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Time...
Author's note: I've always wanted to be an author. It's my lifelong dream. I would like to give credit to my best friend, Haley Pangilinan for pushing me through and always having my back. She gave me the idea to write this book in the first place. I love you so much, Haley.
"Live like there's no tomorrow."
That's what everyone always says to me. People always say things like the phrase Y.O.L.O. But, what if you didn't have a tomorrow? What if living once was less time than you expected it to be? Sure, you can say the phrases more than once in a whole span of 24 hours, but if it were actually true; if you only had one day to live, most of the people on this earth wouldn't be able to handle it. They'd be in pieces. Falling apart, not knowing what to do. Of course, they would be planning on what to do for the next day, but would they actually do it?
What do I tell my best friend?
How are my parents going to handle this?
Do I call everyone and say goodbye?
Should I finish my homework before I go?
Questions could go on forever...
And, all of these questions were going through my mind at this exact moment in time. With 24 hours to live, not knowing what to do, stuck in a hospital bed hooked up to a machine. At this time, everything just seemed to stop except for my brain. It was the fifth time my doctors had to clear me today. I kept trying to slip away early.
"Anna, stay with me, you hear?! STAY WITH ME!" someone shouted as I once again slipped into the darkness of my eyelids. As soon as I did, my mind flashed me back to a few months ago, when I was carefree, laughing along with my best friends. The cancer hadn't taken over me then. In fact, no one could've even guessed that I had it.
I was an average 16 year old with an amazing life.
Or so I thought....
"You're insecure...don't know what for!"
Ahh...the beautiful sound of some GORGEOUS boys to wake me up in the morning! I sat up from my bed and stretched like they do in those cheesy commercials. Planning it in my head, I opened the curtains to a lovely sunshine right as the song said "Baby you light up my world like nobody else." It felt like a music video, and that way boosted my confidence.
After taking a steamy hot shower, I checked my phone, almost falling over because of the heavy towel wrapped around my head.
1 Missed Call: Savannahlalala(:
I almost laughed out loud at the name I put as Savannah. It was our little inside joke. I called her Savannahlalala and she called me Annabanana. Sometime in the third grade we made those nicknames up and they've stuck ever since! I also had a voicemail from her.
"ANNABANANA you better call me back RIGHT NOW! I have a major major MAJOR surprise for you!! Who's your best friend in the whole world?! Yeah, me. And you better call me back, because this is the BIGGEST thing in the history of the whole world! Ahhhh! you are going to flip into cartwheels when you hear the news! (of course, even though you can't DO cartwheels!) hahaha! Call me BAAAAACKKKK NOOOOW! Okay, yeah so umm...bye bye lovely! I luffff you!" The voicemail screamed into my ear.
Okay, what could be so important that it can't wait until noon when I'm actually AWAKE? Might as well call her back...
Ring
Ring
Ri---
"ANNA?!"
"Yes, Savannah, what is the 'huge' surprise?" I said carelessly into the speaker.
"Anna, you are going to LOVE me for the REST of your life! Guess what I did for you?!?!"
I laughed to myself. "Let me guess, you hooked me up on a 'blind' date with some freakoid kid from science class...yay, you are my savior. Let's go shopping for an outfit..." I mocked.
"Okay, Mrs. Sarcasm....no. Not even close. I got you ONE DIRECTION TICKETS!"
It took me a few seconds for the statement to sink in. I was speechless.
"Umm...now's the time to you know, say something?" the other line said.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" I screamed, jumping up and down on my bed.
"Yes ma'm I am! The show is on Saturday and Phil got two tickets and, even better, BACKSTAGE PASSES! We're going to MEET them!" Savannah yelled.
We both squealed to eachother between the phonelines for what seemed like ever, and then we started crying.
"Oh, gosh! I'm going to throw up! I love you SO much, Savannahlalala! Thank you! Thank you like a billion times!" I cried.
"Oh, no problem! Haha! Now get dressed, fishbutt! Meet me at the pier in an hour!"
............................................................................
I arrived at the beach in less than two minutes, because it literally was a short walk from my house. Savannah was standing at the edge of the pier, our meeting spot since fifth grade. "Savannah!!!!" I jumped onto her back and she spun me around in circles.
"You scared me! I thought you were like a kidnapper or something!" She put me down on the ground to face me. Savannah was the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life. She had long, blonde hair and blue eyes to match. Being a surfer and living at the beach her whole life, she was super skinny. (Although she didn't like to believe so.) Savannah is very outgoing and loves to be friendly.
Me on the other hand, I'm almost nothing like Savannah. I moved to the beach when I was in first grade, and I am originally from Chicago. I have dark brown hair, blue eyes and I don't think I'm very skinny. Everyone tells me that my personality is amazing because I am so friendly. Despite our differences, Savannah and I are the best of friends, and have been ever since we met eachother.
"Hahaha, yeah. No." I responded.
Savannah looked at me in anticipation "So, what are we waiting for?! Let's hit the waves!"
Before we jumped into the water, Savannah and I always did this handshake we made up. It was meant to mean that we are there for each other, will protect each other, and never let anything get in between us. I laughed and paddled out. The water was so beautiful today, and it wasn't so hot outside because it isn't summer yet.
When I got about halfway into the water, I got dizzy. Shaking my head, I tried to buzz it off, but it just wouldn't go away. The water turned pink? I scooped up some water into my hands to make sure I wasn't going crazy. Nope, the water looked pure pink. But then it went away, just in a flash.
"Savannah?" I called.
"Yeah?"
"Does the water look a little...weird to you?" Looking around, there was no more pink water. It was just blue like it always was.
"Haha yeah! It's pretty foggy today!"
-_-
"Okay, thanks..."
Was I hallucinating? I know I'm not going crazy. Am I? No way. I know!! I am just so overwhelmed at the thought of meeting One Direction that I can't handle it! DUH! What a relief! Oh, gosh. What if I meet Zayne and he loves me so much and oh gosh, we fall in love and he marries me because I love them and oh gosh, oh gosh oh gosh oh---
"Anna!?"
Savannah's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Huh?"
"We've been surfing for three hours. Do you want to go eat?" Savannah looked at me like I was crazy. "I asked you like 19 times, but you just kept looking over there."
"Oh, sorry. I was just..." My stomach growled. "Yes. I'm hungry let's go...let's go...um...eat. Yeah that." Again, I was given the crazy look from Savannah. "Let's just go, before you give me another one of those looks..."
We put our surfboards in a locker room and then headed over to Joe's Crab Shack on the pier. It was our favorite resturaunt there, and we always got discounts because our best friend, Toby worked here.
"Hey girls!" He greeted as we walked in.
"Hey!"
"Hey, Toby." He took us back to our regular spots by the huge windows. We always sat here, and it was literally a tradition. She sat in front of me by the door, and I sat in front of her back to back with another booth. Toby pulled out his order forms, clicked his pen, and smiled at us.
"Hmm...let me think....two Dr. Peppers?" Toby asked.
Savannah and I looked at Toby with a "Are you seriously asking us this question?" look. We nodded.
Duh?!?!?
We were in the middle of a giggling frenzy, eating our food with Toby (who should've been working..) when the question about Prom came up.
"So, have you girls got dates to the dance yet?" Toby asked.
"Actually," Savannah stated. "I do. I'm going to be escorted by Jake Grainger." Savannah looked at me with a huge grin on her face.
I almost did a spit take over everyone, but forced myself to swallow the drink. "THE Jake Grainger?! From science class?!"
"YESSS!!!!!" Savannah screamed. We held hands and bounced in our seats for a few minutes, squealing. Jake Grainger was the cutest boy in the whole entire school. He was football captain, a straight A student, and he was taking SAVANNAH to the dance! This was the best news ever! Okay, I take that back. One Direction was the best news ever. I almost had a heart attack.
"I am SO happy for you!"
Toby waved his hand in between us. "Yeah...I am still here, guys. What about you, Anna? Have you gotten a date yet?" I shook my head. "Oh...I see, well you know, I don't have---"
"Sorry, Tobs, we got to get going. See you around!" We got up and waved to him.
"Yeah...sure. okay.."
The problem with Toby was, when I left Joes', he had a lion attacking his face.
*Morning of the concert!-10:45*
I woke, up checked the calendar, and screamed, "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Today I get to meet the boys of my dreams! I'm going to DIE! I can''t believe it.
Mom ran into my bedroom in her bathrobe, slippers, her hair wrapped, and with an avacado facial mask. "What's wrong?! Where is he?! I'll MAKE HIM CRY!" She held up her sponge on a stick.
"First of all," I said, with a scarred mind. "IT"S THE DAY OF THE CONCERT!!! Second of all, what are you wearing on your face...?" I looked at her with wide eyes.
She dropped her arms. "Really? Uh...and oh! This is a recipe I found in one of grandma's homemade remedies book. It's supposed to make my face feel smooth and stuff. Wanna try it?!?!"
"Oh, no, no, no, no. Haha....I'm good Mom. Thanks...." Mom shrugged and walked off. I jumped up from my bed and hopped in the shower to get ready for today. I had picked out jean shorts with my Up All Night T-shirt that Savannah bought me. I was going to wear my hair up because we were going to be outside all day to wait for the boys, and it was supposed to be really, really hot.
My phone buzzed.
Hey girl! Be there at 12 to pick you up for the CONCERT! 0: <3 Ahhh!
~*Directioner4Life*~
Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Today. I can't believe this. It's today. It's today. It's today. The concert. Oh my gosh. I am going to die. Oh, gosh.
Okay! Oh, God. I'm going to die today. This is so crazy. See you at 12! <3 <3
*Day of Concert- 12:00 p.m.*
Savannah's mom honked her horn to tell me that she was here and ready to go.
"Bye, Mom! I love you! If I come back dead, make sure the boys are at my funeral please!" I said sarcastically while I was heading out the door.
"Hahaha! Sure thing, honey. Be careful!"
I ran outside and into the car almost all at once. I was super excited. I could barely hold it in. "AGHHH!!" I screamed into Savannah's ear.
"AGGGHHHH!!!!!" Savannah screamed back. "Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God. I can't believe this is happening, we are actually going to meet the boys of our dreams! This is so surreal."
"Alright, alright, alright, alright." Savannah's mom waved her hand from the front seat. "Save the screaming for the concert, please. Not the car. Thank you.." Savannah and I laughed. "Haha, sorry."
*Day of Concert- 2:00 p.m.*
We arrived at the concert venue pretty early. We had about five hours to wait for them, and there were already over like 400 girls here. "I can't believe we're actually here!" Savannah squealed.
Suddenly, girls behind us started screaming, and then it moved up the line. Everyone was crying and screaming. I looked at Savannah. "What's going on?!" She pointed to the street where a huge black bus was rolling in.
THEIR TOUR BUS!
I started screaming as well. "We love you!!! Will you marry me?! Harry!!! Liam, take me with you! We love you sooooo much!" All of these phrases were being shouted as the bus pulled into the back. It was insane. Savannah and I hugged each other as we cried. When the screaming died down, I pulled out my cell phone.
New Status Update: THE ONE DIRECTION BUS JUST ROLLED IN!
So much screaming, but I love it! This is
going to be an amazing night! <3 <3
With- Savannah Payne.
"Savannah, I love you so much for bringing me to this concert!" I pulled my best friend into a huge hug. "I could never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER repay you for this." I cried.
She patted my back. "Yeah, I know." I shoved her playfully.
A lady walked by us with a cart filled with T-Shirts and bracelets and posters and stuff. "Shirts for ten dollars! Bracelets for 5! When it comes to a deal like this, you'll never feel so alive!"
That was the cheesiest thing ever....but, whatever. I pulled out my wallet and bought both Savannah and me and red bracelet that says 1D on it. When I gave it to her, she screamed. I have a feeling she will lose her voice...
Suddenly, everyone had a rainbow or birds over their heads. Everything was spinning and it was red. It's okay, I'm only...you know. I'm only thinking about the concert. I'm just very overwhelmed.
I hope...
*Day of the Concert-7:00 p.m.*
"You're insecure...don't know what for! You're turning heads when you walk through the do-o-o-or! don't need make-up. To cover up. Being the way that you are is eno-o-ough!"
When Harry started to sing, the crowd went wild. "Everyone else in the room can see it. Everyone else but yo-ou!"
When the chorus came up, it felt like the whole entire world stopped and it was just the moment. Everything was amazing and perfect. I was having the time of my life. It's like the whole world sang. "BABY YOU LIGHT UP MY WORLD LIKE NOBODY ELSE THE WAY THAT YOU FLIP YOUR HAIR GETS ME OOOOVERWHELMED! THE WAY YOU SMILE AT THE GROUND IT AIN'T HARD TO TELL, YOU DON'T KNOW-O-OW. YOU DON'T KNOW YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL!"
"I...I....I I want to save you!"
"Shot me out of the sky! You're my kryptonite!"
The concert was amazing. Except for the fact that the whole time, my world was still spinning and everything was orange, pink, blue, yellow, and red.
*After the Concert-10:30 p.m.*
Savannah and I were in line to see the boys when my dizziness finally went away. We both had red and poofy eyes from crying all night and our voice was scratchy from screaming. "Oh, my gosh. That was the best experience of my entire life!" I said to Savannah.
"I know right? Ugh. I cried. SO. HARD. I will never forget this night! And I'm so glad I got to share it with you." She hugged me.
Savannah's mother tapped us on the shoulders. "Umm, girls..." we looked up. "The night isn't over yet..." She pointed forward as I realized the boys were standing right there, right in front of me, and it was our turn to go meet them. We were both speechless as we walked towards them.
"Hello! Vas happenin?!" Was all I heard. I couldn't match a face right then, I was too much in shock.
"Oh, my gosh! I can't believe I'm actually looking at you guys right now!" Savannah almost screamed. "We love you sooo much! Can we have a picture?" Savannah and I were smiling so big.
"Of course you may have a picture! We love our fans." Harry looked at us. "We love you."
Oh, God. Oh, God. Did he really just say that? Oh, God. My life is perfect right now. Everything is perfect. I can die right now and everything would be okay. I would have lived a great life.
"Can..you...can you maybe..." I said to Louis. "Sign my shirt, please?"
"Sure thing, love." He touched me. He touched me. HE TOUCHED ME!!!!
We started walking away because the next people were coming. "Bye guys!" They waved.
Savannah, her mom, and I made it outside before we started crying and screaming. "Can you believe this?!" We cried and cried and cried for a few minutes and then screamed some more.
"Louis touched me!" I screamed, wanting to pass out at the words.
"Harry hugged m---Anna, are you okay?!" She touched my shoulders. I felt my eyes start shaking inside of their sockets. "Anna?!" Was the last thing I heard her say before I fell into her arms and into the darkness.
...................................................................................
"She's waking up." I heard an unfamiliar voice say. "Try to take it slow with her. She might not know where she is." I opened my eyes to see a woman with black curls and a white coat on. "Hi, Anna. How are you feeling?"
I looked around some more. Mom was standing next to the bed I was in. It had bars on it and a beeper thing and..."I'm in the hospital?" I asked the woman.
"Yes, honey, you are. You...passed out after the concert on Saturday.You're going to be okay, though. We just need to take you up for a CT in a few minutes and then we will..." She looked over to Mom. "See what's going on. Okay?"
I nodded, looking around still. When the doctor left the room, Mom walked over to me and stroked through my hair. "Hi, sweetheart..."
"Where's Savannah? Is she okay? What happened?" Mom pushed her hair behind her ear.
"Savannah is okay, honey. I told her to go on home this morning. It's Sunday. Everything will be okay. You just passed out." Mom laughed. "You probably just got too excited, huh?"
I laughed too. "Probably. Louis touched me Mom!"
"I've heard..I've heard." She smiled and smoothed my hair again. "I'm going to call Savannah and tell her she can come back now if she wants." Mom got up and 'fixed' her face then went out in the hallway with her phone. A few minutes later, the doctor walked in with a grin on her face.
"Anna, I'm ready to take you up for a CT scan. Are you ready?" I nodded my head. The doctor (who I now know has the name Dr. Sanchez) put me in a wheelchair and wheeled me to a room with a table thing. Then, she layed me down on the bed part and went into another room. "This will only take a second, Anna. Just stay still." I heard from an intercom.
I stayed still and closed my eyes. "Can we faaaall...one more tiiime..." I sang to myself. "Stop the taaaape, and rewiiiind. Oh, and if you walk away, I know I'll fade, cause there is noooobody else. It's gotta be yooooooooooou. Only yooooooooooooooou. It's gotta be yooooooooou. Only yooou. So get out, get out, get out of my head. And fall into my arms instead. I don't, I don't, don't know what it is but you don't know you're beautiful-ul-ul! That's what makes you beautiful!" When I opened my eyes, all the boys from One Direction were standing in the room with me. They were singing with me. We are harmonizing. It's all acapella. No instruments, just our voices together as one. One voice. One word. Beautiful. And now,
they're gone...
Dr. Sanchez came back in and put me back in the wheelchair. "Dr. Sanchez," I said.
"Yes, honey?" She turned out of the room.
"I think there is something wrong with me."
I was being serious, but she laughed. "Why do you say that?"
"Because I was singing with One Direction in that room."
A few hours later, Savannah burst into the room. "Annabanana!" She jumped onto the bed beside me.
"Savannahlalala!" We hugged eachother. "I'm so sorry for Saturday! I'm so, so, so, so, so sorry! I didn't mean to--"
She hugged me once again. "Shhh...it's okay. It's okay. We had fun that night, didn't we? Even though you scared the living crap out of me! I thought you were dead!" She tickled me.
"I'm sorry! I had no idea what happened!" I laughed.
"I do! You passed out....because LOUIS TOUCHED YOU!"
"Haha! Yes, that's exactly what happened." We rubbed up against eachother as we giggled.
Mom turned on the television to Lifetime so Savannah and I could watch our favorite show, Dance Moms. We have a bittersweet relationship with that show. We love it sometimes, but at the same time we also hate it.The moms are so controlling and ugh! but at the same time we love the little girls. They're so cute and innocent and just SO loveable! Our favorite girl is Maddie! She is the best.
We were in the middle of the episode where Abby throws the chair on the ground when Dr. Sanchez walked back into the room with a manilla envelope and a very serious face. We all looked at eachother. My heart raced a million beats per second.
"Miss Anna..."
I never expected it to happen to me. Not yet anyways. People get it when their old and smelly and can't take care of theirselves anymore. I'm sixteen. I wear perfume. I can take care of myself! Not once in my entire life had I expected those six words to come out of anyone's mouth.
"Cancer." she said.
The zodiac sign? No, I'm a Leo. This doctor doesn't know anything.
Is what I thought. At first, I thought that the doctor was trying to convince me that I was a cancer while my mother was hunched over in tears. Then, it hit me. The disease?! No way is this happening.
"Wh...what are you talking about?" Savannah then spoke out. "She doesn't have cancer. That's impossible. She's beautiful, and smart, and joyful, and amazing, and just..." she looked at me with tears in her eyes. "She...she can't have....cancer...?" Savannah shook her head.
"There is a brain tumor we found in the CT scan. It's in...a difficult place in the brain, so we're trying to decide whether or not to try and operate. It could be VERY risky. I'm so sorry."
Everyone in the room besides the doctor and me were crying.
"I'll give you all some time to let this sink in..." With that, she walked out of the room.
Savannah leaned on me in hysterics. I thought for a while. Cancer in the brain? Brain cancer? People die from brain cancer! I'm sixteen. I can't die. I'm...I'm way too young.
Once I realized what was going on, I leaned on to Savannah and just cried. Mom came over and group hugged us. She cried too. We sat there in that hospital room, on that hospital bed, hugging eachother, and having a pity party.
"Cancer" she said. Well screw cancer, because I had already decided that
I was going to beat it.
The same night, Savannah slept over with me in the hospital room. She layed with me in the bed, hugging me really tight, as if I were going to slip away from her some how. Her head was nudged into my shoulder and we were just silent for what seemed like forever. I then heard sniffling from her.
"Anna...I love you so much." She then said.
I looked down at her. "I love you so much too, Savannah. More than life."
Savannah leaned into me and just started crying again. This was literally the hardest I've ever seen her cry in my entire life. When she calmed down enough to speak. "How is this possible? You're perfect. You've never done anything to deserve this." She whined. "Anna, you're my best friend....you're my best friend."
Slipping my arms out of her grip, I wrapped them around her body like she did to mine. "You're my best friend too, Savannah. I'm so sorry."
Savannah sat up and wiped her eyes. "It's not your fault, Anna. There was nothing you could do to prevent it. I mean, at least it's low, right? Stage 4? It could be like Stage 10 or something. Hahaha!"
That made my heart break into a billion pieces.
I took hold of her hand and looked into Savannah's eyes. "Savannah, honey...Stage 4 is the highest it goes...."
Savannah looked at me with disbelief. She started shaking her head and I saw the tears come into her eyes. "Wh..wh....but, YOU have Stage...4?" Her voice croaked. "The highest level is...is the deadliest?!"
I can't do this to Savannah. This is breaking her. I can't.
As Savannah leaned into my lap, I patted her back. "I know, I know. Shh...everything is going to be okay. I promise." I heard Savannah gasp for air from my lap. "I promise, okay? Hey, hey, hey look at me" I tried to lift her up. "Look at me, Savannah." She finally gave in and sat up to look at me. "Everything is going to be alright. I promise." I put out my hand for the handshake.
Savannah smiled and nodded. "Okay." she put her hand out also and we did our handshake.
"I can't beat this without you, so I'm going to need your help. Will you help me?" I smiled.
She pulled me into a hug. "Of course I will. That's what we do. We stand by eachother, no matter what the circumstances. You fall, I fall, and I will fly with you when you need to take off. That's what the meaning of 'best friends' means." Knowing that Savannah would be here for me, I cried. It really is a great feeling to know you have a best friend that will always be there for you.
Friendship is the most beautiful thing ever. It contains everything you need. Trust, hardships, protection, lessons, life, good times, and last, but most importantly, love. And right there, sitting in that hospital bed with Savannah, I felt all of the above. <3
...................................................................................
"We've schelduled a surgery to ATTEMPT to remove your tumor. If it fails, we'll try chemotherapy or something else, but listen to me and trust me when I say, we are NOT giving up on this cancer." Dr. Sanchez told me a few mornings later.
My mom looked at her strangely. "Attempt?"
"Yes, like I've mentioned before, this tumor is aggressive and, in a difficult place to get to." She stared at me with sympathy. "There is a huge risk that Anna could....not survive or lose memory. There's a one in a million chance that we could get the tumor out with no complications. And since Anna's cancer has progressed so far, there is a highly unlikely chance that she will be that one in a million."
Mom brushed back my hair and kissed my cheek and then nodded. I could tell she was very frightened. Mom loves me so much, and I know that, I love my mom too. I just hate to see her so upset. I've never seen her so scared in...ever. My mother is always just so strong. To see her break now is the worst feeling in the world. I hugged her to let her now that she should be strong for me. Mom smiled at me.
"So, we're going to wheel you down to the O.R. now. There's nothing to be afraid, okay Anna? We have an amazing team of doctors behind us who are going to take care of you." Dr. Sanchez assured me. "There's nothing to worry about."
Then, a team of nurses came in and raised the bars on my bed. Mom was pushed away because of all of the people in there. As I was being wheeled down the hallway, Mom's hand grasped mine. "I love you so much, sweetheart." She whispered before the speed of the bed finally pulled her warm hand away from me.
"Hello, Anna. Are you ready to go?" the beautiful man asked me.
"As ready as I'll ever be." I told him. He took hold of my hand and walked me out the door. There was a white stretch limo waiting outside of my house. "Ah! It's beautiful!" I exclaimed.
That night, I was wearing a long, pink mermaid dress with crystal beading on the side and in the ridges. I also had a matching purse in the shape of a flower. He was wearing a black tuxedo. When we got into the car, I removed my high heels and put on my pink converse instead. He laughed at my silly act. There's nothing wrong with being comfortable! I would never dance all night in five inch heels. Ever.
"I just want you to know that you are exceptionally gorgeous on this fine night." He took hold of my wrist and put a corsage on my wrist. Then, he gently kissed it. "You are so so so so so beautiful. On the inside, and the out." He winked at me.
Laughing, I then stated "How can you possibly love somebody with such a horrible disease like I have?"
The man looked at me strangely. "What are you talking about? You don't have a disease. You're perfect."
Not again....do I really have to go through this conversation AGAIN? I already had to talk to Savannah about this. Then, my neck itched and I moved the hair out of the way. Wait a minute..hair? The doctors shaved my head for surgery. Wha...?
"Oh, yeah." I laughed "Haha, riiight. I was you know, just insecurities. It was a..a joke hahaha yeah, that's it. A joke!" He smiled at my silliness.
We arrived at the school dance and as I stepped out of the limo, everyone stopped to look at me and the (random) man I was with. They all started clapping and looked at us in adorance. Girls had their hand over their hearts and were sighing.
"They're perfect together." someone whispered.
"Nice job, bro!"
"Ah...they make my heart melt..."
"Look at those beautiful people together!"
"That is the best couple on the face of this earth!"
"Wahoo!"
"Yay!"
"You guys are awesome!"
Someone handed me some flowers and said "For being the most beautiful woman alive. Here's a token of my appreciation." She smiled a huge grin at me. I did the same to her. We finally made it inside the school doors where there was even more people. The DJ came on to the loud speaker.
"Hey, hey, hey, HEY everyBODYYY! How we doin toNIGHT?!" Everyone screamed and clapped. "Alright, alright! Awesome! Now, I have a special song that goes out to the greatest couple alive! We're going to slow it down for them." Then the DJ put on Miley Cyrus' 'Stay.'
The boy wrapped me in his arms as the spotlight fell on the two of us slow dancing. "You are the most beautiful person alive."
I grinned. "Awh, thank you so much."
"No, literally. You were given the title." He pulled out a crown and placed it on my head.
Okay....this definitely is not reality.
"Now, I have to tell you something, Anna." He got down on his knee. "I love you with all of my heart, and want to spend the rest of my life with you so, will..."
BEEP...
BEEP...
BEEP...
"Beep....beep....beep..." the heart monitor woke me up. My eyes fluttered open and at first, my vision was blurry but it eventually cleared up and Savannah was laying with me in the bed, while no one else was in the room.
Savannah moaned and rubbed her nose. Weakily, she opened her eyes and noticed me right away. Savannah quickly sat up. "Hey...good morning sunshine! How are you feeling?"
"Mmmm...."
She started freaking out. "Can you not talk?! Should I go get the nurse? Are you in pain?"
I nodded.
"Why? What's wrong?"
I moaned. "You....you're sitting on...on my IV..." Savannah jumped up in laughter.
"Ooops. Sorry." Savannah got up and walked to the end of the bed. She bent down and rumbled in her bag. Once she found whatever she was looking for, she returned to her spot on the bed. "You have SO many people writing on your wall! It's seriously ridiculous. Toby decided he wanted to write every single hour so...there is a lot from him." She scrolled down my wall on her phone, showing me all of the posts. I wanted to cry. All of my friends, even the people that I didn't know, they were all saying the most sweetest things ever.
Toby Williams: I love you so much, Sis! I hope you get better soon! If you need anything, just call me.
Savannah Payne: HEY GIRL! YOU'RE IN SURGERY RIGHT NOW! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH HONEY BOO! YOU ARE GOING TO BE JUST FINE AND I BELIEVE IN YOU! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I AM GOING TO BE RIGHT HERE WAITING FOR YOU WHEN YOU WAKE UP! I LOVE YOUUUUUU MY LITTLE ANNABANANA!
Lexiiiii<3: Hey girl! Heard about everything. I am SO sorry! Get better soon lovely! :)
1DFanForeveerr: I saw everything that happened on Saturday! I am so sorry! I love you, girl! Call me if you need anything. Get better soon!
Toby Williams: U
Toby Williams: O
Toby Williams: Y
Toby Williams: E
Toby Williams: V
Toby Williams: O
Toby Williams: L
Toby Williams: I
Toby Willliams: Hey!
Toby Williams: Hey!
Toby Williams: You sure better get well soon.
Toby Williams: Hey!!!!!
"Oh my gosh....." I said, speechless.
Savannah kept scrolling. "It goes on and on and on." She looked at me and smiled. "You are so very loved, Annabanana. By everyone. Especially me." Savannah hugged me.
All of a sudden, my whole head got super cold. Shaking, I slowly raised my hand up to my head. It was completely bald and cold. I put my hand down, trying not to cry. Savannah obviously noticed.
"Anna, it's okay." I shook my head. "Yes it is. This is...look at me." I was bawling, but I looked to her. "This...is fixable. You, are not. If it makes you feel any better, I'll buy you a wig--I'll buy you millions of wigs!!" She and I laughed. "It's the only way I can keep my best friend happy." I smiled at her and she pulled me into another hug. "I love you sooooo much, Anna." she whispered.
"I love you too, Savannah. You are the best person I've ever known."
Dear Savannah,
Right now I'm sitting in this hospital room, thinking about you. My best friend. No, I've decided, you're more than that. You are more than any word could ever describe. More than any sentence. More than any paragraph. More than any book could ever describe. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. <3 Ever. In the history of the entire world. Savannahlalala, I love you more than life and oxygen. You are always there for me, through thick and thin. You are my support frame and if I could pay you back in anyway possible, I would in a heartbeat.
Recently, we have had an obstacle put in the way of our smooth road. Once we get over it, the road is bumpy. Very bumpy. But, believe it or not, the road get smooth again. I promise. Together, we can conquer this awful disease. Because together, anything is possible. I hope one day we can go catch a wave again. Even if it is right before a hurricane.
I do promise you this, though.
I WILL be there for the next One Direction Concert.
Because I promise.
I love you SO MUCH! -Annabanana(: <3
I folded up the note and placed it in an envelope. I wrote Savannah's name on it and hid it under the books I had on a nightstand next to me. I leaned back into my pillow and breathed. "Harry, go away." I said to the hallucination.
"I can't go away, love. You aren't alright yet." I opened my eyes and there he was, standing in the corner of the room. I stared at him as he smiled the beautiful, trademark Harry Styles smile.
Then, I realized something and sat up. "What do you mean I'm not alright yet? The doctors performed surgery and got the tumor out." Harry looked at me and then down at the ground.
"Right?"
I looked at the many faces in the room, including Harry's. (who no one saw except for me) "What do you mean...only a month to live? I thought...I thought you said that the tumor was gone?"
Dr. Sanchez looked at me and the others strangely. ".......we never said that, Anna.......?"
Shocked, I once again looked at Harry who was leaning against the wall in the corner of the room with his fists jammed into his pockets. Not saying one word, he kept his gaze on the ground. "You didn't...?" I croaked.
The doctors shook their heads. "Now, we're going to try chemotherapy, but with the cancer gone this far..." Dr. Sanchez finally spoke out.
"No!" Savannah leaped up "Don't say it!"
"Miss.." a male nurse tried to calm her down.
"DON'T SAY IT!" She screamed as tears flowed from her eyes. Savannah looked at me, came racing back over to the bed, and climbed onto me, hooking me into a hug. "You're my best frieeeend! I...I love you...sso muuch!" She bawled.
I patted Savannah's back as the doctor's left the room. "Shhhh...." I said. "It's all going to be alright. Shhhhh. Hush now, it's okay," I lifted Savannah's chin up "Savannah, honey, stop. You're going to make yourself sick. Everything is going to be okay."
She looked up to me with her sad eyes. "I d-don't want you to d-dieeee." I nodded my head and patted her back some more.
Me either, Savannah.
Me either.
It had been 2 weeks of chemotherapy, and unfortunately, nothing changed. So, my mother thought it would be best to take me home and let me live outside of the hospital for the next month (actually less than.) Savannah packed her bags and basically moved into my bedroom. She refused to leave my side unless she was going to take a shower. Even then, she only took like two minutes.
"Good moooooorning, beautiful!" My curtains were thrown open as Savannah and my mom waltzed into my room, carrying a tray of food. As Mom laid it in front of me, I noticed there was a bowl of oatmeal , an orange, and a glass of milk. With a smile, I sat up from my bed.
"Aw! Guys, thank you so much!"
Savannah crossed her legs and sat next to me. "Eat up! Today is going to be a good day!!"
I looked at them mysteriously. "What do you mean? What are we going to do?"
My mom grinned. "Well, we have one more month with you, and we are going to make it the best month of your entire life. Every day, we're going to wake you up and go someplace, or do something that you want to do. Because..." Mom choked back tears. "If you...if you go I just..." She sniffed. "I just want you to be happy..."
"Mom..." she shook her head, trying to tell me she as okay, but I pulled her into a hug. Savannah looked at me and just smiled.
After crying on me for a few minutes, Mom stood up, still sniffling. "Well, you girls get ready. I'll be downstairs whenever you are ready." She then walked out of my room, closing the door behind her. Savannah helped me pick out an outfit and get changed into it. While she was changing, I walked into my bathroom and saw my biggest fear.
I was bald and ugly. Pale. You could tell I was sick. This whole time, I was thinking that I'd look just fine. Obviously, I was very wrong. I ran my hand over my face just as Savannah walked in.
At first, I expected Savannah to ask "Are you okay?" or "What's wrong?" but, instead she just came over to me and embraced me in a huge hug. This time, I didn't cry. we just sat there hugging eachother. In silence, we were just standing there with eachother for what seemed like hours, but it only turned out to be a few minutes.
"It's okay." She whispered.
I looked at my best friend and then I realized, "I know."
....................................................................
Sitting in the car, Savannah jumped. "Agh my gosh!! I almost forgot!" She leaned back and rummaged in the backseat. Savannah pulled out a box and handed it to me. "This is for you, but it's not from me."
I opened the box and there sat a bright pink bandana with flowers and hearts on it. Mom pulled to a stop in the parking lot and Savannah motioned for me to get out of the car so she could put it on for me. "Wh...a...Savannah! It's beautiful. I love it so much!" I hugged her.
"Thanks," Savannah said as she pulled from our embrace. "but that isn't from me."
Confused, I asked "Then who is it from? Haha."
She pointed behind me. "It's from him."
When I turned around, I saw Toby standing behind me in a blue shirt with dark jeans. "Hey stranger." for the first time in my life, I noticed Toby's beautiful green eyes. They were like gems shining under a light. They were the most gorgeous thing I had ever seen, and I realized how much they made me blush.
"H-h-hey, Toby." He laughed at me, and so did Savannah.
The four of us headed to the amusement park (which I figured out that's where we were after I took my eyes off of Toby) and Mom showed the people her Season Passes. As soon as we got in there, Savannah and Toby wanted to go ride the huge rides.
"Anna, honey," My mom started. "I'm sorry but I don't think it's a good idea for you to go ride the big rides." Instead of telling her she was ruining my life, I told her it was okay.
So, I sat there and watched my two best friends ride almost all of the huge rides without me. Savannah felt super bad, but I enjoyed watching them. Especially on the bungee jumping ride. They had a blast. When my mom and them were riding the Superman, I noticed Harry was sitting next to me on the bench.
"How're you holding up, love?" He asked me with that beautiful smile.
I smiled at him. "Why are you following me everywhere? Are you trying to break me more than I already am?" Harry placed his arm on the table and leaned back in a comfortable position.
"Oh, I would never do that. You're too beautiful for that." He winked.
Then, I just laughed. "This is insane. You're not actually here. You should be in England with the rest of the boys."
"Well, actually, love, the real Harry Styles is enjoying a nice, iced cold beer right now." I couldn't tell if this hallucination was being sarcastic or not. Did the real Harry Styles even drink? Wasn't he like too young?"
I looked at him in disbelief. "Really..?"
Harry laughed and raised his hands in the air. "Hahaha! I have no clue. I'm just a hallucination." He made me giggle. I shook my head at him and continued to watch my friends as they decended the ramp from Superman. They all had the biggest smiles on their faces. Even Savannah, who was going through so much pain right now. The world stopped, and I looked around at everyone in the amusement park as they stood, frozen.
How can everyone be so happy when there are a million bad things going on in this world? Children are dying in the Eastern Hemisphere, but people in the Western Hemisphere still go through the beautiful joy of bringing in a child. Life has it's moments. Beautiful, and ugly. But the good ones should be the ones you treasure. I realize that you can't dwell on the bad things in life. You have to live life like it's all you have. You have to embrace it. If you don't, you're going to regret your past when it's time for you to go. I'm not going to let this cancer control my life. I still have faith in this disease. I feel like I can still beat it, and I'm never going to give up. Because, it's for these people and these moments that I live for. For Savannah. For Toby. For my mom. For the beautiful moments. For the bad. For everything in this world. For everything
in life.
That week went by faster than anything in the world. We went to the amusement park, then to the movies and dinner, after that we went to a water park, the aquarium, the beach, and today we are at home hanging out and resting. It had been one of the best weeks I had ever had. Toby and Savannah spent the night the whole week and nothing had changed tonight. Right now, all of us were chilling on the couch watching a movie and huddled in blankets. Toby always cracks up in this movie! He's like, dying!
"So..." I sighed when the film was finally finished "What are we doing tomorrow?"
Toby and Savannah looked at eachother. "Well..."
"You want to tell her?"
"No, hee...you can though."
I leaned in so that they could both see my face. "Guys, what's this about?" Both Toby and Savannh shifted and sighed, looking at me. "Seriously, you guys, what is it?"
Savannah started, but continued to look at the floor. "Well, we just, ya know, we all assumed that since you only have a little while to live, you...might want to see your dad again." Toby nodded.
"WHAT?!" I jumped up.
"Anna, before you say no--"
"No, Toby! NO! He left this family after he SWORE he loved us! I refuse to see him. I'm not going."
Savannah got up too, and faced me. "Anna, you don't want to leave this earth without saying goodbye to your dad. Don't you realize how heartbroken he would be?" She warned.
I was so angry with this decision. "DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW HEARTBROKEN WE WERE WHEN HE LEFT?" after a few moments of silence from them, I stormed out of the room and ran upstairs in tears. Then I just plopped down on my bed.
A while later, I heard a knock on my door.
"Go away!" I yelled, still crying my eyes out.
The door opened and Savannah walked in. "Are you angry at me?"
Sitting up, I rolled my eyes and looked at her. "No, I'm not mad at you, Savannah." I wiped my eyes and she came to sit by me. "It's just...I can't see him. He broke my heart and my mom's heart. It took me ten years to get over him leaving. TEN years. He left when I was six."
She nodded and whispered. "I know...I know. But, just listen when I say this, okay? He loves you, Anna. He loves you. And when you're gone, he's going to be so brokenhearted that he didn't make things right. Do you really want him to suffer that?"
"You don't tell someone you love them and then just walk out of the door randomly one night and never come back, Savannah! That isn't love. Especially when you go off and marry another girl and have millions of babies with them! You just don't."
Savannah rubbed my hand. "Anna, please go see him. For me? Please?"
I sat on my bed, staring at my blanket. I don't think he deserves to see me. I don't think he deserves anything after what he did to me and Mom. He broke her into pieces and almost ruined my mother! "Okay." I decided. Savannah smiled. "For you! Not for him! But for you."
"Yay!!"
Great...
...............................................................................................
"Guys, I really don't think I can do this." I stated from the backseat of Toby's red convertible. My stomach was churning all of my lovely breakfast from this morning. Savannah looked back at me.
"Yes you can, Anna. Just think like it's old times." Savannah climbed out of the car.
Toby laughed, also getting out of his car. "Haha! Savannah, old times was like eleven years ago. You have to remember, she hasn't seen her dad in like more than a decade."
In the midst of helping me out of the car, Savannah looked at Toby offensively. "Umm, who's the best friend here? Yeah, um me. So shut up." We all laughed. I realized that this could be it. What if this was the last laugh? The last conversation? The last time I look at my best friends? I could fall down on the ground right now and never get back up. I thought that it was better not to think about things like that. I should be feeling positive, not negative. So, I pushed the thoughts away and laughed.
"You ready?" Toby asked, prepared to ring the doorbell.
I sighed. "Urgh...I guess so..." Savannah wrapped her arms around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder. "Maahhh..." I moaned right before the door opened.
"Beepbeepbeepbeepbeep" The alarm system called as a skinny blonde girl opened the door.
"Ahhh! You. must. beeee....Anna!" The woman said, taking hold of my hands. "Oh, I've heard so much about you and I can't believe I'm actually getting the chance to FINALLY meet you." Looking at the way she dressed, I could already tell she was a very materialistic woman. "Well, come in, come in, come in!" She put out her hand for me to shake. "My name is Bethanny."
I smiled at her, and I noticed her staring at my bandana. She looked disgusting. "Hi, Bethanny. These are my best friends, Savannah and Toby." She shook hands with them, making eye contact, and then right away went back to staring at me.
"Well! Hahaha, your daddy is in the den downstairs, so you should go and surprise him. I'll go get the kids from next door." She scooted next to us and out the door. Then the three of us walked around the house trying to find a staircase. We kept telling eachother how much we thought it looked like a mansion. Finally, we found the staircase which happened to be in a hidden door inside the kitchen.
"It's about time!" Savannah whispered. About halfway down the stairs, I started to get winded and stopped to lean on the rail. Toby caught up to me and held on to my elbow.
"You okay?" I smiled at him and nodded. Toby helped me down the rest of the way, and it honestly made me feel a lot better. His generous act made me blush too. We finally got down to the 'den' and the first thing I noticed was how much it looked like a mountain cabin in Colorado. "Dear gosh..." Toby then whispered.
I didn't know what to say to an empty looking room so I just called "Dad? Are you in here?" We waited a few seconds before I called for him again. "Daaaaad? Helloooo?" Then I heard footsteps and a man I didn't recognize came around the corner.
He dropped his jaw. "Annabelle? Is...is that you?" He looked like he might cry.
I grinned. He was the same father that I remembered. He just looked different. "It's me dad. It's really me." He hugged me and let his tears flow. Savannah put her hands on her hips and smiled. Toby stood right next to her doing the exact same thing. "It's really me."
That night, Bethanny cooked all ten of us dinner and we sat in this HUGE dining room they had on the street level. Throughout these ten years, my "step-mom" and Dad had five kids. The oldest was nine years old and her name was Rachel. She was the spitting image of her mother. Skinny, blonde, and beautiful. The second oldest was Paul, he was eight years old and you could tell he was going to be an athlete. In the middle is Dillian, who was five and cute as a button. I loved his little baby face. Then, there were the two baby girls who were one, Stephanie and Stacey. They both, again, looked exactly like Bethanny. Only the boys looked like they had a bit of my dad in him.
Rachel looked at me. "I can't believe I have an older sister! I've always wanted someone to look up to!" I laughed and smiled at her, fixing my bandana. When I first met the kids only a few hours ago, they all stared at my head like it was something on fire. Bethanny pulled them aside and told them what was going on.
"So," Dad started, "You and this boy over here. You're really hitting it off." Toby and I looked at eachother in disbelief.
"What?"
"No! Dad,"
"Mr., we are.."
"We're just friends."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
Another look at eachother. "Yeah." We said in unison.
The whole table looked at us strangely. "Okay...it was just a question." My dad raised his hands in the air to show his 'innocence.'
"But..." Dad cautioned "You do think she is beautiful, right? Becaude my daughter is the most beautiful thing to ever walk the planet earth." All of the company laughed at dad's silly remark.
"Daaaad!" I whined with giggles.
"Of course I do, sir. She is very, very," Toby looked to me. "very, beautiful."
I blushed at the thought that Toby might think I'm beautiful. It almost made my night. But, the most important thing was that
I had my dad back.
Savannah and I were up late that night after Toby went to bed. She helped me into bed, because I was feeling extremely weak after we came home. I layed down with a relief sigh. "Ahh..." I said, sprawling out. Savannah laughed at me and then layed down too.
"Now, all we've got left to do is graduation."
I nodded with a smile. Graduation is in a week and a half, which was really exciting and scary for me. Wait, a minute?! I sat up very quickly, scaring the crap out of Savannah.
"What's wrong?!" She screamed.
I looked at her with a wide mouth. "Savannah," I whispered, trying to be careful. "We have a week until Prom, and I don't think I'm going to get a date, or a dress."
Savannah realized that truth and leaned back. "Oh, NO!"
"What are we going to do?!"
"Go to sleep, NOW! I have an idea."
I layed back down. Savannah has an idea? Oh, that's great. That always means something good is going to happen...Oh, who knows? Ya know, maybe Harry will take me.(;
Savannah and Mom had been dragging me along all morning. They were so excited for something, I could tell by the look on their faces. We were running around the mall right now. "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon! This is going to be SO much fun!" Savannah exclaimed, jumping up and down in the middle of a ride down the elevator.
I slowed down to rest. "Guys, will you PLEASE just tell me where we are going? Or at least what we're doing?" Mom came over to me with a huge grin and then inlocked her elbow into mine.
"We are going in THERE!" Mom pointed. On the end of her finger sat a beautiful dress boutique with long dresses in the window and sparkly decorations. "You might not get to live for your wedding, but you are given the chance to go to prom. And, yes," She looked at me with a glare. "You ARE going to go to your prom." Mom winked at me.
With the biggest smile I've ever put on, I ran inside the shop and immediately froze. There were hundreds, thousands, MILLIONS of dress, after dress, after dress, after dress in there. "Oh...my...gosh!" I spun around. "This is amazing! Aggghhh!" I embraced my mother and Savannah in a huge hug. "Thank you guys! Thank you like a billion times!"
Because I was so weak, I only took two ballgown dresses to the dressing room. Which, in my opinion, isn't so bad because those suckers were very heavy! It was like carrying two televisions and the dresses were only made of cloth! Mom and Savannah found a few others and brought them over as well. They placed the dresses in front of me, and I thought it was a rainbow.
Dress #1!(:
"Agh! I love it!" Mom jumped up and ran to me.
Savannah smiled at me and slowly walked over to feel the flowers on the front. I looked at myself in the mirror. It was pretty, very very, very pretty on me, but I just didn't feel it. I didn't feel beautiful.
"How do you like it?"
I grinned. "It's a very pretty dress."
"Buuuuut?" Savannah asked. She knew me too well. I knew she could guess that I didn't love it. Ah..the joy of having a best friend. Mom looked at me.
"This isn't it." I said, walking back into the dressing rooms.
Dress #15 0:
Immediately after putting this dress on, I realized how awful my legs looked. They were pale and (needed to be shaved) skinny. Way too skinny. I walked out of the dressing room.
"Nope!" Savannah said after one glance. Mom fiddled with the bottom of the dress, trying to see if she could make the cloth cover it. I hated the way there was a tail in the back. It was horrible.
I shook my head. "Yeah...no. I hate this dress. With a passion!" Savannah and Mom laughed. They thought it was so funny. And I was being dead serious. Don't get me wrong, I thought that this one was a beautiful color and all, I just didn't like they shape and style of the dress. Doesn't go good with my personality.
"Alright, well, go back in there and find some more." Mom hit my butt and then sat back down.
Dress #57 -_-
By now I had already given up the hope to find a dress that I love. I might as well not even go to prom. I mean, seriously? 57 dresses? That's ridiculous. It could be the name of a movie or something. The sequel to 27 Dresses.
I came out of the dressing room in tears. Mom jumped up and came to comfort me.
"Awww! Anna, honey, it's okay! We'll find a dress for you." She rubbed my back as I held my face in my palms. Savannah also came over and hugged me.
"Hey, if we can't find you a dress, I'll sell mine on Ebay and go in jeans and a t-shirt with you." I laughed at Savannah's silly remark. She really knew how to make me feel better. "Deal?"
"Hahaha. Deal." I shook her hand and once again, ran back into the dressing room.
34 Dresses Later...
"This is hopeless!" I plopped down on the couch next to my mother. "I'm never going to find a dress and I'll look like a stupid hobo and my first and only school dance. Which just happens to be PROM!"
Mom just sat there silently for a while. "It'll be okay, Anna, honey."
Whatever...I looked around. "Where's Savannah?" Mom and I looked around for a few minutes. "Savannah? Where are you?" Just then, she came running around the corner with a huge smile, carrying the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
......................................................................................................
Later that night, I was the only one awake. Savannah had already fallen asleep literally two hours ago, but I couldn't. I was psyched for prom, but scared at the same time.
"You looked beautiful today, love." Harry greeted me.
He made me smile. "Aww, thanks, Harry." What was I thinking? Harry isn't real. He is just a hallucination. "I'm doing worse." I told to no one inparticular.
Harry stared at the ground and sighed. "Yeah." My heart stopped. What does he mean? "Your tumor is growing rapidly. It's...it's taking over your body and soon you're going to be basically a vegetable. I'm so sorry, Anna. I wish there was something I could do."
I laughed, but not in the humerous way. "Of course you do. YOU AREN'T REAL HARRY! YOU'RE JUST SOMETHING THAT IS RUINING MY LIFE!! YOU HAVE BEEN FOR THE PAST MONTH!"
He cringed, and I could tell that hurt him. "I'm sorry..." he whispered.
"NO. You're NOT! Don't even TRY THAT! You are RUINING my life! You know what, I HATE YOU! YEAH! I HATE YOU!" I pushed Harry as he continued to look at the ground. "I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!" push. "I HATE YOU!"
Harry pulled me into him as I continued to fight him.
"Get OFF ME! I HATE YOU!"
Then, I looked him in his eyes with hatred, but eventually fell into his gaze. Those eyes. They were so beautiful and just dreamy. He smiled at me, brushing off the fact that I said those things to him. What was I doing? He isn't even here. Harry Styles was not here in my bedroom embracing me. But, I could feel him. I felt his shirt against my hand and his warmth.
Harry kissed my neck and slowly made his way up to my cheek.
This isn't happening...
Then Harry stopped at my lips.
No way.
I was kissing Harry Styles.
*Night of Prom: 5:03 p.m.*
I was sitting in my room, looking at myself in the mirrors of my dressing table. Tonight was the night. Prom was actually here. I couldn't believe it. But then I looked at my hairless head. Maybe I will just wear a bandana.
"Hey, girlie!" Savannah greeted, walking in with a box. I could tell that my dress was in there already. It was one of those huge, white, rectangular, boxes that something like your wedding dress would come in. "Are you readddyyy?"
Sighing, I said "I guess. But you have to promise me that you won't spend all night on me." I held her hand. "You need to get ready too. And I don't want to be the reason you don't have a beautiful--"
Savannah pulled out a black dress bag. "Honey, I"m not dumb." I laughed. "Now, let's get your makeup done!"
I sat there for about fourty-five minutes while Savannah did my makeup. I realized that this had been the most I had ever worn, besides theatre of course! She wiped some stuff all over my face, patted some blush on, and then I lost track of her busy hands. When it came to eyeliner, my eyes always flinched and we laughed super hard at that. Then, Savannah got frustrated because my eyes were watering.
"There..." She finally said, turning my chair around. "You're finished, and beautiful." My eyes widened as I saw what was in front of me. I couldn't even recognize myself.
I gently ran my hands over my face. "Where's my mom? I want her to see me."
Savannah looked around. "She should be walking in right---" Then, my bedroom door swooped open and Mom carried in yet another box, but this time it was mediumly sized. Savannah looked from her to me with a huge grin. "NOW! Eeeeep! Yay!" She took the box from my mother's hands and placed it in front of me.
I smiled back at her. "What is it?"
"Well, Anna, I kind of promised you something a while back. And, as your best friend, you should know that I will always keep my promises to you. So....." She ripped off a black cover to unveil a manican with a wig on it.
I was completely speechless. "....oh my gosh....Savannah? How did you....?" Stroking the gentle and beautiful hair of it, I looked over to Savannah.
"Well, you know how I was saving up for a car?" She questioned with a smile.
Then I looked at her. "Savannah!" I ran to her and wrapped her in a hug. This time, I almost did break down in tears, but I knew she would kill me if the makeup ran. "I can't believe you would do this for me!"
She pulled away and looked at me. "That's what best friends do! And besides," Her voice started to crack. "How many proms do you get in this lifetime?" She played with my shirt.
Mom butted in. "Now, now, now! No crying on Prom night, ladies! Only the mommas get to cry!" We all three laughed, and then suddenly, Savannah's mom walked into my room with a huge tote of things.
"Let's get this show on the road!"
Then, Mom handled all of my medicine to make sure nothing happened tonight while Savannah's mom did Savannah's make-up and her hair. I still just could not believe this was all happening. The cancer, dying, prom, everything.
Savannah walked into the bathroom. "Anna, ready to put on our dresses?"
*Night of Prom: 6:35 p.m.*
I took hold of Savannah's hand, ready to walk downstairs and show everyone our beautiful selves. We smiled at eachother, and in my mind, I flashed back to the fourth grade.
"Annabanana, let's promise eachother something." Savannah had brought up while we were playing Barbies. It was the last day of school, and we had spent the night with eachother, as usual.
I looked up to her with a smile. "Sure! Anything for you Savannahlalala."
She took the time to put down her dolls before she spoke to me. "Let's go to prom together. We don't even have to havedates or anything. We will go together. And even if we do have boyfriends then, we can double date or something. I just want to spend that night with my best friend."
"Yay! Of course, Savannah! Let's make it a deal!"
She stuck out her hand for our new handshake. "We're there for eachother,"
"We will protect eachother," I continued.
"And never let anything in between us." We had said in unison. Then, we began giggling and fell into a hug.
Savannah smiled at me, and I somehow knew that she was thinking the same thing. Then she slipped her hand out of mine and put it in front of me. I smiled and began the handshake.
"We're there for eachother,"
"We will protect eachother," Savannah giggled.
"And we will never let anything come between us." We repeated with a large grin.
Savannah winked. "Not even death." I looked at her sympathetically before I decided to pull her into a hug. All I heard was the ruffling of our long dresses. Then, I could hear her sniffling before she pulled away. "Let's go."
She was the first person down the stairs, and as she did, her mother immediately started to bawl. "Awwwwh! Mooom! Don't cry, please! You'll make me cry too!"
I peeked behind the railing from upstairs to see Savannah and her date meet eyes for the first time that night. She looked absoloutely stunning in her purple dress. Jake Grainger was in this house?! Oh my goodness. Anyways... Jake handed her a corsage, then turned around to take a picture with for her mom's camera.
"You look so beautiful tonight, Savannah." He told her.
Savannah looked to him with her beautiful down-to-earth smile. "Aww, why thank you Jake. You look very, very, handsome tonight." She hugged him. "Thank you for escorting me."
"Oh, you are so welcome, beautiful."
She turned towards the stairs. "Okay, now Anna! It's your turn! Come on down here!"
I took a very deep breath. Can I do this? Suddenly, Harry appeared next to me once again. He smiled his lovely smile at me. "Anna, you look so beautiful tonight. You don't even understand."
That's just what I needed for the moment. It boosted my confidence, and I decided to walk downstairs. When I turned the corner to the first step, everyone in the room gasped. Savannah smiled again.
Slowly holding on to the rail, I made my way downstairs. I felt beautiful and flawless for the first time in my entire life. This moment felt like it could be in the movies, and I could literally hear the heroic background music. Mom put her hands over her mouth as tears flooded her eyes. When I reached the bottom of the stairs, Jake and Savannah put out their hands so that they could help me down.
"You look magnificent, Anna." She told me as she hugged me for the unteenth time that night.
"Thank you, Savannah. So do you. I can't believe you did all of this for me. You are the best friend I could ever ask for, and I am SO glad to have you with me." I smiled at her. She let go of the hug.
Savannah walked towards the door. "Oh, I'm not finished yet. I still have ONE more surprise for you!" She knocked on the door from inside. "Is anybody out there?"
Then, the front door opened and there stood a young boy with brown hair, and (what I noticed from the very start)
his beautiful green eyes.
......................................................................
*Night of Prom: 7:00 p.m.*
We arrived at the school dance a few minutes after leaving my house. That was always a plus for me. The schoolyards were exactly a mile from my house. There were cars lined up in front of the school for miles, meaning we were stuck in the limo for a while. Which, wasn't a bad thing, actually. Our limo had a television and a soda bar.
Tonight had already been magical. When I saw Toby standing in my doorway, I thought that the night couldn't get any better, but I had a feeling it was going to be!
"So, I umm..." I sat down my soda and looked at him. "I want to thank you for being my escort to prom, this really means a lot to me."
Toby looked at me and smiled. "No problem! It's my pleasure." I looked down at the beautiful corsage on my wrist. It had a beautiful pink flower on it to match my dress, and some fake rhinestone here and there. I remembered the dream I had while in surgery. I thought it was amazing, but I realized this was much better.
Jake and Savannah never lost eachother's gaze. They were so beautiful together. Jake with his shaggy blonde lifeguard hair, and Savannah with her deep blue eyes. He was good to her, and she was the same to him. But, like Savannah with my dresses, I knew that he wouldn't be the one. Unfortunately, I won't be around when they are finished...At least I won't have to see my best friend completely heartbroken.
*Night of Prom: 7:30 p.m.*
Finally, the limo pulled up to the front of the school and our driver came around the back to help us out. Since I was the slowest and the weakest, the driver let me out last, with the help of Toby as well. He placed my hand on Toby's strong arm, and Toby put his hand on mine. I looked up to him and smiled. Jake had Savannah's hand the same way, but they were ahead of us waiting.
When we got inside the school, Katy Perry's "Part of Me" was playing at the chorus. Everybody was jumping around to the rythym and having a blast. I smiled big at the joy inside this gymnasium.
"This is awesome! I love it!" I tried to say above the music to Toby. He smiled and nodded, trying to respond, but I couldn't hear him over all the beautiful noise. Then, he gestured me over to the people taking pictures, and walked me over there.
Toby shook hands with the photographer. "Hey, man! What's up?"
The guy, who I now realized was in my third period science class, held his camera up and shouted above the music, "Uh...I'm on camera duty, bro. Only for the next hour, though."
"Oh, well, at least it's not for the whole night!" The guy nodded. "Hey, can you hook us up with some pictures?" Toby pulled out his wallet and then twenty dollars. He then patted the guy on his shoulder. "Thanks, man."
Toby walked me over to the backdrop and waited for me to pose. I wrapped my arms around his neck like we were dancing and then turned to the camera guy.
"Aaaand...cheese!" The light flashed and Savannah came racing over to us with Jake.
She wrapped her arms around my neck and her arms under Jake's shoulder. I did the same pose to Toby. "Group picture!" Savannah screamed, looking into the camera lens.
"Say....beautiful!"
I group repeated in unison. "BEAUTIFUL!!" Then I realized that my life was coming to a close. My expiration date was very soon. This moment. I just wish I could take it with me. I want to keep it with me when I leave this world.
Beautiful is what I said. Beautiful is what this life is.
...........................................................
"Heyyyy everyBODY! How we all doin' tonight?!" The DJ came on to the speaker system. The crowd responded with screams. "Alright, that's awesome!" He laughed.
Savannah, with a glass of punch in her hand, came over to my ear. "You're welcome."
"What?"
"Now everyone, I am going to slow things down for a moment. We have got a special request for one of our lovely couples out there." He made weird celebrity facial expressions to exaggerate.
I looked to Savannah, who was grinning like a maniac. "I said you're welcome."
Then, just like my dream from surgery, Miley Cyrus' "Stay" came on. It made me want to literally scream my head off. Oh, God. When people say dreams come true, they aren't kidding, are they?
"Would you like to dance?" Toby did the little 'prince charming' bow and grabbed my hand. I giggled like a little two year old and took hold of his hand. He pulled me close and put our hands together in the midair.
"Can I tell you something, Anna?" Toby asked me.
I looked up at him. "Of course."
He blushed and hesitated. Finally he spoke out, "I have been MADLY in love with you since the fourth grade."
".....really?" I asked.
Toby grinned. "Really."
My life was complete.
The music sang out. "And I love you more than I did before. And if today I don't see your face nothing's changed, no one can take your place. It get's harder everyday. Say you love me more than you did before." Toby spun me in a circle and then leaned me down. "And I'm sorry it's this way. But I'm coming home, I'll be coming home." When he lifted me back up, I put my arms around him again. "And if you ask me I will stay."
"I will stay..."
It was the day of graduation and there I was, looking through pictures of Savannah and me throughout the years, bawling my eyes out. I had been too weak to get out of bed since prom, so I was stuck in my bedroom. Today, I had a hard time doing anything except cry. Savannah walked in with a smile that quickly faded when she saw my tears.
"What's wrong?" She sat in front of me on my bed. "Are you okay?"
Laughing, I said, "I'm just...having a moment, you know?" I sniffled. Savannah picked up a picture of us in dress up clothes. We both were kissing a frog on either side of its face.
Savannah giggled. "Hahaha. I remember this. We were so determined to become princesses that we kissed every frog we saw."
"Yeah, until you got that huge wart on your face and then we had to stop." She playfully shoved me and we began laughing. I then picked up another photo of us in the sixth grade with our bikinis on at the beach. "Haha! And this?" I showed the photo to her and she immediately giggled. "When you came on vacation with me and we got lost at the stupid supermarket there."
She was overwhelmed with laughter, falling over the bed. "We were so dumb thinking that all of the hot lifeguards were actually checking us out!" I laughed with her, and when she stopped, I continued.
When I looked back up, Savannah was in tears.
"Savannah, are you alright?" She shook her head and leaned into my shoulder. Remember how I said I hadn't seen her cry so hard in my life earlier? Well, I take that back. This is the hardest.
"I'm so scared, Anna! I'm scared to live without you. You're my one and only best friend. How am I supposed to cope when you're gone? I will have Nooooobody. Everyday, I wake up in this room next to you, HORRIFIED that you won't be breathing, or scared to death that you won't wake up. I pray to God every night that there will be a miracle. Anna you're ALL I have in this world. I pushed EVERYone away to have that one best friend that you can go to with everything. Who am I going to scream to when Mom brings home boys? Who am I going to cry on when a boy breaks my heart? Oh, God. I WILL NEVER LISTEN TO ONE DIRECTION EVER AGAAAAIIN! Because it because of me that you passed out. I should've never taken you to the concert. It's all my fault. I hate myself for doing this to you, Anna. Most people will look back on highschool and will be able to call up their old friends, but me? I can't! MINE WILL BE DEEEEAAD!!!!!!!!! What if you die tonight? I can't do this, Anna, I can't. I can't do this. I love you too much to let you go. I love you so much. You are the best person I have ever known in my entire life. I can't...I can't do..." Savannah got up and ran to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet to throw up. Weakily, I walked in there and sat next to her, holding her hair. After throwing up some more, she looked at me with her read, puffy eyes. "I don't want you to die, Anna. I can't cope. This hurts too much." I nodded my head, playing with her hair. "I will cry for the rest of my life. Everyday, I will wake up and think of you because you are all I had in my life. Anna, I love you so much!!!!! You are...my best friend. No, you're more than that. You are my sister, that I love with everything I've got. Pleassssseee don't leave me!!!!"
I cried with Savannah as she leaned on me. This broke me. I couldn't bear to see Savannah like this. She is all I have, and I am all she has. I didn't want to leave her. I just couldn't. Then, I rubbed Savannah's shoulder. We sat there in tears.
After a few hours, Savannah pulled out her phone and searched something, then showing it to me. "This is my song to you, Annabanana. I hope it helps. I really want you to get a miracle."
The song was Martina McBride's "I'm Going to Love You Through It" and I cried right as it started, before it even said anything.
"When you're weak, I'll be strong. When you let go, I'll hold on. When you need to cry, I swear that I'll be there to dry your eyes. When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step. Just take my hand, together we can do it."
Savannah leaned into me and sang along, "I'm gonna love you through it....
As the principal called up my name and my many honors, a staff member wheeled me up with a wheelchair onto the stage. The entire auditorium was cheering for me, some of my classmates were actually in tears. Principal Walker walked to me and shook my hand with a smile. "Congratulations, Anna." She gave me a hug, and as I was being wheeled off the stage, I looked to Savannah and winked at her.
"We did it!!!" Savannah screamed once we were outside and caught up with eachother. She took hold of my hands and we jumped up and down, squealing our heads off. No matter how weak or tired I was, I never got tired of being with her. Even if screaming gave my head a little twirl. Toby came over to us and we had a group hug.
"Yes, yes we did." I said, pulling away with a smile.
Mom ran over to me and wrapped me in hug. "Annabelle, I am SO very proud of you! You couldn't even possibly understand my pride right now. Even if you couldn't walk across that stage...it doesn't matter! I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud!"
"Aww! Thank you, Mom. I'm proud of me too." And, it was true. I was proud of myself. I had been fighting this horrible crap for a month and a half now, and still going strong (hopefully.) Then, realizing that I had a week to live, it depressed me. After this morning's events, I was more scared than ever to leave. Savannah had an anxiety attack this morning, throwing up everywhere and worse, she was crying the whole time. Eventually, I got her to calm down, but I felt so incredibly bad. My heart...it just literally felt like it had broken inside of me. Savannah was going to die after I do. She just isn't going to be able to handle it. I looked to my best friend, who was smiling along like everything was okay. Oh, gosh. I hope she doesn't do anything stupid after I leave. What if she...
I shook the thought away. Earlier, she suggested it.
"Maybe, since we're such good friends, maybe...maybe we were meant to be together forever." She had said.
"What are you talking about, Savannah?"
Savannah had been looking at the ground. "Well, I just thought that if we really are best friends forever, we should try our best to make it happen. You know, we can die together..."
I had widened my eyes. "What?! Savannah, no! NO! NO!" I then took her hands in mine. "Promise me you won't. Please! Promise me you won't kill yourself when I die. Oh, God. Savannah, please, please, please. Please. NO!"
"Well, why not? I have nobody else in this world. When you're gone, I'll have absoloutely no purpose in this life, whatsoever. There would be no point to living. I'd just be kidding myself."
"Savannah, that's the easy way out, yes. I agree. But, that's giving up on yourself. EVERYBODY has a purpose in life. Everybody, okay? Don't ever try to take yourself out early. You mean SO much to me. SSSSSSSSSSSOOOOO much. Please, please, please don't kill yourself when I'm gone."
"I thought we were best friends forever?" Savannah had looked me in the eyes. "Shouldn't we be together...you know, forever?"
Then, I had pulled Savannah into yet another hug that day. "We can be best friends for life and death, okay? Just promise me. PROMISE ME. that you won't ever try to take away your life. I love you so much. You're going to be okay! You are going to find...a BEAUTIFUL husband one day. He will treat you wonderfully, and you'll have lots and lots of babies and grandchildren. After that, you'll die a very old woman who had the best life ever. And then one day, we'll be reunited in Heaven, having so many new adventures there."
Savannah had looked up to me with the saddest eyes ever. "Will you wait for me?"
I had barely heard her. "What?"
"If you go to Heaven before I do," Obviously Savannah still had hope that I was going to make it. "Will you wait for me?"
She made me giggle, and I had taken hold of her chin. "Yes, of course, Savannahlalala. I'll wait at the gates until you decide to come join me. Even if it takes a hundred years, I will wait for you. Aaaand..." I had smiled. "I will make SURE of it that we have tickets to the One Direction reunion concert up there." Savannah had rolled her eyes and laughed. "See? It won't be that bad. You only have to wait a couple of years."
Savannah had leaned into me for a hug. We had FINALLY laughed that day.
Do you even get to have a spirit up in Heaven? Like, a brain and stuff? Do I get to make my decisions? Will I really be able to make sure I wait for Savannah? I really get to meet Jesus, which I'm looking forward to. How can I not be sad in Heaven when I leave my best friend behind? I will be watching over her, and seeing her suffer. How can I have never ending happiness there? Am I even going to meet Jesus? I should be, I guess. My mom brought me to church every Sunday for my whole life. Jesus is my Savior, and I love him more than anything in my entire life. I had so many questions right now. So many questions, and so little time.
........................................................................................................................
Unfortunately, the night of graduation was the night I was supposed to be at the hospital, so I wasn't allowed to go party with everyone else. Mom drove me down there, checked me in, and made sure the room had movie channels. I forced Savannah to go have fun with Toby at the afterparty, since she was always stuck in this hospital room with me. She cried and cried, but obviously she lost the fight because she was at the party right now. Mom came over to me and cuddled me on the bed. After a few hours of just laying there, she got up and fell asleep in a chair.
"Congratulations, love. You should be proud of yourself." I opened my eyes to see Harry sitting on the end of my bed.
I smiled at him. "You again?"
"I'm your hallucination. You're just bored. Hahaha. Dream me away if you want to, but you are going to miss me."
Again, smiling, I looked at him. "Yeah, sure." Then, I rolled over and drifted into sleep. I dreamed of Savannah and me. Well, I couldn't really call it a dream, because it has happened before. It was a flashback. We were running alongside eachother at the beach, holding hands and laughing. There wasn't any dialouge. We just skipped together. The beautiful sun was shining as it went down behind the horizon and the water looked pink from the sunset. Savannah was beautiful even back then, and I remember back then, I had never even seen her cry.
That day was the best. It was our last day on vacation. We both had found it strange that we took a vacation to the beach when we lived on one. Back then we didn't realize how amazing Hawaii was compared to where we lived. Back then, we also didn't know how your life can change in one instance. We had no clue that ours would.
"Anna..." I heard someone whisper in my ear. "Anna, wake-up." I opened my eyes and saw Savannah. When I realized who she was, I looked over to the clock.
2:00 a.m.
I rubbed my eyes and moaned. "Hmm? What is it? What's wrong?"
Savannah placed her head on her arms and layed on the bed, absentmindedly smiling. "Tonight...was...amazing."
Also smiling, I leaned up on my elbow. "Whyyyy?"
"Jake kissed me." She said. When she looked up at me, I could imagine the hearts in her eyes. Her perfectly straight grin always made me feel super warm inside. "He...KISSED me.:
"Really?!" Savannah nodded. "Oh, my gosh! That's huge! What was it like? Was it all...tongue, or no? No..no..ooh! Did you make out with him or was it on the cheek? Was it sexy and niiice?"
Savannah laughed. "You are SO obsessed."
"Hey! I want to know these things....goooosh!" I winked. "Oh, gosh. I'm so happy for you! You liplocked at a huge senior party! Wahoo! I wish I could've been there with you."
She smiled some more before saying, "Anna, have you realized that...we're no longer seniors? Now we're adults. We're free to do whatever we please now."
"Well, YOU are. Not me. I'm stuck in this stupid hospital for the rest of my life." Savannah hugged me and told me she was sorry.
I was very happy to have a night with Savannah when we WEREN'T crying. It was peaceful and relaxing. Even better, it made me feel so awesome to have her with me.
Even if she was about to slip away...
5 days.
13 hours.
7 minutes.
Until my expiration date. What was I going to do? I had so little time to do so many things with the rest of my life. This morning, Mom had a serious talk to me about something called a DNR..? It was a piece of paper you like signed to tell the doctors not to do anything totally drastic to you. She told me that she didn't want to see me suffer if I ended up being a vegetable. So, Dr. Sanchez brought it in and I signed my name on the DNR. Savannah sat next to me and cried the entire time.
"Hey," I said to her when the doctor took the DNR away. "Everything is going to be alright, okay? Trust me, I promise. Put it all in God's hands. He will take care of everything. It will all work out the way it's planned." She nodded and continued to cry.
I was very tired and weak today. Even talking took the breath out of me, and I knew it broke Savannah's heart into pieces. She probably wanted to wheel me around the hospital, popping wheelies and running into everything, but she knew that she couldn't. When I was starting to wakeup from my seventh nap that day, I managed to whisper "Hawaii..."
Savannah immediately jumped up and looked to me. "What? Anna? Are you okay?" She stroked my cheek and I nodded. "Do you need anything from me? I can go get you some JEEEEELLLOOO from downstairs."
I laughed. "Let's...let's go to Hawaii....again." She laughed quietly.
"Sure. Let's just go. Screw the cancer. We'll unplug you from all this crap and just go. Drop everything. Let's do it." I also laughed. "I'm not kidding. I'm being one hundred percent serious."
"Hahaha, yeah. Because we want me to be dead by the time we get there."
Savannah grinned, not very happy because she also knew there was a dark side to it. "Well...then we can bring your stupid cord crap with us. Then you can be alive when we go." I rolled my eyes and smiled. "Are you scared?"
"Not of death, really. I'm mostly scared of time. How much time I have left to find my place in this world before I have to leave it, how much time I have to say goodbye. And that's not even the scariest part. The part I fear most is leaving you."
She brushed her hair out of her face. "Don't be scared for me. I'll be fine. I promise. You made me feel a little better, with the Hawaii thing. Anna, now I can't wait to die!!"
I laughed. "I just want you to be alright. You know that I'll always be watching over you, right? I'll always be making sure you are okay and I'll try to help you make the right decisions."
"You don't need to---"
"Yes, I do, Savannah." I looked at her with a serious face. "You've stuck with me through this whole situation. When I leave you are going to be all alone. With absoloutely nobody. And I have to make sure that you're going to be alright. Because even though I will be gone, you are still going to be my best friend, and no one, not even Whitney Houston when I meet her, haha can ever replace you."
Savannah laughed with tears in her eyes. "Thank you, Anna."
Now, out of all of the times this past month, I finally broke down and cried to Savannah. "I'm scared for you to forget about me and move on to someone else."
"Oh, Anna, that'll never happen." She pulled me into a hug as I bawled my eyes out. I'm going to miss her warm hugs and her beautiful, white, teeth. I'm going to miss all of our endless days of laughter together. Like one time we went over to our friends house and got bitten by a gazillion mosquitoes. We were dying the rest of the night, and even though it's one out of many memories, I'm going to miss it. Who's going to be her shoulder to cry on? She comes to me with everything. And when she gets frustrated with her family problems, who is going to be there to console her? It won't be me. I don't know who it will be. And that scares me.
[play "Skin" by Rascal Flatts in the background for the dream scene(:] Oh, and don't read until they start singing!(:
"Hello, beautiful." Harry Styles stood there at my hospital bed, while I was reading a magazine.
"Well, hello." I smiled up at him and looked down at the big giant ring on my finger. We're married?! But I'm still in the hospital! I was bald still. Oh, but goodness, gracious!! I was married to HARRY STYLES. Best. Dream. Eeeevvveeerr!
"Everything is going to be alright, love. The results are going to be in God's hands. Don't you worry about anything, okay?" He smiled at me with that gorgeous mouth and those very, very, very dreamy eyes. His face just made me smile right along with him. Oh, Dear, God he was just SO, beautiful. I couldn't help it. I nodded just as the doctor walked in with yet another manilla folder, but this time she was smiling.
"Mr. and Mrs. Styles...? I have good news for you. You're cancer, Mrs. Styles....is gone. You're going to be alright. It is completely gone, hon. We went in with our scalpels, dug out the stupid, aggressive tumor and now it's gone. All the way gone." She grinned at us and handed us the results. "Congratulations. I am very, very happy to tell you this incredible news. We don't have to do anymore treatment for you any longer. Everything is fine."
I smiled super big and hugged Harry. He ripped off his regular clothes to reveal a black tuxedo underneath. "Great, let's go."
"Wha...but I don't have any..." I looked down and saw a very beautiful, red ball gown on me. My hair was up in a bun and I had loads of jewels on. Suddenly, we were in a ballroom, just the two of us and we were dancing. Harry spun me around as I gazed into the sea of green he had in his eyes. He smiled at me and kissed me on the lips. "I love you so very much, Harry Styles." I looked over to see Savannah dancing with Liam, having the time of her life. All of One Direction was here, but none of them were socializing, which made me sad.
"I love you too, Anna Styles." He said again, kissing my lips.
"So, why aren't you socializing with the boys?" I asked him, pointing to them.
He laughed. "Anna, honey, it's been 40 years." I looked down and suddenly noticed how old I was. Even looking over to Savannah, she instantly turned old. "One Direction broke up."
"WHAT?!?!?!" I screamed.
"Oh, well, not because we wanted to, love. But because the rest of the band memmbers are dead, Anna. Don't you remember all of this? They aren't even really here." Okay, this has really turned into one of like the worst dreams ever. "One Direction has been over for a while now."
3 Days.
15 hours.
56 minutes.
I wanted to break down in tears as I watched Savannah sleep. She looked so calm and peaceful in her sleep. So relaxed and at ease. I wish life could be that easy. I wish there was no such thing as disease or heartbreak or pain. Then you wouldn't have to be sad, or depressed at any point in your life. I wish death wasn't such a sad thing. What if it could be celebrated? Family wouldn't be heartbroken when you left. They'd be super happy. And best of all, you wouldn't ever have to say goodbye to the ones you love.
Again, I looked to Savannah. I can't do this to her. She says she'll be fine, but how true is it actually? I know Savannah way too well, and I know she is going to die. Hopefully, she doesn't kill herself.
Special Chapter
*Savannah's P.O.V.*
I looked at Anna's poor, fragile, body in the hospital bed, that seemed to swallow her whole. She was so beautifully innocent with only two more days to live. It made me want to bawl my eyes out. The doctor's had to charge her like 3 times today, and she had just came back from another mishap. I loved Anna so much. She was my strength, my framework, I had no idea what I was going to do without her. I then leaned on to the bed and grabbed her hand. I started to cry and shake.
"Hey, Annabanana. Listen to me, okay. Alright, I know you probably can't hear me, but I'm going to talk to you anyways like they do in those...sad movies we watch." I laughed quietly to myself at the memories. "You are the strongest person I know. Everyday I wake up and immediately think of your face and your laughter. You are my best friend I have ever had in my ENTIRE life and I love you with everything I have. I am not telling you to give up, and I'm not telling you to fight. I'm telling you to just...listen to your heart. Fight when you need to fight and let go when you need to let go. I will go behind your choice, alright? I will stand behind your choice. You are SO much more than you can see, my beautiful sister. Don't ever give up, okay? I know you've been through a hard time your entire life, and this is probably by far the worst experience yet. Just do NOT give up on yourself. PLEASE." I was bawling my eyes out to bruised up little Annabelle. She had a tube in her mouth because she needed to breathe, and couldn't on her own. I've never seen her this bad before. "I love you SO much, Anna." I felt like getting sick right now. "people always say 'if you love somebody let them go' but I just can't let you go, yet, okay? I just...I just CAN'T. A-a-a-a-anna I lo-o-o-ove you s-oooo-ooo-ooo much! Please just stay until you absoloutely HAVE to go. I will just die after you do, but eventually I'll be fine. Please don't give up on yourself. Please." I laid my head on her head. The hospital door swung open and Anna's mother was there, looking at me.
I sniffed and looked up at her. Wiping my eyes, I greeted her. "Hey."
"Hey, honey." She came over to me and rubbed my back. "C'mon, let's go get some food. You haven't left her side in a week." I started to hesitate. "Sweetie, oh sweetie, she hasn't waken up in a day. I don't think she's going anywhere. C'mon, let's go." I finally got up, with her mother helping me. Did I want to? No. But I knew I needed to eat something. So I went to the cafeteria.
After going through the line in the cafe, we sat down at a table. There wasn't many people here, though. Just us, an elderly man (who I thought looked lonely) and a man and his child. The man and his son were the only ones in here with smiles on their face. I wanted to eat fast so that I could hurry back to Anna.
"One day," Anna's mother interuppted my thoughts. "Anna had come racing home from school with tears in her eyes. It was the first grade, and she had just started." I stopped eating and put down my fork to look at her mother who was playing with her food, trying not to cry. "She came into my bedroom, and I said, 'Baby, what's wrong?' Anna said, 'Well, Momma, you're never gonna guess.' And I sat there with the laundry in my lap, just staring at my daughter. I said 'What, sweetie?' and..." Her voice cracked and she sniffled. She sucked in air. "Anna had said, 'Momma, I found my very best friend at school today. Her name is Savannah and I love her already.'And I sat there, just smiling at her before I hugged her." I grinned at that thought.
"I didn't know that about Anna."
Her mother smiled. "Yeah...she always came home with these bizarre stories of you two. Things like...hmm.." She contemplated. "Ooh, like attacking the Forest Fellas before the darkness took over the kingdom?" I laughed. Oh, gosh. When we were in the third grade, we came up with this game called 'Sisters' that we two played at recess every single day.
"Oh, yeah. We were some crazy girls then." I giggled to myself. "We also played this thing where we would bring out my little...dress up box and we'd put on the most random things together and catwalk them around my house." Her mother burst out a laugh that could've brightened the whole entire world. "And then, my mom, hahaha, she would take us to Kroger and the two of us would bring our fake cellphones with us. We'd walk around acting like princesses. I remember once, some guy ran into the cart and Anna stepped out in front of him and said 'Excuse me, sir. How dare you hit our carriage. You should pay us a five dollar fine so we can buy some Jolly Ranchers.' My mom didn't even yell at her. She thought it was hilarious!" We chuckled together at the silly childhood games we played.
For the next thirty minutes, the two of us shared our most loved memories of Anna. We laughed and laughed and didn't even realize how fast time went by. "Ooooh....well, we better head on back to the room."
"Yeah..." I said, getting up out of the chair. I took my drink with me and stood next to Anna's mom. "Thank you for that memory sharing." I told her. "That definitely made me feel tons better."
Anna's mom sideways hugged me. "Aw, honey, anytime. It was fun, huh? We should do it again sometime. Maybe with Anna next time, though." She winked at me and smiled.
"Haha! Totally." We made it to the elevator, and quickly realized it was one of the slowest in the whole entire world. "So, I don't see how you aren't just dying about Anna right now." I confessed.
She looked straight. "I am, honey. I am. Believe me. I just, don't want to dwell on it that much. There's still hope, and I'm not going to give up yet. She still has time. She still...has time." The elevator stopped on the second floor to let some doctors in. We were on the fifth floor, and it was taking forever to get there. "Don't give up on her, Savannah." She grabbed my hand and whispered.
I nodded and stared at the ceiling. Don't give up on her, huh? Maybe she's right. Anna still has some time, so I'm not going to think this is the end. Because it's not. She is going to live. Even if she doesn't live on earth, Heaven is a better place for her to be relieved of pain.
Finally, the elevator stopped on the fifth floor and the doctors in front of us started to jog. "So, do you have plans for college, sweetheart?" Her mother asked me.
"Well, actually....." I stopped in midsentence when I saw the doctors go into room 241. Dropping everything I was carrying, I started to run to the room while I could hear the heart monitor and the doctors.
"Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep!!!"
"CODE BLUE! CODE BLUE!"
...........................................................................
I arrived to the room to see doctors just standing there watching Anna's body.
"What's going on?! Anna's dying over here! Somebody do something!" I looked around the room at the faces of all of the doctors. "Hello!! Somebody charge her or something!"
Dr. Sanchez spoke out. "There's no use, Savannah. She's just going to keep coding and we'll just be wasting our precious time. Anna's practically brain dead right now. And besides," She paused to look at me in the eyes. "she signed a DNR."
No. This wasn't happening. "What? No. She signed it because she thought things would be fine! Not because she was going to die! Somebody help her please!" I cried, helplessly. "Please...somebody."
I ran over to her chart and ripped up the piece of paper. "SCREW THE DNR! SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP HER! PLEASE HELP HER! SOMEBODY, PLEASE!" I bawled my eyes out. "Please!! Somebody!" I went over to Dr. Sanchez and grabbed her coat. "Dr. Sanchez, please. Anna is my best friend...I love her so much. She can't go yet. Pleeease." I felt my eyes puffing up.
Dr. Sanchez hesitated, looking me into the eyes before she said outloud. "Charge to three hundred." Weight was lifted off my shoulders and I breathed in a deep breath.
"But, Doctor..." One of the interns interuppted.
She turned to scream at him. "I SAID...CHARGE TO THREE HUNDRED! NOW!"
"Yes, ma'm."
I backed up to get out of the way and watched the doctors put some strange gel on the shocker things. "Clear!!" The doctor yelled as she shocked my best friend. For a second, the heart beeper started going again, but then it stopped. "Clear!" She ordered again, but again, it didn't work. They repeated the routine seventeen times before it just stopped completely.
What?
No!
That can't be it!
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep............................................................"
I couldn't believe this. My eyes poured out tears.
"No. What? No. She can't be..."
Dr. Sanchez looked to the ground with a painful look. She sighed a sad sigh. "Time of death.....10:45 p.m." Then, she dropped the shocker things completely and came over to me. "I'm sorry, Savannah."
"No!!! ANNA! NO! NO-OH-OH!" I ran over to her body. "Anna! ANNA! ANNA, COME BACK! ANNA PLEASE COME BACK TO ME! ANNA! ANNA! ANNA, PLEASE!!! ANNA, COME BACK! ANNNNNAAAA!!!" I screamed, shaking her body. "ANNA PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME! YOU CANNOT LEAVE ME HERE, PLEASE COME BACK! COME BACK!!!"
"COME BAAAACK!"
.......................................................
I layed there with Anna's dead body all night, just murmering to her. I wrapped my arms around her, afraid she would slip away from me. She couldn't leave me yet, we had so much more to do with our lives. This was all just a dream, I tried to tell myself. But then I would open my eyes and her body would still be there, cold, scared, alone. So I held her tighter, trying to squeeze the soul back into her. "When you're weak...I'll be strong. When you let go, I'll hold on." I softly whispered to her. "When you need to cry, I swear I'll be there to dry your eyes. When you feel lost and scared to death, like you can't take one more step. Just take my hand....together we can do it. I'm gonna....I'm gonna...." I started bawling again. "I went and loved you-u-u throu-u-ugh iiiiit!!!!!" I whined, holding onto her once more.
Then, I realized that my best friend was pain free in Heaven right now. She had probably met Jesus by now, set up her new room, and right now, I'm imagining her looking down on me from the golden gates of Heaven, waiting for me. Just like she had promised.
I smiled at the thought of her being there.
She probably looked so beautiful in her white angel dress with her wings. And knowing Anna, she already had a reputation for niceness up there with the big guy.
Anna's angel stuck out her hand for our handshake. "We're there for eachother,"
"We will protect eachother," I continued.
"And never let anything in between us." We said in unison. Then, we fell into a long distance hug.
"Not even death." I whispered.
It had been exactly one month since Anna died. Everyday, it got harder and harder to just wake up and smile without her here. One day, I woke up and went over to her house like I always had. I called out for her, and she didn't come. When I walked into her dark and lonely bedroom, that's when reality had hit me. Then, I laid in her bed for the rest of that day, bawling my eyes out.
Anna was gone.
My best friend was dead.
I would never again hear her laugh, or feel her hugs.
I would never again share another beautiful memory with her.
She would never come barging into my house, waking me up with a glass of water.
I would never listen to One Direction with anybody else.
Anna wouldn't either.
I couldn't bring myself to ever look at another picture of her as long as I live. I would cry the hardest ever.
Worst of all,
I would never again have a shoulder to cry on or somebody to tell absoloutely everything to.
Today was Anna's funeral, and to be completely honest, I wasn't sure I wanted to go. There would be people there, giving their sorrows when they truly aren't sorry! If they were sorry, THEY would be the ones holding Anna's hand during her chemo rounds. THEY would be the ones who stayed with her at the hospital every. single. day for a whole entire month! And...they would also be the ones who layed with her dead body in the hospital for a whole week before the doctors kicked you out.
My phone rang out a loud ringtone, scaring the living life out of me. "Hello?" I said.
"Umm....Savannah? H-hey, it's umm...it's Toby. "
I sat there in silence for a few moments. "...Toby?"
"Oh, thank God you answered. Savannah, I need to see you today. Please tell me you're going to her funeral." I once again was silent, trying to decide what to say. "Savannah....please say something."
"Okay." My voice croaked. "I'll go."
He let out a relieved sigh. "Good...good." We didn't say anything. "Alright...well, I'll umm...I'll see you later then, okay?....Okay, well, umm...bye. See you later." Toby hung up.
I sat on my bed for a few minutes before I decided it was time to see Anna again. I went into my closet and pulled out a huge bucket and then poured it on my bed. Millions of pictures flew out, all with Anna's face on them. I looked through every single one of them carefully, and each one brought more and more tears to my eyes. The frog picture, our prom, the fifth grade talent show. Until I came to the last, but certaintly not least. Hawaii.
Looking at our faces plastered against eachothers and our sweaty faces, I started to bawl again. We were so happy and carefree. She was here. And looking at the pictures, I felt her starting to slip away. I grabbed the Hawaii picture and put it to my chest. Then the others, and eventually I tried to hold them all up to me. For some odd reason, I thought it would bring her back. I thought it would bring her closer. And for a second, it did, but the feeling went away slowly.
And now, a month later, I finally started to realize that it wouldn't help.
Anna wasn't ever coming back to me.
..............................................................................................
"Savannah, darling!" Anna's mother greeted me when I walked into the church. She looked stressed, but happy. "I am so very glad you decided to show up!" She hugged her, and it felt good to have one last thing of Anna.
"I wouldn't miss it for the world." I said, pulling away with a smile. Today I wore a black dress that only went to my mid thighs. I straightened my hair, the way Anna liked it, and wore just a little bit of makeup. I guess my outfit explained how I felt today. Dark, depressed, alone, and missing somebody. Gothly, I guess.
I walked around the room, smiling at all the many pictures of Anna that were standing up. The whole entire funeral, they were playing Jimmy Eat World's "Hear You Me" over and over again. It was so depressing. Wow, her mom really wanted me to break tonight, huh? Then, I saw her casket halfway open. I went to turn around because I couldn't handle seeing her again, but bumped into some muscular arms. When I looked up, I saw some dreamy green eyes.
"Hey." He greeted.
"Hey, Toby." I had barely finished my sentence when he wrapped me in a huge hug. His warm embrace somewhat calmed me and made me feel so much better. Toby rubbed my back in a friendly way before we were called to sit down for her service. "Let's sit by eachother," I said, grabbing his hand before he could walk away. "I don't want to go through this alone." Toby smiled and followed me to a seat.
For the next hour and a half, I listened to Anna's relatives talk about her and share their most loved stories. They told baby stories and funny stories. Anna's mom's story was the saddest of them all. She took the longest, but her story was the best of them all. Anna's mother started from when she found out she was pregnant, to the very last second of Anna's breath.
"I was there when she took her first breath, and I was there when she took her last." She had said, making everyone burst into tears. Especially me, because I had also been there for her last. "I would like to ask a very special person to come up here and make a speech for Anna. She has been a huge part of her life since we moved here, and this service wouldn't be right if she didn't make a speech." My heart stopped immediately because I knew exactly who she was talking about. "Savannah..." she stuck out her hand.
I shook my head. "No...I can't I--"
"Savannah, please." She insisted. I gave in, walking up to the podium.
When I got up there, I looked at all of the people sitting in the small audience. They all had been crying, I could tell. Even Toby had shed a few tears. I looked at him to talk, because I was too nervous.
"Hey, everyone. My name is Savannah and I am Anna's best friend." I introduced myself. "And Anna was mine. She was the best person I have ever known, with a great personality and a huge heart. Anna never had a moment when she wasn't smiling. That's all she ever did. Smile and completely fangirl over One Direction." Everyone laughed. "Anna was so beautiful, on the outside and on the in. We were always laughing and cracking jokes, even when we found out about the cancer. I still have yet to get over the fact that she's gone." Here comes the tears..."For the past month, we had been doing crazy stuff to remember our friendship by. And we had a blast. Then, we even went to prom together, and Anna...she was gorgeous. She really was." Toby nodded and smiled at me. "I will NEVER forget about Anna. She was, and always will be my best friend. The most beautiful, intelligent, lovely, friendly, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful," Oh, no. I couldn't cry in front of all these people. "Girl I ever knew. And I...I just....I can't do this. I'm sorry." I got off the podium and ran into the hallway. With my back against the wall, I slid down in tears.
I need her so much right now. "Anna, how could you leave me? Please come back. I need you more than anything." I whispered out loud for her to hear me, even though I knew she couldn't.
Soon, someone was crouched down in front of me, balancing on my knees. I looked up to see it was Toby. "Savannah, it's okay. You can cry. It hurts, I know. Trust me."
"I have spent all this time trying to get over her! My best friend DIED in my arms, Toby. I miss her SO much. I don't think I can EVER get over h-e-errr!" I started hipervenilating, and Toby hugged me. "I need her, Toby. I don't have anybody else in this world and I ne-e-e-eeeeed my best frieeeeend! I neeeed heeer!"
Toby tilted my head up "You have me, Savannah. You have me."
"Not what I mean To---"
Before I could say another word, Toby kissed my lips. For some reason, I didn't pull away. My lips stayed on his. This moment was totally magical, and it became like a movie when I placed my hand on the back of his neck and slowly moved it to the side. When his lips moved away, he said, "Yes, you do. You have me."
I realized what was happening and I stood up, putting my hands behind my back. "Toby, I have a boyfriend..."
Toby nodded. "Yeah, I know."
"But you could have a husband."
..............................................................................
When I came home that night, I immediately went into my closet to see something. It was about 2 a.m. because I was the very last person to leave the service. I had stayed there and talked to Anna in her casket. I thought it was the proper way to send her off. When the guard came to take me out, I kissed her on the forehead and said, "I'll see you again someday."
I arrived to my closet and walked to the back. There was a beautiful, pink dress sitting on a hanger in there, and I took it off and held it close to me. Closing my eyes, the memories of us together flashed in my mind along with the music from today. (Which I could NOT get out of my mind.) But, this time instead of crying, I smiled as big as my mouth could go.
"It's alright." Harry said.
"She'll be okay." Louis told me.
"Don't worry any longer, love." Liam conforted.
"Because she's in a better place now." Zayn also said.
"It's time to let go." Niall put a hand on my shoulder.
I nodded, understanding that everything was going to workout just as the boys told me. I knew one day I'd be reunited with my best friend. Until then, I just have to live for her and keep my head up high. Together forever, never apart, maybe in distance, but always in heart. That's definitely what we are. I knew I'd see Anna again one day.
Hey, maybe we'll meet up in Hawaii?(: <3