emerald green with beads lining the ruffles. The short dress has straps that tie together in the back, like a bathing suit.

“Now that is beautiful,” Ashlynn says in awe.

“Yes, I agree.” I take the dress off of the rack and go into the dressing room. It fits perfectly, illuminating my curves. “I love it.”

Ashlynn studies me as I pose for her. “It’s perfect for you.”

“Thanks.”

I get out of the dress and back into my regular clothes. Ashlynn is looking at shoes when I come out.

“The last thing we need is shoes. Afterwards, we can get to the nail salon.” Ashlynn picks up a pair of two-inch heels and tries them on.

“Those are pretty, but I think they will clash with your dress. How about these red ones?” I point to a pair of wedges.

Ashlynn slips the heels on and models them. “Definitely these. Thanks, Ry.”

“No problem. Should I try green heels or black?”

“I’d go with black. It would complement the green and make it pop more.” Ashlynn studies the shoe rack and gets a pair of three-inch heels. “Try these.”

I tighten the latch and stand up. “Whoa. You were right. Black works, but maybe a different type of design on the straps.”

While I kick the heels off, Ashlynn grabs several pairs of three-inch heels with different designs on them. “Are any of these good?”

I shake my head; they weren’t what I imagined. My eyes land on another pair. I step over the pile of heels Ashlynn created and carry the ones I found over to the padded bench. They have black swirls tracing up to the latch.

“These are the ones.” I look at myself in the mirror. “Totally.”

“Okay. So, we have everything, right? Three-inch heels for you, two-inch for me, and our dresses. Anything else while we’re here?”

“No. Let’s check out.”

As soon as we check out, we head back to Cade’s car, which he let us borrow. Ashlynn gets into the driver’s seat while I hop into the passenger seat.

“Ready for manicures?” Ashlynn asks.

“Of course I am. Let’s go.”

It takes about three minutes until we pull into the nail salon’s parking lot. Ashlynn parks in between two spaces.

“Crap. I guess I still suck at parking after all these years.” She backs up and tries to get into one spot. It takes her two more tries, but she gets it.

We both order French Manicures. Ashlynn is done a few minutes before me, but it doesn’t matter since we aren’t on any schedule.

“Hey, look at the leaves,” I stir conversation.

“There’s a lot more color than last week. It’s pretty.”

“I know. I think I overflowed my VSCO with pictures of the leaves.” We drive back to our dorm and carry our newly bought items inside. We get to our door and put the items into our room.

“I love to shop.” Ashlynn smiles.

“Well you get to shop whenever you want because your family’s rich.”

She holds her hands up in defense. “I’m not the one who decided to invent something that became a world phenomenon.”

“But your dad did.”

“Yes, but still, Alysha spends all the money on her clothes. She buys designer everything.” Ashlynn shakes her head. Alysha is Ashlynn’s younger sister. She’s a little snobby from what I’ve heard; although that is how she grew up. Ashlynn’s dad invented something amazing that made him a billionaire so their family is basically set for life with finances.

“Knock, Knock.” Cade’s voice pulls us out of our conversation.

“Hey, how did you get in here?” Ashlynn raises her eyebrows in question.

“The door was open.”

“I could’ve sworn I closed it.”

“Got your homecoming dresses?” he changes the subject.

“Yes,” I pipe in. “Do you have your tux?”

“No, I’m gonna wear my lacrosse uniform,” Cade says, his voice leaking with sarcasm.

“Oh, sorry. I’m sure you’ll look great in that,” I answer right back. “Are you gonna bring your stick too?”

“Of course I am! It’s my scepter.”

“Okay. Okay,” Ashlynn starts. “Cut the crap guys. Ry, what time is it?”

I look down at phone. “It’s 5:30.”

“So, we have three hours until the dance starts?” Cade looks at me as if to confirm it.

“Yeah. We should probably do our hair by eight then get the dresses on at 8:30. We don’t have to be the first people there.”

“Wait, I’m wearing a dress too?” Cade grins.

“Shut up!” I playfully punch his shoulder.

“I’ll wear a dress if you really want me to, but I think I’ll be more comfortable in my lacrosse uniform.”

“Oh my God. No. You are wearing a freaking tux. I worded the sentence wrong.”

“Since we have three hours, what should we do until then?” Ashlynn interjects.

“Let’s do something fun.” Cade wears a bigger grin.

“Like what?” I ask.

Cade goes outside of the room for a moment before returning with a green Frisbee and two black cylinders. They both have one slit in the middle while the tops and bottoms are open.

“Can Jam?” Ashlynn’s face lights up. “That’s one of the best games ever!”

“Wait, there’s three of us. To make teams we need one more person,” I state.

“I’ll just be on both of your teams. Let’s set it up on the soccer field.” Cade begins to move out into the hallway.

“Okay. I guess we’ll just have to see how it turns out with you on both of our teams,” I say with a smile on my face.

In a matter of minutes, we’re on the soccer field, and ready to start playing the lawn game.

“Shall we begin?” Ashlynn questions.

“Yes,” Cade replies.

Ashlynn and I go over to one of the black cylinders, while Cade stands across from us at the other one. Cade holds the Frisbee in his right hand. He gets ready to flick the it while Ashlynn gets ready to hit it into the center of our cylinder.

Cade finally lets the Frisbee go and it hits the cylinder towards the bottom. “Damn. I need to aim higher,” he comments. “Ash, your turn.”

“I’m gonna suck at this,” Ashlynn mumbles to me.

“I probably will too. I’m not the best at throwing a Frisbee.”

Ashlynn flicks it and it lands several feet away from its intended target. Ashlynn laughs and shrugs. “I totally called it,” she says when I join in with her.

Cade gets the Frisbee again and tosses it. I slap it into the hole. I reach down to pick it up. I get into a position to throw it and I let it fly to the other cylinder. It breezes by and misses the cylinder by an inch.

“That was so close!” Cade exclaimed in protest.

Can Jam continued for two more hours. Ashlynn and Cade ended up winning by one point.

“Better luck next time?” Cade grins.

“Yes. You and Ash are going to be crushed next time.”

“We should get our hair done now.” Ashlynn skips up beside me.

“Right. See you at the dance?” I stare at Cade.

“Yes,” he shortly replies.

Ashlynn and I walk away to our dorm. Another hour later, Ashlynn and I both have our hair in tight curls and our dresses on. Together we look like Christmas.

A light knock at the door sounds. “Come in,” Ashlynn says.

Cade cracks the door open an inch before fully opening it and walking in. “Whoa. You guys look beautiful.”

“Thanks.” I pull the top of my dress up a little.

“You look fine, Ry.” Ashlynn gives me an encouraging smile.

“It’s 8:48. Do you want to head down now?” Cade shrugs.

“Sure, but I think you’re wearing the wrong thing.” I pause. “What happened to wearing your lacrosse uniform?”

“Well, my roommate decided to wear it instead.” Cade sighs. “It’s too bad. I was looking forward to wearing it.”

“Cade, stop. You look handsome and that’s better than wearing a ratty uniform.” Ashlynn grabs her room key.

“Ratty? I’m so offended.” Cade looks taken aback, but can’t hold the expression for long until he cracks up.

“Alright, let’s go before Cade starts crying.” I move out the door.

The dance is being held in one of the large conference rooms in another dorm building. The building is home to the partiers so all dances or parties are held in that building.

Many people are already there. There is a table filled with food and drinks. Our first stop is to that very table. Fancy glasses are filled up with champagne while the punch is spiked with vodka. Other students brought their own drugs or alcohol with them. All dances we go to have these people because in college, it’s more like a party, rather than a dance.

We each grab one glass of champagne; personally, vodka was too strong of a taste for me. Ashlynn begins swaying along to the beat of “No Faith in Brooklyn” by Hoodie Allen.

I look around at the decorated room. There are colored lights that were made by artsy people hanging from the ceiling. A small disco ball is hanging from the ceiling in the middle of the room. Everyone is chatting and dancing with their drinks in their hands. I recognize everyone in the room. Usually the group of partiers stays the same; the Freshman this year aren’t party people.

“This-“ I stop myself when I realize that Ashlynn and Cade aren’t by my side anymore. I spot them dancing and smiling.

I awkwardly stand by myself and drink my champagne. I try to not look as awkward as I feel, but my attempt fails miserably. Soon, Ashlynn comes over to me and drags me onto the dance floor.

“C’mon, Ry! Just let loose and dance like it’s your job!” she screams over the loud music.

I shake my head, but begin to move along to the beat of the song. After several pumped up songs, the guitar beginning of “You and Me” by Lifehouse comes on. Ashlynn starts to slow dance with me, while Cade just sways by himself to the side of us.

When the song ends, we pull away. Ashlynn is a great friend and I couldn’t ask for anyone better. Dances are my favorite scenes with friends because it’s so much more fun than bringing  a date along.

This is one of the happiest days I’ve ever experienced in a long time.

Thanksgiving vacation came quick. In the two weeks that passed by, Allie has returned and is feeling a little better.

Ashlynn and I are packing our things up and waiting for our parents to arrive. I only have to bring one box home, since I have enough clothes at my house.

“Ry! Can you open the door?” I hear Allie’s voice on the other side of the door.

“Yeah. One second.” I hop off of my bed and Ashlynn follows suit. I twist the doorknob and pull it towards me.

Allie is on the other side holding a cardboard box. She enters, places the box on the floor, and gives me a quick hug.

“Ash, your mom’s here with your sister.” Allie motions down the hallway to the right.

“Right on time. I just finished packing up.” Ashlynn begins to carry her boxes out into the hall. Her mom and sister each take a box. “Bye, Ry. Bye, Allie. See you when we get back from break!”

“Bye, Ash!” I embrace her and watch her leave.

I see mom coming down the hallway, meet her in the middle, and hug her.

“I’ve missed you,” she says.

“I’ve missed you too, Mom.”

“Hey, Allie.” Mom offers her biggest smile. “I’m sorry to hear about your mother.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Carson.”

Mom focuses on me once again. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes. There’s only one box I need to bring home. We brought it here by accident.”

“That’s good. Let’s get that box and get out of here before traffic gets bad.”

Allie hugs me with warmth. “Bye, Rylee.”

“I’ll see you when we get back?” I ask.

“Yeah. Of course.”

I wave to her as Mom and I descend down the hallway to the elevator. Mom has the box in her hands. We walk the short distance to our Subaru and hop in. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and unwrap my headphones. I adjust the seat so I can lay down and rest on the long ride home.

“I’m sorry to bring those memories back. I grabbed the wrong box by accident. Rylee, I’m so sorry,” Mom apologizes.

“It’s okay,” I say and lean back in my seat. I make sure my seatbelt is buckled and shove my headphones in my ears. “Lane Boy” by Twenty One Pilots comes on immediately.

I drift off into my own thoughts.

*4 Years Ago*

I felt out of place wearing black and standing among the gravestones.

Mom had dropped me off since she had to work. There were already a lot of people in seats or up at the casket, but I couldn’t bear to get closer to the casket than I already was.

I straightened out my short black dress. I could feel tears in my eyes as I looked down at the black converse shoes with white laces. They were Jackie’s. I borrowed them Freshman year and kept forgetting to give them back to her.

A few meters away, I saw Kayla. She was wearing an outfit that showed more skin than anything else. She was giggling with Maci. I stormed over to her.

As I got closer I could hear what she was saying. “I am so glad she’s gone. It’s about time.”

I ran over and pushed Kayla backwards. “You b****!”

“What? She can’t give her opinion?” Maci sneered.

“How could you say that about your classmate? Or someone you were best friends with?” I shouted.

“Key word, were.” Kayla rolled her eyes.

I couldn’t restrain myself. I slapped Kayla as hard as I could and she held her reddening cheek.

“Rylee? I thought we were friends,” Kayla said innocently.

“Why can’t you take a hint? I stopped being your friend the day you started to bully Jackie!”

“Bully? She was just helping Jackie to be prettier and better overall,” Maci defended Kayla.

“Help?! You call burning her hand with a cigarette and telling her she was ugly, helping?”

“Yes, actually.” Kayla smirked.

I slapped her again. I was about to do it a third time, but someone held me back.

“Hale! You came to help me.” Kayla smiled at her brother.

“No. I’m here to help Rylee.” He started to pull me away, but paused and looked back. “I’ll help you when you stop being such a b****.”

Kayla looked surprised, while I held back a laugh.

Hale brought me to a big tree and we sat so we weren’t facing all the people. Instead we looked out at all the gravestones.

“It’s awesome how you said that to Kayla.” I gave him a small smile.

“Well she is one. Her friend Mari or something is one too.” He looked out at all the gravestones. “Richy is another bad choice she made. They’re all over each other. It’s disgusting.”

I laughed. “It’s Maci. Not that it matters.”

“It really doesn’t.” He looked back down at me. “I miss the days when Kayla was a little girl. She hated mean people and she had you and Jackie.”

“She’s not the same anymore. I thought we’d be friends forever. I guess things change.”

“I stopped eating at the dinner table because she’d tell stories about what she’s done to Jackie. My parents never stopped her.” He sighed. “I eat in my room now.”

“I’d do the same thing as you. I hate Kayla. She started teasing Jackie so early.” I paused. “The first time was that sleepover when we were going to draw on your face with eyeliner. I thought she was trying to be funny, but she didn’t stop; even when Jackie pleaded.”

He nodded. “I wish I could’ve helped. Maybe I could’ve stopped Kayla from being so mean.”

“No, I should’ve. I was Jackie’s best friend, but I let it happen. Now I can’t do anything.” More tears welled up in my eyes.

Hale could see my sadness, so he put his left arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer.

“She was a sweet girl,” Hale said after a moment. “She always had a smile on her face. Jackie was beautiful.”

“I remember she liked you, but she always thought you never paid attention to her.” I smiled from the memory.

“I liked Jackie. I wish I could tell her. She was so innocent and pure.” He closed his eyes. “I can’t imagine her swallowing those pills.”

“I don’t want to imagine it.”

“She used to wear white a lot and those converse you’re wearing. Her smile was perfectly white. Her laugh was cute and her hair was gorgeous.” Hale sighed. “Kayla was jealous. I can tell you that. Jackie was so much prettier than Kayla. I just can’t believe my f***ing b**** of a sister made her do this.”

“Jackie would’ve loved to hear you say that. She liked you even after all these years.”

“I like to think that she’s here right now, listening to us.”

“I really hope she is.” I paused. “I miss her so much.”

Tears began to cascade down my cheeks like a waterfall. Hale gave me a small, sad smile and hugged me. I cried into his chest. I missed Jackie so badly.

Hale held me in his strong arms and stroked my hair. He rested his chin on my head and I could feel his own tears drip into my hair. He began to rub my back while saying a prayer.

After about seven minutes, someone spoke into a microphone. “The ceremony is about to begin.”

I lifted my head and wiped the tears away with the back of my hand. I looked down at Hale’s tuxedo while he wiped away his own tears. It was soaked because of my tears.

“Sorry,” I said.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re allowed to cry, even if it gets my tux wet. Plus, there’s always dry cleaning.” I could see the same sadness in his eyes that was in mine.

Hale and I walked side by side to the group of people waiting for the ceremony to begin. I found Jackie’s parents and her little sister, Kalli. I walked over to them with Hale following behind me.

I heard shuffling and saw Elena running towards us. “Sorry, I’m late,” she said out of breath.

“It’s okay,” I responded.

“Kenny, Zach, and Nathan all came. We had to wait for Kenny and Zach to get back from their colleges, though. That’s why I’m late,” Elena explained.

I looked behind her and saw the three boys walking in a horizontal line. They were all in tuxedos. They all looked so much older since the last time I saw them; maybe it was the tuxedos.

I reached Kalli. I hugged her tightly and realized her eyes were red and puffy.

“I don’t wanna watch,” she cried.

“Okay. Let’s go somewhere else,” I told her. “I’m not sure any of us want to watch.”

Elena and Hale followed. Elena’s brothers offered their condolences to Mr. and Mrs. Adams, then followed us. After all, they didn’t know anyone else besides us.

All seven of us ended up in a grassy area near the street. There were five benches arranged in a circle. Before the boys sat down, Hale bro-hugged Kenny and Zach to give support to them and himself; they were all friends in high school. Lastly, Hale gave Nathan a smile and shook his hand. Elena and I hugged.

Once we were done with greetings, we all group hugged Kalli and cried together. We told our stories about Jackie. We shared laughs, hugs, and tears.

Together we made the saddest day in our lives a little brighter.

Click. Click. I can hear heels hitting the old wood floor. I follow the sound upstairs, heading straight towards my room. I figure it’s Mom, but when I hear a very familiar tapping on my door I run over and pull it open.

“Elena!” I squeal with joy.

“Ry! I’ve missed you!” Elena envelops me in a hug.

“Why are you here?” I ask with a huge smile on my face. The last time I saw her was before I left for college one year ago.

“Our mothers were chatting and I heard you were home for break. I wanted to see you.” Elena strides into my room and takes a seat on my purple bedsheet.

“El, you’ve grown up so much since the last time I saw you.” I look her up and down. She has her beautiful dirty blonde hair flowing down her back. It is straightened. She has a black T-shirt on with ripped skinny jeans and a pair of black wedges.

“Hey you’ve grown up too,” Elena mentions. “How’s college been to you?”

“Pretty good. I have amazing friends.”

“Oh, that sounds awesome. I’m glad for you.”

“Thanks, how’s life treating you?”

“It’s pretty good. I’ve made a lot of new friends, but I still miss our group. These friends aren’t really the kind that I’ll have for life either. I’d rather have a group of friends that I’ll have for the rest of my life. Just like you… and Jackie.” Elena looks down with a more somber expression.

“I know.” I sniffle a little, but find conversation. “You know; my mom accidently gave me the wrong box. I had Jackie’s things with me at my college the last few months. It brought so many memories back.”

Elena closes her eyes tight for a moment. “I think about her every day.”

I walk over to my desk and pull the box out from under it. “I couldn’t put it back in the attic.” I carry the box over to my bed and empty the contents. I grab the picture frame and look at it. “How could you just forget about someone like this?”

Elena takes the picture from my grasp and places it on my bedside table. “She deserves to be right here as well as in our hearts. I still pray every night that she’s okay.”

I go back into the pile of Jackie’s things. I hang all of her clothes from the lacrosse team in my closet and take a good look at the other things sprawled out on my bed. I spot the necklace I gave her which she is wearing in the picture. Elena drapes it around the picture.

“She was the prettiest girl in the school. I can’t believe this happened.” Elena stares at the two other things from the box.

“Her diary.” I look down at the navy blue book. “I’ve never read it. I’ve never had enough courage.”

“Here let me see.” Elena takes the book and opens it. She finds a passage and smiles. She puts the book in my hands and points to the one she read.

July 17, 2006.

    Today, I went to Water Wiz with Rylee and Elena. It was so much fun! I am grateful that Rylee introduced me to her friend. I am sure that Elena will become one of my best friends along with Kayla and Rylee. I just hope that she thinks the same about me. –Jackie (12)

My eyes begin to water. “She was so happy then. It was only the end of sixth grade. Kayla hadn’t started teasing her and she was so happy.”

“I know. I felt the same way about her that day. I thought she was amazing and I wanted to become such good friends.” Elena wipes away tears with her arm.

I flip further through the diary until I find a few entries. “El. Look at these.”

December 29, 2007.

    Today, I was in English. Of course, Kayla and her new slut friend, Maci, are in that class. Thankfully, Richy isn’t in that class too. All day Kayla made jokes about me and tried to make me feel bad. I thought we were friends… I guess not. She’s been such a b**** to me and she’s even making new friends that are just like her. I don’t know what happened, but she has changed. I wish she didn’t. She was always so funny and I used to have so much fun with her. Now she hates me and bullies me. The worst part is that Rylee doesn’t help me. She just sits there and watches as if she’s frozen. Why can’t she help me? Can’t she see I’m defenseless? –Jackie (13)

Tears start to flow down my cheeks. “I should’ve helped her. I wish I had.”

“It wasn’t your fault, Ry.” Elena rubs my back. She flips to the last page with writing on it. There’s one dried up teardrop lingering on the words. “Read this one.”

April 16, 2009.

    I can’t live like this anymore. Rylee won’t help me. Mom and Dad are clueless. Elena’s too caught up in her own life. Kayla’s been ripping me apart for years, but no one has done anything. Kayla’s hit me, harassed me, hurt me. Maci has done the same with Richy in pursuit. No one truly knew what they did, except Rylee. The only thing she did was watch. She always looked at me as if she wanted to do something, but never did. A few days ago, she didn’t even speak as she watched me cry in the girls’ bathroom. She was always there, but didn’t help me. I can’t live with Kayla anymore, so I hope everyone’s happy that they didn’t do anything. –Jackie (15)

“She was so young. She didn’t even have the chance to get her permit yet.” I hug Elena.

“Rylee. After all, it was her choice. I’m sure you could’ve stopped it from happening, but we all have to live with the pain that she’s gone.”

“Everyone, except Kayla. She didn’t even care. She completely forgot about Jackie.”

“Yes and you know what else happened to her? She got pregnant with Richy’s child and dropped out of high school. She now works at some Dunkin Donuts and lives in an apartment with Richy. She’s not doing so hot; she practically screwed her life up.” Elena holds me in her tight embrace.

“I know. I’ve heard. I still feel bad that she never got out of that b**** phase. Hale was hoping she would.”

She offers me a small smile. “I also heard that Hale is working in Boston and he’s doing well. Actually he’s a paramedic and has a girlfriend, but she’s not pregnant. They’re living their life the right way. A happy way.” Elena smiles to herself.

“I guess sometimes life turns out pretty good, but I’m not even sure where mine is headed. I might be majoring in Psychology, but I still don’t know what I want to do with it.”

“I’m sure that you will figure it out when the time comes. Remember that you can call me whenever, okay?”

I pull back from our long hug. “Okay.”

Elena goes back over to the bed and picks up the perfect white square of paper. There is some writing on it as well as a few water stains from four years ago.

Nobody likes me anyways. No one cared enough to save me. Why not take my life if there’s nothing to live for?

“I still can’t believe this. I can’t imagine how Kalli and Jackie’s parents felt when they saw Jackie and read this note.” I close my eyes and think of Kalli. Jackie’s little sister looked just like her and even looked up to her. It was so cute to watch her follow Jackie around.

“My parents still talk with Jackie’s parents. Kalli’s a freshman in high school now. She grew up so fast. She wants to be a doctor when she grows up and she even wants to spread awareness of suicide and try to lower the lives taken by it. She’s a real woman now.” Tears leak out of Elena’s green eyes.

“Thank you for coming over. I’m glad we had this talk; we both needed it.”

“Yes we did, but I should get back home and help my mom prepare for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Do you promise to stop by later this week?”

“Of course. You should also tell me about how your brothers are doing.” I show Elena to the door and hug her goodbye. I haven’t told Ashlynn, Allie, or Cade about Jackie, so it feels nice to talk about it with someone.

Mom is in the kitchen cooking some pumpkin pie, while Dad rakes the fallen leaves in the yard.

“Hey, Rylee,” Mom greets me. “It was nice of Elena to visit.”

“Yeah. I’m glad she stopped by.”

“You look like you’ve been crying. Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” I lie. I am the opposite of fine. I lost my best friend four years ago and it was because I didn’t do anything. It was because I just stood watch as Jackie was bullied into depression. I just watched as depression swallowed her up.

To make myself feel better I take her necklace and get into my car. Before I turn the key in the ignition, I stare down at the silver chain. It has an angel with its wings retracted. It is looking down as if it is shy. I bought it for her fourteenth birthday to tell her that angels are watching over her.

I store the necklace in my pocket and start the gray Corolla. I back out of the driveway and hit the gas to head out of my neighborhood.

After a few minutes of driving, I pull into a parking lot in front of many gravestones. I take flowers from my backseat that I bought yesterday and step out into the cold air. Every year I come by and drop flowers on Jackie’s plot and say a few things as if she’s alive and we’re having a normal conversation.

I head to the middle of the cemetery I was at four years ago as they buried her. Her grave looks the same as it had back then. There are freshly picked flowers leaning against her stone. I sit on the patch of grass that has grown since four years ago. I look at the words written.

Here lies

Jacqueline R. Adams

A loved sister, daughter, and friend. She will always be remembered.

April 3, 1994 – April 16, 2009

I feel tears welling up. “Jackie, I’m sorry. I wanted to help. I don’t know why I didn’t, but I wish to hell and back that I did. I lost you. A part of me died with you. It took me a year to pull myself together and finally live the rest of my life. I feel as if my life has stopped again.” I cry silently before saying, “So many people lost you that day. I don’t understand how you could put so many people in so much grief. Jackie. Everyone was broken. The only person who wasn’t was Kayla. She was so mean to you. It was almost as if she had two goals; to make your life miserable and to be attached to her boy toy.”

“At least one thing came out of it; her life got screwed up. I know it’s not the best thing to say, but it’s almost like she got payback for hurting you. Then again, she is happy with Richy as I have heard. How did they even last out of high school?” I pause. “So many questions unanswered. One of them is, are you even listening? I guess I’ll never know. The only thing I can do is hope.”

“I want to give you something, Jackie. I want to give you the necklace I bought for you years ago. The one with the small angel. I always told you that angels were watching over you and I believe that now you’re an angel. I have had it for a while, but now it’s time to be given back to you. I also brought flowers, but those can’t even show how much I miss you.”

“I miss your laugh and your smile. I miss how you always talked about Hale and how you liked him. I miss everything about you; if only you knew. I just want one thing in the entire world; to have you back. I wish that I could go back to when I could’ve helped you and fix everything. I wish I could go back to save you. I wish I could have another chance to keep you alive and help you live your whole life.”

I bury the necklace in the grass and take one last look at Jackie’s gravestone. All she is now is a name. If only I could make her a person again.

I wake up to birds chirping outside my window. Even though, I got a little over twelve hours of sleep, I’m still tired. I reach over to my bedside table to grab the book I began reading last night.

When I see the title, I’m utterly confused. “Crossed” by Ally Condie is staring back at me; I read that book in seventh grade. I shoot up and take in my surroundings. My bookshelf isn’t as full as it was yesterday and my walls are a light green. A lot of the furniture is arranged differently.

I slowly slide out of bed and get dressed in a T-shirt and some skinny jeans. Before I leave the room, I take a look at myself in the tall mirror attached to my closet door. My hair is longer, a lot longer, and I’m shorter.

I grab a hair tie and gather my hair into a messy bun as I hear footsteps down the hallway. Mom opens my door. Even she looks younger. I look back into the mirror. “What the hell?”

“Rylee! What kind of language is that?” Mom exclaims.

“What? I swear all the time.”

“You better clean your mouth then, young lady.” She takes a pause. “Jackie and Kayla are waiting for you outside.”

“Wait, what?” My eyes widen. What is going on? Jackie’s gone and Kayla’s with Richy.

I decide to find out what Mom means, so I skip downstairs and go out the front door before she can reply. There they are. They’re waiting for me and laughing; Jackie waves me over. They look exactly like they had in seventh grade. I actually feel a little déjà vu as I approach them.

“Hey, Ry!” Jackie says.

“Hi. Uh, why are you guys here?”

Kayla rolls her eyes. “You forgot already? C’mon, Ry, we’ll show you.”

“Show me? What do you mean?”

“Just follow us.” Jackie begins to walk towards the forest.

“Wait, what’s in the forest that you need to show me?”

“You’ll see. Maybe you’ll remember once we arrive.” Kayla jogs up to Jackie, so I follow.

What is happening? What do they want to show me? Where am I? Am I dreaming? I have so many questions that no one will be able to answer.

I walk next to Jackie and follow them through the woods and down a few paths. We only stop once to eat some crackers Kayla brought on a huge rock.  As we continue our journey, I keep getting a feeling that I’ve been here before.

“Look!” Jackie points to a pool of water.

“We’re here,” Kayla proudly announces.

“You brought me to a pond.” I’m even more confused. Why are we at a pond?

“Rylee, really? This is our new club meeting place.” Kayla looks at me like I’m an idiot.

“Club? Who else is in it?”

“Just us. Remember? We decided this during study hall,” Jackie replies.

“Oh. Yeah, I remember,” I lie.

“Okay, Jackie. You jump first.” Kayla smirks.

“Jump into the pond? That’s a lame induction,” I state.

“No, silly. Off of the cliff.”

Jackie walks to a ledge that I didn’t notice before. I watch as she looks down and just… falls. I quickly look over the edge to see how far the water is, but it’s only about twenty feet down. Jackie’s head pops up and Kayla walks down an incline to reach Jackie.

“Wait, Kayla. Aren’t you supposed to jump too?” I ask.

“No.” She chuckles with the smirk lighting up her face. “I fooled her. We don’t need to jump. It was just gonna be her jumping.”

“Kayla, that’s just mean.”

“Whatever. I think it’s funny.” Kayla continues forward.

When Jackie sees Kayla walking down she says, “Kayla, you’re supposed to jump.”

“Nope. I just wanted to see you jump. Rylee and I don’t have to.”

“But, why? I thought we were all going to so that we could be inducted into the club.”

“Sorry, but no.” Kayla jumps into the water from the side and swims over to Jackie. “I’m preparing you for the sororities in college. You have to do what they say.”

They start splashing each other as I stand on the ledge; I don’t know what else to do. Kayla suddenly pushes Jackie’s head underwater and I think it’s just for fun, but she doesn’t let Jackie up for air.

“Kayla! She needs air!” I yell.

“I’m sure she doesn’t!” Kayla calls back. “She’s like a fish.”

I act as quickly as I can and I jump. I feel the air hitting me and whipping my hair around as I fall. In a moment of seconds, I’m submerged in the cool water. I open my eyes and see everything in the clear water source as I swim up to the surface. As soon as I reach the surface, I paddle as fast I can over to Kayla. I rip her away from Jackie and help Jackie to oxygen. She gasps for breath as I go over to Kayla.

“How could you do that? She could’ve drowned!”

“But she didn’t.”

“Kayla! What is your problem?”

“Nothing. I’m perfectly fine.”

“Then what do you call that?”

“Horsing around.”

I stare Kayla down. My face feels hot from my rage, but I cool down when I feel a hand on my shoulder. I turn around to see Jackie.

“It’s okay, Rylee. I’m fine.”

“But, if I wasn’t here you-”

“We should get home,” Jackie changes the subject.

I nod, feeling defeated, and walk out with Jackie behind me. The rage from a second ago is carried with me. Kayla wades in the water for a little longer before following us home. Most of the way back, we are all silent.

“I don’t want to go to school tomorrow,” Kayla stirs conversation.

“Me neither,” Jackie responds. “You know; I can’t wait until high school. We’ll have so much more freedom and it will be so much fun.”

“Yeah. I’m sure it will be fun.” I scout out the forest and realize it’s warm outside. “What month is it?” I ask out loud.

“You’re really off today. Maybe you should go to the doctors to make sure you don’t have a concussion from the lacrosse game yesterday.” Kayla looks at me with her eyebrows raised.

“It’s the beginning of May,” Jackie tells me.

How did it get from November to May? Nothing makes sense. Everything is so messed up.

“I just needed a refresher. I’m fine,” I lie again. How can I be fine if my friends from years ago are right here as if nothing ever happened?

Kayla and Jackie drop me off at my house and Mom questions me about where I’ve been. I’m soaked, so I guess she’s allowed to ask questions. However, when my answers are vague she doesn’t seem to really mind.

I go into my room and take a quick shower. After I change into clean clothes, I sit on my bed and wonder what is going on.

Everything is exactly as it was in May of seventh grade. Everyone is younger including me. I finally put two and two together. I know why I’m here. Today was one of my memories. This was something that happened in my past and I changed some things about it. There are no more questions to ask.

I’ve finally been given a second chance.

Winds over 40 mph can be heard over the pouring rain. I keep Casper close to me since he’s shaking like crazy; storms have always scared him. I hear a car door slam just before a rumble of thunder booms. A second later, the front door opens.

    “Rylee? I’m home,” Mom says.

I skip over to where she is standing with Casper following me. “Hey. Can I see if Jackie can come over?”

“Sure, but did you finish your chores?”

“Yep. I made sure to finish them before you got home.”

Mom smiles. “Wonderful, sweetheart. Go ahead and call Jackie.”

“Okay.”

I run back over to the couch I was sitting on before and pick up my cell phone. I dial Jackie’s number and listen to the ringing. She picks up on the third ring.

“Hello?” she asks.

“Hey, Jackie! Are you free today?”

“Hold on, let me ask.” There’s a pause while Jackie asks her mom. “Yeah, I’m free. What house are we gonna go to?”

“Well, I was thinking you could come over here.”

“Sure, I’ll be right over.” Jackie hangs up.

“Jackie’s coming over!” I yell over to Mom.

“Okay, but there was no need to yell.” Mom passes through the living room heading to her room.

“Sorry.” My face flushes.

While I wait for Jackie to arrive, I think about how I was given a second chance. I mean, I can save Jackie and we can live our long lives together. The weird thing is I have no idea how this is even possible. Maybe God heard my pleas and decided to give me a chance, but I’ll never know for sure.

I go up to my room with green walls. Everything changed when I came back here, but it is all the same things from in seventh grade. It’s strange to see my room like this again. I haven’t seen these green walls since freshman year in high school. That was the year I decided green wasn’t my color so I changed it to purple.

The doorbell rings, pulling me out of my thoughts. I run downstairs and open the front door for Jackie to step in. She’s wearing a tan rain jacket with black leggings. Her hair is braided just like Katniss’s hair in the Hunger Games. Of course I couldn’t make that reference back then since the Hunger Games movie wasn’t out yet.

“Hey, Rylee.” Jackie gives me her sweetest smile.

“So, I was thinking we could do something really fun,” I said with a small smirk beginning to form on my lips.

“And what’s that?”

“Okay, so we can get in our bathing suits and go in my pool. Swimming in the rain would be so cool!” I exclaim.

“But I didn’t bring a bathing suit.” Jackie frowns slightly.

“You can borrow one of mine. I know you like the color blue, so you can borrow my blue one.”

“Okay. Let’s go change.”

We go up to my room and I hand her the blue bathing suit I have. It is a tankini. She takes it and goes into the bathroom across the hall. I close my door and strip off my casual outfit of jeans and a t-shirt. I throw on my red bathing suit that has flowers on it. As soon as I’m done, I grab a beach towel and meet Jackie downstairs.

I open the slider door leading to my backyard and pick up my goggles off the small table next to the door.

“Rylee, what are you doing?” Mom asks from upstairs.

“We’re going out to swim in the rain.” I stay by the door holding it open while I listen for a response.

I hear Mom’s footsteps pad down the stairs. She comes around the corner and looks at Jackie and I for a moment. “As long as it’s not still thundering you can go out, but as soon as you hear thunder you come right back inside. Okay?” Mom gives me a stern look.

“Yes. Let’s go Jackie!” I run down the steps and up onto the pool deck.

Jackie closes the slider door and comes running after me. “Let’s have some summer fun!”

I step back a little and run and jump into the pool. The water is warm, just like the summer air. Even though it’s raining, I still feel the humidity knock into me.

I swim to the surface to see Jackie run into the pool. As her head breaks the surface, I laugh. The rain has made happiness flow through our veins. I cannot smile big enough to show how happy I am in that moment.

“Hey, can we ask your mom if she can bring us out to ice cream?” Jackie looks at me with questions written in her light blue eyes.

“She’ll probably say yes, so why don’t we ask?”

Jackie nods. “Okay. Should we get out now?”

“I guess.”

We left our towels inside by the door so they wouldn’t get wet too. Halfway to the door we start to dance in the rain. In these moments, we are surely making memories.

I hear thunder rumble somewhere in the distance, but remember what Mom said. “We should go inside before my mom reprimands us on staying out here after we heard thunder.”

“Okay, but we can’t forget to ask about the ice cream.”

We open the slider door and dry off inside just as Mom enters the kitchen. “Hey, girls. How was the water?”

“It was warm,” I say. “Mom? Can you take us out to ice cream?”

Mom’s face scrunches up in thought. “I guess I can, but I’m not going to Dairy Queen, it’s too far away. I’ll take you guys to the local ice cream shop, okay?”

“I’m fine with whatever.” Jackie shrugs.

Mom grabs the car keys from a hook and motions for us to get in the car. We both hop into the back seat while Mom sticks the key in the ignition. We back out of the driveway and head towards the center of town.

Only minutes later, Harry’s Ice Cream Parlor is in sight. We parallel park between two cars on the side of the road and get out. We usually sit outside, but since it’s raining we go inside to order and eat.

Jackie orders cotton candy with chocolate jimmies on it while I order mint chocolate chip. Mom hands the money to the cashier and tells us to find a seat. We find one by the back window.

The shop is cold and I shiver a little since I’m wearing a tank top and shorts. Jackie stares out the window while slowly eating her blue ice cream. I smile at her when she reaches her hand to the window as a blue jay lands on a branch of the tree in front of the it.

“Birds are the most amazing creatures,” she says with her head tilted to the side.

“Well, they are really pretty.” I shove a spoonful of mint chocolate chip in my mouth. My head starts to hurt. “Brain freeze!”

“Rylee, quiet down,” Mom says as she reaches our table.

“Sorry.”

Jackie laughs quietly. I study her smile. Her teeth are white and straight, from a few years of braces. That smile is filled with endless happiness and makes everyone else want to smile with her.

“I have to go to the bathroom. Wanna come, Rylee?” Jackie asked.

“Yeah, sure. Hold on.” I take one more scoop of ice cream then follow her to the other side of the shop.

We enter through the beige door with “Women” written on it in blue. Since the shop is small, it’s bathroom mimics it. We both step into a stall.

A few minutes later, we wash our hands under the hot water. “You were right, this was a fun day.” Jackie smiles.

“Thanks. I kinda made it up as we went along.”

As we are drying our hands with paper towels, the door to the bathroom creaks open. We both turn around to see who it is. Obviously, it has to be Kayla.

“Oh, hey girls.” Kayla flashes us a smile with evil lurking behind it.

“Kayla,” I breathe.

“What are you doing here?” Jackie asks, suddenly nervous.

“What do you think I’m here for? I obviously have to pee.”

“I think she meant at this shop.” I give Kayla an annoyed expression.

“Are you guys serious? I’m here for ice cream.”

“Why not go to Dairy Queen?” Jackie crosses her arms.

“My brother didn’t want to drive all the way to Dairy Queen and back.”

“Hale’s here?” Jackie swallows.

“Yes. Now don’t go all drooly on him, Jackie. You should really not make it so obvious that you have a crush on him,” Kayla states.

“Well, maybe you should stop teasing Jackie about it. Don’t you have something better to do?” I glare at Kayla’s innocent expression.

“Um, no. Don’t you get it, it’s fun. Jackie turns as red as a tomato every time; it’s priceless.” Kayla chuckles.

“Don’t you get it? It’s not funny,” I retort.

“Whatever, see you girls later, I gotta tinkle.” Kayla enters the small stall.

I grab Jackie’s wrist and pull her out of the bathroom. We are both silent. Mom is sitting at our table and looking out the window, while Hale is ordering for him and Kayla. Considering that it is a small shop, there aren’t any other people here.

As we pass Hale, he looks at us. “Hey, guys. I haven’t seen you in a while.”

“Hi,” I say. “It’s nice to see you.”

“Same to you.” Hale grabs his ice cream and heads towards a seat. “I’ll see you guys around.”

“Okay,” I answer.

Jackie is still silent, but I don’t force her to speak. We sit back down at our table and finish our ice cream.

“Are you ready to go, girls?” Mom asks with a pleasant smile. She was always so oblivious to the fact that Kayla was being mean to Jackie. She didn’t know Jackie was hurting until the day she found out that Jackie was gone.

“Yeah. We should probably drive Jackie home. I’m sure her mom wants her home by now.” I pat Jackie on the back as we head to the car.

“Okay. I hope you had fun, Jackie.”

“Yeah, I did.”

We hop in the car and begin the short drive to Jackie’s house. She lays her head on my shoulder and whispers, “Why is Kayla so mean to me?”

Before I can answer, she vanishes along with Mom and the car. I stand in the middle of time with darkness surrounding me. Memories flash before my eyes until I’m thrust into one of them.

“I love Castiel!” Elena shouts.

Elena, Jackie, and I are watching Supernatural at Jackie’s house. We started watching the show at the beginning of Freshman year, but we got addicted. I look over to a calendar hanging on the wall. It’s March 5th.

“I do too, but I also like Dean,” Jackie says.

The episode ends and Jackie shuts the TV off. “I kinda like Sam the best,” I comment.

“So pretty much if we meet them, then we can each have one of them.” Elena stands up and maneuvers into the kitchen. Jackie and I follow.

“Let’s not get too carried away here.” Jackie grabs a glass full of water and takes a sip.

“What should we do now?” Elena asks.

Normally, Jackie’s mom would ask us to go hang out outside in the fresh air, but there’s snow laying on the green grass. I take a quick glance out the kitchen window and see Jackie’s cat, Leila, playing in the snow.

“We could go up to my room,” Jackie suggests.

“Guys, look at Leila.” I laugh.

They both turn to look outside and see Leila. She’s only five, so she’s still playful, but she acts more like a dog than a cat. She rolls around in the white pillow covering the entire yard.

“Aww, she’s so cute,” Elena coos.

After a moment, we head through the living room, to the stairs. Jackie’s room is to the right of the stairs. The gray walls match the bedspread. She has a few beanbag chairs that are various shades of blue and a bed for her cat lying on one of her shelves.

As I sit on a light blue beanbag chair, my phone buzzes. I look at the text and put my phone face down on my stomach.

“Who was that?” Jackie quires.

“It was just Sean,” I say with a shrug.

“And you’re not gonna answer it?”

“No. I’m with you guys, I don’t have to answer every little message my boyfriend sends.” I take my phone and switch it to silent. “There. Now we won’t hear if I get any texts.”

“C’mon, Rylee. Unless you want us to text him instead.” Elena smirks.

I sigh. “Fine.”

Jackie comes over to me and reads the message he sent me. “Hey, Ry. What’s up?”

“See, it’s nothing interesting.” I lock my phone again and put it back down.

“Everything’s interesting when you have a boyfriend,” Elena says, taking my phone. “Alright, passcode is, 4, 8, 3, 7.”

“Elena!” I whine. “Give me my phone back!”

“Hey, Sean, I’m with El and Jackie. Sup with you?” Elena types as she talks.

“Elena, no!” I get up from the beanbag chair and chase her around the room. She holds my phone above her head and runs away from me.

Elena passes the phone off to Jackie. “Did he answer Jackie?”

Jackie looks down at the screen then starts running. “Yeah. He said ‘that sounds fun. I’m with Matt and Tyler playing Call of Duty.’”

“Ooh, ask who’s winning and make it sound weird,” Elena tells Jackie.

“Elena?! Weird? Really?” I protest.

Jackie thinks, then begins typing. “Okay. You better be winning since afterall, you did win me.” She chuckles.

“Jackie! No, don’t send it,” I plead.

“Oops, I just hit send.” Jackie throws it at Elena.

“Elena, is that you?” Elena reads what Sean sent back. “I wonder how he figured out so easily.”

“It’s not that hard to figure out.” I rip my phone out of her hands and tell Sean it was Elena.

Elena and Jackie both catch their breath as I shake my head at the messages they sent. I have nothing against what they did, it was actually pretty funny.

We hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

“My mom is probably wondering what all this noise was.” Jackie opens the door. Her mom doesn’t stand there, Kayla does.

At this point, Kayla was still hanging out with us, but there were tensions whenever we were together. Jackie’s mom would think that we invited Kayla over even if we didn’t. Her parents were extremely clueless as to what was happening.

“What are you doing here, Kayla?” I ask.

“I wanted to come hang out.”

“No, you didn’t. You haven’t wanted to hang out with them for months,” Elena adds.

“So? You’re not gonna let me hang out with you guys?”

“No. You’re a terrible liar, Kayla. All you want is to make Jackie’s life miserable.” I glare at the girl I used to call a friend. “How did Jackie’s mom even let you in here?”

“Ugh, you caught me.” Kayla smirks. “It’s a piece of cake. Her mom thinks we’re still friends.”

“Get out. Now,” Jackie warns.

“Oh wow. You actually think that’s going to get rid of me? You don’t scare me. You’re so f***ing fragile that I can get right under your fingernails and bother you all I want. No one will stop me,” Kayla threatens.

“I will.” I get in front of Jackie and stare Kayla right in her vibrant blue eyes.

“Yeah, right? You couldn’t stop me even if you wanted to and you know it. You’re weak,” Kayla snarls.

“You’re the weak one, Kayla. Picking on other people? That’s what weak people do.” I pause. “Now leave, or I might have to throw you out.”

Kayla rolls her eyes. “You don’t even know what you’re talking about.” She turns around and walks down the stairs. “You’ll regret this.”

Kayla’s threat hangs loose in the air. My thoughts run back to the last time this happened and what occurred next. Kayla was right, we would regret this. That is, if I don’t stop her first.

Blackness turns to bright sunlight. Quiet provokes birds to chirp from the trees. I rub my temples for a moment before taking in all of my surroundings. There’s green grass spreading across the ground. White and yellow lines are marked on the grassy area. A stand with seats to watch a game is to my right.

“Rylee? Are you coming?” Jackie materializes in front of me.

“Yeah. Sorry, I was a little out of it.” I jog to catch up to her.

“Do you think we will win?” she asks as we head forward. Today we have a lacrosse game against another varsity team.

As we get closer to where the team benches are, Kayla and the other players appear next to our coach. Even though Kayla, Jackie, and I are freshmen, we made the varsity team.

“You’re late,” Kayla growls.

“Sorry, my mom couldn’t find her car keys,” Jackie says.

“Don’t be late again or we might have to kick you off the team.” Kayla puts her mouthguard around her sports bra strap so she doesn’t have to hold it.

Jackie zips her blue lacrosse bag open and pulls out her stick. I do the same. Once we have everything out of our bags, we join the group of girls waiting to begin our jog around the field.

Coach has us do stretches before having a few minutes to pass the ball around. Jackie and I get in line to start with 3v2’s just as the other team arrives.

Before we know it, the game starts. I cheer for our team, wearing black and white, and watch the ball closely. Coach would come over to me to sub me in for offense while I was on the sidelines. Kayla was practically in the game the whole time playing midfield.

From where I am standing on the field, I can see Jackie frowning or even wishing she could be on the field. I try to look back to when she was last on the field for this game. She hasn’t been in the game, at all, and it is reaching the end of the second half.

She is such a good player, so I am confused as to why she isn’t on the field. I feel bad since playing lacrosse is her favorite thing in the world.

“Rylee!” another girl yells from the sidelines to sub me out.

I take my chance and approach Coach. “Coach?”

“Hold on, Rylee.” She pauses. “Damnit! We need to win this, but we keep giving the ball straight to their goalie.”

“Coach, we’re tied. I’m sure we’ll get a goal soon.”

“What did you want, Rylee?” Coach stares anxiously at the field as Kayla brings the ball down the field.

“If you put Jackie in, I’m sure you will get your goal. She’s so good and she shoots everywhere, but at the goalie.”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Really? Stop picking favorites and start thinking that everyone is the same. I know you only like the people who kiss up to you, but if you put Jackie in, then you can win this game.” I bite my lip, hoping that I said the right thing.

“Fine. I’ll try it, but if we lose, it’s on you.” Coach looks Jackie’s way. “Jackie, sub in for Kayla.”

Jackie’s eyes go wide, but she doesn’t hesitate. She stands by the middle of the field and yells, “Kayla!”

Kayla gives me a look of utter disgust, but jogs off. Jackie runs to where the ball is and gets right on the girl, on the other team, holding the ball. Behind her, our teammate checks the girl holding the ball. Jackie gets low and scoops the ball into her stick’s pocket. She takes it down the field with five seconds left in the game.

I’m crossing my fingers as she races past defenders and gets a clean shot. I watch her as her stick goes back, then shoots forward with a follow through. The goalie tries to stop the ball from going in, but misses it.

I jump up and scream with happiness. Everyone goes in to hug Jackie as the clock runs out of time. Coach looks surprised, but smiles a second later and gives me a pat on the back. Kayla crosses her arms and rolls her eyes.

“I bet you couldn’t do that,” I say to her.

The green grass, suddenly turns into a tile floor, while the surrounding area is filled by the hallway of the school. My happiness travels with me to this new spot.

“Hey, Rylee!” Elena walks up to me.

“Hi. I’m so tired. Do you know what day it is?” I ask.

“Yeah. It’s the 23rd. How did you like the snow last night? I woke up to a beautiful winter wonderland.”

“I didn’t mind it, but I’m done with snow for about the rest of the winter. There was too much last year, so I hope we don’t have as much.”

“Ry? I have to go to my locker. Do you wanna come?” Jackie comes up from behind me.

    I look around. We are in the math wing. “Yeah. I need to get my Spanish book anyways.”

    “Thanks,” Jackie says with a bounce in her voice.

    I guess Elena caught it too. “What’s got you so happy?”

    “Guys, it’s Friday. Who wouldn’t be happy?”

    We all laugh. Jackie always knew what to say to make us laugh. Even though she couldn’t make herself happy, at least we could.

    We walk straight until we reach the end of the hallway and turn left. The wall of lockers is there, standing out in their purple color. Our lockers Sophomore year. Sophomore year. The year that I couldn’t save Jackie.

    “Hey, maybe when we’re juniors, we can pick what locker we want,” Elena says.

    “I hope so. That way we can have three lockers in a row.” Jackie starts turning her lock.

    “I doubt they’ll let us do that, but we can only hope.” I lean against the locker next to Jackie on her right.

    Jackie tries to pull the lock off, but it is stuck. Lockers here suck. They don’t always open and they get stuck a lot.

    She tries her combination again and this time it opens. “Oh my God.” Elena inhales sharply.

I move so I can see what they are gawking at. There is a brown string tied to the top hook. My eyes follow the string down to what’s pulling it taut. There is a blonde barbie with a Varsity Letter Jacket and jeans on. The brown string is wrapped around the barbie’s neck acting like a noose. There is a note sitting at the bottom of Jackie’s locker.

I take the piece of paper and read it aloud. “This will be the happiest day of my life.”

    “Who did this?” Elena cries.

    “Who do you think?” We turn around to see Kayla with her hand on her hip.

    Rage replaces my sorrow. “Of course you did. You just love to ruin everyone’s lives, don’t you?”

    “Only certain ones, but who’s kidding? We need to get rid of some of the souls here.”

    “B****.” I glare at her.

    She shrugs. “Have fun with your gift, Jackie.”

    Kayla walks away and leaves all of us mad or feeling like s***. I look at Jackie. She has tears in her eyes and a look that expresses she has actually thought of what Kayla was implying.

    “Jackie, don’t listen to her. She’s just a b**** trying to get at you. You can’t let that happen,” I soften my voice.

    “Here, I’ll throw this barbie away. It doesn’t even look the slightest bit like you.” Elena unties the string and tosses the barbie away in one of the science room’s trash cans.

    I go in to hug Jackie, but before I can, I’m cast into Jackie’s house.

“C’mon, let’s go up to my room,” Jackie says.

    “Sure.” I start towards the stairs, walk up to the top, and head to the right. Jackie follows.

    We find Leila stretched out on Jackie’s gray bed sheets. She looks up at us while purring. I go over to Jackie’s window seat and move all the papers clustered around. I take a seat and lean my head against her gray wall.

    “Sorry about the mess.” Jackie takes a seat next to Leila.

    “No problem. My room is probably just as messy.”

    While Jackie looks like she’s pondering, I look around her room. There is a sad essence floating around freely. There is clothing strewn across the floor as well as school papers. Her binders are open with unfinished work laying on top. Her diary has a pen sticking out of it, saving the page it’s on. The gray walls had things written on them with black sharpie.

    Why is everything I do, wrong?

    I’m up all night, tears streaming down my face.

    What I’m going through is so hard, I can’t even explain it. I can’t decipher MY thoughts or MY feelings.

    All I want is for someone to say, “Are you okay?” but no one does… I want someone to notice something’s bothering me and help me get through it… My insides are being crushed by the memories of what happened, and they never go away… They stay and haunt me every moment I think they are gone for good…

    The tears crash to the floor like raindrops. The sobs make it harder to breathe. The room is pitch black. No arms come to comfort. No one can hear the cries; the ones begging for help, but that don’t want to be heard.

    Tears threaten to spill because of what Kayla has done to Jackie. Kayla pushed her into the sea of depression and let her drown.

    “I love spring,” Jackie’s voice pulls me out of my thoughts.

    “It is beautiful.”

    “I love the flowers that blossom and the trees that start to once again sport their green leaves. If I had to choose one season to live through forever, it would be spring.” Jackie stands up and looks out her window that’s right next to me.

    I grin at her comment. “I do like spring, but I like autumn better. The different colors of the leaves are so pretty.”

    “Yeah, true. In spring, everything looks so alive. It’s almost like everything is born again and gets a second chance in life.”

    I stare out the window with Jackie. Birds are flying around the yard and singing to each other. A cardinal lands on the tree right in front of the window.

    “Jackie, look. It’s a cardinal,” I say with admiration for the bird.

    She sighs. “I’ve always wanted to be a bird. They’re so free and happy. I bet they don’t care what everyone thinks about them, either.”

    “That’s so thoughtful.”

    “I wish I could fly like them. I bet they feel a rush every time they hit the air and feel it hit their faces. If only.” Her exhale is heavier with emotion lurking behind it.

    My eyes meet with one of her writings on the walls:

    I cry because I know that she’s right. She’s right about everything and I don’t know if I can just shake her comments away. I don’t know if I can do this anymore.

    The first time I went through this day, I was too scared to ask if she was okay or if she needed to talk. I won’t make that mistake again or I’d risk losing her all over again.

    “Jackie? Can I ask you something?” I inquire.

    “Yeah. You can ask me anything, Rylee.” Jackie looks up at me, waiting for me to ask away.

    “Are you okay? I mean feeling and emotion wise. Are you feeling mentally okay?” I pop the question.

    Jackie waivers a little before answering, “Yeah, I’m fine.”

    “You know you can talk to me whenever, right? When you need to talk to someone, please come to me.”

    “Of course I will. You’re my best friend.” Jackie shrugs.

    “Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me about anything?”

    “Yes, Rylee. I’m fine, but thank you for the offer.”

    I sigh. I know she’s not okay. I know she’s struggling and with Kayla on her back 24/7 it doesn’t help.

    Jackie’s sober expression fades with her. Her bedroom fades with it and I’m left with the feeling that something’s eating away at me. I can’t quite figure out what it is, but it isn’t the best feeling.

    The memories swirl around me so fast that it hurts my eyes. I close them and wait until light filters through my eyelids. When I open them, I’m standing in the empty school hallway.

Students are filing out of the classrooms a second later. I am near the History wing. I see Jackie coming out of one of the English classrooms, so I go to catch up with her. Her French braid is exactly the same as the one day I could never forget.

    Jackie travels to where our lockers are and begins to switch out her binders. We both did this during our free period. I try my combination and open up my locker just a few feet from Jackie.

    As I put the last binder, that I will need tomorrow, in my bag, Kayla, Maci, and Richy go past me. They stop by Jackie. Kayla has the same black crop top on with a skirt that draws eyes to her belly button ring. Maci has on the shortest blue dress I have seen in my entire life. Her cigarette is freshly lit and is held in between two fingers of her right hand. Richy holds Kayla by the waist, resting his hand on her bare skin.

    Just then, the same crowd of people surrounds the four of them. I close my locker and stand in the front of the crowd. The only difference is that I am going to do something this time.

    Kayla slams Jackie’s locker shut and knocks her books down onto her left foot.

    “Oops. You dropped your books.” Kayla smirks.

    Jackie has a look of fear in her blue eyes. She stands there without moving a muscle.

    “Why would you ever French braid your hair? It looks awful,” Maci adds and takes a hit from her cigarette.

    “Well,” Kayla begins. “She always looks awful anyways.”

    I step into the circle. “Who’s the one that looks awful?”

    Maci rolls her eyes. “Stay out of this, Rylee.”

    “I won’t back down when my friend needs my help.”

    Kayla gets closer to me and snarls, “How are you friends with her? Not only is she ugly, but she’s so easy to pick on. I wouldn’t want to be seen with her.”

    “A defenseless friend needs a strong one. I don’t give a s*** if she needs me to help her. She will keep my secrets and love me till the day I die,” I shoot back.

    “Oh, you mean secrets like how you almost had sex with Sean while you guys were dating?” Kayla’s smirk grows bigger. The crowd gathered around us gasps and murmurs.

    “Shut up, Kayla!” I scream.

    “Now the whole school knows. Maybe you shouldn’t have let me overhear you in the bathroom.”

    “I didn’t think you’d tell!”

    Maci and Kayla both laugh with something dark underneath. I hesitate since that was a sensitive subject. I didn’t even like it and I had regretted it afterwards. I wanted it to stay with just Elena and Jackie, but I forgot how mean Kayla could be.

    Maci goes over to Jackie, who’s trying to get away. Maci grasps Jackie’s wrist and presses the lit part of her cigarette onto her arm. Jackie cries out in pain.

    “Maci, stop!” I snap out of my moment.

    “Make me, b****,” Maci presses harder.

    I push Maci off of Jackie and punch her. My anger couldn’t be contained any longer. Kayla comes over and joins the little brawl that Maci and I are having.

    “Jackie, get out of here!” I yell to her.

    Kayla tries to get a grip on Jackie, but I punch her. We shove, punch, and kick each other. When I finally finish with them, I start towards the bathroom.

    “You can’t save her. She’s already too far lost,” Kayla screams over to me.

    “Watch me.” I take one last glance at the two of them brushing themselves off and walking away.

    I jog into the bathroom and find Jackie crying with her legs pulled against her chest. I slowly sit next to her. I wrap my arms around her in the biggest, warmest hug I can offer.

“It’s okay, Jackie. Don’t listen to a word she says. She’s just jealous,” I soothe. I see the burn sticking out on her arm. “Can I look at the burn?”

Jackie put her left arm out. The burn was a small circle that was red and swollen. “Is it bad?” she questioned.

“No. I think it’s only a first degree burn. You should be fine, but we should run warm water over it right now.” I use my knowledge from when I burnt my finger years ago.

I help Jackie stand and bring her over to the sink. I get the warm water running as she wipes away her tears. She sticks her arm under the running water and winces a little.

The image of her slowly fades away and is replaced by my bedroom. I’m brushing my hair and listening to Coldplay. While I’m dancing around to the music, I glance at the calendar. When I see which day is next to the red “X” on the day before, I freeze.

It’s April 16th.

I quickly glance at my clock. The red letters burn into my eyes. 10:43. I would be eating lunch in one hour and the news would come only minutes later. I don’t even bother to make myself look good. Instead, I rush downstairs and grab my car keys off of the kitchen counter.

    I do a brisk check in my head to make sure I have my license and everything else I would need to drive over. I hop in my car and step on the gas after I back out of my driveway. I take the shortest route to Jackie’s house that I know.

    Once I pull into her driveway, I shoot out of the car, leaving the keys in the ignition. I ring the doorbell frantically, starting to panic. What if I’m too late? What if I still couldn’t stop her in time?

    Mrs. Adams opens the door. “Hey, Rylee. I didn’t know Jackie invited you over.”

    “Oh, sorry. This was more of a last minute hang out thing,” I speak as fast as I can.

    “Well, then come on in. Can I get you anything to drink?”

    “No. I’m good, but thanks.” I sprint up the stairs, taking two steps at a time.

    Everything is eerily quiet as I reach the top of the stairs. My heart starts racing at a pace I never thought was possible. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Taking a left, I find Jackie’s door closed. I turn the knob and barge in, letting the door slam against the wall. Jackie is sitting on her bed with a glass of water in one hand and several white pills in her other hand.

    “Jackie, stop!” I almost burst into tears.

    Jackie looks up at me with her light blue eyes glossy. I go over and take the fourteen pills resting in the palm of her hand. I also take the bottle of 500mg Tylenol tablets away. I take the pills she took out and put them back in the bottle. I place the bottle in her bathroom down the hall.

    When I get back, Jackie is crying. I hug her. “Jackie, don’t ever scare me like that again,” I say with tears forming in my eyes.

    “Nobody likes me,” Jackie chokes out.

    “That isn’t an excuse to kill yourself. You’re just leaving more damaged people to grieve your death.”

    “Who would’ve cared?”

    “Your parents, me, Elena, Kalli, and even some people you wouldn’t expect. There are so many people who care about you to the moon and back. Don’t let Kayla make you think any different.”

    I take her favorite stuffed dog from the head of her bed and give it to her. She holds it tightly as I try to comfort her. Whenever she’s sad she holds the chocolate lab like her life depends on it.

    “Why did you stop me?” Jackie looks up into my light brown eyes.

    I see the very familiar shred of paper that I kept with her other things. I remember what the note had said.

    Nobody likes me anyways. No one cared enough to save me. Why not take my life if there’s nothing to live for?

    “Because you needed someone to save you from the darkness brewing inside of you. Jackie, you really need to talk to someone.”

    Jackie looks surprised at the way I answered. “How can I talk to anyone, if no one listens?

    “You have to realize that there are some people who will listen and help you. C’mon, Jackie, you know that someone will listen to you,” I say as I push back more tears.

    “Who? Who are you talking about?” Jackie pleads with a sense of giving up.

    “Your parents, for starters.”

    “Are you kidding? I’ve always been so strong. I can’t show my parents the way I am right now or even Kalli. She looks up to me and I can’t ruin her image of me.” Jackie plunges into more tears. I can’t stand seeing my best friend like this, so I cry with her.

    “They understand. Jackie, everyone has moments like this. Your parents will understand and they will listen to you. You have to believe me.”

    “I do, but trust me. They won’t get it. They won’t understand why I didn’t stand up for myself. They might even call me weak.”

    “Jackie, stop. Your parents love you. They won’t care if you couldn’t stand up for yourself. All they want is for you to be alive and better.”

    Jackie sits there, shaking her head. Kayla is right again, she is too far lost, but that doesn’t mean I’ll give up. I take Jackie’s hand in mine and make her look at me.

    “Jacqueline Ryan Adams, you are the prettiest girl I’ve ever known. You’re also my best friend and I can’t live without you. You are an angel on the inside, I can feel it. Kayla tore you down and brought this on you. Don’t give her the pleasure of winning. Show her you’re stronger than you look.” I sigh with relief after getting everything I felt out.

    “Ry, you can’t really mean all that.”

    “I mean it. I would never lie to you.” I pause. “We should talk to your parents about this. They need to know. I also think that you should go to a counselor and talk to them about what’s been happening and how you can fix it.”

    Jackie looks defeated. “Okay. I’ll do this for you because you’re my best friend.”

    I give her a small smile and stand up. She follows while wiping her eyes. I go downstairs and bring Jackie into her living room. I sit her down on one of the couches facing each other.

    “I’ll get your parents, okay?”

    “Yeah. Go ahead.” Jackie just stares at the ground thinking about something.

    I walk into the kitchen and see Mrs. Adams mixing cake batter. She looks over at me. “Hey, Rylee. Do you need anything?”

    I take a deep breath and say, “Yes. Can you come into the living room with Mr. Adams? It’s Jackie.”

    Mrs. Adams seems to panic, but puts down her mixing spoon and yells to her husband.

    I go back to the living room and sit right next to Jackie. Mrs. Adams enters in the next moment followed by Mr. Adams. I look to Jackie, then back at her parents.

    “I guess I’ll explain why you’re here.” I shrug.

    “No. I’ll tell them,” Jackie says, grasping my hand for support.

    “Jackie, please just tell us. You have us so worried.” Mrs. Adams gives Jackie an expression of care and worry.

    “Mom, Dad. Today, I tried,” Jackie hesitates. “I tried to kill myself.”

    “Jackie?!” both of her parents shriek.

    “Please, just listen,” I interrupt.

    Jackie continues, “Kayla has been teasing me for the longest time, but as the years went on, she kept doing worse things.” Tears start to roll down her face once again. “She wanted me to kill myself. I guess I fell under her spell. I thought you guys would hate me for being so feeble. No one seemed to want to help me, so I thought that if I was dead no one would care then either.”

    Mrs. Adams comes over to our couch and hugs Jackie. “We could never think that. If you had told us about this, then maybe we could’ve helped.”

    “If you don’t mind me saying, I think Jackie’s been pushed too far. Maybe she should see a counselor so she doesn’t try something like this again. They will listen and help her,” I suggest.

    “I’ll start calling,” Mr. Adams says and exits the room.

“Thank you, Rylee. You might’ve just saved our daughter's life. How can we repay you?” Mrs. Adams looks at me with pleading eyes.

“I won’t accept any gifts from you. Having Jackie alive is enough for me.” I give her a smile.

“Rylee, I can’t believe I almost did that. Thank you for being my saviour.” Jackie puts her arm out to allow me to join her hug with her mom.

“I’ll always remember those words,” I mumble to myself. Life is finally going the way I want it to.

*2 1/2 Years Later*

    Mom pulls into a parking spot by the front door. There are swarms of students carrying boxes and heading in the building.

    “We’re finally college girls!” Jackie squeals from behind me.

    I smile and step out of the car. Freshman year all over again. The only thing that’s different is that Jackie’s here with me. We both wanted to be psychology majors, so we decided to go to the same college. The college that I went to before I got my chance to save Jackie.

    “It’s awesome,” I say.

    The college looks the same. Seeing it now makes me realize how much I miss it and my friends. Although, I would’ve done anything to save Jackie, even if it meant losing my college friends.

    “You don’t sound too excited, Rylee.” Mom opens the trunk.

    “Sorry, I’m just distracted.”

We each take a box and travel to our room on the third floor. We requested to be in the same room and luckily, we got it. Our floor has all girls on it and I have a feeling that I will become friends with Allie and Ashlynn again.

“This room is awesome! I’m so ready for the college life.” Jackie places her box on the floor near the bed she wants.

“Hey! I wanted that bed!” I sarcastically remark.

“Very funny.” Jackie laughs and sits down on the bare mattress. “I guess the beds are pretty comfy for a college.”

A girl wearing an ID walks through our door. “Hi, I’m Holly. I’ll be your resident assistant. If you ever need help, just ask me.”

“Okay. Thank you.” I smile at her.

“Do you guys want any help carrying in boxes? I think I can make one trip with you,” Holly suggests.

“That would be great. We might only have one last trip with the four of us.” Mom looks grateful.

“You both packed pretty light then.” Holly walks to the stairwell.

“My mom is gonna bring the rest of our stuff another day,” I respond.

“We couldn’t fit everything in the car,” Jackie adds.

On the trip downstairs, I see a familiar girl with black hair. Her red tips from Freshman year look like they were dyed recently. Her clothes show her personality, while her sea green eyes meet mine. I want to run over and hug her, but to her we haven’t met yet.

She smiles at me. “Hey, I’m Rylee,” I say and stop walking.

“I’m Allie.” She stands there for a moment.

I realize Jackie’s standing next to me. “This is my friend Jackie. We’re both psychology majors.”

“I’m a computer science major. Are you guys freshmen too?” Allie looks hopeful.

“Yeah. What floor are you on?” I ask.

“3. I haven’t met my roommate yet, but her name’s Ashlynn. We’ve only talked on Facebook, but I’ll have to introduce you guys to her.”

“I have a feeling that we will all become great friends.” I wave to Allie as we start moving our different ways again.

“She’s nice,” Jackie says.

“I know. We’re already making friends.” I beam.

Mom and Holly are still waiting for us by the car. When we get there, we all take a box and I close the trunk.

“Did you make some new friends?” Holly grins.

“Yes.” I smile and mutter under my breath, “But they aren’t really new friends.”

We are silent as we get on the elevator and head back to the third floor. Mom says her goodbyes when we feel settled. Holly is in the hallway helping other girls on our floor.

I view Jackie’s side of the room. Most of the things she has are blue. Her bedspread, fluffy pillow, desk light, and backpack are all some shade of blue.

“What?” she asks. “Can’t a girl love a color?”

“Yes, but I just think it’s funny that everything is blue.”

“C’mon, Rylee. You have had your fetish with green, so let me have mine.”

I laugh. “I wasn’t making fun of you. I think it’s cute.”

Jackie positions her fluffy pillow in the middle of her bed, when we hear a knock on our door. I stand up to answer it with Jackie following.

Allie is standing there with Ashlynn right next to her. “Hey. We met on the stairs?” Allie says with a question in her voice.

“Yeah. Allie, right?” Jackie responds.

“Yep, and this is Ashlynn.”

“Hi! Allie told me about you guys. You seemed pretty cool!” Ashlynn pipes up.

“I’m Rylee. This is Jackie.”

Jackie and I shake hands with Ashlynn. Allie smiles big. “We wanted to know if you’d like to come to our room and hang out.”

“We’d love to!” I say immediately.

We follow them to a few doors down. Their room is just as big as ours, but they have their beds arranged as bunkbeds. It gave them more room for everything else, including a bean bag chair. They have extra chairs closer to the desks, but other than that the room is very spacey.

“I like what you did with this room.” I pick up a Patriots’ bobblehead from one of the desks.

Allie takes it out of my hand. “I don’t mean to be rude, but I don’t really like it when people touch my stuff.”

“No. Don’t worry about it.” I pause. “Are you a Patriots fan?”

“Yeah. My dad is a huge fan, but I am too. I’ve always loved watching games with him and asking him what something meant. I guess you could say that I’m a daddy’s girl.”

Ashlynn cracks up and grabs four bottles of cream soda out of her mini fridge. “Let’s play a game called ‘Get To Know Each Other’.”

“I’m pretty sure that isn’t a real game.” Allie chuckles.

“I made it up, but it’s a real game in my mind.”

Jackie laughs harder than I’ve seen in a long time. “What are you laughing at?” Allie shoots a smile her way.

“You guys are funny,” Jackie says like it’s obvious.

“We better be, Jackie. If we are going to be your friends forever, then we have to do our job by making you laugh.” Ashlynn pops the tops of the bottles off and hands each of us one.

“Okay, so how does this game work?” I ask.

“Well, each round we have to tell the group something about ourselves.” Ashlynn sits down pretzel style. “C’mon, people. Sit in a circle with me.”

Everyone takes a seat and places their soda on the floor in front of them. “Who wants to go first?” Allie raises her eyebrows in question.

“I’ll go, of course!” Ashlynn squeals. I became friends with her in the first place because of her positive energy and her spontaneous personality. “When I was little, my dad invented something so amazing that now he’s a billionaire.”

“Your family’s rich?!” Jackie looks surprised.

“Yep. I wouldn’t say it’s the best thing, though. Trust me. Your sisters would take all the money to spend it on little expensive things.”

“You have more than one sister?” Allie asks.

“Yeah, but it’s not my turn anymore. Rylee, tell us something about yourself.”

“Well,” I start. “One of my best friends from home is working to be an actress. She’s the perfect type for the job.”

“You mean Elena?” Jackie asks. I nod. Before Elena told me she wasn’t going to college, she had landed a few auditions.

“Whoa, that’s so cool!” Ashlynn claps for me. “Allie, amaze us with your info.”

“I’ve been a computer nerd my entire life. Once, I hacked into a law firm's files. I didn’t steal them or anything, but I still did it.”

“Nice.” I give Allie a pat on the back.

“What about you, Jackie?” Ashlynn blissfully smiles, showing her perfect white teeth.

“I’m not a very interesting person,” Jackie closes up.

“C’mon, there’s gotta be something,” Ashlynn c***s her head to the side.

“I’ve practically been bullied for most of my life. It was all from someone who I used to be friends with and she tore me down. I’m better now, but I suffered a lot during those years.” Jackie looks down passively.

“Aww, Jackie!” Ashlynn moves in to hug Jackie. Allie and I join her. “You are like so pretty! I can’t believe someone would do that to you, Jackie. If you ever feel down, you come straight to me and talk. Got it, girl? If anyone gives you crap, I’ll kill them with my bare hands.”

“Thanks.” Jackie’s eyes well up with tears. The tears aren’t from sadness, they’re from someone caring enough to say such things.

“No problem. You are a part of our squad and we protect each other.” Ashlynn pulls back and plops down in her spot again.

Allie nods. “I’ll go again. So, my mom has had liver cancer for years now and we don’t know how much longer she’s going to make it.” I’m brought back to the night Allie’s mother died. She doesn’t know it yet, but she will lose her in just a year.

“ Ash, it’s your turn again.” Allie takes a sip of her cream soda.

“Did I say you could call me Ash?”

“No, but you can’t stop me. I’m calling you Ash.”

“I guess it sounds pretty good. I’ve just never been called that until now.”

“College is full of surprises.”

    Laughter follows Allie’s comment. It’s starting to feel like I never left this place. My friends are still the same people that I started to love. Little do they know, but we will become great friends even if I add Jackie into the mix.

    The rest of the night is filled with more soda and snacks, as well as stories. There are mostly funny moments, but sometimes we become serious. Three people have even knocked at the door to tell us to be quieter. It’s college and these people are going to bed at nine? I’d prefer to laugh my ass off with my best friends until midnight. After all, isn’t that what you’re supposed to do with friends?

Flashing lights. Tears. Yelling. Crying. It all happened so fast. It doesn’t even feel real.

                    *3 hours earlier*

    “Hey, do you think Allie and Ashlynn can hang out?” Jackie asks me.

    “I think they said they were going to take an adventure around campus. I have no idea what they meant, but maybe we can do something together. Just you and me.” I shrug.

    Jackie hops off of her bed and goes over to the mini fridge. She doesn’t look very happy when she faces me again. “There isn’t much food left. Do you wanna go into town to get lunch?”

    “How about we eat lunch here and get ice cream in town? The only problem is that we’ll need to borrow someone’s car.”

    “I’m sure Allie won’t mind.”

    “Allie brought her car to college? I thought her father always drove her.”

    Jackie shoves her room key into her small purse. She takes her wallet off the desk next to her and slides it into her back pocket. “She told me that if we ever wanted to go into town we could borrow it anytime as long as we ask.”

    “I’ll text her.” I pull out my phone while we walk to the door.

    The cafeteria is really close to our dorm, so the walk only takes a few minutes. The lunch that’s being served today is salad with a variety of sandwiches. We both go through the buffet style setup and find a seat near a window. I just get a salad while Jackie gets a sandwich and a salad.

    “You know, maybe we can just get ice cream here. That way we can just stay on campus,” I suggest.

    “Did Allie answer you?” Jackie ignores my comment.

    “She said we can use her car and where it is.”

    “Then let’s get off campus. The two weeks we’ve been here, we haven’t gotten off campus much.” Jackie looks at me with pleading eyes.

    “Okay. Fine, but I’m not driving.”

    “Why not? I mean, I’m fine with driving, but you usually like to drive.”

    “Hey, I like to let you drive sometimes. I drove last time, anyways.”

    We take our time with our lunch and end up talking for another hour or so. We tried to get the same day off of classes so we could relax together. Luckily, we got the schedules we wanted, but I still had the same professors. I guess some things never change.

    “I know the best ice cream shop in town. Are you ready to taste the awesomeness?” Jackie beams as we stride out of the cafeteria.

    “Yes. Allie said her car is in the back parking lot.”

    “It’s a blue Corolla, right?” Jackie inspects all the cars in the lot.

    “I believe so. At least, that’s what she said.”

    “Wait, there it is!” Jackie’s ponytail of blonde hair bounces as she runs to the car.

    She presses the unlock button and we hear the locks click. I get into the passenger seat  while she takes her seat in front of the wheel. We both click our seatbelts on. Jackie adjusts the seat and the mirrors, then backs out of the parking spot.

    Jackie’s a pretty good driver and is safe on the road. She’s always ready for some bad driver to come around and she makes sure that everyone has their seatbelt on before moving the car.

    We take a right out of the college’s entrance and travel down a straight road for a while. I plug my phone into the auxiliary cord and blast Coldplay. Jackie and I both sing along with Chris Martin. I’m hoping that one day Jackie and I can go to a Coldplay concert together.

    “‘When she was just a girl she expected the world, but it flew away from her reach, so she ran away in her sleep,’” Jackie sings.

    “You should’ve became a singer instead of a psychology major.” I turn the music down.

    “I’m not that good of a singer.”

    “No, I’m completely serious. Your voice is so melodic.”

    “Thanks, but I don’t like the spotlight. I’d rather stick to what I’m doing and then maybe I can help some kids or people who need someone to talk to. Someone taught me to allow people to listen and I want to be that person. I want to help them with their struggles and make them feel like they’re not alone.” Jackie slows down at a red light up ahead.

    “And I know that you will get to do just that. I’ll make sure of it.”

    “We’re almost there,” Jackie says, tapping the steering wheel to the beat of the music.

    The light turns green, while everything else around us moves in slow motion.

    Jackie steps on the gas to get moving when suddenly, the car isn’t moving forward. It’s moving sideways. Being pushed by another car. I scream something short that’s full of fright.

    The car that pushed us slows down and people all around the intersection put their cars in park and run over to help. Another car beside me was hit by our car. I open my door carefully and step out.

    “Call 911!” someone yells.

    “Are you okay?” someone else directs towards me.

    “I’m fine! We need to get to Jackie! We need to help her!” I shout, feeling helpless.

    “It’s a bad idea to move her until the paramedics get here.” Everyone surrounds the driver’s side and I.

    I pull open Jackie’s door and almost burst into tears. She’s sitting there with her head flung backward. Blood traces down her forehead and her eyes are closed. The side of her body is scratched up and bleeding from the impact of the other car.

“We have to help her!” I stare at her flawless face shown better with her hair pulled back. I feel warm tears stream down my face.

“The ambulance is here,” someone behind me says.

I look over to see the bright flashing lights and the sound of sirens. The ambulance drives right over to where the crash is. The driver gets out as well as two people from the back.

They pull a stretcher out of the back of the vehicle and go in for Jackie. I watch them take her out and place her gently on the stretcher.

One of them meets my eyes with his familiar vibrant blue ones and says, “Rylee, you can ride in the back with her if you want.”

I immediately hop into the back of the vehicle after the stretcher is inside. The police stay behind to clean up the site of the crash and regulate traffic.

“Is she okay, Hale?” I shakily ask while looking at the collar around Jackie’s neck.

“IV is wide open,” Hale says to his partner who adds a bag of fluid to the needle in Jackie’s arm. “Heart Rate is 125. Blood pressure is 80/40.”

The medical jargon I’m hearing just blows past me. Hale speaks into a headset to the hospital. The other paramedic lifts Jackie’s white shirt, soaking with blood.

“Bruising on left chest. Left arm is disfigured, probably broken.” Hale keeps checking her vitals and checking for other wounds. He records some of the scratches that are deeper.

“Rylee, are you okay?” Hale turns his attention to me.

“I’m fine. Jackie needs your help!” I say in a panic.

We reach the hospital in minutes and the driver opens the back door and helps lift the stretcher out. I follow them and a bunch of nurses are waiting for us by the door.

“What happened?” one of them asks.

“Car crash involving two teenage girls and a man in his late 20s. She was the driver hit from the side by another car going at least 50. Blood pressure is 70/35 and dropping.” I run next to the stretcher with all the nurses and doctors.

When they turn into a doorway that says ‘employees only’, one of the nurses stops me from going in. “I’m sorry, honey, but we can’t let you in there. Please have a seat in the waiting room and we will report to you when we get her in a stable condition.”

I feel something close to defeat, but I know I can’t do anything more. I sit in one of the cushioned chairs and let the tears I waited for to come at full force. As more people walk by, they give me expressions of sorrow and care.

A few minutes later, a nurse comes to see me. I shoot up. “Is she okay? Is she stable?!”

“I’m sorry, but they’re still trying to get her stable. Does Jackie have any parents or relatives that we can contact?” the nurse asks gently.

“Yes. I can give you her parents’ numbers.” I fumble with my phone and find it hard to type since my hands are shaking. “Sorry, I just- I just don’t want to lose her.”

“It’s okay. We will do everything we can to save her. Just try to breathe. If you need anything there is a vending machine around the corner with snacks and drinks.”

“Here are the numbers.” I show the nurse my phone and she writes down the numbers.

“Thank you, Rylee. I’ll pray for your friend just like I pray for every one of the patients in this hospital.” The nurse gives me a huge smile and leaves me alone once again.

Hours tick by as if a snail is running the clock. By the time a doctor heads towards me, I’ve been here for two hours or so.

“Are you Rylee Carson? In the car with Jacqueline Adams?” the doctor questions.

“Yes.” I swallow and cross my fingers for the best.

“We have done all that we could for now, but her internal injuries were severe. We had to remove her spleen and her liver was torn. We will have to give her some blood transfusions, but we will also have to keep a close eye on her.”

“Will she make it?” Tears threaten to fall again.

“We can’t be sure yet. I’m sorry.” The doctor leaves because there is nothing left to say.

I gaze out the window next to me, it’s pouring. I can’t imagine Jackie’s parents driving up here in the rain to see their daughter in the hospital. They’re probably worried sick. I should’ve convinced her not to go out for ice cream. Maybe we wouldn’t be in this situation if we stayed at the dorm.

I take out my phone for a distraction. I find several texts from Ashlynn and Allie as well as Mom. They all have the same question: Are you okay? We saw the crash on the news. They said you and Jackie were in the car that got hit.

I reply with a short I’m okay, but I don’t know about Jackie. I’m sure I’ll get several other questions about what’s happening with Jackie. I don’t think I can even say it. I should’ve driven. People would’ve been worried about me, but with Jackie it’s different. She needs to bring light to this world.

“CODE BLUE ROOM 184!” a voice on an intercom yells.

“Code blue? Doesn’t that mean-?” My breath hitches in my throat and I can barely think. I run up to the front desk. “Is that code for Jackie Adams? Is it?!”

“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you who it pertains to.” The secretary looks sincere.

“Damnit! You can’t die now! Not now, Jackie!” I shout. I don’t even care if the people in the waiting room are staring at me. I just want to know that Jackie’s okay. I mean, she should be, right? It’s only been about a half hour since I last heard from the doctor, so she should be fine.

I pace around the waiting room for what feels like forever, but can’t stop. When I see someone walk out of the door wearing scrubs and a mask hanging loose around his neck, he comes straight for me.

“No, no, no!” I mutter.

“Rylee Carson?” he asks. I nod my head slowly. My tears are braced and ready. “I’m sorry to inform you, but your friend has died.  We tried our best to save her, but the lacerations to her liver were too severe. We did everything we could, but we still couldn’t save her.”

“NO! Jackie, she can’t be- You’re lying- She’s still-” I can’t finish my sentences.

“I wish we could’ve saved her, but we tried everything. I’m so sorry, Rylee.” He pats me on the shoulder and tells the secretary to page him when her parents arrive.

Everyone gives me sad looks and I can’t stand there while everyone just feels bad for me, so I run out of the hospital into the parking lot. The tears I waited for come, making my vision blurry.

I stand there crying for minutes before I hear footsteps. “Rylee?” Hale’s voice filters through the sound of rain.

I turn to face him. “She’s gone. She’s gone again.”

“Rylee, you lost a friend today. I cannot imagine how that feels, but I know that you’re hurting immensely.”

Hale comes closer and wraps his arms around me. It reminds me of the funeral when we bonded over her death. I return the hug and cry on his shoulder, even though I need to stand on my tiptoes to reach it.

“If only it was different- If I was the driver instead.”

“Don’t say that,” he snapped. “Rylee, you can’t change the outcome. It wasn’t your fault, it was the jerk who crashed into you guys. At least the guy who did this is in custody and will be punished, but promise me that you’ll keep your friends really close to you in this time.”

“The second time is the worst. How can she die on me again?” I speak, ignoring Hale’s comment.

Hale pulls back from the hug and looks me right in the eyes. His hair is soaked as well as his clothes, but he doesn’t seem to care. He seems to care more about my well-being than anything else.

“Listen, Rylee. Stop talking bull. There was nothing you could do.”

“Hale? Can I tell you something? Something that won’t seem true, but I tell you it is.” I close my eyes for a moment and listen to the pitter-patter of the raindrops.

“Yes, what is it?”

I look out at the road. “You know how Kayla used to tease Jackie?” He nods. “In some other ‘version’ of our lives, Jackie killed herself because of Kayla. I couldn’t live with myself, so I begged God- heck, I begged everyone listening to let me go back and have a second chance to change what I did wrong.”

“Keep going. I’m listening,” Hale says.

“I don’t know how it happened, but the next day, I was suddenly back in seventh grade. I kept memory hopping per say… When I got to the day she killed herself, I saved her life and we went on and stopped caring about what Kayla would say to her. I was so happy to start college with her. Then this happens two weeks in.”

“I believe you.” Hale looks somber.

“Really?”

“I believe in a lot of things and God’s one of them. I believe that God would give you a second chance because you deserved it. I’ve also had some dreams about something like an alternate universe or life.”

“But why would God give me a second chance, then have Jackie die again, even if it was differently?”

“I don’t have an answer for that, but I’m guessing it’s something uncontrollable. Something that keeps this world balanced. It’s almost like Jackie was meant to die in whatever path her life took,” Hale explains.

“I didn’t get what I wanted, though. I wanted her to live a long life with me.”

“From what you’ve told me, you wanted to save Jackie from killing herself. You did it and you even got a longer time spent with her, but maybe Jackie wasn’t meant to live a long life. Maybe she was meant to die. I know it’s hard to think about, but just consider it.” Hale gives me a small, sad smile.

“I think I’ll ask one of my friends to pick me up. I don’t think I can stay here any longer.”

“Okay. Rylee, stay strong. I’ll probably see you at the funeral, but I hope we see each other more than just then.” He hugs me one last time before going back into the hospital.

I call up Ashlynn and ask her to pick me up. I don’t have to wait long until she speeds into the driveway and takes me away from the place I would last see Jackie alive.

We arrive at the school minutes later. Ashlynn parks next to the curb closest to the front door. I get out of the car and stand on the curb.

    “Rylee? Are you okay? You look like a zombie.” Ashlynn stands right in front of me.

“I will be.” I take another look at the car. “Wait, who’s car is this?”

“Mine,” a voice says from behind me. I turn around to see Cade and I almost run into his arms and tell him how happy I am to see him. I also want to spill my guts about everything I’ve been through.

“Um, Ash. Who is he?”

“He’s another Freshman that Allie and I met today on our adventure. When you asked for a ride I found him and told him I needed a car.”

“I happened to have a car, but she also told me it was an emergency. So, I would’ve found one for her anyways.”

“Well, thank you.”

“I’m Cade.” He holds out his right hand and I hesitate for a second.

“Rylee.” I shake his hand.

“Maybe we’ll see each other around.” Cade puts his hands in his pockets. “I’ll park this.”

I give him a smile and turn towards the front doors. I take a deep breath and head to my room. Ashlynn volunteers to stay with me in my room tonight so I don’t feel so lonely. I fall asleep holding Jackie’s fluffy pillow with dried tears sitting on my skin.

*1 week later*

Here I am again. Wearing the black dress. Walking through the same cemetery.

The only difference is how I brought flowers this time. They were pink roses with white tulips. Jackie didn’t have a favorite flower, but she admired tulips for sure.

Instead of avoiding the casket, I walk straight to Jackie’s family.

“Rylee! How are you?” Mrs. Adams hugs me.

“I’m okay. How are you?”

“We’re holding up, but we’re just glad that Jackie can be with the angels now.” Mr. Adams wipes his eyes.

I crouch down a little to be level with Kalli. I wipe away her fresh tears and pull her into a tight hug. She cries harder and I know how bad it hurts her to have lost her sister, but maybe we can get justice this time.

“Kalli, your sister loved you. I know everyone keeps telling you that, but I know that she really did. She didn’t want to disappoint you. She wanted to look perfect in your eyes.” Tears fill my eyes.

“She wasn’t perfect. That’s why I looked up to her. Because she didn’t need to be perfect to shine.” Kalli looks into my eyes with her light blue ones. She looks so much like Jackie.

“Don’t give up your dreams to be like her. The world needs more people like her and I know you can take her place and bring light to the darkness.”

She nods. “I will, but you need to promise me something. I just want to know that that man will be punished for what he did.”

“I promise.” I squeeze her tight before standing up again.

I walk up to the casket and place the flowers next to it. I can’t look inside just yet, but I know I will. I’ll have to see Jackie’s face one more time.

I feel a tap on my shoulder. “Elena!”

“Yeah! I’ve missed you, Ry.” Elena hugs me. “I always think about you guys before my auditions and how supportive you are. Oh! I got a role in a huge movie!”

“Really? Congrats!!” I smile at her big news.

“Okay, enough about me. We aren’t here to talk about us. Although, maybe Jackie wouldn’t mind hearing about our accomplishments.” Elena chuckles and shows her award- winning smile.

I shake my head and become serious. “El, she was taken away so early.”

“I know, but listen. She’s in a better place and she’ll always be right here.” Elena points to my heart. “It may sound cliche, but it’s actually true. No matter what happens, nothing can split us up from Jackie.”

“Why is everyone full of the perfect advice to give?”

“Do you want more?” Hale comes over to us.

“I guess we just have moms that never run out of it,” Elena answers me.

“Hale.” I hug him and pull back after a moment.

“It’s nice to see you, Hale.” Elena holds out her hand and Hale shakes it.

Elena and Hale catch up, while someone catches my eye. Her light brown hair is long with a few slight curls and her eye makeup outlines her vibrant blue eyes that match Hale’s. She’s wearing jeans and a black T-shirt. In her arms is a little baby.

“Kayla came?” I interrupt Hale.

He sighs. “Yes, but I think it’s more because our parents made her come. I did tell her to leave Richy at her house though.”

“I’m gonna go talk to her.” I head towards the girl that stands back from everyone else. “Kayla?” I call to her.

She looks up and has a little look of disgust on her face. “Are you here to yell at me and tell me it’s all my fault?”

“No, I just want to talk. I haven’t seen you in years.”

“Yeah, I know. I dropped out of high school and got pregnant. No one has seen me much.”

“What’s her name?” I try to make light conversation.

“Stella. I’m hoping she can be better than I was.”

“You know you can change, right? You can make your life better.”

“No, I can’t. This is me and I accept that. I like my life the way it is. I just want my daughter to be better.”

I don’t have anything else to say, so I walk away and go back to Elena and Hale. They are with Kalli now, and they’re trying to cheer her up. I join them. Even if Kalli isn’t as young as she was the first time Jackie died, we still treat her the same way.

“I’m glad you’re all here.” Mr. Adams stands near us.

“I’m so sorry that this happened to Jackie,” Elena expresses.

“I really should’ve convinced her to stay on campus,” I say.

“Rylee, honey. This isn’t your fault. You couldn’t have been able to predict this and you shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” Mrs. Adams pats me on the back.

I can’t stand there with them anymore, so I go up to Jackie’s casket. I brace myself to see the way Jackie looks.

I kneel down on the bench in front of the open black casket. I straighten my back and interlock my fingers. A feeling washes over me that Jackie is watching me right now. Ignoring the feeling, I look at her. Her skin is pale and looks cold. Her blonde hair is laid around her shoulders and her eyes are closed peacefully.

She has on a white dress with lace flowers on it. Red roses lay under her hands at the center of her stomach. She still looks alive with her mouth shaped into a smile.

“Jackie, I lost you once again. I wish you could still be alive, but maybe Hale’s right. Maybe your destiny led to you dying every time. I’ll never know for sure, but I can only believe it’s true.” I pause to allow a sob to escape through my lips. “I’m thankful that I could stop you from killing yourself. I think that either way, Heaven is lucky to have you.”

“Everyone may have different thoughts about who you were, but I finally know. You’re the angel in my life. You made everything brighter and were always there for me. I’m hoping that Heaven can recruit you as the angel that you were on Earth. You brought your light to so many people in your life and I won’t let any of them forget it.”

“I’m sorry that I couldn’t do more to keep you alive. I love you, Jackie. I’ll miss you forever.”

I stand up and try to wipe my tears away, but more fall at a quicker pace. Elena senses that I need her, so she comes running and embraces me in a warm hug. Kalli follows and wraps her arms around my stomach.

I can almost feel Jackie beside me. I hear her voice in my head.

You couldn’t do anything, this is my fate. Stay strong.

I love you too, Ry.