I knew Jake thought of me as a mother, I knew that the first time he had ever called me ma. He hadn't even realized he had said it while I sat beside him gaping like a fish. I had told him that I was not his mother and he said when his teacher Ms. Adamens from his head start school had told them on mothers day, what a mother is and does, I had fit the description to a T. I told him that I didn't birth him, and he had seemed to have it already figured out. He asked his teacher what if your mommy didn't “labor you”. He said she had told him that it didn't matter if your mommy “labored you” as long as she loved you like she did. I was so stunned and I even told him that he couldn't call me that. He asked me why I didn't want to be his mommy and I crumbled in his tiny hands and told him he could call me that whenever he wanted to, but never in front of our mother.  So you can imagine my surprise when a year later rolls around and I'm holding him as he tells our mother what he truly feels. I happened to glance to the left at my mother and I was immediately standing and pushing Jake behind my legs, shielding him from her anger. I could see her scolding and vicious anger rolling over her face, consuming her more and more by each second. I wasn't afraid of her and if she took one step towards Jake, I'd stop her, no thought goes into it, it's just a fact, no one would be touching my brother...my son.
“Jordan?! You think this thing is your mother?! What has she told you Jacob!? She's filled your head with lies! She is not your mama! I am! You turned him against me you little witch!” She screamed outraged. I swear I could almost see the smoke steaming out of her ears.
“I didn't tell him anything, this had nothing to do with me. This is your fault, you have never been a mother to Jake. Popping him out is only the first step. You never rocked him back to sleep after he had a nightmare, I did. You never told him you loved him, not once since he was born! I tell him every single day, all day. You never even prepared a home cooked meal that didn't have to be heated up in the microwave for sixty seconds, let alone make him soup when he's sick! Never took him to the doctors, dentist, school, never. I've mastered your signature because I could never trust you to sign any permission to get him appointments. I can't even trust you to come home! Hell this is the first time you've been home in three days! You did this to yourself, you lost your kids a long time ago.” I spit angrily. I had to make myself stop, there was so much I could say to her. In my eyes, she was the devil, my personal demon who pushed me into this Hell I call my life.
“You little-” She screamed in outrage and ran towards me. She raised her arm to slap me and I caught her arm, pushing her away from me only for her to lunge at me. All I had time for was to push Jake out of the way before she landed on me sending us both soaring, plummeting into the ground. My elbow hit the coffee table and I hissed. Landing on the hard floor with a hundred and thirty pound woman on top of me, quite literally knocked the breath out of me. While I was distracted with trying to suck oxygen into my lungs, she took advantage of that and rose her arm up and brought her hand back down on my face with all the force she could muster. It felt like slow motion, like I could feel every groove of her hand and every print on her clammy fingers as they striked me, sending my head flying to the right and then it was in fast forward as her hand balled into a fist. I could partially comprehend that Jake was screaming for me through his sobs, while I quickly flipped her off me before she could hit me again. I scrambled up turning just in time to see her struggle to get up, using the coffee table as leverage. Her face was contorted in anger, her normally pale and almost translucent skin flushed, and bright red. Her napped red hair, which appeared more brown because of how greasy it was, was tousled and thrown all around her head. Her clothes were a mess and now they were even more rumpled than before, her much too short and tight jean skirt was rid up to the point I could see the tops of her black fishnets. Her bright pink sweater, that was much too big for her hung off her shoulder and her baby blue tank top underneath it was clearly shown. I knew she would lunge again and I couldn't fight her back, not in front of Jake. I quickly grabbed up Jake and flew to the door.
“Get back here!” She screamed, her voice was strained and I knew she was trying to get to me. My movements didn't falter, my only thought was of getting Jake away from her. I quickly made my way down the building stairs and out into the parking lot. Looking around I was reminded of just what type of environment we where really living in. Looking around it was prosperity in a nut shell. Rusty, and old cars parked along the curb side, more dirt than there were grass in the yards. The large brick building, was tattered and dirty, the windows of different units showing that inside was no better. Most windows had cheap, dirty and broken blinds that seemed to go in every direction but the one they were suppose to go in. One window near the lower level even had a small whole in it and the glass had cracked all around it making a perfect gun whole in the window. Some had dirty curtains covering them, some didn't have any covering at all. You could tell some of the units were technically abandoned, but I knew better to think that no one resided inside of them. Along with the rats and roaches lay very lucky homeless men, squatters. I had become so accustomed to the filth in which we resided in that I hardly noticed the conditions we lived in everyday, the conditions Jake lived in. A shaky breath left my mouth, the hot breath cut through the crisp air as if it was a chef's knife. A cloud of fog swirled from the air. I  Instinctively squeezed Jake's hand tighter, hurriedly making my way around the corner. Jake's school was only like ten minutes away, but we had to walk fast. Half way through the walk Jake started to complain and I had to carry him the rest of the way.

Finally breaking through the doors I rushed into the quiet little office to sign him in. I got a visitor pass and ran all the way down the hall to Jake's class. Running up to the door, I faltered in my steps. There on the door were the small posters the class had made. They were thanksgiving turkeys, made with the hand of the kids and one of their parents. I had come that night, it was a thanksgiving party and the parents were encouraged to come with there children, Of course all Jake had was me. I stared at the two of our hand prints next to each others. Jake's was significantly smaller than mine. He had painted his palm brown and then each one of his fingers another color so his turkey's feathers could be colorful. I had of course supported his idea whole heartedly and did it with him and we ended up trashing two of them because we were having too much fun sticking our paint covered hands all over the paper, but in the end they had came out perfect. I had told him it was just like him, perfect. I had placed a small kiss on his small little button nose which triggered a whole fit of giggles from the both of us. I let out a shaky breath and looked down as Jake began to tap me. He was looking up at me with an innocent, but aware stare. His eyes were sad and gloomy, wearing an expression that no five year old should ever wear. I immediately placed him on the ground and knelt, running my pale hand through his shaggy dark brown hair, and over his cheek.
“Oh buddy, what's wrong?” I asked sadly. He looked me in the eyes, his strikingly vivid brown orbs almost peering into me, and without ever breaking eye contact, his small hand came to gently rest on my cheek. His little fingers were cold and soft, I couldn't help but lean into it.
“You, you are my mama Jordan.” He told me sternly. Those words confused me to a point I had never been before. It confused me on how I could feel so many emotions at the same time. The first emotion I knew all too well, I was overcome with this heavy, unconditional love for him, I would always love him no matter what, that I knew. I felt pride, for being able to call this caring, loving, and smart kid mine, yet jealousy countered that. I was jealous that my mother was his legal mother, I didn't want anyone to stake any claim over my Jake anymore, he was mine. I also felt the smallest amounts of anger and dismay, at the fact that my life had been taken from me, from my own mother and I had been forced to take on that role for Jake. Although those solemn feelings only graced my heart for a split of a moment as I was too overcome with happiness that Jake thought I was good enough to be his mom, that he loved me as a mother just like I loved him as a son. I hadn't even noticed that I was crying until I couldn't see Jake's face anymore from behind the tears. I quickly worked to get myself together and I brought him into yet another hug.
“And you are my son Jacob.” I told him just as fiercely. I pulled him away so I could see his eyes. “I'm so sorry Jake. You know you mean the world to me and I never would have wished this on you, but you're so strong. You're gonna grow up and be a big strong man and I'll tell you I told you so, because I see it in you everyday. It doesn't matter where you come from Jake, it matters where you go. If you don't remember anything I tell you Jacob Eugene Edwards, you remember that. I love you, I always will you understand?” I asked with a wavering voice. He smiled and nodded.
“I love you too.” He smiled happily and I couldn't help but smile back, all it took was one smile from him to lift my heart.  I stood up, taking his hand and finally walking inside of his classroom. As soon as we walked into the door, his teacher looked right over at us. I swear that woman had a secret motion detector set up on that door. I groaned and quickly lent down to kiss Jake's head.
“I'll see you soon bud, kay?” I asked quickly, seeing him eye his friends who were coloring. He noodled at me, saying goodbye half halfheartedly as he stared at the coloring books and crayons like they were made of gold. I chuckled and watched him quickly run to the coat rack to put up his coat and backpack. I turned, hoping to make a hastily escape and groaned aloud. Standing there seemingly patiently was Jacob's teacher. She was in her mid forties, a short and round woman. She wore a long pale orange sweater, with gray slacks and gray shoes. Her hair was pinned up in a nice old lady bun and a shadow of a scowl lit her face.
“Good morning Mrs. Mathews, I know, I know. I'm late, again. I swear this time it wasn't my fault.” I told her quickly as I made my way around her and out the door, I knew she was following me.
“Wait! Ms. Edwards, surely you have just a moment!” She insisted, now standing in the doorway. I began to walk backwards.
“If I did, I'd be here early wouldn't I?” I asked smartly. I knew this lady knew I had to go and she was just being a pain.
“This is very important Ms. Edwards! Perhaps you could meet with me when you come to pick Jacob up!”  She was still freaking yelling. I turned around throwing up my hand in an indication that I would.
“Sure, sure.” I mumbled then stopped and groaned. “Actually, that's a negative, I've got some things I've gotta take care of after I come pick him up, sorry.” I said about to turn back around. I saw a look of indecision take over her face then looked behind me and smiled, nodded and walked back into the classroom. I turned around confused until I saw her. I groaned yet again, throwing my head back.

“Oh come on this isn't fair! You two tag teamed me!” I complained. The woman walked right to me, a determined and irritated expression gracing her face. She wore a small navy blue woman's suit, with a white dress shirt. Her hair hung flowing over her shoulders, like brown water falls I swear. Her make up was perfect, her brown eyes perfect, almost as perfect as her creamy caramel brown skin. The lady absolutely perfect and it irked me, and irked me even more that it was so hard not like her. Her heels clanked across the tiled floor, all the way up until she right in front of me, arms crossed. Before me stood Rachel Williams, Principle of Starkiss Pre-school and Early development.
“Let's go Jordan.” She told me sternly nodding her head towards her office.
“Come on Ms. Williams, I've got to get to work, I'll be late if I don't hurry to catch the next bus.” I complained to her. She turned back around.
“Jordan, I will personally drive you to work after this conversation, but right now your priority is getting into my office. There is a much more serious matter to be discussed than you assume, this far surpasses Jacob's tardiness.” She told me stealthily. I suddenly became apprehensive as I heard the edge in her voice. I began to follow her.
Once inside her office, which I was strangely familiar with, nothing much, it looked exactly like it was, a principle’s office. I grudgingly and reluctantly sat into the chair that faced her desk and surprisingly she sat in the other one instead of behind her desk. She moved her chair so she was facing me and sighed.
“Mrs. Williams what is this about?” I asked suspiciously. She sighed and looked down before looking back up at me.
“Jordan did you know your mother was arrested last night?” She asked me softly. I shrugged.
“No, but it wouldn't surprise me.” I told her truthfully. My mother had been arrested one time before this, that I knew of, only they couldn't prove that she was practicing prostitution so they got her on drug possession.
“Well she did, and apparently she said something that upset a police man, a comment about her children, and the police department contacted Child welfare.” She told me solemnly.
“I don't get it. Jake isn't being hurt, I would kill anybody that tried to, he's fed everyday, yeah things are tight for me, but I make it happen, I'd walk in the snow barefoot before I let him go to sleep hungry. And no we don't live in the best neighborhood, but I keep our apartment clean, if not a little messy at times. There's nothing they can do, Jake is being taken care of.” I assured her confidently now. She sighed tiredly and sadly shook her head.
“It amazes me the level of maturity and selflessness you posses Jordan, I know you take care of Jake, but you forgot in the midst of being a parent to Jacob, that your technically only a child yourself. They wouldn't have a case on Jacob, it'd be you. “ She said sadly. I was confused now.
“What does that mean?” I asked not understanding.
“It means that you are a neglected child, a perfect case for Child Protective services.” She breathed out in almost a whisper.
“But, I'll be eighteen next month.” I told her as if it would fix everything.
“Yes, but today you are still a minor, all it takes is a good case worker Jordan, one that can easily get the proof she needs; the bruise on your face, the fact that you are paying half the bills plus food, the fact that you nearly never see your mother who technically has the same residence as you, it's all the perfect case, and it could end with you as a ward of the state, a foster child.” She told me. I rolled my eyes.
“Really? A foster child for a month? That's ludicrous! It makes no since, me and Jake packing up everything to go live with strangers, that will just be a burden on me. Jake will refuse to sleep anywhere but under me, he doesn’t trust people! And in a month I'll have lost my job and our apartment and we'll have no where to go!” I told her frustratedly. I had been looking all over the room during my rant and when my eyes settled on hers again I froze. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears and she wore a heartbroken expression. “Mrs. Williams?” I asked softly.
“You don't get it Jordan. If you become a foster child, so will Jacob, you wont be together, and when you turn eighteen, you’ll be free to go, but Jacob will still be in the system, all the way up until he's eighteen.” She said sadly. I had frozen. I had gone completely still. My son. He was mine, no one else's. My son. I've never been away from him ever. My son. They wanted to...my son. They wanted to take...my son.
“They'll try... they'll try to take... they'll try to take my.” I mumbled then it hit. “Are you trying to say they'll try to take my son?! They'll try to take away my reason of existence?! The only good thing that this life ever gave me, and your trying to tell me that they will try to take him from me all because of one freaking month!? He has a home where someone loves him and dotes on him and cares for him and that should be all that matters!” I yelled. I was outraged, beside myself, who the hell did these people think they were to decide what was best for me? No one has ever decided things for me, I'm always the one deciding for others. I have been an adult for a long time now, who were they to treat me as if I were a child?!
“Jordan, maybe this is for the best. You're just a kid! You shouldn't have to raise him, I know you care a great deal about your brother bu-” She tried to continue, but I was practically seething by now.
“My son! Not my brother, that little boy is mine in every way but delivery! That is my son!” I seethed, loudly, watching her shrink back into her chair. “You sound like an idiot! An absolute idiot! For the best?! What's best for me is Jake! I'm not a kid, I've probably seen more than you, Mrs. Williams,” I sneered her name. “And your right, I shouldn't have had to raise a baby as a preteen, but I did, there's no way to change the past and I will raise him happily for the rest of my life! I don’t care a great deal for him either, I love him more than anything in the world. I love him more than myself and I'd do absolutely anything for him. He's my EVERYTHING, and no one will ever take that little boy away from me! No one.” I spat venomously. I didn't have to be looking in a mirror to know that my face was a flushed and red. “They'll take him from me over my dead body.” I whispered menacingly through the now still air.
“But Jordan, it'll be-” She started to reason with me, but I didn't let her get four words out.
“I'll tell you what it will be Mrs. Williams when they take Jacob Edwards away from the only mother he has ever known. That day...Rachel. Will be a cold day in Hell.” The words sliced through the stiffness of the air, punctuated with my icy stare. “If I can't promise you anything else, I can promise you that. The day they win, it'll be a cold day in Hell.”

Asha W