Don't judge me with your hateful eyes. I know you make mistakes as well. You make me feel like i am useless, like a paper aimlessly blowing in the wind. You try to push me back, and i let you. I don't want to cause trouble, but you force me into obstacle riddled paths that make me shake with fear. Why do you do this to me? Why do you make me so small? Why, Why?

People talk about life as paths. When they relate paths to life there are usually two roads. One is the easy road, full of no work and is worn out and walked on by most, then there is the second road where the hard workers tread, but what if i don't fit on any of the roads? What if i Am not meant to walk through life.

I have a memory from when i was little. I was huddled in a corner. My parents where screaming at each other. The where pushing one another, and the soon where bruised and bleeding. When they noticed me in the corner the looked sheepish. They knew i had witnessed everything that happened and knew what was best for me. " Me and mom aren't going to be together anymore sweetheart." My dad said as he picked me up and carried me to my room. He started packing my stuff in a suitcase. " Now wait a minute, we never decided you are going to take her!" My mom yelled as she started packing too. The two pulled the suitcase back and forth between each other until they looked up at me and asked, " Who do you want to go with sweetheart?" This was not a decision that a little 6 year old was suppose to make,but i knew who would be the most kind to me. " I want to go with daddy." I whispered. My dad smirked at my mom as he pulled me close. " Doesn't matter," My mom said after a few moments, " She is just a piece of nothing special." And she stormed out the door. We never saw her again.

Have you ever been in a room full of people, but you still feel lonely and hopeless? That is how I feel everyday of my life. The feeling of having people around only make the pit in my heart deeper and darker. I can't let anyone in, in fear i hold them at the border so as to make sure they don't breach the weak security that i have protecting me. " It's for the best," I repeat to myself as i watch people go in and out of the room. " It is for the best." My Father never even tries to get me to talk anymore. He knows i won't let him in either. He is a person, so he can still cause damage to my already broken heart. I am in a room full of people, and i still feel lonely. That's the only feeling I know.

Just like the seasons go and come, life goes and comes as well. Just as the rain floods then dries out life follows its path. Just as the tornado's leave destruction behind, life does that too. Life is just like nature. It does not stop to help clean up after it's self, but instead leaves people dead and injured and forces people to clean up after it. So many people go and pass in your life without a breath of a goodbye on their tongue, but life goes on, as do the seasons, the wind, and the disasters. Leaving every trouble in the past. This is it's cycle, this is how i get through the days. I repeat it goes on until i can cry no longer. It all goes on, and it always will.

People judge me silently. They act like i can't see them. I am like an organism under a microscope, constantly be observed. I am never left alone. People's stares follow me everywhere i go. They act like they know me, but they know nothing about me.  They no nothing about my life. If they felt the pain i went through day to day they would beg to die, but i live through it. I survive it. They don't know me. They don't know me at all.

Thoughts constantly run through my head. They poison me as well as keep me alive. They weave through my brain spinning webs of lies and deception. Thoughts are my misery and my pain drug. It comforts me as well as makes me want to hide in a corner. Thoughts drive me insane, but at the same time keep me sane. Thoughts don't make much sense, but i don't make sense either.

My heart falls for a guy everyday, but when he looks away from me i hurt, yet when he looks at me i feel as though he is seeing my every flaw. Why does my heart betray my with this word called love? Why does it bring me pain and others happieness? Why am i friends with depression's worst friend?

Impossible is the word which guides my life. Talking is impossible. Smiling is impossible.  Soothing the waves that are in a ever cycling storm in my mind is impossible. Impossible guides my every day routine. Making new friends is impossible, doing group work is impossible.

Life is impossible.

Music is a merciful thing. It heals all those who listen to it's sweet serene beat. It calms the demons inside my soul, and the ghosts that haunt my past. It brings me peace as i close my eyes and fall into it's Melody. The beat goes to my heart, sins float away. Troubles are gone for at least a single hopeful second.

Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers, but if Peter had depression how many pickles peppers would Peter Piper pick? He would pick none because he would feel like if he picked the peppers he would get in trouble by his family and friends if he did not pick enough. It would feel a tightning is his chest as anxiety set in. He would curl into a ball and feel like he was worthless. Don't pressure Peter Piper. You don't know what he's been through.

I never know what my final decision is. I never have to know because i go with the crowd. I never make up my own mind because my parents do it for me. I just follow what they say without a thought. That's a lie. Thoughts churn in my head, but not about what they have said. I follow them. I follow strangers because i am always undecided.

Depression is a worst nightmare to anyone. Don't judge someone and think they are weak because they have it. Everyday is a challenge as i wander down life with a blank stare. People say that you can overcome it with help. It takes more than help. It takes friends being there and understanding what i go through. It takes families being caring and loving when attacks come. It takes people that are willing to help when i feel weak and done. Depression is hard as it is, don't make it harder.

Thank you for reading my book! I appreciate all the support that i have gotten. I would like to thank my sisters for always giving me feedback and never being afraid to tell me what she thought about it. Thank you guys that voted on my book! It means a lot to know that you liked it. There will be more books coming soon so always check and see what new book i am creating. Thank you once again and i hope you enjoyed!