It was Cameron.  He was just standing at the door.  After about a minute of stairs flying back and forth Ms. Ali finally spoke, “Well hello, Cameron. Pick any seat that you want”. Of course she had to say that. Adam and I always sat kind of close last year but we always left one seat between us empty for space. It was the only seat empty in the room so Cameron sat there. All I did was hope that these weren’t our permanent- “These will be our permanent seats until further notice.” - Seats… Of course they are.
I didn’t mind him sitting there.  I didn’t mind him being there. I just didn’t want to make a fool out of myself all day long in front of him.  All I wanted was to be his friend, which I needed a plan for obviously because I wasn’t getting anywhere. Although, maybe him being in this class will help me get to know him better though. Maybe this was a good thing. A few moments later he turned and smiled at me. All I did was smile back and return to my work. He returned to his. Then he whispered something to Adam. He probably just had a question.

Later that night while my dad and I were talking about how my grandmother was doing I heard a knock at the door. The knock was very loud. It was definitely an angry knock. A knock most people who hear if they cheated on their significant other or if the police were coming to arrest you. That was the knock an angry policeman would give. Sure enough, my dad opened the door and there he was. A policeman just standing there with my mother behind him.

“Mr. Gibson, we are here to hand over your children to Mrs. Gibson.” My mother then interrupted.
“It’s actually Ms. Cooper now” She gave my father a dirty look.
“Okay Ma’am I am sorry” My mother just nodded. I turned to my dad who had his hands in fists. I hoped he wasn’t gonna do anything dumb.
“Sure take em’. Why don’t you just take everything!”
“Mr. Gibson, please stop yelling. Your children are present you know.” My father growled.
“Yes I am completely aware.” My father replied. After that he said, “Terra. Zach. Go get your stuff” I just nodded and ran to my room.
Once I had my stuff packed and ready to go I felt a tear drip down my cheek. Never in my life would I imagine two people who were so in love, would end up like this. A divorce. That was the last thing I wanted. That was the last thing I needed. In that moment for some odd reason I thought of the first time Cameron actually smiled at me. Then I wiped my tear away and I weirdly felt better. I ran back out into the living room to find my dad staring at the wall. I opened my mouth to ask what was wrong but that wouldn’t end well. Nothing even ended well for my dad and I.

“Hey Hun, you ready to go?” My mom appeared in the doorway.
“I guess” Was all I could squeak out. I didn’t wanna leave my dad alone in pain. Someone had already left him once. My mom. I didn’t want to leave him too. Not to mention it was only a matter of time before my grandmother left him too. That would be a terrible day. The day she leaves all of us will be the worst day of my life.
My mom grabs my brother and gets him into the car. I follow behind her and see Walter, the man she left my dad for, sitting in the front seat. If my mom hadn't of met Walter we might not even be going through this. It’s not that Walter was a bad guy, in fact he was a great guy and I usually didn’t mind him at all. The only person he really caused pain is my father, and seeing my father in pain always hurts me. I wonder how many kids at my school would pay to hear that information to gossip about. I roll my eyes and give my dad a hug. I didn’t think It’d be that hard to leave him like this, but once I felt that tear roll down my cheek, I felt different about it.
I let go of my father and run out the door before I said something stupid. A few minutes later we were passing by my mom’s work, and then we drove up a hill. Before I knew it I was standing in front of Walter’s house. The house almost looked like a barn from the outside and it had white paint chipping, everywhere. When we walked in my mom brought Zach and I to the room we’d be sharing. It had white walls and I saw about 5 ladybugs on the floor while I was unpacking my clothes into the closet.
Tomorrow was friday, the last day of the first week of fifth grade. I wasn’t at all excited for the weekend. If anything I dreaded it. After I finished putting my clothes and other things away I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth. After that I just went to bed. I didn’t say goodnight to anyone. And the crazy thing is that the worst part of my night was forgetting my basketball at my dad’s house.

The next day my mom drove my brother and I to school. Zach liked not having to take  the bus while I on the other hand hated it. The bus was where I could just look out the window and relax before the busy day that was to come. The only reason I hated the bus was my bus driver. He was always grumpy and he wasn’t good at driving. Sometimes I would wonder if he ever even learned to drive before they gave him this job. I was just happy I wouldn’t have to have that job when I got older. I promised myself at a young age I would go to a good college and get an amazing job. The jobs I’ve wanted throughout the years consist of being a singer, actress, and then a Veterinarian. At the moment I wanted to be an author. Writing frees me and makes me happy. It’s the only other thing besides basketball that frees my thoughts and lets me breathe.

When I got to school I noticed that Cameron wasn’t outside. Thankfully about five minutes later, Marie was finally at school. As I looked around I noticed that Adam and a girl in my class, Sabrina, also weren’t outside. When we finally got inside I saw Sabrina, Cameron, and Adam all stroll down the hallway. They were all carrying cases. Sabrina had a really small case and Adams case was pretty big. Cameron’s case had a tag on it that had his name. So did Sabrinas and Adams. It wasn’t until Sabrina noticed that I was staring at the cases that she answered my thoughts.

“They’re instruments. We all play in band.” She smiled and walked away. Cameron and Adam just continued talking and walked past me.
“Hey!” Amanda shouted behind me.
“Hey, how are you?” I said with a smile.
“I’m good I guess. What about you, how’s the counseling thing going? Are you still doing it?” She had a sympathetic look on her face, I hated that. I didn’t want people to feel bad for me.
“Yeah. I have to go every wednesday during school. It stinks but I’m forced to go so there’s nothing I can do.”
“Well, I’ll see you in math, bye” She smiled and skipped away.

I walked in the room and saw Marie talking with Cameron by the window. I joined them. I didn’t talk a lot at first because I didn’t really know what they had been talking about. Eventually I found that they were talking about the people walking by and the cars outside.
“I found another one!” Marie yelled.
“Found another what?” I asked.
“Another red car, Cameron thinks there are more grey, black, and white cars than red. So now I’m proving him wrong” Marie looks back out the window, and Cameron turns to me and smiles. My hands start to burn. I really wanted to get to know this kid. It was challenging for me, but that’s why I kept trying. I never go down without a fight. That’s one of the only things I got from my mom. She loves her struggles.

At lunch the same thing always seems to happen. I’m starting to think we all do it on purpose. It’s like now it’s funny to us all. We will just walk to the table and pretend like we want it to ourselves but I don’t think any of us do. Especially Adam, and Marie, I mean they are both just laughing about it. Cameron and I must look completely zoned out because Marie looks at us and asks if we are okay. I just nod and eat my lunch. Todays “Time to be pretty like the other girls and not fat” lunch is an apple, a fruit roll up, and 3 baby carrots, so excited. Not. This is dumb. It’s not like people are constantly calling me fat. Why should I eat like I don’t wanna be?

I was never fond of how I looked. My thighs are huge, my stomach isn’t flat, and I have acne. Bad. My nose is bigger than 95% percent of the other kids noses, and my eyebrows are way darker than my hair. Don’t even get me started on my hair. Same as last year. I parted it. I looked like a boy. A girl last year asked me what my name was, when I said it was Terra she looked confused and asked, “Isn’t that a little girly for a boy?”. I was so embarrassed I ran to the bathroom and cried for about 20 minutes. She must have been confused about why I ran into the girls bathroom too, I suppose. She didn’t follow though. Good choice on her part.
All the other girls in my school are pretty. Flat stomachs, normal noses, and they don’t have to eat a “Time to be pretty like the other girls and not fat” lunch. One girl is eating pizza and drinking a juice. I nibble on my baby carrot until I bite my finger. I wince in pain and Marie hands me a napkin for the blood. Cameron and Adam ask if I’m okay. I nod. I always seem to do that. Just nod. Constantly. Whatever the question. Sometimes I think it’s better not to tell them or anyone else the truth. You’re parents always tell you to tell people the truth but the truth is always harder to say or talk about. If it were easy nobody would ever get grounded.

When we were done with lunch, our table was first to leave the cafeteria. Cameron ran out the door so fast I thought he was gonna run into the wall in the hallway. Recess was always the same for me. I liked to swing with Marie on the swingset farthest to everyone and sing. Then we’d talk before going to science. Today, Marie wanted to hang out with Cameron. I stayed in my usual spot and watched the boys play “Wall Ball”. I never understood what was so great about that game. All they do is throw the ball at the wall and try and catch it before they’re friends do. I’m guessing it was all about being better than one another. Isn’t that how most kids are? Especially boys I assume. Adam wasn’t like a lot of the boys and as far as I could tell, neither was Cameron. Cameron seemed a lot different. Cameron seemed kind, but he was also shy so it was hard to tell. 
I was nothing like Cameron as far as I could tell. I’m loud, he’s quiet. He’s shy, I’m an extrovert. People called him short, and they called me tall. He didn’t seem that short to me, he was about 4’8. I’m at least 5’6 or 5’7. It may seem like a big difference but his head reached somewhere between the top of my shoulders and my elbows. He also had more friends than me which is weird considering most extroverts have plenty of friends. It’s not like I have no friends, I just don’t have a lot of best friends. Marie is my only one. All the other people I know are just friends. At least I have a lot of time for homework. There’s always a silver lining, right?

Later that night I walked home. It was a 6 mile walk, but I didn’t care. I didn’t wanna go home. I knew what my mother had in store for me, and I wasn’t in the mood for a lecture about not picking sides in my parents divorce. I wasn’t gonna pick a side. I loved my parents equally. They both had their own good and bad qualities though. My dad was a little more easy going but when he got mad it was bad! I’m not trying to be all “poor me”, but my father was and is a very abusive man. Theres times I am scared of him, scared for my brother and mom. That’s why she left him. There was one night when it was weekend to take care of Zach and I that he slammed Zach’s head through a wall and dragged him across the trailer. I could hear his screams bounce of the walls and into my ears. I was too scared to stop my father. Once he got angry there was no stopping him.
Then there is my mom who is less easy going, and a total clean freak. The good thing about her is all she does is yell, she certainly was not abusive. She didn’t yell a lot though, it took alot for my mom to get mad. She is just very picky about stuff and likes everything to be super clean. The funny thing about my parents is that I don’t feel my dad appreciates as much as my mom. The funny thing about that is that my dad is the one who wanted us more. My mom didn’t want kids at all. She told me that one time when I was five and I started to cry and that’s when she told me about my birth and that once she was me she didn’t wanna let me go.

When I finally got home an hour after school was over my mom was waiting at the door for me. Tapping her foot rapidly, that was a bad sign. Whenever my mom tapped her foot she was either nervous or very angry. This would be one of those rare times I’d get yelled at. Once she started yelling, I thought it’d never stop.
“Where were you?!”, spit flew from her mouth onto my face.
“I walked home from school. I didn’t think you’d be that angry, it’s not too far for  a kid my age.” I replied.
“Someone could have killed you, ran you over, they could have stolen something from you!”
“Like what mom, my homework?” After I said that, her face turned bright red.
“Go to your room, now!” She yelled so loud it echoed across the house. I couldn’t really blame her. She was right. At least now I didn’t have to go through the whole parent and divorce lecture.

Next morning, when I woke up, I was sicker than a dog. Sadly, my mom had to work and so did Walter. So that left only one option, my father’s. I knew it wouldn’t be that bad considering there was a Nascar race on T.V. today. He wouldn’t miss that. Meaning he probably won’t pay much attention, but I don’t mind honestly. I’ll just lay in the recliner and read a book.
As usual my father was still asleep at 12. Which resulted in me having to make my own soup. Moments later, I ended up dropping the can of soup, and my dad woke up. I didn’t think I was ever gonna hear the end of it. Thankfully he remember that the Nascar race was starting soon so he just trundled over to the television. I finished making my soup and ate it at the table while reading a book. The book was about these two best friends who ended up realizing they were meant to be.

I enjoyed romance novels. My parents assume it’s because I was born on Valentine's Day. I never really thought it had anything to do with that. Although it was an interesting observation. Romance novels just always filled me with a great amount of emotion which I enjoyed. When people say you can have butterflies in your stomach, I can assure you that it is true. Sometimes I honestly feel like I’m gonna fly away. I never understood why I never liked any of the boys in my school, I enjoyed the thought of eventually having a boyfriend but I was certain that I wouldn’t get one that year. Fifth grade didn’t seem like a good time for that.

It was sunday. Little did I know, it would be my last guilt free day. I spent the entire day reading, and listening to music. When it was time for bed, dad called me. He told me that he was with my grandmother, she wasn’t feeling well. That wasn’t a good sign that she’d be back home any time soon. I liked being at her house. It always felt welcoming the second you stepped on the door mat. It was an older house, it was also very cute. My grandmother didn’t own the house though. Her boyfriend, Sterling did. I considered him to be my grandfather. Mainly because, I simply didn’t have any others. My mom’s dad died when I was young and my grandmother’s husband died before I was born. Sterling was a good man. I remember alot from when I was young and I remember him saying, “I’m gonna dance at your wedding, you can count on it”. I’d always tell him that I didn’t wanna get married and that boys were “Icky”. I still stick to that statement.
My dad was telling me that he’d been staying in the nursing home for about 3 days when a lady there told him to turn his phone off and let my grandmother sleep. So I said goodnight and went to bed. Not aware of what the next day would bring. Unaware that my life was about to turn upside down and change me and my life forever.

School was as usual, boring and filled with unneeded drama that could have been avoided if it weren’t for 90% of my peers. Marie wasn’t into drama and I think that’s what made us such good friends. Adam wasn’t fond of drama either but me and him just didn’t connect in a friend way. We were simply acquaintances. Kinda like me and Cameron. I didn’t expect much of a friendship from Cameron anymore. We never talked. At lunch he’d laugh at one of my jokes. I’d share a fruit roll up with Adam, Marie and him. Then we’d spend the rest of the day talking in math or just not talking. If anything was gonna make Cameron and I friends it would be math. Me and him would sit with Adam. We were like a little group of kids from Mrs. Martin’s homeroom. Everyone from Ms.Ali’s room would sit in their little group too. The other homerooms would mix up into their groups based on popularity ranking. Something I certainly didn’t belong in and didn’t want to. I was happy being an outsider.

I got off the bus like I did on a regular basis. Tired. I trundled home the same way every day, up the hill, take a right, and then I was home. Something was different today. The sky got dark and the door opened without me needing my key. My mom was home. Standing at the threshold, she had a look of concern on her face. Like she didn’t wanna say what she was about to say. My breath shortened and Walter left the room. Knowing what the outcome would be. What I would do. I wasn’t ready for these next few words that came out of my mothers mouth. I would never be ready. I would never accept them fully.

“Terra,” a long pause thickened the air and I couldn’t breathe. In that moment, I knew.
“Terra, your grandmother passed away today” She couldn’t even look at me. She just stared at her shoes. Knowing exactly what was about to happen next.

I ran up to my room with such swiftness I almost fell down the stairs. I cried until I thought my eyes were gonna bleed. By the time my mom came up to check on me I had spent 3 hours crying. She sat by my bed and hugged me. I embraced it. It wasn’t a hug from my grandmother though. She had the best hugs, and now the person I needed comfort from the most just happened to be the reason I needed a hug. How could I move on from this? Does Zach know? It was certain my dad knew but why didn’t he tell me? I nudged my mom off of me gently to call my dad. Anger infused into every breath I took. He picked up, and all the anger vanished, I started crying again. I looked in the mirror and saw my puffy, red cheeks.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” I wanted it to come out angry but it came out as though it was a feather from a bird, floating to the ground.
“Mainly because I didn’t find out until a little while before you got home from school, you’re mother decided it was best for her to tell you. I just agreed.”, I could hear a sadness in his voice that could make even the happiest person start feeling as I did in that moment. He then told me the whole story, “Like I told you, I have been with your grandmother for the past few days so I haven’t been able to shower. I got her the lunch they had made her, brought it to her, and then told her I’d be back shortly. She nodded and I left the nursing home to go take a shower quickly and come right back. I didn’t even make it to the trailer when they called and said she passed. When they told me the time it felt the whole world was in slow motion. I know how you feel right now, hun. It hurts.”

In that moment I ran, I hung up the phone and I ran. As fast as my legs could carry me. Along with everything else happening to me that day, it started to rain the second my feet came off the porch. I slipped and fell and cried in that same spot for at least 5 minutes before I decided to get up and go back inside. I thought back to the simpler moments in life while I took a shower that night. The worst part was that all the simpler moments, involved her. I cried, not just because of her, but also because I knew that this would happen again someday. I’d lose someone else I loved. Whether it be physically or emotionally. It would happen. And I was afraid of that.

When I got in bed that night I realized something. Guilt poured into every part of my body. I was drowning in it. My breath shortened. I remembered what happened saturday when I was sick, my dad offered to drive me to see my grandmother. I told him I didn’t want to because I wanted to catch up on some reading. It was then I realized, I never got to say goodbye. I never got one last hug. One last glimpse of her. All that was left were the distant memories of us.
Us picking raspberries behind her house, walking from walmart to the mall in Presque Isle, seeing my friend Alyssa in Wade, Maine. Not to mention all the small, yet significant things I thought meant nothing back then. Now they mean everything. Like one time where we weant out to eat and I got a strawberry milk. She grabbed my “Ketchup” for me, but the thing was, she didn’t grab ketchup, she grabbed hot sauce. So when I was chugging my milk and she yelled at me, I told her that my food was spicy. She picked up what she thought was a ketchup packet and started laughing. That was a memory I could never forget.

Next day was the hardest day of school ever. Once I told Marie, word got out. I was the sad girl who lost her grandmother. I title I would be burdened with for quite a long time. Eventually, Adam and Cameron found out. Cameron gave me a sad look every time we saw eachother or talked in class. I hated it. He didn’t know me at all, what gave him the right to give me sympathy? I decided to go home early so, I faked sick. Nurse believed me when I told her I threw up.

“I did the same thing the first time I lost someone I loved, I know how you feel”, That was all she said. Then she called my mom to come pick me up, which made my mother angry considering she offered me the day off already but I declined. Dumb decision on my part. I wasn’t ready for school. I wasn’t ready for life in general without her.
What would life be like? Would I be able to breathe again? Would I still feel the pain of crying hours on end until it felt as if blood had replaced the tears in my eyes? If everything happens for a reason, why would this happen to me? Had I done something wrong? Was something really good about to happen? Could I ever experience happiness again? I didn’t know it then, but something would happen. Fifth grade was going to be the worst and best year of my life.

I didn’t go back to school until Wednesday. Eyes stopped looking at me, and people stopped looking at me like I was lost. Everyone except for Marie and Cameron. It was as if Adam had completely forgotten about it. Which I didn’t mind. At lunch Cameron was really nice to me. He sat next to me where Marie usually sat and tried to talk as much as he could. Which wasn’t alot. It was almost as if he was trying to fill a void. I wondered in that moment, would this be the thing that makes us friends?

When I walked into math class that day I realized that seating had moved around. I was the last one there so I had no choice but to sit away from Adam and Cameron which honestly scared me. Ms. Ali started teaching us about absolute values so I started taking notes. My boredom must have looked like sadness because when I looked up I saw Cameron making funny faces. I laughed and got yelled at for at least 5 minutes by Ms.Ali. I didn’t care, I needed a laugh whether I was sad or bored, it didn’t really matter. After Cameron did that, my mood changed and I was somewhat happy for once since… what happened.
After Ms.Ali taught us about absolute value she called off the names of kids and what group they’d be in.
“Terra you’ll be in group 4, same for Adam and Camera” She said the names so fast she said camera instead of Cameron. The whole class started laughing, including Cameron. Ms.Ali corrected it and said she was sorry right after the laughter calmed down. Then everyone got into their groups.

“Hey so how are you, Camera?” I giggled.
He laughed and then said, “I’m good, how about you?” He giggled, attempting to mock me which only made me giggle more. He was certainly funny, there was no denying that.
“I’m better than usual”, I said, as I chewed on my pencil, a bad habit that I couldn’t get rid of.
Adam then joined the conversation by saying, “What do you mean?”
“I mean since what happened. Everyone’s been being overly nice to me and I hate it.”
“Why do you hate it?”, Asked Cameron, “It shows that people care about you”
“Mainly because I’m alot like my mother and sympathy makes me feel weak.” I looked down at my shoes and then back up at Cameron, who despite what I had just said, had a look of sympathy written all over his face.

Was Cameron right? Did it really show that people cared about me? Was I weak for getting so much sympathy? Questions I didn’t want to answer filled my conscience. Why did Cameron care that my grandmother died? Were we friends finally? I just ignored all my questions and kept on working. I knew if I answered these questions I’d just end up giving myself the answers I wanted, not the ones that were sadly true. Eventually, my train of thought broke when Cameron started saying, “Hello? Earth to Terra”. I looked up and laughed. Cameron laughed too but Adam just continued to work on the math assignment.
Eventually it was time to leave math and go to homeroom. This used to always be my favorite part of the day, but for once in my life, I was dreading it.  I guess like every kid, I wanted to go home, relax and maybe watch some television.  I was a little different though, I read books to relax when I got home instead of watching T.V. and for some odd reason I didn’t even want to do that. I just wanted to stay in math class and hang out with Cameron. He was growing on me, and I hoped that in a week or so I could start calling him my friend.

A whole week had gone by since that day in math before Cameron had talked to me again. And it was to ask me to pick up his pencil for him. The sad thing about the whole situation was that Marie was already so close with Cameron and I wasn’t. Which was a shame because I needed some more laughter since my grandmothers death. He was also kinda cute in a way. Considering what the rest of the boys in the class looked like Cameron was a close second to being the cutest boy in our class.
Thinking back to the first day of school I remembered that at the beginning of the day I looked around the room to find the two cutest boys. One of them was Cameron. I probably wouldn’t have looked to find the two cutest boys had I not known that almost everyone in my grade was dating someone or had a crush on someone.
I certainly did not plan on dating Cameron or anyone else for that matter. I just liked knowing that if I ever did need or want to ask someone out I’d have options. Although I found it weak to have to depend on someone for love. So I didn’t plan on dating anyone for a while. Don’t get me wrong, I find it sweet to need someone or to love someone so much it hurts when you’re not with them, but that doesn’t mean I can’t find it weak to be that vulnerable. And the last thing I need is to be weaker than I already am. That would be a nightmare.

Sure enough it was.

Me and Cameron were starting to bond more and we became closer. I could finally call him my friend. We definitely weren’t best friends but we were friends. We sat with each other and our friends at lunch, talked at snack time, and recess, and kept talking to each other in math. That’s what I wanted and all I wanted. Or at least I thought so. About two weeks after I started calling him my friend he also became my crush. I was terrified. The feeling of being vulnerable started to creep past me. I felt it touch my heart. I begged Mrs. Martin to let me go to the bathroom in Science when I first realized that I liked Cameron. I ran to the bathroom and puked for half an hour. With everything going on the last thing I needed was a ridiculous crush.

The more and more I talked to Cameron the more and more I noticed his qualities. He was funnier and funnier with every joke he made and cuter with every smile that pointed my way. With my grandmother gone now, who was gonna tell me that this was a terrible mistake, was it? Every little thing about crushes pointed to yes, this is a mistake but I ignored instincts. Did I even want to date Cameron? No, I did not. I could not. I should not. Girls like me don’t look right with boys like Cameron. He was smart, I wasn’t. He was popular. I wasn’t even close. He was Cameron. I was just Terra. An average girl with a sadly average life. I wasn’t good enough for someone extraordinary.

I kept it cool. At least I assumed. Nobody noticed that I liked him. I made fun of him so he’d think I hated him. That worked for a while. It worked until Marie found out. Cameron and Marie were close. I knew she’d tell him. So I did what any 5th grader would have done and gave her my gushers at snack time to keep her quiet. It was obviously worth it. The thing I hated most about not telling him was I couldn’t be his friend still. So I ignored him as much as possible to avoid the drama and heartache.

To distract myself from Cameron I focused on the other tragedies I had. It wasn’t until a month after her death, my grandmothers, that my father got her cremated. Her ashes were stuck into a bag with a gold bow and stuck in an ugly brown box that read, Doris B. Gibson. I visited my father on that cold November day. It was a week before his birthday. He would be 43. I visited him that week to celebrate. It was going okay. He was screaming but I was okay. That didn’t last for long though. Two hours after dinner I ran into his bathroom to grab my toothbrush. You have to go through his room to get to the bathroom. I ran past the T.V. and turned back when I noticed the ashes.

The tears dropped to the floor. Suddenly Cameron did not matter.
I missed her.
I needed her.
I couldn’t live without her.

I tumbled to my room and flung my closet door open. I grabbed her red sweater she gave me at the young age of 5. That was 5 years ago. I had 5 years with her then. They went by so fast. I fell to my knees. All the memories came flooding back the second I hugged the sweater and smelt her scent. I could not breathe. Pain, fear, panic, all of it came rushing. I ran to my dad’s room with tears in my eyes. He asked me what was wrong and I just gave him the sweater. He found one of her white hairs on the sweater. That was the first and only time I’d ever see my father, Thomas Gibson, cry.
For a moment we sat there together and shared our sorrows. It didn’t last long, only a few short moments. Then he was back to his usual self. I went back to my room to look at old photos and think of old memories. After a while everything felt the same. All my memories of her were dead. What was I supposed to do without her? Everything about life seemed so grey. All the black and all the white, everything I had ever known mixed into a dull, flat, and lifeless shade of grey. I took the picture of her and I was holding and smashed it off of my door and then I slid down the post of my bed and cried, I cried until my cheeks were cold from the tears and I finally stopped when I couldn’t breathe from all the pain and sadness that her death brought me. That’s when I thought to myself, this is where it goes downhill for me. Sure enough the next 3 years of my life were difficult, but the worse year was 5th grade.....(to be continued)