My father died. He really did it. I was starting to lose faith in the old guy, but he actually proved to be reliable for once in his life. It was no secret to anyone living on the east side of West 3rd Street that we didn’t like him. He was a drunk, and didn’t bother hiding it. He made inappropriate advances on women at bars while my mother waited patiently for him at home. He was involved in things he had no business being a part of. We’d get questions on the way to and from any and every event we attended “How do you guys afford all that?” I was taught to smile and nod while walking away or simply throw a “God blessed us.” their way, but nobody ever believed that. We lived in mystery, or at least my father did. My mother and I never had issues hiding his profession, because we never knew what it was. For years we lived in a content unknowingness of what he really did. It still makes me sick to think that I bragged to all of my old hometown friends, “My father’s an international salesman.” Looking back at it, I should have known, his appearance was always so unkempt and sloppy, but I guess that’s the type of thing you don’t notice as a kid. My father never obtained the witty or charming qualities that it takes to be a salesman. In fact, if you said one wrong word to him, you’d end up on the ground with a black eye, and that went for my mother and I as well. Maybe that’s why being a bank robber was much more suited to him.

Immediately my heart sank as I realized how much debt my father had left for us. No, not the kind with banks or debt collectors, but instead with cold blooded criminals. No matter how bad of a person my father was, he always made sure that we were separated from the threat. He couldn’t do that anymore, not now that he was dead. Even though he was gone and I couldn’t shed a tear if I tried, I couldn’t help but feeling enraged at the fact that he was still screwing us over, even from beyond the grave. I was finding it increasingly harder to breathe, and reached for my inhaler as quickly as I could. I pushed the thoughts of debt to the back of my mind, and decided that I’d deal with that issue when it came to me. For now, nobody had come knocking on our door, and I had no reason to believe that they would.

After a while I knew my father was a bank robber, and I knew he liked to get involved in things he shouldn’t. However, the day that he told me about his debt, was when I finally made the decision to cut him out of my life. My reasoning may seem stupid, but at the time it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He had robbed his first bank when he was 20. It was a small town bank, one where the cops were about an hour away and they had practically no chance of catching him. He knew the cameras hadn’t been updated in about 18 years, which meant the quality was likely very poor. He fell in love with the thrill, and the money. He loved the attention he’d get walking into any room. It soon became more of an addiction, than a job. After a while, he had gotten sloppier when robbing banks, sometimes throwing back a few drinks before, and not hiding himself as well as he should have. Never once did he entertain the thought of being caught though. 

It was a rainy day when what I was dreading finally came. It didn’t come as I had expected. When the scene played in my mind, it had been violent. The thieves bursting the door open to my home. The door that had trapped in the love that my mother and I had created over the last 18 years, opened, releasing the safety from our haven. Coming in and pushing my mother around, possibly inflicting harm on both of us. No, it wasn’t like that at all. It was, in a sense, much worse. There was a knock at the door, I looked at my mother dread on both of our faces, we didn’t get many visitors and knew that this would be the last time our lives were anything close to normal. In a hushed tone, I told her to go to the bedroom and grab any weapons she could find to protect herself. We’d gone over this plan thousands of times, but she always showed her resistance. That’s why it didn’t surprise me much when she shook her head no and stayed seated on the couch.

 I got up and opened the door as three men greeted me from the other side. They didn’t look evil or mean. They looked, normal. All wearing jeans and jackets, like it was a uniform. They smiled at me, and waited for an invitation in. I felt stuck, like I couldn’t quite form a word, but couldn’t shake my head no either. Soon enough I stepped back as if to let them know they could enter, and they did. Few words were exchanged at first, but once they took a seat on the worn down leather couch, it began. The stockier guy, who I guessed was the leader started, “I’m guessing you know why we’re here.” I didn’t want to admit that I did, or that I knew what was expected of me, but I had to. As I began to shake my head yes, I made out one of the faces that now sat in front of me. Kyle Jacobs. He had been 3 grades above me at my school. He knew the type of guy I was. He knew that I never missed a test, always studied and got perfect grades. He knew that I always helped where I was needed and that sometimes my kindness was easy to take advantage of. Most of all, he knew that I wasn’t capable of whatever they were about to ask me for. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t make eye contact with me. 

“Then this shouldn’t take long,” The hefty man continued, “We need what we need, and since your pops didn’t get us that, it falls to you two. I think both of us know that he left you guys a lot of money, prolly won’t amount to anything, but we’ll take that.” I sighed in relief, if that was all they needed then by all means, they could take it. I’d even offer it with a smile on my face, my mother and I could still make it. I didn’t want my fathers dirty money anyways.

 The other man who was tall and slender noticed the hint of relief on my face and interjected, “That’s not all we need though is it boss?” I sank back in my seat. As the leader shifted he continued, “No, not even close. Sorry to say it kiddo, but you gotta find a way to make up for some of the things your father stole as well.” My eyes began to burn and I screamed in my mind to not let a tear fall, to not let them see my weakness. What they just told me was worse than a death sentence, it was a forced invitation to a lifetime of running. I thought, or hoped at least, that they would just leave. I understood the message, and they didn’t need to go on. He began again, “You could come work with us, but I doubt you have the grit for that. Either way you gotta get us about 300,000 bucks more.” My mind raced and I almost passed out, there was no way I could get that from my job, I knew what he meant. I wanted to say something back and before my mind could tell me to stay quiet I blurted out, “Most banks don’t even hold that much money on hand at a time.” He eyed me up and down, clearly he didn’t take me as someone who would talk back, and I wasn’t. You could label me as almost anything, but stupid wasn’t one of them. His lips started to move before I could hear his next words, “Guess you’ll have to find a different way to get it. Let’s hope you can, because I don’t want to have to hurt your pretty mother over here.” She flinched when he said it. I felt my anger run up my throat before the next words came up almost like vomit, “Get out of my house.” I said it quietly, but it was still a demand more than a request. 

He looked at me quickly and I could tell that he was biting his tongue and clenching his teeth. He shook his head and got up then I heard it. He didn’t say anything, just let out a cruel loud laugh. He didn’t even look at me when he did, just laughed and walked out. The two men followed him, but Kyle took one look back at me before he left my home forever. The look was filled with sympathy, and understanding. As if, this is how they roped him in as well. The door slammed and I could tell my mother was crying before I looked at her. 

After a few minutes had passed and I didn’t exchange a word with her, I grabbed my coat and walked out of the place that I once considered safe. The air was new somehow, like it was now thick and hard to swallow. I never thought much about God, but looking up at the sky I let a curse fall from my lips as I realized that whatever his “plan” was, ended in me living a life of crime. I walked for hours, letting the rain wash away any of the heat that I radiated. I kept walking even when the water seeped through my shoes and soaked my new socks. I smiled down at the sight, realizing that normally this is the kind of thing that would ruin my day. The kind of thing that, under any normal circumstance, would warrant me to put a label on the day as “I’ve had better”. I couldn’t stop myself as a small chuckle escaped my lips, this was the best thing to happen to me today. In that moment I realized that there was so much unknown in life. I could get hit by a bus now, and inevitably die, or I could go rob a bank and die behind bars. I could live a life without my mother, or maybe my dad would come back from the dead. Possibilities in this life were seemingly endless. I knew which set of those possibilities were more likely though, and I also knew what I needed to do about that. 

I reached the phone out of my pocket and dialed the only number I knew by heart. There were two short rings before an exhausted voice answered at the other end, “Hello? Wyatt? I haven’t talked to you in months…” She let her voice trail off in thought before picking it up again, “How have you been?” How was I supposed to answer a question that there wasn’t a real answer to? I ignore the question quickly and whisper, “Hey, ‘s been too long. Can we meet up? I’m thinkin’ Donnie’s at 7” I hated the way my voice sounded when I spoke to her. I knew she deserved so much better it was unreal, but I also knew that she would give into me whenever I asked. I told myself I wouldn’t bother her anymore, try and let her move on, but this could be the last time I get to talk to her. I can’t just let that go. She didn’t really agree, or disagree for that matter I just heard a quiet “mhm” and knew that she’d be there. It’s not that I didn’t treat her right, or that we had huge issues that made us toxic together, we just never really seemed to work out. Everytime we got closer than the last, and for some reason we’d break harder than before. We both knew the smart thing was to call it quits before the break became unsurvivable. She’s still the only thing I’ve known comfort in, aside from my mother. 

I sit in our usual booth at Donnie’s and wait for her to come in through the door like she has so many times before. I’d see her thick tightly wound brown hair that just barely touches the top of her shoulders. I was hoping I’d get to see her bright smile matched with her kind brown eyes and feel, even for just a moment, like the world would be okay. All of these features mixed with her dark complexion made me melt every time I saw her. When she opened the door, my eyes fell and a knot of fear and rage twisted in my stomach. She looked beaten down, like she had just fought a ghost and then gave up from exhaustion. The bags under her eyes told me the story of the many sleepless nights she’d been enduring. I know she’d never tell me about them, she wouldn’t want to stress me out over it, that’s the kind of person she was. Unless something was seriously wrong, which I wouldn’t doubt considering how the rest of my life is going at the moment. As her eyes caught mine she mustered up the biggest smile she could and forced it out at me. I’m guessing she saw the look on my face that offered up every emotion I was trying to hide, because she quickly rushed over to the table. 

Once she sat she said, “Hello how are you, it’s been so long.” She spit it out quickly and in a rushed tone hoping that I wouldn’t focus on how out of her mind she looked. It didn’t work on me though, because I quickly tossed an answer around in my mind before spitting it out, “ I’ve been fine. What’s wrong?” She scoffed and picked up a menu without answering me. I could see her dark brown eyes scanning the menu hoping that I would leave the subject alone, but we both knew I wouldn’t. If there was one thing I knew about this situation I’ve been recently thrown into, it’s that if I was going to die, which was more than likely, I couldn’t leave the people I cared about in danger. After a minute had passed she began to speak, “They came to my house Wyatt.” My stomach lurched as I tried to understand what she said. There was no way the men that came to my house would have had time to connect the two of us, there was no possible way that they’d know. Except for Kyle Jacobs, he knew about it. There was no reason for them to though, I never said no and it had only been a matter of hours since they visited my mother and I. 

“Who came to your house?” I said in a voice a tiny bit above a whisper. I tried to sound intimidating, but it just came off as more shocked and scared, which was more fitting to who I was anyways. She shook her head instead of answering and made the smallest gesture with her head out the window. My eyes slowly panned to the window, where my breath hitched in my throat as I took in the sight. My mouth went dry and I saw the three men that visited me earlier, all standing at the tail end of a black SUV. It took them about a minute before they realized I was looking at them, and when they did, they placed their hands on their waists to let me know they were armed, if I tried to do anything out of the ordinary. I wasn’t planning on acting out, and I wasn’t sure why they decided this was necessary to get me to follow their plan. Couldn’t I have one last normal day? I knew I would do it either way eventually, I just didn’t expect them to think I was going to get on it right away. 

Kara’s small voice caught my attention, “Don’t worry, they didn’t do anything to me. Just some threats and told me I was useful, as long as you still had your debt.” She winced as she spoke the word debt. She and I both knew this was very much my father’s debt and it had fallen to me, through their broken system. I nodded a tight lipped smile at her and replied, “I’m gonna figure this out. I’m sorry you had to go through that.” As soon as those words left my mouth an expression I couldn’t read crept across Kara’s face and the next words she spoke sent chills down my spine. 

“You can’t. You’re a good person Wyatt. I know what they’re asking you to do and you can’t do that. I care too much about you to let you throw your whole life away like that. You were never your father and you can’t be asked to pay for what he did. I don’t care what they do to me and I don’t care what they do to your mother. You’re worth more than some stolen money.” 

I blinked at her not knowing what else to say. There was no way I’d ever let anything happen to Kara let alone my mother. I couldn’t, my brain wouldn’t let me go there. Apparently I started talking because the next thing I heard was, “Unfortunately that’s not up to you Kara.” I swallowed hard before continuing, “You may not care, and you may think that I’m worth more than this, but I don’t. At the end of the day this was always gonna be my destiny. I didn’t choose it, and I don’t like it, but it’s the way it is.” My tears started to burn at the back of my eyes, but I kept them back there, enduring the burn without letting them fall. I knew Kara wouldn’t let this go easily, she’d known me my whole life, but I wasn’t prepared to let anyone other than me pay for my father’s debt. 

She clearly couldn’t keep the tears contained as well as I could because they were already streaming down her face. She shook her head and looked down at her hands where she picked at her nails. She let out a shaky breath before saying, “You’ve done nothing to deserve this. Don’t let them control you. Don’t let your dad ruin your life from beyond the grave. You don’t have to worry about him anymore.” She was right and I knew it, but even if I threw caution to the wind and told these guys no, it’s not my dad that would pay. Somehow the rest of my life was going to be controlled by my father, and he wasn’t here, it was just something I had to accept. 

I stood up from the booth and looked down at Kara.The scariest thing to me was that nothing had really changed yet, and still everything was different. I hated that I brought this stress and worry onto Kara and I hated that she couldn’t get away from it. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, this would follow her around for the rest of her life. 

I leaned down and wrapped my arms around her. She continued to cry, and all I could do was tell her that it was going to be okay. After a few minutes had passed I pulled away from her and looked into her eyes. I could feel my emotions starting to take over, so before I could let a sob out, I whispered, “We’ll be alright, you know?” She nodded and gave me a sad smile. We stared at each other in comfortable silence for a few seconds before I spoke up, “Bye Kara, I’ll be seeing you.” I could tell by the way her lip trembled that she was trying not to make this harder for me. 

“I’ll always be seeing you.” She whispered and I caught a small, but genuine smile cross her face. I turned my back and started to walk away, because I knew that if I didn’t walk now, I wouldn’t ever. My feet were carrying me, but my brain was screaming to stop and turn around. I wouldn’t, it would be better for her this way. I walked out the back door of Donnie’s, the one he had entrusted Kara and I with years ago. I still remember, it was 2 in the morning and I was craving one of his burgers after a night out, and he closed up shop, but let us in through the hidden entryway. We spent that night eating and laughing so hard we forgot what our lives were like. That was the thing about Kara, she had a way of making you forget about every bad thing in your life. 

I didn’t want to pass the men out front because I knew they would just tell me things I already knew. Perhaps they’d beat me up, but that’s neither here nor there. I wasn’t planning on interacting anymore today. They had their claws so deep in my life, I couldn’t imagine what else they wanted from me. The rage swirled in my stomach as I thought about Kyle Jacobs, telling his two friends about Kara. 

As I exited the back door, the cool night greeted my skin and I started walking quickly towards my home. I hadn’t been back there all day, but the thought of being away from it for a second longer made me walk faster. The walk was quick and I didn’t really take time, like I usually do, to look at and admire all the buildings and trees I grew up around. Once my foot was landing on my doorstep I turned the handle quickly and almost threw myself inside. 

My mother was sitting on the couch, it looked as if she hadn’t moved since I left about 5 hours prior. She didn’t look up at me as I entered the house. She just stared at the ground muttering something under her breath and as I walked towards her I leaned close to her trying to hear what it was. As I did that she jumped and yelled whatever it was she was earlier whispering, “What have I done? What have you done?” I felt my whole body tense and my stomach clenched in the most unnerving way. I was so distracted and caught up in what I was feeling I never even stopped to think about how my own mother would react to the news. 

She looked at me and her usually light brown eyes were dark and filled with regret and worry. As I really began to take in her appearance she began to shake. I felt tears threatening to fall from my eyes, but I knew I had to be strong for her at the moment.
I walked over to her and wrapped my arm around her, and I felt her really let go. She was sobbing into me and releasing words like they were trapped inside her for years and years. I couldn’t make out any of what she was really saying, but I knew she somehow found a way to blame herself for my fathers wrongdoings. All I could do in that moment was hold the woman who raised me as she felt her whole world crumbling around her. 

After a while the tears let up a little bit, and she could finally form a coherent sentence, “Wyatt, you can’t do this.” I knew at some point she would try to talk me out of this, just like Kara did, but I couldn’t hear it. I wouldn’t be able to leave this house just like my father had so many times if she was looking at me begging me not to go. 

“Mom, please don’t. I’m begging you to not do this. You know what I have to do, I don’t like it either, but I’ll do it and it’ll be done.” I rushed my sentence because I still felt like my lungs were going to give out. This time when she looked at me there was understanding. Both of us were commiserating in what my father had left behind for us. We knew it was unfair, but there was nothing we could do to change it. If there was one thing my mother wanted more than for me to leave this house and come back innocent, it was to come back alive. We both knew there wasn’t a chance of that happening if I didn’t do what was demanded of me. 

Our short conversation was enough motivation for me to understand that I had to get this done with. I held my mother close before placing a soft kiss on her forehead and standing up. I went to the back room that used to belong to my father and grabbed a bag out of his closet. I knew what was in the bag, I had seen him leaving the house with it too many times to not get it by now. 

As I walked back out my mother looked at the bag in my hand and frowned, but all I could say before I let the sobs break loose was, “I love you, I’ll be back soon”. I turned around and slammed the door behind me. I started to run down the steps, scared that someone would see me, but I don’t know what I was trying to hide in the first place. 

The bag on my back made a lot of noise and I knew I needed to find a place to get everything together for my trip to the bank tonight. There was a sleek black gun and a ski mask followed by my father’s very own bottle of vodka. I found it shocking that you needed so little to really rob a bank, but I guess it made sense in a way, you always leave with more than you came with. I jogged for a while with the bag on my back, it made me wince as I thought about how similar it felt to running out of school with a heavy backpack on. My life would no longer be so simple. I finally reached a corner that had a long alley between two buildings and stopped. I resisted the urge to laugh as I scanned my surroundings. How ironic that there was a police station in one direction and the bank in the other. I pushed the thought out of my mind as I lowered the bag to the ground. No better place than a dark hidden street to get ready for a bank robbery right? 

I hunched over in the alley way and let the cool darkness of the night swallow me whole. I spent my whole life trying to get away from this life, not succumb to it. A lifetime of tragic endings, and I might just have to subscribe to it. I knew there were ups and downs. Wrongs and rights, but what would I choose to do. I always convinced myself I was different. Just because my dad was a bank robber doesn’t mean I have to be one too right? Wrong. Debts needed to be paid, money my mom had no chance of paying. I felt like maybe I had a choice, but if I really had a choice then death wouldn’t be waiting for my mother and I at our doorstep. I’ll die some way or another, if not from the people who’ll come to collect payment on my father’s behalf, the guilt will swallow me whole. My feet start moving before I picture what’ll happen if I don’t give them their money. I turn away from the bank and picture the next few minutes if I go through with it. Maybe I could tell them it’s okay because I’m not actually dangerous. See them reaching for the button that signals the police, the second I walk in with a mask over my head. Or I could go to the police. I’m sure if I show them the position I’m in they won’t arrest me. Deep down, I know this isn’t true, they can’t do anything for me now, but I’d like to close my eyes and take a few moments to myself in a world where I’m not a criminal. I need to breathe, fill my lungs before I’m forced to later enter my childhood home as a thief. My mom needs me, without me she’s like a flower in a hurricane; beautiful, but doesn’t stand a chance. So at the corner of West 3rd street and park avenue, I walk away from the police station and towards the bank.