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Alien Desolation
May 6, 2014
Summary:
The O.S.S Gutenberg...The third orbital station ever built has succumbed to a dark, dangerous beast...The Xenomorph... The Ultimate, Most ruthless predator...Will anyone survive?
Alex M.
Alien Desolation
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This book has 12 comments.
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on May. 19 2014 at 11:33 pm
Alright. I promise it was excellent. I just get nitpicky when I see a lot of potential in something.(:
Opticalillusion DIAMOND said...
on May. 19 2014 at 1:37 pm
Thanks for getting to it, First I would like to say that weyland and webber are two different people. Second thanks for pointing out the errors. (Truly hard to find people who do so.) In the second chapter I only made doctor ross who is honestly just a doctor not a scientist and the engineer have small talk to show their reltionship.
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on May. 19 2014 at 12:12 pm
This comment isn't posting all the way... I meant to have like a whole other section. I'll try later.
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on May. 19 2014 at 12:11 pm
(Sorry about this mess)
TaylorWintry DIAMOND said...
on May. 19 2014 at 12:09 pm
Alien Desolation Cmmt: I told you I would get to it! (: I write my comments live btw so it may be kind of long. I apologize in advance. Ch 1 - Already love the chapter title. Pretty cool. If you're talking about how refined the ship is, I wouldn't use the word "scraps." That's kind of a nitpicky diction thing, but it makes a difference. Be careful with your grammar and punctuation inside dialogue. I know it might be something you might not want to focus on, but it's still necessary. Don't worry too much; it's a pretty ubiquitous problem. You also changed Webber/Weyland's name. Make sure your stuff is consistent. Again with the dialogue grammar... Here's an easy fix... Put your writing into more paragraphs, that is, separate it more just for the ease of the reader. I also feel the like the scientists would describe things in more detail than how they are. I understand if you're trying to make it easier for the reader, but you also have to make it realistic. Wow, I love the drama and intensity near the end. Really cool and it made me want to keep reading... Which I shall. Ch 2 - why would the scientists be making such small talk if everyone is dying??? I do like how casual the scientists are speaking. It makes it seem like it's not even scripted, like its a real conversation. I really like the description of the girls head wound. That was gruesome and awesome! Umm... I don't know anything about welding torches, but don't they need a cord to work? I might be wrong, but it's just a question of realism. "I kept the flashlight on the door with my mouth."
82northern said...
on May. 16 2014 at 11:41 am
good book its more than brilliant its fabulous
Sunshine2420 SILVER said...
on May. 15 2014 at 11:37 am
Brilliant!
Opticalillusion DIAMOND said...
on May. 15 2014 at 11:04 am
Teen onk= *Teen Ink* Spelling error.
Lightning_Wolf_Ryu SILVER said...
on May. 14 2014 at 12:20 pm
nice work
Opticalillusion DIAMOND said...
on May. 13 2014 at 8:27 am
The last sentance of the first chapter is supposed to end like -Webber spoke with a happier tone. - Teen onk screwed it up in the editing process. Thank you for reading.
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Favorite Quote:
"Never fear shadows. They simply mean there's a light shining somewhere nearby." - Unknown