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If We Collide
May 8, 2012
Summary:
when Es's mother unexpectably dies, she is left to run the kindom on her own. but with the ever looming possiblility of war, she has to take durastic measures. she surrendures herself to the enemie to save her sector. with no hope of being rescued her days are short lived. until she meets Damon.
musicalginger
If We Collide
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JOIN THE DISCUSSION
This book has 17 comments.
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on Jul. 18 2012 at 10:36 am
Thanks so much!
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on Jul. 18 2012 at 10:35 am
thanks!
BorderlineGenius777 SILVER said...
on Jul. 18 2012 at 4:37 am
Not bad, not bad. I like it!
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2012 at 9:27 am
ok thanks ill definitley work on that
FluteFreak SILVER said...
on May. 18 2012 at 12:49 pm
This is a nice beginning, but I have found a few typos such as you said "to advanced" when you should use "too" and you also tend to jump from scene to scene with very little transition...
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2012 at 7:17 pm
Thank you! i will definitley write more and focus more on the details and making them flow better throughout the story!
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2012 at 7:15 pm
Thanks sooooo much! ill work on it some more and get back to you!
Forevernever said...
on May. 15 2012 at 4:45 pm
I agree with Atl. It is a nice start, however with a little more editing and effort I feel it could be much improved. For me the story so far lacks flow, it's a bit fragmented, as if you're showing us a series of pictures instead of a movie. I'm very interested to find out what's going to happen further into the story and look forward to that. Keep writing!
Atl.Braves03 BRONZE said...
on May. 15 2012 at 3:42 pm
You have a really good start. My advice would be to go over your word choices. There were times when I thought you coud have made the scene perfect with a little more vivid adjectives or verbs. Besides that, just take time to read some of the works of great writers such as Steinbeck or Tolkien and learn from them so that you can just keep getting better and better. Good luck!
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 14 2012 at 7:46 pm
if anyone has anymore comments or ways to make this story better, they are appreaciaed greatly =D
(did i spell appreciated right?)
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 14 2012 at 7:44 pm
Thanks! Im glad u like it!
humanbean said...
on May. 12 2012 at 10:45 pm
Awesome story! Its really good :D Hope u write more
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 11 2012 at 11:51 am
ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(
O----o-----0------O--------O
there it goes
boringbrunette BRONZE said...
on May. 11 2012 at 11:51 am
ANYONE THERE???? i see a dust weed floating across the screeen =(
O----o-----0------O--------O
there it goes
2 articles 0 photos 34 comments
Favorite Quote:
either lead me, follow me, or get outta my way!!! (if i could so humbly implore you)