Tempting with fame. I wish I could say I was tempting with fame, but I wasn’t. I was tempting with insanity. Honestly, what in the heck was I thinking? That so-called ‘Natalia’ was messing with me. A mere joke for trespassing on her precious Crazy Lawn. Whatever. I am over it. I only hyperventilated for five minutes when I read the definition of Clarence. Then I was too hyped up to even speak at dinner. And when I woke up that rotten Monday morning, I felt like a louse. Because, you see, everyone goes through a period of extended time in their life when nothing happens, when they merely exist, neither moving forward nor backward. For me, I had existed for four years straight, and the thought of really living for my never-ending daydream was overwhelming. Whenever I had attempted to move to reachable goals (school teams, dance, gymnastics…) I had been pushed back to the ground, only to try and build up again…and Melissa Kings…
I pulled on the only pair of jeans I had, only to realize they were my least favorite ones. Whatever. I am over it. Then all I had to wear was a tank top and an old sweatshirt advertising for shoes everyone hated. Whatever. I am over it. I laced up my sneakers, which was fine, because I wore them most days anyways.
My mom told me we had no milk when I got downstairs-or juice. So, I was stuck drinking water and eating unbuttered toast (we were out of butter too). I’m still not over that.
I knew that with the luck I was having I’d miss the bus. So, that’s where I stood, twenty minutes ahead of schedule. I tossed my backpack onto the ground and sat on a rock. Then I stood up, because Miss Jonah (my bus driver) could very well miss me, sitting there.
Fifteen minutes later, Colleen appeared from around the corner.
“Hey,” she said. I knew Colleen was much too nice a person to criticize or even mention my lazy apparel. And besides, though I loved Colleen unconditionally as my un-biological sister, she wasn’t much of a fashionista to start. Today she wore a pink skirt over brown leggings, tennis shoes, and a green polka dot baby doll style shirt. Colleen had to be an inspiration to someone, seeing that she didn’t care what other people thought.
“No clothes,” I stated, right as my stomach let out a roar, “not much food either.” Colleen nodded and pulled a Carb-O Bar out of her track bag and handed it to me. Leave it to Colleen to be packing a whole box of those.
“Track already? It’s only March first.” I said.
Colleen shook her head, “Coach and I run together nowadays.”
I nodded, and then quickly explained to her about ‘Clarence’. How could I have forgotten that?
“Hmm…” Colleen pondered briefly.
And then ‘the Other Neighbors’ showed up. There was sixth grader, Max, and his eighth grade sister, Sierra. These were
the Lars’. Sierra was texting like a madman on her ‘awesome
three-hundred dollar phone she got for no reason’ as Colleen had once kindly put it, bitter over her simple flip phone.
“Hey, Sierra,” I said just for her million dollar reaction.
She barely glanced up at me, paused for half a second, and then quickly went back to texting.
“HI!” said Max, with his usual enthusiasm.
Colleen and I said our heys, and then went on to chatter, as usual. I was beginning to feel pretty normal again, until Sierra said, “Are you really wearing that? Yeah, way to be Andy. You’re so cool.”
Ouch. Max gave me a skeptical look before saying, “She’s right, you know.”

I sighed. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.”
You asked for one of my show stopping lies, now here comes a big one, Sierra,
“And Sierra? We had a power outage, the water was backed up for three days straight, and we just got it back at two in the morning today. Do you want to do laundry at that hour? I don’t think so.”
I turned back to Colleen, even though I really wanted to see the look on Sierra’s face. I heard texting again, and I knew she was talking about me to all her ‘way cool’ friends. Whatever. You mess with Andy Simons and you better be ready for a fight.

The bus came then, and we all got on, Colleen and I sliding into seat 16. It was the beginning of what would be the weirdest day ever.

I was sitting quietly in my seat in homeroom, saying a silent prayer. Dear God, I know I’m not much of a person, but I have a favor to ask of you. I want to be an actress, as I’m sure you know. The possibilities are running low, and I was wondering if you could send me a sign. If I’m not going to be a famous actress, then I would like to know so I can get on with my life. Thanks, that’s all. Love Andy Simons. I straightened up, ready for the day. My teacher, Ms. Arsen, was standing in the front of the class but not speaking. She never talked to us in homeroom. Why today? Oh, no, was she making a public announcement about my horrible wardrobe?
Luckily she was not. She cleared her throat, and we were all at attention.
Ms. Arsen was a plumpish middle aged lady who took favorites and teachers pets like some people take drugs. Her orange brown hair was short and twisty, and overall, undecided. She was wearing a cream colored turtle-neck with green velvet pants. Well, there’s one outfit I’m not particularly envious of.
“Excuse me class,” she began in her nasally voice, “We have a new student. I know you’ll be nice to him. Oh, and here he is, come on in,” she called out the door. A lean, calm looking, rather handsome boy stepped in. His light blonde hair framed his face perfectly.
“Class, this is our new student. This is Clarence Harper.”

Gasp. Can I get an ‘ironic’?
“Clarence, why don’t you sit next to Andy, over there,” Oh, of course.
The guy strolled over, books under right arm, I noted, so he was muscular. He pulled out the chair next to me, set down his books, sat down and said, “Hi Andy.”
What a pleasant kid.
“Hi, Clarence. Yeah, I’m Andy.” Dorky.
He chuckled. Man, who says ‘chuckled’ these days? Any ways, it’s a verb, it’s what he did. The bell rang, and the announcements came on the loudspeaker.
“Good morning. Hi, I’m Principal Garwell, and you’re in Forlin Middle School,” Principal Garwell chuckled to himself. There it is again, ‘chuckled’.
“Principal Garwell, you’re such a dork,” I said to myself. Clarence chuckled-oh God!-again and said, “Yeah, he kinda is; I had to meet him this morning. Quite the eccentric.”
I looked up at Clarence in surprise. He used quirky language like I did. Weird.
I then pulled out my agenda to doodle, but found myself saying, “So, where you from?”
“Oh, you wouldn’t know the place. It’s definitely special though,” Clarence replied.
“You’re from Los Angeles, aren’t you?” I asked.
Clarence smiled in return and laughed, “Yeah, something like that.”
“I’m jealous now.” This was replied to with yet another laugh from Clarence.
“You know, you’re pretty funny, Andy,” Clarence said.
I snorted, “Me? Funny? Yeah, right.”
Clarence gave me a confused look and turned away. Jeez, I hope I didn’t insult the kid.
“Sorry,” I offered, not exactly meaning it. Lacey and Jeff (my siblings) always made a point of how un-funny they thought I was.
“Do you have any siblings?” Clarence asked me, not looking up from his notebook. Class should have begun a while ago, but maybe there was some new-kid confusion and Clarence was supposed to be going to some fancy boarding school.
“Yeah,” I replied. It was weird how I had been thinking of them right then and there, “There’s Jeff, he’s seventeen, graduating this year. He’ll be eighteen in a month. Oh, actually that was October. So, he’s eighteen. Then there’s Lacey. That’s not her real name. It’s really Christine, but apparently she was obsessed with lace when she was little, so I’ve always known her as Lacey. She’s sixteen. She and Jeff are best friends since they’re so close in age, actually they were both born on the same day, and meanwhile, I’m left in the dust. We also have a dog, a mutt mix, and that’s Spot. She isn’t exactly a dog that would sleep on your bed and be a regular old Lassie. I know it sounds lonely, and well, it kinda is, but I have Colleen, my best friend. She lives a street or two away, so it works.”
Um, excuse me, Andy, but why did you just tell a stranger all that?
Clarence nodded, and at that exact moment, Mrs. Arsen dismissed homeroom. I gotta tell Colleen about this.

Scene Four: Checking the Website

I had told Colleen about my possible run in with fate, and believe me; the girl went insane, yelling,
“No way! That’s so ironic!”
I took this irony as a sign that maybe there would be some hope with my favorite acting website, omgimfamous.com. I happened upon this website last year, and have been checking it every day since. All the auditions in America are posted on this site.
The trick (for me at least) is finding an audition in my area. And let me tell you, there ain’t too many. If there ever are (almost never) they are always in Hampton.
Forlin is as far away from Hampton as the state lines will allow. Sure, my parents will gladly make the trip up to the beach in the summer, but not for one of my silly auditions. Nope.
I sat down in our computer chair after my strange day at school and typed in omgimfamous.com. I typed this so often, it literally only took two seconds to key this in the browser. The browser on the website was ‘search my area’. New Hampshire. Two seconds later, I discovered a..a..a list. Huh? A list? Like seriously?
I read the list. No, no, no, no, no, yes. Yes? I quickly, then slowly read the advertisement again and again.
Go-Go-Go Girl Lips!
Looking for eleven to fourteen year old girls eager to act. Auditions for Go-Go-Go Girl Lips! Five girls accepted. Auditions on March 12th, Saturday at Reef Center in Cork, New Hampshire. Call 555-6819. Those excepted will be in a commercial and photo shoot, with possible extended contract. Thank you.

Are you serious? Reef Center is only like twenty minutes away! Go-Go-Go Girl Lips! How perfect! That stuff is good! Plus an extended contract! And five girls! I’ll be famous in no time!

I was pretty confident that my mom would say yes to the audition. People might not know this, and I don’t want to sound like that snobby girl in school everyone hates, but, the camera loves me. I expected that they would take a few snaps of each girl holding Go-Go-Go Girl Lip products, and that’d be easy enough. I was kind of a natural when it came to having my picture taken.
I might not be a pencil but I’m not a whale either or anything close to a whale actually. Uh-oh. What if they want those pencil thin girls? Uh! That is so size-ist! Its ok, Andy, calm down, calm down. I’m sure my fabulous hair and not zitty skin will make up for that. Actually, my skin’s a wee-bit bumpy, but you know they fix that. My hair can be a bit frizzy but I’m a blonde.
My hair was blond, but the base was a mixture of honey and gold. Then I had natural highlights that went from light brown to sunny blond. That had to count for something.
I climbed up the stairs, backpack on back, to my room. Now, when I say my room was tiny, I mean it.
My family had moved three times (and I was kinda hoping for a fourth…to LA possibly?...). First my newlywed parents (at the time) rented an apartment in Southerings, New Hampshire. Southerings was not a very child friendly town, it was a city, strictly business. But, for the time being, it would have to work.
It was also near Shire Lewison’s (a plus). Two years later, Jeff was born. Well, my parents must have figured Southerings would be fine for a few more years. Then two years later, Lacey was born. Time to move to Forlin. So, that happened, and my mom and dad bought a three bedroom house. Life was good, and then, in three more years, I was born. My parents were undecided on how the rooming situation would work out. Lacey and me, or Lacey and Jeff?
Lacey was a month to five and refused to room with “a baby or Jeffy!” as Lacey once said. So, I had to live in my parent’s bedroom.
This was just not working out, and we moved to our current home. Our current home, which had four bedrooms. What was the problem? The fourth bedroom, my room, was originally a fully furnished laundry room. It was the perfect size for a laundry room, but when you make it a bedroom, suddenly it’s a lunch box. Yep, that’s how small my room was.
I flung myself onto my bed and thought excitedly about the audition. What’s today? Oh, yeah, March second. And the audition was the twelfth. What? Jeez, that’s soon! Ok, calm down, it’s a-ok.
That was when Lacey came into my room. Lacey did not look like me. She was on the high school soccer and track team, so she was pretty thin. Then she had a preppy style, and when I asked her to take me shopping with her, she gave me some snappy comment, and went with armed-and-licensed Jeff.
She had dark brown hair without highlights. Plus, she wore her black mascara and eyeliner. She was not Gath, just matching her hair.
“Andy, can I borrow your headphones? Mine broke, and I need to run my miles. I’m in training,” Lacey asked.
“Isn’t everyone,” I sighed, getting up. I opened my desk drawer and pulled out my headphones, “Here you go,” I said giving them to her.

“Thanks,” she replied. I saw her examining my fashion disaster; “Andy, you need to go shopping,” Lacey looked completely disgusted.
“What a problem solver,” I muttered, “Don’t tell me you had clothes? I thought mom didn’t do laundry last night.”
“I have a surplus of clothes for times like this,” Lacey stated.
We stood there without saying much, and she was about to leave, but I blurted,
“You know I’m auditioning for a commercial.”
Lacey laughed.

“And mom’s letting you?” I just shrugged.
“She will. It’s in Cork. If she says no, Jeff could drop me off and go shopping or something.” This was responded to with a roll of the eyes by Lacey, and she walked out.
Mom came to the bottom of the stairs, “Guys! Lacey, Andy! Are you up there?”
“Yes!” we called in replied. I shot down the stairs and gave my mom the quick hug she expected every day after school.
“Hi Andy,” she said to me. My mom was pretty, and looked young for her age. She had smooth skin and short, straight, dark brown hair like Lacey’s. She was kind of lean, unlike some mom’s her age. She was the person that gave Jeff and Lacey their athletic genes. I played soccer and what not, but I was not on anything above rec.
I pulled her over to the couch and sat down.
“Are we having a talk? What’s up?” Mom asked a true look of concern on her face.
“Mom,” I began, “you see, there’s an audition in Cork on the twelfth, and I was wondering if I could go.”
Mom gave me a long look and said, “What kind of audition?”
I breathed a sigh of relief. She hadn’t rejected it yet.
“For a commercial and photo shoot- for Go-Go-Go Girl Lips, they want girls my age. If you can’t bring me, Jeff can.”
I left out the part about Jeff going to the mall, which might have been a deal breaker.
Mom sighed and sat down next to me.
Finally, she said, “Ok, Andy. You’ll have to make all the arrangements, though. And I have to approve the contract.”
I grinned at the news.
“Thanks mom”
I got up and gave her another hug, then rushed to the computer. I had arrangements to make.

I printed out the contract, and called in to reserve a spot, and oh, yeah, wrote it on every calendar in the house. I narrowly avoided a smack from Lacey when I did this to her calendar, so I had to hide in my room for at least ten minutes.
And then I was sitting on my roof, which was conveniently outside my first window, which I had two of: one looking onto the backyard, the other- well, the roof. It was always very bright in my room, because the sun rises right directly in front of the roof-window.
Although some people might think this roof-sitting is unsafe, I strongly disagreed: because after the brief slant of the roof, there was the porch roof, which was flat as a pancake. I sat on my roof every now and then just to be by myself. This had to be kind of an oxymoron but I felt safe on my roof. It’s like no one can hurt me, really.
Suddenly, ten days felt really far away. The thrill of the theatre was a feeling hard for me to avoid. After performing I always felt like I could run a mile. It’s one of my favorite things.
I was totally excited the whole time I was ‘making arrangements’. I printed out the contract rather impatiently, and then called the number on the advertisement, which believe me, that took a while. Who knew seven measly digits could be so hard to dial? I had to then wait six minutes, thirty-two seconds (but who’s counting??) to get through until I finally reached some recordings.
Recorded Message- Hello, you’ve reached Go-Go-Go Girl Lips. To file a complaint, press one. To voice a question press two. To learn about auditions, press three. To-
Me- THREE! (I pressed three)
Recorded Message- Hello, you’ve reached Go-Go-Go Girl Lips Auditions. To learn about our auditions, press four. To learn about auditions in Las Angeles, California, press five. To learn about auditions in (pause) the Midwest, press six. To learn about auditions in (pause) New England, press seven.
Me- (I pressed seven, slightly frustrated by the ‘pause. New England’)
Recorded Message- Hello you’ve Go-Go-Go Girl Lips Auditions in (pause) New England. For auditions in Cork, New Hampshire press one.
Me- Finally! (I pressed one)
Recorded Machine- connecting with a Go-Go-Go Girl Lips associate. Please wait.
Real Person- Hello, Debby here, Go-Go-Go Girl Lips associate. You’ve reached the auditions in our Cork, New Hampshire branch. How can I help you?
(Debby sounded very tired. Must be rough having to say Go-Go-Go so much.)
Me- Hello, Debby. I’m an auditionee. Can you help me out here? I’m a first timer.
Debby (sounded bored)- Name?
Me- Andy Simons. That’s A-n-d-y space S-i-m-o-n-s. You got that Deb?
Debby (slightly annoyed)- Uh-huh. Once you print out the form and contract from the web site, you’ll have to get parent/guardian signatures. Your audition’s at 10:27. Get there early.
Me- No script?
Debby- Yes. Thank you for calling. Goodbye. (and she hung up)

Then I followed her instructions, and ended up on my roof. Well, I’ll just chill here. Not Go-Go-Going anywhere.