Little woman flips through my fingers. The soft papery feeling so comforting under my hands. I can’t even count the number of times I’ve read it, escaping into the beautiful world that is this story. This book smells like childhood, it’s touch bringing a tiny memory to the front of my head. The first time I read it I was so mesmerized. The whole story was perfectly wrapped up like a present. I soon fell in love with Louisa May Alcott after reading, begging my mother to buy me all of her books. Instead, she got me a library card and my love of fiction bloomed from there. I’d get stacks of new adventures every week, speeding through each intricately written text. Though my favorites were always the classics, periods such as regency were always so inspiring. The time period just seemed so free and elegant. What I would give to be a part of the grace that is a regency story. 

As a young girl, I would plead and cry for my mother to get me a dress just like the ones they used to wear. She would always say no, so I’d settle for draping the table cloth carefully around my body and tripping along, singing and dancing merrily. In my dreams, those exquisite dresses follow me. The beautiful silhouette and the high waistline resting carefully along my rib cage. I’ve tried my hand at sewing a dress but it just doesn’t feel the same. Examining myself in the mirror, I don’t view the true magnificent charm, I only see dark brown eyes, warm and swirly like hot cocoa. Hair dyed inky black as if a pen had exploded all over and spun itself into gentle curls. I rip the dress off, it’s still not right. I will only feel truly complete if I have a real, authentic 19th-century gown. 

My feet push off the floor and I am sprung onto my bed. My fingers trace the keyboard of my laptop, searching for the right words to type in. I search, “regency dresses.” None of it is right. It’s either too expensive or not directly from the time period. My bank account is dry as rocks and I just know I won’t be content with an off-brand dress. If only there was another way.

Apollo’s sun is gone from the sky, only Athena’s moon glistening brightly. The stars compliment her, humming a sweet song. My ears listen close as my eyes shut tightly. I carry my hands toward my chest and guide my head up, feeling the warm air in the breeze. Floral scents filling up my nose, insects chirp singing in my ears. “Please,” I whisper out soft, my mother in the other room wouldn’t hear. “Please, it’s all I’ve ever wanted.” My eyes flutter open, expecting some sort of change, but there’s nothing. Nothing at all. What a stupid plan. I fall onto my back, every ounce of hope gone, drained out of me. My wishes always go unanswered, how could I possibly expect this time to be different? 

The moon cradles me in her arms, my eyes drifting close with each passing beat of my heart. I’m drifting, drifting down a deep dark hole. Falling carefully, my dark hair a parachute above me. My breaths become rigid, no longer calm. Fear takes hold of me, swinging me around like a purse. I’m falling now- not drifting. This anxiety rushing through me with a wave of the ocean. Ink blackness begins to form below me. I’m dead. I know I’m dead. Suddenly I see, dresses? I want to touch them but I’m moving too fast, falling toward the shadow that will soon consume me.

My eyes shudder open quickly, my heart still beating, a cheetah running fast. My hands grab for the sheets under me, some comfort to aid a bad dream, but there’s nothing soft or familiar at all under me, just cold tile. I examine my surroundings. My eyes begin to focus. This is not my room at all. There are so many people around me, shocked looks plain on their faces. I reach for my head. Am I still dreaming? I try and pinch myself but I’m still here, in this big room with too many people, all staring darts into me. A man, almost a giant, with long slim legs begins to walk toward me. He comes into view, reaching out his hand toward me. I cower in fear, my legs hardly moving. What is going on? Where am I? I scan his outfit, it’s familiar, a bell ringing in my head. A long blue coat with a tail, as well as an M-shaped lapel.

“What year is this?” The words only a murmur, barely audible. 

“1813” The man's voice is charming almost. He speaks so formally as if he’s an actor in a play. A short red-headed woman quickly chases him, hiding behind his shoulder when she sees me. I spot her eyes poking out, green tree leaves flowing in the wind shine through them. She sports a peach-colored empire-style gown with long puffy sleeves. The dress ends just before her feet, ruffles along with the whole silhouette. She looks like a princess, a look I have always aspired to have. A dress I’ve always wanted. “Where are you from, I may ask? Are you sick?” His eyes stare down at me with judgment flowing through. 

“I’m from 2020, this sounds very crazy.” My feet carry me off the floor, I stand straight. My legs feel so bare looking at all these women, long dresses, their eyes all looking at me as if they’d never seen such a thing. I’m only wearing a short black skirt and a comfortable t-shirt. 

“A time traveler? How is that even possible.” The slim man laughs, encouraging the others to as well. Some make attempts but most guests just looked frightened, or possibly even angry.

“I’m not entirely sure how I got here, to be honest.” I’m still taking in my surroundings. The beautiful architecture and artworks that cover the walls. Men and women dressed in their finest attire. I’ve always wished for life so luxurious, maybe this is finally my moment? Finally, I can become a princess- a queen. I feel my eyes light, a glimmer beaming off of them. A warm bubble of green greed growing inside of me like a vine wrapping itself through every corner of me. I want this life for myself. I want these elegant dresses to be mine. I need it all. I straighten my back, a new wanting inviting its hand in front of me. If I can’t have this life, I will just have to take it. 

I rise above them like clouds, but I am strong and sturdy as a mountain. I clear my throat, urging myself to speak clearly. “So are you having a ball,” my words come out strong and tough, creating a new aura to the room? The people surrounding me, their eyes begin to change, fear consuming them. Hearts are beginning to beat faster, partners grab each other's hands as if I’m a monster. 

“Yes,” the man is trying to keep himself composed but he can see I am no longer scared. That I am standing tall, without fear, greed reflecting off of me as if I’m the sun. “This party is actually celebrating my engagement to my fiance.” He gestures toward the petite figure standing beside him. 

“How lovely,” my feet trace the ground, inching closer to the couple. Their pupils dilate. The redhead is trying to move back but the tall man stands steady with a protective force. “I’m sorry, I must be very rude, I should introduce myself. Hi, I’m Stevie.” A wicked smile spreads across my face.

“I’m Peregrine.” He stretches out his hand for me to shake. I take it then look at the tiny woman hiding behind him as if a shadow. He moves so her features are more clear. Seeing her entire face enrages me even more. She’s beautiful, clear skin with paint splashes of tiny brown freckles. Blushed cheeks and perfectly straight red hair like the leaves in autumn. Green eyes fresh as grass, so pure and hopeful. “This is Theodosia.” I stretch out my hand to her but she just looks at me as if I’m stupid. Hesitantly, she decides to meet mine, soft skin grazing across my palm. Our eyes meet quickly then she looks away as if I’m Medusa and going to turn her into stone. 

“Well,” I clear my throat, “congrats on the engagement.” My eyes search my surroundings, something to spark an idea into my mind. A man begins to walk over, I recognize him as the Master of Ceremonies, someone who directs and is in charge of the ball. “Where do you keep your dresses?” I flutter my eyes kindly toward the tiny woman called Theodosia. 

“Um, excuse me?” She looks to Peregrine but he just smiles lightly and gestures for her to show me. “Okay,” her eyes roll slightly, her entire body tensing up like she’s a bomb about to explode. “I keep a few over here.” She mumbles, barely audible. She begins to move her little legs, as I follow we pass the Master of Ceremonies who seems to be walking toward Peregrine. We meet each other's gaze, his plain brown eyes meeting mine. He seems very strict, strong. 

Theodosia leads me to a small room filled with dresses, wall to wall. I immediately rush over, racing my fingers along with the soft fabrics. Some are soft and velvety while others feel more sturdy. A smile flashes across my face, I need all of these beautiful dresses. “I’ve always wanted one of these.” I look over to Theodosia, she’s standing awkwardly to the side.

“How does time travel work?” Curiosity is painted across her face, her eyes turning a bright emerald shade. “Never mind- I shouldn’t have asked that.” Her chin turns down, roses blooming across her cheeks. 

“I’m actually not sure,” my fingers are still searching for the perfect dress, maybe I can even dance at the ball? Who knows how long I’ll be able to stay here, I hope forever! “I’m going to take a bunch of these, is that okay? Do you have a bag?” I turn to her, my tone is demanding, but I don’t care. I will have to make a life here somehow, and if this is how it has to be done, then so be it.

She gulps, her hands shaking, “yes of course my lady.” She sifts through a small chest and pulls out a medium-sized bag. It’s white and embroidered with a string to handle it with. 

“Thank you,” I try to meet her gaze again but she keeps looking away. “I probably need some shoes too don’t you think?” Excitement bleeds out of me like water from a faucet. 

“Mhm…” She looks distantly off at a painting on the wall. A pale woman sits with a child in her lap. The child and the woman wear bright smiles, joy, a pleasant feeling. 

“Is something wrong?” My legs walk toward her, my hands reaching for her chin, moving her so our eyes meet. She’s shaking with fright, being this close her features gleam even more gorgeous, though as I look into her eyes sadness is so prevalent. Something is very wrong here. 

“I- how is it like in the future? For women I mean- for everyone really. Is it nice?” Her eyes are searching mine, searching for something that I’m completely unsure of.

“Women can vote and work and do everything a man can if that’s what you’re asking? We even protest and stuff,” I laugh, the dresses in my bag slipping slightly. The greed and strength I’ve been wearing like a veil all day slipping away with each passing breath. “I’d consider myself a feminist actually,” a laugh escaped my lips. 

“What is that?” She looks puzzled, one of her fingers twirling through her hair. 

“It’s like a word for people who protest for women’s rights.”

“When I get married…” She breathes heavily, “I lose everything.” Her eyes so clearly show this pain that she’s been holding with her for so long. “Peregrines nice but-” a tear falls down her face. “I don’t want this. I don’t want to marry someone. I don’t want everything taken away from me. Please help me. Take me to the future with you!” Her hands lock onto my arms, her neck craned up to look at me. “Please,” more tears are pouring down her face like a beautiful waterfall. 

“But I don’t know how to get back- life will be so different. I want to stay here I-” I can’t look her in the eyes anymore, only stuck in my thoughts. Will my selfishness consume me again, this greed, this need for this lavish lifestyle- or will I help this poor innocent girl who just wants to escape her miserable life, her destiny that weighs on her like a big bag of rice?

“Please!” She slaps her hands onto my cheeks, forcing me to look at her. The glorious green leaves swaying in the wind have become mudded, dirty water.

“I-” My brain is fighting a battle that I can’t seem to end. What is the right answer? Everything's so blurry, I can’t see. They’re pushing each other, hurling one another across the room that is my mind. Pushing against the walls, making my ears sting like sour lemons.  I can’t breathe, please make it stop, all of it. “Fine.” I grab her tiny wrists, “but I don’t know how to get back so keep your hopes low. Also, I’m taking some of these dresses.”

“Alright!” Her face shows pure glee, her fingers lace into mine. “How do we get back?” 

“Well- last time I asked the world if they’d give me my wish, then I went to sleep. I guess they must have granted it.”

“Well, then should we ask for a wish!”

“I guess,” I shrug. We walk over to a quiet spot near a window. The moon is bright, extremely clear, with no clouds or trees in sight. We get on our knees and fold our hands together in front of us. “I wish to go home.”

At first, it’s as if it hasn’t worked, just like last time, but suddenly my hands feel all tingly. I’m falling, falling again, though it’s a familiar feeling this time. This time a pretty girl in an outfit I used to envy is holding my hand, gripping with all her might. This must scare her. The purples and blacks surrounding us all look so familiar. The feelings of wind rushing through my ears, hair being swept up and untidy. I close my eyes and open them carefully, feeling a change in the atmosphere. I’m back home, feeling the amazing warmth of my bedsheets, so nice under my fingertips. I look up, searching, Theodosia sits next to me, clearly overwhelmed with shock. 

“Welcome to 2020,” I push her playfully, laughing at a grin that spreads across her face, a tear running down quickly. 

“Thank you,” her hands squeezed mine tighter, for once I felt completely content.