Well off to lunch I guess. Not like I’m going to eat anyways… Maybe I’ll just grab a bag of chips and i can puke it later. On my way to the vending machines some popular chick tried to trip me and i finally reached my breaking point. I turned to face her and BAM she was out cold. Everyone started to surround us and I could hear faint whispers. “Wow the emo girl can pack a punch!” “Don’t mess with the goth guys she’ll cut herself and you” I had enough and i ran off. I found myself in the Guidance office and i had a breakdown. “I-I don't know what happened Mrs. Andino. I was just having a bad day i guess…” I was trying to hold back sobs.
“Well uh… Ms. Rose what exactly has happened so far today? What lead you to this snapping point?” “I don’t remember… I can't think of anything that's happened since yesterday. I guess the stress has got me going crazy” I don’t get it… I feel like I’m not myself…
Maybe I haven’t found myself yet. Maybe I’m not who I think I am. How cool would it be if I was secretly like a superhero or something and my parents just haven’t told me yet because they are trying to protect me. I don’t know, but any life is better than this. I’m sick of this. I’m sick of being picked on, I’m sick of all the pain. Maybe it’s about time to have others feel my pain too…

I’m not sure why but the world is all monotoned… I look around at all the trees, the sky, the butterflies- but they all look so grey. Oh well, maybe I’m just colorblind? I realized how obscure my thoughts were getting and snapped out of it. I don’t get it, i feel like i’m so happy but at the same time my chest hurts like there’s lingering sadness… A couple cuts should do the trick! I rushed home and went straight to my bathroom. I reached to the spot above the cupboards and found my best friend. “Hey,” I whispered, “Thanks for being here for me…” I set it down on the counter and began to change into shorts. I hadn’t realized all the cuts on my thighs. Maybe this is getting slightly out of hand? I sat in the bathtub and began to drag the blade across my fragile skin. Oh, how it stung, but the pain was relief. It felt nice to be in control of something for once in my life. Each cut got deeper and deeper and the blood just kept dripping. You know what, it would be so much easier just to end it all now…
I took the blade and pressed it into my skin. I followed the veins on my wrist all the way down until they weren’t visible. The room started spinning and i couldn’t see straight. I tried to stand up but the next thing i knew i was on the bathroom floor. My head hurt so bad, I went to run my fingers through my hair but it was covered in blood. Oh no. Maybe this was going to be the end of me? Thank god…
Everything went black.

I woke up, actually feeling well rested for once. I opened my eyes to find myself all alone in a big empty space. It was all grey and foggy but oh so peaceful. I was just so… Happy. So happy and so content. Oh god i haven’t felt this good in a long long time. I start spinning and laughing then i fall. I fall into a field of roses and i don’t understand what's happening. Suddenly this beautiful girl comes up to me, dark hair, dark eyes, perfect figure. She looks sad though, like she has no place in the world. “My name is Nyx.” I giggled. “That's a strange name… And this is a strange place… Where are we?” She sighed, “We, my dear, are in a place called Nirvana.” Like the band? I’m so confused… “let's go for a walk, shall we?” she said as she walked into the fog on the edge of the field. Reluctantly, i followed.
When i stepped into the fog I couldn't breathe. I spun around but the field was gone, Nyx was gone, everything was gone. Once again I was gone but this time in a world that wasn’t even mine. Laughter… Somewhere off in the distance i heard laughter. I ran. I ran as fast as I could away from it but it sounds like it kept getting closer and I couldn’t handle it. I started getting visions of things that had never happened. First I saw someone fall to the ground and my hand was just bruised and bloody then images flashed of me falling to the floor. Suddenly my legs seemed to stop working. I fell to the ground and i tried to yell for help but nothing came out. It felt like I was fading, and I slowly faded away from this place.
I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped for it all to stop. I was screaming on the inside as I sat there on my knees, unable to move. Suddenly i shot my eyes open and I was in a cemetery. Standing there were my parents, dressed in a smooth solid black. They weren’t crying, but their eyes made them seem dead. “Mom? Dad?” I called to them but they didn’t acknowledge me. I walked over and tried to pull on mother’s sleeve but it didn't do anything. It was like I was there but at the same time I wasn’t. Oh God what is happening… I was trying to figure out why they were here when i saw a grave covered in dandelions. I saw a quote through the flowers, it read, Maybe she was a weed. Maybe she was more harm than good. But I promise you, she was the prettiest weed you would’ve ever known. I tried to move the weeds to see the name but they seemed stuck in time. I feel bad for whoever the girl was, but at the same time I wondered why my parents would care so much.
Tears streamed down my eyes as I began to think about it. I could’ve been my sister. I know she has always had depression too and an eating disorder according her diary, but I didn’t think it was bad enough to kill her. No one would’ve considered her a weed though… She’s always been the favorite. She is so beautiful, golden brown hair, flawless skin and perfect cheekbones. Straight A’s, dating someone in a national chorus, she has a perfect life. God, I don’t understand why she is depressed. She has everything. It was never fair. I would do anything to be like her.
“I hope she’s here watching over us…” My mother chokes on words, holding back tears. “I hope she’s in heaven. I hope god forgives her for her sins and accepts her. She really deserves it-” “No.” he was cut off by- My sister? “She killed herself. She left us. All she did was bring us all pain. I hope she burns in Hell so she feels the pain we all feel.” The wind blew, and the name was uncovered.
Emily Rose, Forever in our hearts.

I don’t know how i got there, but suddenly I was just in the hallway at school, all alone. I walked over to my locker and went to open it but the lock wouldn’t spin. It’s like whatever i tried doing did absolutely nothing. I don’t know why but i suddenly had the urge to go across the hall and sit, so i did. A couple minutes passed by, and I saw this girl that looked familiar run past sobbing. I followed her, and she didn’t seem to acknowledge me. She went into the bathroom, made sure no one else was there, then went into the big stall at the end. I crouched to see her feet under the stall and she was on her knees in front of the toilet. A few minutes passed and all I heard were the sounds of her puking and faint crying. I don’t know why i had this strange feeling like I knew her. I felt bad for invading her space so I went back to my locker. There was Jason, and I’m glad I seemed to be invisible. He was the school bully, and he does it all for Harper, his girlfriend. A taller boy came up to him and asked about his girfriend. “She went crying into the bathroom. She’s a wreck dude you need to leave.” He shook his head and ran down the hall. Jason pulled out a can of spray paint and sprayed my locker. After a couple minutes the bell rang and he bolted. I stood up and went to my locker, and it was beautiful. It read, In loving memory of E,T,M. She was smart, beautiful, but shy. Caring, lovely, but Alone. She was everything, but people only saw her as a rock, not the beautiful diamond she always was. Rest in peace.
Rest in peace? Loving memory? What? Am I… Gone? Why would he care anyways? I don’t understand…

I awoke and I was sitting on my bed facing my bathroom. I saw my lifeless body on the floor and there was so much blood. I stood near myself, and studied the body. I looked so peaceful. Finally, I am happy. I am happy with what I had done, I am happy with who I am now, I’m happy this is where I am now.
My sister walks into the room looking for me, “Hey stupid there’s a boy here looking for ya. Says he needs to talk? He’s hot, don’t know why h-” She stopped dead in her tracks. “Ems?” She fell to her knees next to me… “Are you okay? Oh god please be okay…” She was sobbing so hard she could barely speak. She shook the corpse violently. A single tear ran down my face. I didn’t know she would care… “Hey!!” she yelled, “Call 911!!!!” She buried her face into me and cried. “I love you Emily, please be okay..” Emily? What?

The paramedics came and said I was just in a comma. I guess I’m having an ‘out of body experience’ and i kind of wish i would just die. At the same time, I wouldn’t be upset if I woke up. She was very upset…
Once everyone left the hospital room I sat down on the end of the bed. A women walked it and she spoke to me. “Hello Em.” wait- she could see me? “Yes I can see you Molly,” I guess she could read minds too…

“Let’s get straight to the point. My name is Nyx, and you have a serious problem. You, my dear, have something known as multiple personalities disorder. Sometimes you are Emily, Sometimes you are Tristan. Then there are times like this, when you are Molly. You all have the same body, but different minds. If you would like, I can show you some experiences you’ve had before but don’t know about.”
I didn’t know what to think. “Sure, I guess.” She smirked and my head had shooting pain. Suddenly, it all flashed before my eyes. The nightmare, the fight, all the visions.
“I am the goddess of darkness, ruler of Nirvana. Right now, you are in between life and death, and everything you’ve seen are things that would happen if you did die. The girl in the bathroom is your sister because she hated herself for being so mean. Your parents may never be home, but they really do care. Even your bullies see yourself in a different way than you think. If you’d like, I can show you farther in the future. I can show you when your sister names her child after you, then gives it up because she looked just like you did. I can show you when Jason drives his car off a bridge because what he did to you. I can show you when the popular girl self harms because if she talked to you, you would have had so many friends. I can show you that there's this thing called the butterfly effect. Even one small change creates a chain reaction of events, and darling nothing good will come of this. So now you must choose, life, or death. Your fate is in your hands.”

After thinking long and hard, “I choose life.” She looked at me and smiled a beautiful smile. “I wish I had chose the same. You have a wonderful life ahead of you, so don’t waste it. People love you, never forget it.”
The room got brighter and brighter as Nyx waved goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I woke up I looked around me to see everyone crying with happiness. “I’m sorry I ruined your tub mom..” We all giggled.

After that, I did everything that I could and after a lot of hard work I got better. Never give up, it does get better. 
 

If anyone needs anything, there are many places you can go for help. Yes, the girl in the story had dissociative Identity Disorder but she also suffered from other things. If anything is ever wrong, don’t hesitate to get help. Sadly, there is no Nirvana. There is no Nyx to help us see how important we are, because in the real world, that’s something we have to do ourselves. Sometimes little things help. Read a book, draw a picture. Write a list of things you love about yourself and put it on your wall to remind yourself how amazing you are. And I promise you, you are amazing. Words can not describe how important every life is, so please, don’t waste it. Remember, the most important thing is loving yourself, and you always come before anyone else. Don't let the world bring you down, everyone deserves to be on top. And lastly, Suicide doesn’t end your pain, it only passes it on to everyone else. One thing that wasn’t fiction in this story is the butterfly effect. You are more important than you know.

So smile
Live life
Laugh often
Be yourself
You are amazing,
Important,
Beautiful inside and out
And perfect.
And most important of all,
You
Are
Loved
<3
-Tyler