I was the first one awake, and refused to wake anyone else up, because that would mean I would get to go to the Grand Canyon even earlier (totally what I want to do, no sarcasm involved AT ALL) So, instead, I just ordered room service from CanyonBot and asked him to engage silent mode to make sure they stayed asleep for as long as possible.

I ordered 25 Canyon Cakes with Arizona-style syrup (NEWS FLASH: Arizona doesn't have its own syrup, they were just being extra), with a side of 500 sausage links, and a 15-gallon container of orange juice, and a free funnel cake for twenty-five extra dollars (What the heck does that mean?!!!). You know, for the six of us. It only cost $3,000. Plus tax. Make that 20% tax. That makes it $3,600 (Hotels, am I right?????).

I went into the bathroom—trying not to wake them up—and said good morning to my parents. After I hung up, I brushed my teeth, washed my hands (don't know why, I would be going to the Grand Canyon of dirtiness in a few hours), and used the bathroom.

As soon as I opened the door, five bodies jumped on me and tackled me to the ground.

They all chuckled. "We got you!" they all said in unison.

That was just the beginning of a looooong day.

They were all already dressed, so I figured they couldn't have been asleep the entire time. Oh, I was more than right. They had been awake since seven o'clock in the morning! Who does that? And how were you able to stay in a stationary position the entire time, so much so that I thought you were actually asleep?

I had bigger problems to worry about, though. I had to go to the bottom of the Grand Canyon today, and it didn't sound like fun, just a fast and easy way to end up stuck there for the rest of my life. Now, granted, those five would be stuck there, too, but I'm more concerned about—hello!?—me.

And I didn't know that the Grand Canyon was over a mile deep. Now, I've taken several laps on that 200-foot tall hill at 8th and East in Richmond, but that compared to 5,280 feet is nothing. And it's even deeper than that.

Now, with all of this pressure, you'd probably expect me to go tell them that I didn't want to go to the Grand Canyon and why right about now. However, we have this policy. Like a written, official policy. It says, and I quote, "Don't chicken out or you get the tuna." For those of you who don't know, "the tuna" is just our way of shortening a very harsh consequence. That consequence would be when we open a can of tuna on your head. Now, don't worry, you don't have to worry about that at all, I have no idea where you live, what your name is, what you like to eat, your family, or your social security number. But my great uncle might; he works for the FBI.

I'm getting off topic. The point is, there's no backing away now. Like, would you like the tuna? Exactly. We haven't had anyone get the tuna, and it's a good thing for that, too. Your hair smells like tuna forever, tuna always falls out of your hair unexpectedly... at least that's what Dr. Shirley Manning's post on Pinstagram said. Once I stopped panicking, I was already at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. And that's when I started walking in circles imagining the worst like any normal person would do. I spent the next hour filling the helicopter with heavy rocks, you know, just in case. Afterward, I attached a 2000-foot rope to my backpack and met the rest of the group on the other side of the canyon.

You know, if you knew anything about the Grand Canyon, you know that there's some water in it. There's a little bit of land on each side of the water. I kind of left out everything here because I was already there by the time I finished panicking. The high-tech Simpson-copter is capable of transforming into a car and a submarine. It would be a shame if someone accidentally pushed the wrong button...

Did I give you a scare? Probably not. But did I at least trick you into believing that someone drowned the Simpson-copter? Probably.

However, I did come to find out that Brooklyn had jumped into the water. She had changed into that same bathing suit she was wearing yesterday and cannonballed into the water. She had ignored all the signs that said "NO SWIMMING." She is inspirational. Learn from this, world.

I, in fact, was so inspired by that action that I dropped my bag and jumped in the water, all my clothes still on except for my shoes.

Right before I touched the water, I heard someone call my name.

Whatever, I thought, exploring the underwater world of the Grand Canyon. What was our fascination with swimming in the wrong places?

That place opened at one o'clock in the afternoon, so we had to get out of there before any sign of adults showed up, because they would shut us down.

I stuck my head above water to see what time it was on my phone and then I realized my phone... and whatever else was in my backpack at the time... was being dragged away at a rapid pace above land.

Haylie! Not that I was surprised, I thought of about a million and one ways for us to end up stuck here, and this was one of the first ones. She must have used a parachute to float down here and then steal the helicopter.

Charlotte was already down the road running as fast as she could in an attempt to stop it, though it was going to take a lot more speed than that to catch a bag attached to a helicopter in the air.

But she was smarter than I had realized. She had apparently invented a wireless self-destruct button and a wireless regenerate button years ago (how the heck did I not know about this?!). Long story short, she destroyed the helicopter, caught my bag, and we ended up with a brand new helicopter, filled up with Simpsonanium, ready to fly.

"So, let me get this straight. You've been carrying two buttons that can destroy and regenerate this helicopter?" I asked Charlotte, in disbelief.

"They saved it," replied Charlotte, "and I don't know, care, or"—she shuddered at the thought—"want to know what happened to Haylie."

"I want those buttons gone forever."

She reluctantly handed it to me, and I crushed it.

"Did you just, like, crush that with your bare hand?!" Spring asked, shocked.

"Yeah, you can't? Try to crush this one," I replied, handing her the self-destruct button.

Then, I realized all the bad outcomes of what I had just done.

"On second thought, let me do it," I said, quickly, before she destroyed the helicopter with all of us in it. "You know what would be neat?"

"What?"

"If we went to go get groceries from China."

"And why would we do that?" Spring and Charlotte said at the same time.

"Says the adventurous one and the curious one. Why you have to be so uptight?"

We all laughed.

"Good one."

"I know. So when should we go?"

The next day, we were in The Great Wall of China Shoppe. That translates to 中國長城店 in Chinese. I don't speak a lick of Chinese, I just took a picture of the sign and wrote down what I thought all the characters looked like.

The best part was that getting there didn't cost a dime. We flew there in the helicopter on autopilot. Because, dude, why not? (Note: Don't answer that question, it was a dumb, dangerous idea and you could probably come up with a million reasons not to do that if you tried even a little bit. I repeat, don't answer that question.)

We came back to the mansion with a lot of ethnic food. And of course, we mailed some postcards.

"Tomorrow, we should play spades with 452 playing cards," I said, randomly.

"You're getting really good at this," Spring said.

Once upon a time, there was a table with 8 people, 452 playing cards, and 18 faces. There was 113 of each suit, numbered 1 to 110, and a jack, queen, and king.

The teams were Mary and Amy, Brooklyn and Charlotte, Cheryl and Mike, and me and Spring.

We named them "Nerd-Jock Balance," "Golden State Warriors," "Those Random Guyz," and "...," because I don't need a stupid team name. So our name is "..." instead.

"Each team gets 113 cards. You'll need to use these Rummikub tile holders and both of each players' hands to hold all of your cards. Count them after I distribute cards. Everyone ready?" Mom, our referee, said.

We all nodded, intently glaring at whichever team we were after.

The ref blew the whistle. I'm not gonna lie, it was the fifth loudest thing I'd ever heard. But none of us even blinked.

Five minutes later, Nerd-Jock Balance interrupted the flow and said, "We have 114 cards."

"Count it again," said the ref, rolling her eyes.

"Uh, we have 114, too," said Those Random Guyz.

"Agh!" she said, throwing her whistle in frustration and anger. "Let's see what the problem is."

They searched and searched and eventually found that both of their hands contained a joker.

"Okay, everybody..."

"We have all diamonds!" ( ... ) said.

"Way to reveal your hand, but okay."

"Ref, we have all..."

Mom started to walk out.

"Wait..."

SLAM!

"What a short temper your mom has," said Cheryl.

"So, we can probably all agree that the cards weren't shuffled..." I said.

"We just bought this 20 minutes ago," Spring said.

"Oh, yeah," I remembered.

"But what about the ref? Don't we need another..."

"We all know how to play, we have a likely-to-cheat and not-likely-to-cheat balance in each of the teams," Mike said.

He unbuttoned his shirt and did some jumping jacks. I hope he knows how to play spades. There is no physical aspect of spades.

After three of us shuffled the cards (the deck was too thick), we started. Somehow, the two of spades outranks even the 110 of spades, and the jack, queen, and king of spades, but don't ask me how, I'm just as confused as you are. No logic included in this game. At all.

So, somehow, eventually, in the process of the devil and the exactly 666 bottles of water in the pantry working together as an evil alliance, we lost. How? I just told you.

Nah, I'm just kidding. We won. How? Let me tell you.

Spring and I played like our lives were on the line. We gave all the spades we had out. We played to 150, and it was neck and neck between us and the Golden State Warriors. I didn't know Brooklyn was that smart.

Uh, did you hear that? I swear I just heard Brooklyn's voice in the air. Just me? Oh. Okay...

You'd think now that I've told you about the game of spades, this chapter would be over already. Nope. I don't think you realize the value of 452 paper rectangles. They can be used for just about everything. That's what we did for the next few hours. Overused the same 452 pieces of tiny paper (It sounds boring, and it is boring. Just being honest...).

First, we built a taco, just for kicks, then a purse, then a pencil, then a pencil sharpener...

Finally, after the silence of making a card-based pencil sharpener, Amy burst out, "Is it just me or..." She pretended to snore.

"I'm with you. What if we set them on fire?" I suggested.

"Hey, that's not a bad—or boring—idea!" Brooklyn replied.

"Yes, it is! I veto that!" Spring said. "Those cards cost me $7.99 plus tax!"

Note: This is 2043, even inflation seems to suffer from inflation these days!

"Hey, Spring, quadrillionaire sitting right here."

Another note: I didn't say who said that because there was only one quadrillionaire in the room at that time. Use context clues. You should've learned that in grade school.

"Okay, so, I can't believe you want to disrespect my fifth ever deck of playing cards like that!"

"Hey, what's that?"

"What?"

I snatched the cards from her hand and laughed.

"I can't believe you just fell for the OLDEST trick in ANY book!" I said to her, still laughing.

"Well," she replied, "studies have shown that about 5.87% of the time someone says that, there is actually something dangerous or threatening in the direction they are pointing in."

"Studies have also shown that about 94.13% of the time someone says that, there is not something dangerous or threatening in the direction they are pointing in," I said, grinning.

"I guess, that's..." her voice trailed off. She stared at something right behind me. I naturally turned to see what it was.

That's when she snatched the cards right back.

Laughing even harder than me, she used my own words against me. "I can't believe you just fell for the OLDEST trick in ANY book!"

"Get roasted," said Mary.

"Shut up, nerd, you don't get to roast. Define roast. Give an example of a roast. Roast me, nerd," I said. She got quiet, cuz she knew what was good for her.

While all eyes were on Mary, I snatched those cards back from her and pulled out a match with a menacing grin on my face. The kind a completely insane psychopath maniac would put on. I lit the match. When Spring tried to take the cards from me, I moved them away from her. "Don't play with matches, child."

"Isn't that what you're doing right now?"

"What'd you say?" I set the cards on fire.

Relax, the fire only spread two and a half inches before I put it out.

"Is that my wallet?" Mary asked, with an angry look on her face.

"Uh, get roasted?" I said, shyly.

"Get back here you freaking..."

She had gotten out of her seat ready to "handle" me, as she had later said, but before she could destroy herself, Brooklyn and Amy held her back.

"We're saving you from yourself," Amy said.

"So she doesn't hurt you," Brooklyn said.

"Brooklyn!" I heard Amy whisper to Brooklyn.

"That's exactly what you just said, but a little nicer!" Brooklyn whispered back.

So, what a day. We built a lot of card structures and objects. We played spades with 452 cards, we made Mom ragequit at referee, and we set 452 cards and Mary's wallet on fire. I'm going to end up paying for a replacement everything in the wallet, including just plain money, though she could have made up that she had even a little bit of money in the wallet, cuz, you know, why do nerds need money?

Day's still not over. It's only 7:00 by the time all of this is done. So we stayed up until midnight watching the funniest episodes of my favorite show (and not just because my mom is the main character), "It's All About Christina," then we...

...made cherry pie. Surprisingly, none of us had ever made and/or eaten cherry pie before. So we made cherry pie. And the cherry pie was eaten by us. Because we can.

When I woke up at three in the morning (three hours of sleep, yes!), I had a brilliant idea! An idea so awesome, so exciting, so unbelievably original that it has to be done. On that day, August 6, 2043, I, Katie Simpson, would invent a fake holiday and convince everyone that it actually existed!

It took no time for me to come up with the perfect holiday. Happy Lick Your Foot Day, everyone!

In honor of Lick Your Foot Day, everyone must lick their foot every time they use the letters l, y, f, or d. It's tough, but in this sentence, I... um... no use them.

I immediately called Amy. I was surprised she was already awake.

She sounded wide awake when she was on the phone at three in the morning.

"Hello?"

"Happy Lick Your Foot Day, Amy!"

"What. Are. You. Talking about?"

"Lick Your Foot Day. Every time you say the letters l, y, f, or d, you have to lick your foot. I have to lick my foot about 20 times now. You have to lick yours like 5 times. I didn't feel like counting, so, I just kind of estimate..."

"Right... I'm hanging up now."

"It's a real thing! Ask anybody, look it up!"

Okay, when I said those things, I had already set Amy up. I had already created 15 webpages, made 2 different Pinstagram accounts, and posted 24 different posts between each of them about Lick Your Foot Day. I had also texted Amy's mom (I don't know why or how I know or have her number, I just do, for some reason), Brooklyn, Charlotte, Spring, Cheryl, Mike, and Jim, Amy's brother. I made sure that 51% of the people she encounters on a daily basis would have a 100% chance of saying that this 0% real holiday is 100% real. That's way too many percentages.

We all had built an alliance against Amy, so there's no way she could go against all of us.

But I did have to fight the embarrassment of getting hung up on because I was convincing Amy that a fake holiday that I know is a fake holiday is actually real.

After, you know, normal people wake up (yes, I'm admitting to being abnormal), I started making people lick their foot (including myself, cuz, I mean, dude, why not?) every time they used the letters l, y, f, and d. What a stupid, immature, and disgusting but fun and adventurous holiday, am I right? Yes. Yes, I am. That was a rhetorical question, by the way.

We agreed to meet at the corner of 73rd and Morgan to get milkshakes at that milkshake shack that my cousin, Jenny, works at during the summer.

"Oh, hey, K! What's up?" Jenny said when she saw me. "Long time no see!"

"Nothin' really, just the Grand Canyon, the Great Wall of China, and swimming in the waterfall on 60th."

"What's up with you? Why are you guys being so lazy this year?"

"I'm trying, I'm trying."

"What'll you have, stranger that I don't know and will get everything for the same price as any customer?"

"Respect for that. Haven't changed the policy, I see."

"Stingy in the past, stingy in the present, and most importantly, stingy in the future."

"Hey, you hear about Lick Your Foot Day?"

"Of course I have!"

Amy looked kind of surprised, but still had a hint of disbelief/doubt on her face.

Now, the only reason Jenny said yes is that, uh, well, I told her about it too. Otherwise, that would have been 46% of the people that she encountered on that day that believed in the fake holiday Lick Your Foot Day.

"Yo! I asked you what you'll have."

"I'll take a strawberry and watermelon milkshake with a hint of lemonade please."

"I'll take a chocolate, geez, Katie!" Brooklyn said.

"Live a little, YOLO, dude."

"Eh, I guess. What about y'all?"

"Cookies and cream. And make it gluten-free. Try to cut down on the sugar as much as possible," said Amy. She turns to us. "Do you think that's too much? Should I go low or no on the sugar?"

Yeah, she's one of those people. I only figured that out about a week ago, you know, last July, when she ordered a kale and crouton salad with a side of quinoa. At a steakhouse. Yeah. I know.

"I think you should go low. Since a normal smoothie isn't an option," I replied.

Everyone looked at Amy while going "OOOOOOOO!" like you have to do after a good roast. It's like Newton's fourth law of physics. Not doing that would be defying the laws of physics, maybe even time and space laws!

And of course, after that brief 6.38 seconds (The average time it takes according to Wik... a very experienced sociologist's book about roasts! That's what I meant...), we went right back to what we were doing like that never happened.

"I'll take a key lime," Spring said.

"Of course you will. According to my calculations, you're about... 100% obsessed with green. Awkwardly obsessed," Mary said.

Jenny pretended to do a pity "OOOOOOOO!" for Mary because none of us did it. Then she right back to being—uh, you know, Jenny.

"BUY SOMETHIN' OR GET OUT, STOP LOITERING!"

"But you know us," I said.

"Did I stutter?"

That's when we got right to our orders.

Intimidation is in the Simpson blood. My cousin is 17 years old, only two years older than me, and yet she still scared me like I was a five-year-old and she was a military drill sergeant.

"I'll have a raspberry," Mary said, quickly, probably scared of getting (literally) kicked out of the shack by Jenny.

"Me, too," Charlotte said, just as scared as Mary.

"So, we have a strawberry and watermelon, hint of lemonade, chocolate, cookies and cream, low on the sugar, key lime, and two raspberries. That right?"

"I said gluten-free, too," said Amy.

"We don't believe in gluten here. And I'll give you $100 if you can prove to me that gluten actually exists."

"WHAT?!" a male voice says from the back of the shack.

"Not from the register, Mr. Coyett!"

"Oh, ok!"

"Well," Amy said, "some people have gluten allergies."

"Gluten allergies are just an excuse to get people to look like they're special. Know anybody with gluten allergies?"

"Me."

"And what are the symptoms?"

"A stomachache."

"And?"

"That's it."

"Allergies? Are you kidding me? I have spring allergies, I get swollen eyes, a headache, and the flu."

"That doesn't change the fact that gluten is real."

"Aren't we supposed to be buying something or getting out?"

"I'm boss around here, ma'am, now don't give me sass."

Like I said, intimidation runs in the Simpson blood.

"Jimmy-Bob, I need a strawberry-watermelon, hint of lemonade, a chocolate, a cookies and cream, low on the sugar, a key lime, and two raspberries!" Jenny said to the back.

"You said strawberry-watermelon, hint of..."

"Just make what you heard! I don't feel like hearing or saying that list again."

She looked back at us.

"So, when does all the foot-licking start?"

"Oh, it already started," I said.

"So I should..." she looked around for her boss. Then she lowered her voice and leaned her head in. "...lick my foot right now?"

"Yes, you should. I'm estimating, you know, because no math allowed during summer vacation, but I think you said those letters, like, let's say 70 times."

Man, that sentence has so many target letters in it! I thought after I replayed that sentence in my head.

Jenny looked towards the back of the shack. She turned back to us, and was about to say something, but then looked back longer.

That's when Jimmy-Bob came with what looked like a urine cup, filled with, uh, what a urine cup is filled with... (what the heck are you doing, JB?) a glass cup with peanut butter... and by peanut butter, I mean peanuts in butter, a cardboard box with the words "low sugar" marked on it, and a strawberry-watermelon with a hint of lemonade (at least he got something right).

What Jenny said to him afterward I won't write here for obvious reasons, nor what Jenny's boss said to him after he asked what was going on.

Eventually, they both calmed down and Jenny's boss asked, "You wanna do the honors, J?"

"Sure, Mr. C," Jenny replied. She turned to Jimmy-Bob and grabbed him by the shirt like a five-year-old. "Let's go."

She positioned him exactly like she was about to grab a belt from somewhere and spank him (is JB really five years old?), but instead, she kicked him out. Literally.

"Have a HORRIBLE life!" she yelled out to him.

She turned back to us. "Sorry you had to see that. I'll have it ready for you in about ten minutes."

"Nah, we'll go to Spring's and get some milkshakes from her mom," I said.

"We will?" Spring said.

I nudged her. I thought it was soft, but later she got me back. Apparently, I don't know my own strength.

"Um, okay, then," she replied.

"How much was it?"

"Let me see—$24.61. Why?"

I handed her $25. "Keep the change."

"Anything else I can get you?" she asked.

"No thanks," I said.

"Uh, have a nice day," she said, blushing from embarrassment.

"You, too. Here's a "help wanted" sign I made years ago for this exact situation," I said, handing her a flyer for the shack with "HELP WANTED" on the top.

She took the flyer, read it, and then we left. That's when Spring got me back. I'm not gonna lie, her nudge was honestly so weak that I thought it had started raining and it was a raindrop that hit me.

After we arrived at Spring's house at 73rd and Morgan (I know, what a coincidence), we found that her mom wasn't home.

"Nah, I got this, don't worry about it," Brooklyn said.

"What would you know about milkshake-making?" Spring asked.

"This is the only way to make a milkshake, Spring, take it from me," Brooklyn replied.

"Why should I trust you?"

"You're talking to a maker of 541 milkshakes and a teacher of 12 future milkshake-makers!"

"Really?" I ask.

"Okay, I made that part up. But I really am good at making milkshakes. Hey, what's that?"

"What's what?"

"Behind your ear."

"Huh?"

"Oh, it's a milkshake!"

Yeah, she somehow pulled a milkshake from behind my ear.

"For real, Brooklyn, how did you do that?!" I asked, surprised. You know, like anyone who had just had a milkshake pulled from behind their ear.

"A milkshake magician never reveals her secrets," she replied.

"You know that's not a real thing?"

"It is now, proof right here, Katie."

"Whatever." I turned to Brooklyn. "Mary, I need you to become useful for a few seconds of your life."

That's when the collective "OOOOOOOO" sound started.

"What do you want, Kaitlyn?" Mary said.

"Don't call me that, nerd, this is your final warning. And to answer your question, what thingy did she just pull off, or whatever, to do that?"

"I'm a geek, not a nerd. Get it right."

Another collective "OOOOOOOO" sound.

"Enough talking and roasting, let's get inside and make some milkshakes!" Brooklyn said.

"Correction, you do all the work of making the milkshakes, Brooklyn," I said.

"So you admit to being so ignorant that you don't even take the time to learn or to try to learn how to make a milkshake from me and will continue to rely on your milkshake-making friend Brooklyn to make you a milkshake for the rest of your life?"

Third collective "OOOOOOOO" sound.

When did I become the roasting target? That's the second roast in eight seconds.

Eventually, Brooklyn made us milkshakes. Or, most of us. She actually made me learn to make a milkshake. Well, it kind of benefits me. Now I know how to make one.

I made a strawberry-watermelon with a little bit of lemon juice and an ounce of sugar. Brooklyn made a chocolate for her, a key lime for Spring, and two raspberries for Charlotte and Mary. She also made a cookies and cream for Amy, but she refused to drink it because it had too much sugar, so I drank mine and hers.

Well, I started to.

"You know, Amy, I don't think it's right for me to drink the milkshake that Brooklyn specifically made for you. You should have it."

That's when I let gravity push the delicious scent of cookies and cream into Amy's hair forever more. Or at least that's the positive way of looking at it for Amy.

She didn't see it like that at all. I believe she punched me... four—no, five times—after seeing nothing but black and white for a little bit. I didn't even fight back. I deserved it. But also partly because I was laughing too hard, and so was everyone else. Amy stopped her diet from that day on. Talk about a win-win-win-win-win-win situation!

I paid Amy a small apology quarter, but that didn't seem to please her. I can't blame her; what can you get for 25 cents in 2043?

We all went home after that. I assume they all went to sleep when I did, but I can't speak for Amy. She's either waking up from an ice cream nightmare or still taking a shower with extra shampoo and tripling up on loofahs.

Spring went blue today. No, I don't mean she stopped breathing. She is the definition of green on normal days. But because of the strange alignment of the planets or something, she decided to go blue for the day. The only sign of green on her was her jade eyes. Blue headband, blue shirt, blue skirt, blue flip-flops, jade eyes. It didn't match, but YOLO, dude.

Just wanna point out that the probability of a solar eclipse during a presidential election between the hours of 6:21 a.m. and 2:48 p.m. is more likely than Spring changing her color scheme. So it caught me by surprise.

She rang the doorbell. When I came to answer it and saw a blue Spring, I was completely convinced that the world had ended. Either that or I had died.

"Oh, hey. So, is the world over or have I died?" I asked.

"Backing away slowly..." Spring said, slowly retreating from the door.

"Come on, man, just answer the question."

"What are you talking about?"

"Wait, if I'm alive and the world hasn't ended, then what did you do with Spring?!"

Spring didn't even say anything at first. "Are you drunk? High? Insane?"

"I don't know what I'm gonna do with you, I just know you're not gonna like it!"

She retreated some more, but this time, she was so far back we weren't even within arm's reach.

"Get back here!"

Wait a second, I thought. Since this is either the end of the world or heaven, I should have some type of magical power!

I thought really hard about bringing up fire from the ground and burning "Spring" to her death. However, I then realized Amy was walking by the circular fountain.

"Katie, what's going on, why has Spring been slowly retreating from you?" Amy asked, keeping her distance from me, just in case.

"Who says that's Spring?" I replied.

"Hi," Spring interrupted, "I'm Spring."

"Good to know, Spring. If that's your real name," I said.

"Look, I don't know what this is, but if it goes on after ten o'clock, I'm leaving. I have places to be, Katie."

"In what world is Spring Ramston blue? Not cyan, either. BLUE. Tell me that. Since when is Spring blue?"

"I decided to break the color scheme today. According to you, YOLO, dude."

"Yeah, yeah, but Newton's laws of physics. The fifth law says that Spring is forever green."

"I thought Newton was smart." Spring started to look irritated now. "Now if you really think I'm some impostor, then maybe it would surprise you that I have the password memorized."

"Go! I dare you!"

The password is a string of numbers and words that continues for quite a long time, but Spring and I have perfected it over the years. In the beginning, each pair of words are related in some way. In the end, well, uh, those are just random phrases that rhyme. Those numbers also happen to be our parents' credit card numbers, excluding the first number. But don't get any ideas, I will get my uncle to track you down! Did I mention he works for the FBI? Don't wanna brag, or anything.

"102735284542816, Tuesday, Friday, spaghetti, lo mein, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson."

"453598126110527, Arizona, Mississippi, cactus, rhododendron, flour, sugar."

"298165074317229, pancake on the top, all kangaroos hop, I pop and lock, all day until I drop. Mic drop."

"726382911920362, Tuesday, spaghetti, John Adams, Arizona, cactus, rhododendron, sugar, pancake on the top, I pop and lock, I absorb the world like a black hole."

Spring gave me a look. It was an I-told-you-it-was-me-now-let-me-go-home-already-and-stop-bugging-me kind of look.

"I guess it is the real you."

"But is that the real you, though? It's 'I absorb the world like that black hole,' not a black hole."

"Don't give me the tuna! It's not worth it! Don't waste the tuna on me!"

"You deserve it. Your demolished poor Amy's hair yesterday. Then paid her a quarter and expected all to end well and for that day to end happily ever after for everybody."

"Spring, I didn't want to have to do this."

"Do what?"

I slapped her right in the face, then grabbed the tuna right out of her hand. After that, with my 11-out-of-10 hand-eye coordination, I threw it all the way into the circular fountain.

Now, the can of tuna broke and the tuna splattered all over the place, including right into Amy's hair. Wow, that's the second thing that's been in Amy's hair that wasn't supposed to be there in the last 17 hours. Maybe she should bring an umbrella when she leaves her house.

"Sorry, Amy," I yelled out to her. I mean, I at least had to say it. Not that I would forgive someone who had messed up my hair twice in 17 hours.

Later that day, we all met on the ninth floor of the mansion to see Big Mountain.

"Oh, hey," Brooklyn said when she saw us. "So has the world ended or have I died?"

"Right?" Charlotte and I said at the same time.

"That's what I'm saying!" said Charlotte. "A solar eclipse during a presidential election between the hours of 6:21 a.m. and 2:49 p.m. is more likely than this!"

Almost, Charlotte, almost. You almost read my mind. But you were off by a mere minute.

"Guys, I changed my color scheme for one day, and now it's suddenly the end of the world!"

"Or the afterlife," I added.

Spring flashed me a look that said "not helping" and then I gave her a look back that said "sorry" and she continued. We're good at telepathic communication.

"Spring is blue today. Got it?!" she said, fiercely.

We all nodded, still in almost complete disbelief that this was happening. BECAUSE SPRING IS GREEN, EVERYBODY KNOWS THIS; WE'RE NOT THE WRONG ONES HERE!!!

At that exact moment, Madison came up with a suitcase, a sunhat, sunglasses, and what looked like a lei.

"Aloha from Hawaii!" Madison said.

"And three, two, one..." Spring muttered.

"So has the world ended or have I died?"

"Here we go again..." Spring said, tossing her hands up in frustration.

"A solar eclipse during a presidential election between the hours of 6:21 a.m. and 2:47 p.m. is more likely than this!"

Why is the start time always correct, along with everything else, but the end time is always different?

"A more important question," Spring said, desperately trying to change the topic, "is how was your vacation?"

"It was great! I really liked Honolulu..."

"Is that a lei around your neck?" I asked.

"Yeah! Isn't it nice? I got it from the gift shop in Pearl City."

"Well, you missed a lot," I said, reaching in my pocket for a list of things we had done. "We swam in the 60th Street waterfall, went to the Grand Canyon, stayed at the Grand Canyon Hotel, visited the Great Wall of China, went to the Great Wall of China Shoppe for groceries, played spades with 452 playing cards, set a deck of 452 playing cards on fire,"—I turned the page—"ate cherry pie, made cherry pie, and witnessed someone literally get kicked out of a shack because they had just been fired. I learned how to make a milkshake, invented a holiday, and..."—I reached for a pen and spoke at the same rate that I wrote—"read the longest list I've ever read out loud before."

"You're right, I did miss a lot. But not a lot that I would prefer over Hawaii."

"You shoulda seen dat list, tho!"

We all cracked up.

"Here's me in the Grand Canyon. Swimming," said Brooklyn, showing her a picture of her breaking the law. I know, it sounds worse when I put it that way, but it always was that way, so I just reiterated the obvious.

"Doesn't that sign say 'no...'"

"You know, we should go do something. Anything," Brooklyn said, though she said it so quickly it sounded more like "Ynoweshldgdosomthin. Anything."

"How about some mini golf?" Spring suggested.

That's what we all agreed on. Long story short, my score was -13. I. Am. Awesome! Needless to say, I won. And guess whose hair was hit by about 18 golf balls? That's right, every single hole on the course. Go ahead, guess. Brooklyn? No. Spring? No. Me? Absolutely not. The correct answer is Amy. Shocker, am I right? Seriously, girl, take an umbrella with you when you leave the house.

Once Amy's salt wore off, we all went back to Jenny's milkshake shack to get me and Brooklyn jobs. Oh, and milkshakes.

"Hey, welcome back," Jenny said when she saw us. "Hey, Madison, long time no see! How you doing? How was Hawaii?"

"Great! But first, Brooklyn and Katie came for a job here," she replied.

"That's great! Thanks, guys!" Jenny handed us applications to fill out. Which is just a fancy word for "your next 10 hours of homework." But on the bright side, no one gets paid to do regular homework!

"Oh, and we'll take another round of milkshakes," I said.

"Can we all agree to get the same thing we got last time?" Charlotte said.

"That's convienent, because I happen to have a strawberry-watermelon, a chocolate, a cookies and..."

"Yeah, we get it!" we all said at the same time.

"Oh, wait, what about me?" Madison said.

"She'll have whatever else you have ready," Spring said, in a rush to get out of there as soon as possible before Jenny made eye contact with her. She had been hiding behind Charlotte and Mary the whole time.

"Was that Spring's voice?"

Spring nudged me. I gotta admit, it was way better than yesterday's nudge.

"I'm a great impersonator. I can do a lot of voices."

"Ooh, can you do..."

"Um, where are those milkshakes?"

"Oh, right. Here's your order of two strawberry-watermelon, one chocolate..."

"WE GET IT!!!" we said, louder this time.

She smirked, so I think she did it on purpose this time.

"See, this is why I usually pick what I order, Spring! I hate strawberry-water..."

Spring slapped Madison right in the face. Slapping gets passed down the line. Who will the slappee, Madison, slap? Who is the next victim of the slapping chain? Man, this is oddly... fun.

"Thanks a lot, Madison! Now I'm out in the open!" Spring yelled at Madison.

"I've been waiting to do this for the 21 months that I've been working here."

"What's that?" I ask.

That's when Jenny took the nearest picture frame and threw it at the wall. Would it surprise you if I said some of the glass ended up in Amy's hair? Yeah, I thought not. She should go bald. It's for her own good.

"What was that for?!" Amy asked, her face the color of my strawberry-watermelon milkshake.

"Isn't it obvious?" Jenny said, like it actually was obvious.

"NO!" Amy replied.

"It's obviously the end of the world. Or the afterlife."

"DON'T YOU..." Spring started to say, but she was too late.

"Because a solar eclipse during a presidential election between the hours of 6:21 a.m. and 2:50 p.m. is more likely than this!"

Of course, she got the end time wrong. I feel like this is starting to get a little repetitive. Amy's hair has gotten messed up four times now, and Spring's color scheme convinced four people that it was either the end of the world or the afterlife. Hmmm...

"Since when is Spring blue? Katie, Spring, do the password. This is obviously an impostor. But let me get my phone. I need to show me kicking you out—literally—on Pinstagram. I'll be infamously famous!"

"Yeah, now that I think about it, this could be an impostor!" Madison said. "Spring wouldn't slap anybody in the face! Oh, and by the way, real Spring or not, I will get you back in your sleep and..."

"Whoa, there, Maddie, calm down there, girl!" Charlotte said, pulling her arm back, away from Spring.

"Password, go!" Jenny said.

Reluctantly, Spring started the password. "102735284542816, Tuesday, Friday, spaghetti, lo mein, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson."

"453598126110527, Arizona, Mississippi, cactus, rhododendron, flour, sugar."

"298165074317229, pancake on the top, all kangaroos hop, I pop and lock, all day until I drop. Mic drop."

"726382911920362, Tuesday, spaghetti, John Adams, Arizona, cactus, rhododendron, sugar, pancake on the top, I pop and lock, I absorb the world like that black hole."

Spring gave me a sarcastic thumbs-up. I gave her a not-so-sarcastic thumbs-down.

Jenny just rotated between staring at me and staring at Spring. And her mouth was, like, wide open for some reason.

"So, uh, that's the real Spring, I guess, but, she's... blue."

"I HAVE NOT LOST MY IDENTITY, PEOPLE, CONTRARY TO WHAT YOU BELIEVE!!!"

"Well..." we said in harmony. We're good like that. Telepathic communication, remember?

"AGH!" she stormed out of the shack.

"Well, have a nice day, we gotta take care of something. I'm just gonna pretend you don't know what that thing is," I said to Jenny.

"You, too. Good luck fixing whatever that thing is that I totally don't know anything about."

"Hey, where's Madison?" Brooklyn said, searching for her.

SMACK!

"And what was that sound?" Amy said.

"OW!" we heard Spring say in the distance.

"I think I know where she is," I said. "And it doesn't take more than an idiot's brain for you to know, too."

"At least she didn't get her in her sleep and... whatever else," Amy said.

"Give the girl a break, man, didn't Katie just break Spring's arm, like, two or three months ago?" Charlotte said.

"Oh, yeah," Mary said. "Heh. Good times. O memories... the guilt on her face, the amount of effort it took to get her best friend back, it was almost enough to make me feel sympathetic for you. Almost."

"Oh, shut it!" I yelled.

Wait, haven't I already told Mary to shut it once already? This story really is repetitive! I guess that means so is my life.

We went to track down Spring and Madison. On the way, I found Madison's lei on the sidewalk. I picked it up, and when I looked back up, I saw Spring and Madison having full-on fisticuffs right there on Morgan Street. It was so bad that the police should have cut down the sidewalk between 73rd and 74th on Morgan. Besides, they used the whole thing. They rolled from 73rd to 74th repetitively. They probably should've gotten run over during the process, and almost did once, because they switched sidewalks a lot.

I'm all about preventing violence, but I also love a good fight. Most fights I break up—not to be mean or anything, just telling the truth—are lame. They're boring. They're worth being broken up so that they don't pollute the environment with boredom. Like I said, just telling the truth.

Anyway, after... I think it was 28 minutes, we finally broke up Spring and Madison. It took all of our combined strength to break them up. Did they both get stronger in the last 24 hours? It took me way longer than a day to get a six-pack!

Now, despite the epic fight, the body slams, the submissions, the chokeholds, the taunts, and all, not a single drop of blood within half a mile of them. Blessing? Curse? Not so sure. It's not as obvious as it seems.

Or maybe it is, and I'm just being selfish. Either way, it's in the past now.

"Can somebody tell me who won? Usually, I measure this with blood, but there is none here," I said.

"Dumb question," Spring said, "we can obviously agree that I won,"—she punched Madison in the shoulder—"right, Madison?"

"Of course, Spring. Because I totally didn't pull out a good portion of your hair. You wanna see what I totally didn't pull out?" Madison replied.

Spring gasped. "You monster!"

Madison laughed and ran away waving some of Spring's hair for all of us (and the world) to see. You could tell Spring was about to run after her by the way her eyes darkened. And her three-point stance. But before she could take off, I put my arm right in the way and held an open tuna can in my other hand.

"Don't make me use the tuna can on you!"

"Get out of my way, Katie! I've got a hair thief to catch!"

She used her unexpected lightning-fast reflexes to snatch that tuna can from me and pour all the tuna in my hair. However, she missed by, like, the distance between my hair and Amy's hair. You can guess where the tuna ended up. She still took off running because I was so shocked that she had missed by that much. She got stronger, but her accuracy got way worse. Or stayed the same; this is Spring we're talking about. Not exactly playing for the Lakers in the NBA.

"You know what?" Amy said, unexpectedly calm.

"What?" I asked.

"You got some scissors?"

"Yes, but if you want them, I'm too scared for the sake of your fashion to give them to you, so..."

"Well, I guess I can't ask you for a razor, then."

"No, you can. Go ahead."

"Oh. Well, then, you got a razor?"

"Yes, but if you want them, I'm too scared for the sake of your fashion and safety to give them to you, so..."

"Wow. Guess I should've seen that coming," Amy said, with a faint smile. A smile. Someone whose hair had been ruined for the fifth time less than a minute ago was smiling! That's... weird. Well, I guess she'd finally got used to it. And was seriously considering going bald.

"Yo, Amy, can you hand me a tuna can?"

"Why?"

"Yo, Amy, can you hand me a tuna can?"

"But why?"

"Tuna can."

"Fine. Here you go."

She tossed me a tuna can.

"Can opener."

She tossed me a can opener.

"Microwave."

"What?"

"Oh. Just checking to see how many other weird things you might happen to bring with you when you leave the house."

She chuckled.

"Target acquired," I said. "Launching Missile T-Can 0932 in 3, 2, 1..."

With perfect precision, I threw the tuna can directly at Spring. I'm not sure which is worse, getting hit in the head with a tuna can traveling 20 miles per hour with the wind in its favor at 10 miles per hour or getting smothered with tuna. Because both of those happened to Spring in the same fraction of a second.

That was awkward for Spring. She was going back and forth deciding what to yell at me for. In the end, she just took off her blue headband and her blue flip-flops and asked, "Where's the nearest bathroom?"

"The milkshake shack," I replied.

She walked into the shack, and five minutes later, she was back to her normal, green self.

"Hey, Spring! Where ya' been?" I said, jokingly. Spring didn't take it that way.

"I've been with you the entire day. While green is my natural color, blue is fine, too. My identity is not defined as a color."

"Is it just me, or does what you just said sound like we're talking about race?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said, 'My identity is not defined as a color.'"

"Oh, now I hear it."

"You know," Mary added, "racism was reduced by 54% after 2020, around the time of the 46th president."

"And the old Mary's back," Charlotte said.

We (me, Spring, Amy, Brooklyn, Charlotte, Mary) had a long conversation after that about random stuff, and then we went to find Madison. Once we got to 80th Street, we stopped walking and called her.

"Where are you?"

"I'm at 80th and Morgan."

Okay, that was weird in two different ways. One, we were already at 80th and Morgan and didn't see her. Two, it sounded like I heard her twice. Like there was another Madison standing five feet away from me. And it sounded like there was another Madison standing five feet away from me.

"Okay, I think my phone's being weird. It sounds like you're standing right next to me."

"Because I am."

I felt a tap on my shoulder. I looked and saw Madison.

"How did you do that?!"

"I learned from the milkshake magician."

"No, really, that's cool, how did you do that?"

"A junior milkshake magician never reveals her secrets."

And we're doing this again. Whatever. The important thing is, even after a war and a half, we're all still alive and getting along. What more could you ask for?

We all called it a day after that. I gave Spring an apology quarter, and after she smacked it out of my hand and said "hard pass" I gave her a travel-size shampoo (I know, me and Amy carry the weirdest things when we leave the house) and a small water bottle for her to wash her hair on the way home. Then Amy complained about not getting that when I ruined her hair and blah blah blah so I gave her a shampoo and some water, too.

I went to sleep that night and dreamt about the last week I had lived through. It was a long dream.

I woke up at 11:15 and looked out my window. I saw some girl chasing her guinea pig. They both were pretty fast. It was, like, Guinness World Records fast. The world record for the fastest guinea pig chase ever. Probably because there have been about seven guinea pig chases in the history of the world.

When's the last time I broke a record for Guinness World Records? I thought.

I looked up "guinness world records" on my phone and found two lists: one with the least attempted records and one with the most attempted records. On the first list, I found that the longest time staring at a pencil was 2 hours, 58 minutes, and 37 seconds. I can do that. I've stared into space during six standardized tests and counting. And those tests are way longer than three hours. The only difference is instead of staring into space, I'll be staring into space in the direction of an object. And since December 13, 2039, Guinness has been offering $1,000 for every person to break a record. I know, right? Now you actually get something for shoving your face with grapes or running so fast that you throw up. Instead of just bragging rights. I mean, how stupid would you sound if you said, "Hey, look at me, I shoved 100 grapes into my mouth and choked and my mom had to do CPR! And I got bragging rights! Alright!" But they finally came to their senses and put $1,000 on the line.

Anyway, after I found the brightest, most entertaining pencil I could find—it was hard, because how do you make a wooden stick with lead on one end and rubber on the other end entertaining?—and waited for Guinness to show up.

I heard the doorbell ring twice. Twice because I put up a sign saying that I would mistake you for a dumb teenager prank-ringing the doorbell and find you and get you back, in whatever fashion that might be. Or it might just be a psychological test to see how many people purposefully ignore this because they are just that ignorant.

"Hey, don't waste my time. I don't have that much. I have a maximum of five hours here, then my co-worker will stand in. If you last that long..."

"Please. I can do this."

"Okay. Here's your orange number two pencil,"—JUST GREAT, and to make matters worse, I don't even get to use my special entertaining pencil!—"sit down anywhere you want, we begin in three, two, one... STARE!" He dropped a pencil on the table where I was sitting and I began to stare.

*---00:02---*

Oh, no. What have I walked into? I can't turn back now, that guy specifically told me not to waste his time! Thanks, guy!

I do NOT like this at all. But whatever. How hard can nothing be?

*---00:21---*

I feel the urge to look at the clock, but I don't, because I'm too not busy staring at a pencil. A totally not exciting pencil.

"You're doing good so far, twenty minutes."

I keep looking intensely at that pencil. One of the requirements is that you can't blink more than 25 times per minute. When has not blinking too much been so hard before? Well, maybe a better question is why am I staring at a pencil?

*---00:57---*

"Almost an hour."

Maybe I could have gotten them to choose an extremely big pencil. That way, I could at least look around a little bit. A little bit.

Also, I have two entire hours to go.

*---01:24---*

Oh, great. And now I have to pee, only halfway through. Less than halfway through.

My stomach grumbles. Wow, this is harder than I thought. Can't I fall asleep? If you put a pencil right in front of my face while I was asleep, I could've been beat this stupid record by now!

I'm hungry, I have to pee, but this is nothing. I survived in the wild for a few days with predators everywhere. And I ate nothing but PB&Js and drank nothing but water. I can do this for the next hour and a half. And a few minutes.

*---01:50---*

In my peripheral vision, I saw Guinness Guy eating a turkey club (I have great peripheral vision). I got jealous, but jealousy is just going to make it worse. Turkey clubs are delicious, though! Nope, no turkey club for you, Kaitlyn! Okay, you know I'm serious when I call myself by my real first name.

*---02:19---*

I regret my decision, but I feel like I'm almost there. I have almost made it. Wait a second, if I'm a multi-quadrillionaire, why am I trying to make a thousand dollars? Fame? No, I'm already famous. Money? Already got plenty of that. Bragging rights? Well, sounds like me, but I don't think so. Wow. I just wasted over two hours of my time and counting. But I'm already this far, I can't just stop. No turning back now.

*---02:58---*

If you think 37 seconds is easy to sit through when all the pressure of the world is on your shoulders, then think again. It most certainly is not. And as I heard the clock tick and tock and felt my heart pounding and pounding while this pencil stood still on the table in front of me, I felt as if the next 37 seconds would last much longer than that. And just as the clock crossed the boundary between beating and not beating the record, I just could not take it any longer. I knew I had messed up when I witnessed the clock pass 37 seconds.

*---Epilogue---*

"Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpson! You wasted my time! Just 1.3 seconds and you would have beaten the record by a second! Why did you do this?!"

"It was so boring! I challenge you! Stare at this pencil for 2 hours, 58 minutes, and 37 seconds!"

"I would if I had the time. And I'll have you know that I was the previous record holder with an astonishing time of 2 hours, 58 minutes, and 36 seconds. And before that, 2 hours, 58 minutes, and 31 seconds. So there. I'm leaving."

Once he left, I took it as an accomplishment that I stared at a pencil for that long, so I called everyone to let them know. I couldn't see them, but (if this makes sense) they sounded like they would have looked at me like I was crazy if we were right in front of each other.

But whatever, YOLO, dude.

August 9, 2043. What's so special about August 9, 2043? Oh, I'll tell you what's so special about August 9, 2043. August 9...

We get it, you don't have to say the full date every time you want to talk about that day.

Whatever, Imaginary Person. Aren't you supposed to be on break or something?

Wow, you know you upset your boss when they actually want you to go on break.

LEAVE!

Fine!

Like I was saying, August 9, 2043...

Ugh! What did I just say?

LEAVE!

FINE!

That's Brooklyn's birthday.

What new thing to do today... hmmm... thinking... thinking... 1, 2, 3... ooh! Idea coming on... come on... come on... ummm... aha! Eureka!

I went straight to Brooklyn's house.

"Hey, Brook! What's up?" I said when she opened the door.

"I think you know," she replied, excitedly.

"I do?"

"Yeah."

"You mean, Sunday? Soup Sunday?"

"That's a thing?"

"You didn't know?"

"You do?"

"I eat soup every Sunday. Like, remember last Sunday when I got a bowl of chicken soup for breakfast?"

"Oh, that's what that was for!"

"Hey, you know today's date?" I said, making myself comfortable on her couch.

Brooklyn looked kind of offended, but I don't blame her. I would be, too, if someone forgot that it was April 29. "You mean, you don't know the date? Of today?"

"Uh, yeah! That's why I asked, 'Hey, you know today's date?'"

"It's August 9."

"Oh, yeah. Because tomorrow is your parents' 21st anniversary." Wow, I make this look easy!

"Which means today must be..." she prompted me.

"Um, your parents' anniversary eve?"

"Noooo... remember last August 9? The 9th of August, last year?"—I don't know if you're talking to me like I'm stupid on purpose, Brooklyn, but you better not be!—"You know, when we met up at my house, and there was cake, balloons, a disco ball, a whole bunch of lights... remember all that?"

"Ummm, do not recall that."

Brooklyn sighed, trying to keep from being angry on her own birthday and in front of me. "I'm going to go to the store."

"That Papi store on 41st Street?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I tried to go there a few days ago to get some eggs, milk, flour, and sugar for pancakes, but all that was there was a bunch of school supplies and birthday party stuff."

"And did you get any of that stuff?" Brooklyn said, looking like she was going to explode if I said the wrong answer. And that answer is...

"No."

"For the love of everything from the North to the South Pole, it's my..."

DING-DONG!

We set her up. We were trying to avoid her telling any of us that it's her sweet sixteen.

Maybe this is harsh. Because YOGOSS, dude. That stands for You Only Get One Sweet Sixteen. But then again, YOLOSPYFAMTAPWYHTC, dude. That stands for You Only Live Once, So Prank Your Friends As Many Times As Possible While You Have The Chance. Ugh, stupid 18-word acronyms!

"Hello! Ready for the big day, sis?" Amy said.

"Yes, I am, sis!" Brooklyn replied.

"Time for the day that only comes once in a lifetime..."

"Yep, once in a lifetime!"

"It's the Soup Sunday Showdown, and it's in Richmond!"

"YE... wait, what?"

"You know, the Soup Sunday..."

I panted, pretending to have run all the way there when in reality I just tiptoed to avoid being heard. "DID SOMEBODY SAY SOUP SUNDAY SHOWDOWN?!!!"

"Yep, that's right! And it's in Richmond!" She turned to Brooklyn. "Did you know this showdown only happens once every seven years?"

"Oh, wow," Brooklyn said, trying to look enthusiastic.

"I've been waiting for this since I was two years old!"

So, um, this showdown doesn't actually exist, and the contestants were Cheryl's cousin, Jenny's sister, and my uncle Cameron.

"So, did you know the record for this thing is 23 gallons of chicken noodle soup?"

"No, remember August 10 last year? Rob Germini ate 23.2 gallons. Shirley Manning could not beat her record now. She's not in the right condition."

"No one thought she would be able to beat Carlita Perez's 19 gallons, but she crushed that score."

NO SCRIPT, YO!!! This is all right off the top of our heads!!!

"Come on, Brook, let's go! Showdown's not getting any later!" I said.

"Wait, where are you going? I thought Cheryl was going to pick us up," Amy said.

"I told her to meet me at my place. Traffic's not getting any better, either."

"Oh, yeah. That totally popular showdown is probably going to be packed!"

I tapped my foot. That's our signal to each other that means "thin ice." I mean, "totally popular" goes on the list of phrases we try to avoid. That puts us on thin ice.

Cheryl got there at the same time as us. We took the helicopter to the showdown, which was all the way in downtown Richmond.

"There it is, R. Richmond and Sunflower, where the showdown is happening. Right near the Sunflower Maze, the Nature Theater, and a big 50-acre gap of land where the mall used to be," I said.

"Wait, WHAT?!" Brooklyn said, in shock.

Okay, I promise you that was NOT part of the plan! When did the mall get destroyed?! And how don't I know about this?! Great! Now if I ever want to go to the mall again, I have to shop in the mansion! Which is boring, because I'm not actually spending money, I'm recycling it!

"Guess they destroyed the mall because of popular vote."

"Huh?"

"Remember the, uh, election? Last month? When the city was debating whether or not to tear down the mall for the Soup Sunday Showdown every seven years? Then build it back for the next six?"

"No..."

"Well, whatever. That's what happened. The important thing is that the showdown starts in five minutes! Anybody see a good landing space?"

"Anything else important happening today? Anyone?"

"Not that I can recall," we all said in unison.

She groaned. "Try that house over there."

"I don't know, I might not fit..."

"And that's their property!" Amy said.

"Oh, Amy, you big chicken! Let's go!"

I glanced around for a second and in the process, I found the convertible button that Charlotte did not make behind my back. I totally forgot about that button!

"Hey, it's a nice day out. Let's lose this roof!"

"Please do not lose this roof!" Amy said.

"I'm not literally going to lose..."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get that. What I don't want to happen is a bird to poop in my hair. Or the sun to burn it and set it on fire. Or for a stick that's been falling for the last 67 years to fall right into my hair and send me plummeting all the way into a trampoline (at best), which will then play catch with gravity, resulting in an almost infinite bounce up and down."

"Okay, how likely is that last one? Like on a scale of one to infinity, how likely is that to happen?"

"I don't know, infinity's a pretty big number..."

"You think, Sherlock?"

"I've gotta say about a hundred decillion."

"Yeah, too big. I was thinking, like, say, ONE."

After I parked on somebody's house, I saw a bird hovering overhead. Is that a seagull? In central Virginia? What's a seagull doing away from, uh, the sea? Whatever. Must. Protect. Amy.

"Amy, seagull at your eight!"

She finally took the advice that I had never told her but kept stored in my mind for, like, forever. She brought an umbrella. And while that umbrella did protect Amy, I wouldn't recommend using it again. Like, ever again.

Also, the bird came back like a boomerang. I don't need to explain this again, it's pretty self-explanatory at this point.

"Shampoo," Amy said, holding her hand out.

"Shampoo," I said, handing her a travel-size shampoo bottle.

"Water bottle."

"Water bottle."

"Water bottle with cheese whiz."

"Water bottle..."

I got my cheese whiz out, drank some water out of the water bottle, put some cheese whiz in, and shook the bottle.

"...with cheese whiz."

"Thanks, but I was just saying that as a joke. Remember? When you asked me for a microwave?"

"You mean I just wasted water and cheese whiz?

"Yep."

"Don't you want a washcloth or something?"

"Nope. You get used to it after getting your hair ruined six times."

"Okay, enough talk. Get out of my helicopter."

"Amy, don't you get tired of that?" Cheryl said, closing the door on her side.

"I'm telling you, dude. You should go bald," I added.

"Ladies and gentleman, the showdown will begin in 60 seconds!"

"Come on, guys! We got reserved seats which become anybody's after the showdown officially starts!" I said.

Once the showdown started, the host I hired for fifty bucks an hour said the rules and stuff and disappeared after that. Then in the middle of the showdown, he blocked my view asking for the money. You better be glad that wasn't a real sporting event, dude! Because that's not how Katie works. Learn in this manual my mom made about me when I was 13.

At the end of the showdown, Cheryl's cousin won by a few ounces. She didn't beat the record though. Because I totally made it up! Get it? I know! Hilarious! Comedy gold! Ha ha! Heh. Hmm. Nothing, huh? Whatever.

It was starting to get dark out, which makes no sense, because how long could eating a few bowls of soup possibly take? Didn't we get there around lunchtime? Well, guess there's no lunch today.

Because it was starting to get dark out and no one had "remembered" about Brooklyn's birthday yet, she was getting kind of irritated. Kind of. Yeah, no. How about totally furious with fire in her eyes and hot sauce in her face? Yeah, that's better. I just hoped she didn't say anything about her birthday and kept using vague terms like "special day" and "once in a lifetime" so that we could keep playing dumb. She was getting closer and closer to ruining us, so I texted Spring for backup. I told her to hide around the ex-mall area. I also texted Kathy to make Richmond 2 miles away from Big Mountain as opposed to 21 miles to make it easier for Spring to get here. She has this weird power to control the number one. I don't know how it's scientifically possible, but it's still cooler than anything else in the world today. And that's saying something, considering we have self-driving cars, robots, portable toilets, and the ability to time-travel. Just ignore that other part.

"Okay, obviously, you guys don't remember what today is, so I'm just gonna tell you myself! Today just happens to be my..."

"HEY! Hey, guys!" Spring said, right on time.

I gave her a thumbs-up. She gave me a thumbs-up. That's an improvement from the last thumbs-up.

Remember that fire in Brooklyn's eyes? Yeah, so, it's spreading. The fire is spreading. It's so big, I check my elbows to see if they're on fire.

"I have to use the bathroom," I said.

On the way to the bathroom, I just happened to tap my foot on the dirt. Twice. They got the message. We're on very thin ice here.

It's probably time to reveal. When I get back from the bathroom, Brooklyn is being lifted by the others, and she's smiling. And somebody put out that fire. It's impressive what can happen in four minutes. Did they reveal without me?

"You got me. You guys did this hardcore! I was totally convinced!"

"We know," we said, using our invisible telepathic communication devices.

"You do have something planned now, right?"

I'm stupid.

How did I not look this far?

We all looked at each other for, like, five minutes. Or seconds. I'm sure we all lost sense of time right then. Then all eyes were on me. And then Brooklyn started to close in on me. And I started to retreat. And the cycle repeated, but it got faster after every few seconds until she was playing tag with me. But not the fun, playful version.

I used my secret weapon, the tuna can.

"Amy, cover up!"

I couldn't see her, but if she knew what was good for her, she would cover up. When I threw the tuna can at Brooklyn, she didn't even flinch. Maybe because she's that tough, or maybe because the tuna can went right over her head, at just the right angle to bust about five feet away from the bench where Amy was hiding behind, and for the tuna to bounce right on top of Amy's hair.

"Oh, come on!"

"Sorry! Try to do it better next time!" I said, still running.

I ran for another minute or so, and then I realized that I didn't hear any footsteps behind me. Brooklyn was on the other side of the ex-mall area. I hadn't noticed because my minimum speed is about 30 miles per hour. Okay, not really. But if Usain Bolt and I competed in a 100-meter dash, we might come within half a second apart.

"Dang!" Brooklyn said, after walking all the way over to where I was. "You're a fast runner!"

"I know I am. And don't be so picky! We didn't have to get you anything for your birthday!"

"There's a huge difference between a sweet sixteen and a birthday, Katie!"

"Um, don't you know that a sweet sixteen is a birthday?"

Brooklyn opened her mouth like she was about to say something, then realized that there was no arguing that.

We took Brooklyn out to get ice cream, which is perfect for an August 9th in any given year. It was on me, and I told her she could have all the ice cream she wanted. No problem, considering my budget is one hundred trillion dollars.

"I don't think I could eat another bite. But seriously, for my sweet sixteen, this is all you could manage?" Brooklyn said, kind of seriously, but not all the way.

"We took you to see the showdown!" Amy pointed out.

"Ice cream, soup, what more could anyone want for their birthday?" I joked.

"Don't ask a question that you already know the answer to."

If only there was a way to give everything Brooklyn wanted for her birthday to her without the trouble of actually setting it up. Oh, well. YOLOSPYFAMTAPWYHTC, dude.

Now, to plan what extremely weird thing to do tomorrow.

I still haven't figured out what to do when I wake up the next morning. I check my phone. August 10. I have to do something new...

I check my battery life. One hundred percent. I unplug my phone, and that's when an idea hits me. Why don't I unplug for the day?

I shut my phone off and store it away, along with my laptop, tablet, and portable toilet. Don't ask questions. I didn't use the microwave to heat anything up, so I had to start a fire. I grabbed my mom's sunglasses, some sticks, logs, and rocks and went outside to start a fire. I heated up every meal that day with the fire. To communicate, I used the cannon. I told Spring, Brooklyn, Amy, Mary, Charlotte, and Madison to meet up at the milkshake shack. In cannon code, that's "[all] at 7301-Morgan." I actually decided to help out that day.

Ten bucks an hour. Not saying much coming from a multi-quadrillionaire, but this is my cousin. I'd be willing to help her out anytime.

Unplugging for the entire day seems like it would be a challenge, when in reality, it was just a breeze. Just an "oh, wait, aw, man" kind of thing.

When I walked out of my house and headed for the subway station, I was interrupted by a rather large rock that flew right past my face. Good thing I'm not Amy, or that thing would've had a 101% chance of going right into my hair!

The rock had a note attached to it with a rubber band. It was addressed to me. How strange. But there have been weirder things happen to me as I left my house to go ride the subway. No questions, please. The note read, "Sorry, I couldn't find a brick, this is the best thing I could find. —your favorite villain, Taylor." On the other side of the rock, another note read, "P.S., I know what you did to Haylie. Watch your back. I'm coming for you."

I'll admit, Haylie V. did intimidate me a little bit. But this little girl, sidekick of a dead villain, is not enough to even hold my attention for a few seconds. She goes to my school! I'll beat her up in 22 days. I'll be late with any more shenanigans.

And when I got into the subway station, there were more shenanigans. Of course. Guess who happened to be at the 44th & Morgan subway station at 7:39 a.m. on August 10, 2043? Taylor Venquise.

"Guess what, you freaking idiot! You barking up the wrong tree, dude! You killed her, and now you have to deal with me!"

I could tell this was going to take a very, very, very long time. I wasn't going to get to work until about, say, tomorrow. Maybe.

"Think fast!" I said, as I punched her in the face. You don't always have to slap to use force. But to get the point across with force, you only have those two options. Despite what your parents and teachers told you, the most effective way to solve a problem is to either slap or punch the person you are upset with (parents would disagree but they slap their children all the time).

"Too slow!" she said, right before she punched me back.

I grabbed on to her hair and pulled her to the ground. Then I rolled over and mounted her. Three days ago, I was a witness of this, and today, I'm doing this.

I lit her up on the ground, but she did punch me once from the floor. She was one of my toughest opponents. She got me in a clinch and rolled me back over. Never seen that maneuver before. Interesting. I had to improvise. With her on top of me, I obviously don't have time to open a tuna can, but I could at least take one out. That's right, I have more than one on me. I took out a tuna can, threw it, and while it stunned her, I rolled right back over. I banged the tuna can on her head until the tuna can broke. She's still conscious! This girl won't give up! She eyed the open tuna can for a second, but hesitated to take it. I don't know why, though. Before I emptied the tuna can, I stopped to offer her a truce. But she stole my tuna can and I retreated as far away from it as possible. That was just a waste of energy, because she didn't even care about the tuna, she just used it for the extra weight to the can. We ran around the subway station for a little bit, then she finally threw the can, and it hit me square in the nose. Three more and I might even have a bloody nose! I'm just tough like that. I heard the sub coming in the distance. I can't miss that sub. What kind of employee shows up late for their first day on the job? Not a good one. Not one like Katie. I had to defeat Taylor, and I had to make it quick. I got into my boxing stance. Jab. Jab, jab. I worked my way in. Jab, cross. I played patiently. I was competitive like I was playing for the WWE and millions of dollars were on the line, but still I played patiently. Uppercut. Uppercut. She made a wrong move once, and I countered with a roundhouse to the chin. But I kept going in. She was my speed bag. I was going a mile a minute. Punching, punching, punching... all the way until Taylor dropped. I pulled my mirror out of my purse to see any bumps or bruises she might have left, but I only found a scratch or two. The subway had just arrived. Just as I was about to get on, Taylor stopped me.

"You killed my mother," she said.

"She stole my..."

"You killed my mother." Tears were swelling up in her eyes.

I sighed. "Look, I really have to get to this milkshake shack, because that's my new job, and I gotta make a great first impression and... what I'm trying to say is I can't have this conversation right now. See you later."

"You killed my..."

"Stand clear of the closing doors," a robotic voice said.

While I was on the long sub ride from 44th Street to 73rd Street, I had a lot of time to think. During that time, I came up with a conclusion. We were both wrong. We murdered Haylie Venquise. However, Haylie Venquise is the most known villain east of the Mississippi River. She has been known to steal, lie, capture, torture, and whatever else. We stopped the villain from causing any more damage for all of eternity. She was literally in the middle of a robbery right before she died, stealing the helicopter. Or, the first version of the helicopter. We both broke the law, and we are equally as wrong in doing so. Ten minutes ago, I never would've thought I would've cared this much about anything that has to do even a little bit about Taylor. But look at me now. I was trying to convince myself that I didn't wrongfully murder a 34-year-old woman, but I had to face the facts.

I was so lost in thought that I missed my stop. Great! On my first day on the job, I almost got hit in the face with a rock, had a fight with the current most popular villain in Virginia, admitted to myself that I had wrongfully killed her mother, and missed my stop!

I had to get off at 81st and Morgan and catch the westbound sub back to 73rd. This is the best day ever! NOT!

I got to the shack at 8:29 and 40 seconds. That was close. Twenty seconds to spare.

"Sorry I'm almost late, I had a fight with a villain and was trying to admit to myself that I didn't kill her mother," I told Jenny.

"Yeah," she said, in complete disbelief. "Next time you oversleep or forget to set your alarm, just say so. I won't be mad."

"No, really, I... you know what, whatever. How do I get in there?"

"The first four digits of yours and Spring's password is the passcode. Go through that door and enter the passcode to open the next one. Then turn left. That's the kitchen. And hurry up. Technically, since your not in the kitchen, you're not at work yet. Ten, nine..."

I didn't waste any time. I ran as fast as I could to the kitchen, but still timed in after 8:30.

"Late on your first day on the job, huh?" Mr. Coyett said, with a manila folder in his hand.

Let's take a deep dive into manila folders, shall we? The manila folder. The death kind. Name one situation in your whole life where something positive has come with a manila folder around. You can't! Manila folders are the worst.

"I'm sorry, but I had a fight with a villain and was trying to admit to myself that I didn't kill her mother."

That was dumb. If it didn't work with Jenny, what made me think it was going to work with Mr. Coyett? And he has a manila folder! But it was the truth! I should have told a lie. It would've been more believable.

"Mind telling me why you were really late?"

Darn it! If I had had my phone on me during the fight, I would've taken a picture! Stupid unplugging! That was a bad idea.

"I'm telling you, it's true! Ever heard of Haylie Venquise?"

"Of course I have."

"She had a daughter, Taylor Venquise. Taylor was mad that we killed her mother and..."

"WHAT?!!!"

"She was evil and had just stolen my helicopter."

"Okay..."

"LIke I was saying, she was mad, so when I left my house this morning, she threw a rock at me—and missed, of course—and said she was coming for me." A lightbulb went off in my head. I put the rock in my pocket after I read it! "In fact, the rock's right here!"

He couldn't argue with solid proof.

"Well, sorry you had to go through that. But consider this a warning. You have two strikes remaining."

As Coyett walked away from me, I saw Brooklyn coming to me.

"What was that about? You weren't late. According to my phone, it's still 8:29."

"Me and Taylor got in a fight. And she tried to throw a rock at me. See?" I pulled out the rock.

"She left a mark, too. Did you ever use the tuna can?"

"I used the can, but not the tuna."

"Oh."

"And she did, too."

"She stole one from you?"

"Yeah."

"Come on, man, you're better than that!"

"I know, not my best, but she was one of my toughest opponents. She successfully hit me in the nose with my own tuna can, not long after I offered a truce!"

Jenny poked her head through the small window by the blenders. "One strawberry milkshake, two key lime, and one mango smoothie."

"They serve those here?" Brooklyn asked.

"Duh, it's in our name. C & J's Milkshake Shack · Milkshakes and Smoothies."

"Well, I actually never paid attention to the name, I just call it 'that milkshake shack at 73rd and Morgan.'"

"If you work here, you need to know the name of the shack. And how to make a smoothie, because I swear, Brooklyn, if you mess this smoothie up and the customer is dissatisfied I will..." She took a moment to contain herself. "Just don't mess this up, okay?"

"I won't."

Jenny went back to the counter in the lobby and Brooklyn and I struggled through this smoothie together.

"Well," I said, "we're probably going to need some mango."

"Discovery of the century, great job, Sherlock."

"Well, maybe you should take over then, Brooklyn!"

"That's not what I..."

"No, no, no, since you think you're so smart with smoothies, you should make this one!"

"I never said..."

"Less talking, more smoothie-making!"

"Fine. Mango."

"Mango."

"Not a whole mango, idiot! Some cut mangoes!"

"Okay, okay, geez!"

"Milk."

"Milk."

She poured some milk into the blender.

"I think we have our smoothie."

"Remember what Jenny said." I put on my best Jenny impersonation. "'I swear, Brooklyn, if you mess this smoothie up and the customer is dissatisfied I will...'" I sighed dramatically. "'Just don't mess this up, okay?'"

"Whatever. I feel like I'm done. Something tells me this will turn out right."

She turned on the blender.

Five minutes later, we received a tip from Jenny. "This is from the customers. Congratulations, Ms. Rogers and Ms. Simpson, you just received your first tip. I'm just gonna put it right..."—she put the tip directly in the middle of us—"here." She quickly removed her hand and got back to work. She knew what was good for her. A tip is practically free money, and both of us are die-hard for free money. It was the fight all over again. In 12 seconds, we were both pulling on the five-dollar bill with our teeth. Don't picture it. That didn't end well. It ripped.

"Oh, well. What's next?" I said.

"Guess it's a slow day. I'm just gonna go watch TV in the living room," Brooklyn replied.

"Say what?"

"Coyett lives here. Ever been to the second floor?"

"Obviously not!"

"His whole house is upstairs."

"But this place is like 13 feet tall!"

"And that's why the sign on the front door says 'CLEARANCE 6 FT 6 IN' in all caps."

"So the tallest man in the world wouldn't be able to come in?"

"No, he'd just get a chance to practice his limbo."

"Order!" Jenny shouted. "Two lemonades, a cheeseburger, and fries!"

"WHAT THE..."

"JK! Key lime milkshake."

"Oh. I got this," I said.

I'm not going to go over my whole first day at work. Let me skip to 4:33 p.m. that day.

"Bye, Jenny," I said.

"What do you mean? I'm leaving, too."

"But this place closes at five."

"Coyett closes his office down at 4:15, then comes down at 4:25 to make milkshakes for last-minute customers."

"Oh. But you're going to 101st, and I'm going to 44th."

"Well, we'll say bye at the sub station."

I saw Taylor in the distance. She was somewhere around 75th Street.

"Nah, turn down Morgan and make a whole bunch of rights until you get to the sub station. I need to walk alone."

"You sure? Why?"

"Leave."

"But..."

"Tuna."

"Got it."

Once she left, I walked up to Taylor. We met at the corner of 74th and Morgan.

"Where did we leave off?" I asked.

"You killed my..."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. Is that all you know how to say now?"

"I don't think you understand. How would you like it if I killed your mother?"

"How many people would build an alliance to kill you if you did?"

"You're missing the point. How would you like it?"

"I wouldn't like it."

"Exactly."

"I might even kill you."

"That's a great idea."

She lunged on me. And started punching me as hard as she could in the face. I gotta admit, that actually hurt. The fifth punch I caught, then put her in an armbar. She was holding out, and I couldn't even straighten it out. I pushed her off and we reset. "We don't have to solve this with violence," I said. But she completely disagreed. "That's exactly how we have to solve this!" I pulled out a tuna can. "Have it your way." She kicked, but her leg whiffed over my head. She caught a knee, and another, and another, then a tuna can. I beat her with it and wouldn't rest. Once she was on her knees, I still hit her with that can. I wouldn't rest. Because I knew the moment I stopped, she was going to try to hurt me again. I didn't stop until she was all the way flat on the ground. And like a WWE wrestler, I backed up, got a running start, and jumped onto her belly-first. That was so brutal, I even felt pain myself. This is solid concrete! I turned around to go home, because I was already a block further away from where I had started. That's when I heard footsteps. I turned around. Taylor had a knife. "We just had to get to this point, didn't we?" she said. I pulled out the rock she threw at me that morning, but didn't show it to her. She lunged forward to stab me, then I threw the rock, which hit her in the wrist, causing her to drop the knife. I picked it up and pointed it at her, but didn't hurt her. I had no reason to. That was a mistake. She had another knife. "Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpson," she started. Normally, I'd slap someone if they said my full name right in front of me, but this girl was armed with a knife. "I wish you weren't as spoiled as you were. You might understand if you were in my shoes. I was a good girl. I really was. I was popular, youthful, and that all changed when everyone found out who my mother was. They started to think of me as a villain myself. And that's when I turned into a monster. But it's not my fault. It's not my fault."

When a girl is standing six and a half feet in front of you who's evil and might have some more evil inventions on her person and there's a knife on the floor right behind you and she's crying, do you try to make your move with the knife or do you approach her and try to comfort her? I was scared. Scared for me and her, I mean. I didn't think about it from her side when I killed Haylie. I was extremely selfish. While I was scared for her in that matter, I had to avoid getting killed. I didn't go with my gut, I just plain asked her, "Do you need a hug?"

She nodded and just walked into my arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Please, take my phone and go back to the 2nd, and stop Haylie from ever stealing the helicopter." I reached into my pocket, but all I found was a rock. Oh, yeah, I unplugged. "Dang it, I left my phone at the house!"

"Sure you did," Taylor said, pushing me away from her.

"No, really, I decided to unplug for the day. I didn't think I'd be here talking to Taylor Venquise trying to get her mother back."

"Hey, Katie! Who's that?" a voice behind me said. "I was just on my third right."

I turned around. It was Jenny. I was about to tell her to leave because we were in the middle of something when it clicked. Jenny has a phone!

"Jenny, I need to borrow your phone."

"Why? And didn't you say you were unplugging or something?"

"Yeah, but if you don't, you'll need windshield wipers to see your way through a faceful of tuna."

"Got it."

She handed her phone to me, then I handed it to Taylor.

"Oh, and you never answered my question," Jenny said.

"What question?"

"Who's that?"

"You know Haylie's daughter, Taylor?"

"WHAT?!?! GIVE ME MY PHONE BACK RIGHT NOW!!!"

"Jenny, stay away from her, I'm warning you!"

Before, I was offending Taylor. Now I'm defending her. Ironic.

She was able to go back in time and return to the current time so fast that we didn't even see her leave.

"I'm done, she's alive! Success!" Taylor whispered in my ear, to avoid Jenny getting suspicious because the last thing I need is for her to add more complications to this already resolved problem.

"Here's your phone back! BYE!" 

"Wait, what?"

I took off running. I ran right into a pole, and it stung, so I fell down, but then I got back up again and kept running.

"Phew, that was a close one," I said to myself, relieved.

Speaking of relieving, I really had to use the bathroom. But the nearest public bathroom was at the shack, and I couldn't pass Jenny again until she forgot about this whole incident the next morning. Whatever, I can make this work. After all, I just saved somebody's life. On the way, I found a poster with my picture on it. I stopped to take a closer look. It read "WANTED" in big bold letters at the top. Below that, there was my picture. I had on black and white stripes, which is extremely weird, because I would've made fun of somebody if they'd worn black and white stripes, so why would I have worn a black-and-white-striped shirt? Below my picture, there was my name and something about a reward of a thousand dollars. Okay, I know there are lots of 5'1" Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpsons in the world, but what are the odds that there's more than one in Big Mountain, Virginia? Wait a second, what did I do? I stopped and walked around in circles. That's what I call a productive circle. Helps me think. After about fifteen laps, my brain concluded something. I should stop circling the area where a "WANTED" poster with my name and picture is. So I went across the street and started walking in circles. After two hundred more laps, something clicked in my brain. Time travel is a weird business. When one person goes back in time and changes history, everything they changed in the past reflects the present in a matter of milliseconds. By her stopping Haylie from stealing the helicopter, she must have made me do something illegal. I thought she had changed! She was a no-good, sneaky, mischievous brat all along! How dumb was I to think she had changed in one day? Or what if without the distraction of Haylie stealing the helicopter, I accidentally did something illegal in the process? But what did I do and...

"Excuse me, young ma'am," an old lady said, trying to pass me.

I quickly ducked my head, just in case she happened to see the poster. "Sorry, ma'am." I moved out of her way.

I sat down on a bench and thought for a few moments. Then a lightbulb went off. I was swimming in the Grand Canyon. There was a sign that clearly said we were not allowed to swim in the Grand Canyon. I needed to go home and get my phone to go back in time and not let Brooklyn out of my sight. Without her getting in the water, I never would've even thought to do it, either.

The hardest part of getting home as a criminal is all of it. I can't wear a mask, because that would double, triple, or possibly quadruple the suspicion of anyone around me. I had to keep my eyes out for the po-po the whole way home. I had to walk 36 blocks all the way home, 29 blocks from 73rd Street to 44th Street, and 7 blocks from Morgan Street to 8th Avenue. I can't take the subway, to many people to turn me in. I had to keep my hair in my face. Blondes would not appreciate having to do that. Brown-haired people can see through their own hair. Trust me. After I got to my house (after a few hours), I got my phone and went back in time to August 2, 2043.

So much for unplugging, I thought.

I woke up. I checked my phone. It was indeed the 2nd. I was in the hotel, and Spring, Brooklyn, Charlotte, Mary, and Amy were just about ready to jump on top of me. Though they appeared asleep.

"Nice try, guys!" I said to them. "I know you're awake!"

"How'd you know?" Spring asked.

"Just a hunch."

After I ordered breakfast and stuff, I parked the helicopter in a very specific spot with a tech shield surrounding it. If you even come close to that thing, you get electrified. And not in the good way.

"Brooklyn, don't you dare change into your bathing suit. You are not going swimming today, sis."

"How'd you..."

"Another hunch."

"How are your hunches so accurate?"

"I just have good hunches."

"Shouldn't you be freaking out or something?"

"I had a vision last night. Opened my eyes. Permanently erased my fear of this big hole in the planet."

"Listen to me, I'm not joking, I will drown you if you go in that water, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am!"

So, that problem's solved, right? There's only one way to find out! I got my phone and returned to the 10th at 4:33 p.m. to see what had changed.

"Yo, K! How'd you enjoy your first day? Hey, that rhymed!" Jenny said.

Not exactly the same, but that's not a big enough sample space. Now, what was it that I said on the first version of this day? Oh, yeah!

"It was fine. Bye, Jenny!"

"What do you mean? I'm leaving, too."

Bingo! Right on track!

I tried to remember everything I had said to the to the T. I think I did. When I got to the part with the tuna can, I approached Taylor in the hopes that she didn't say anything about me killing her mother.

"Yo, archnemesis! High-five!" I said to her, putting my hand up for a high-five.

"I can't high-five a murderer," she replied.

"But... I don't understand..."

"What is there not to understand? You killed my mother!"

The tech shield. Maybe it didn't just electrify her. Maybe it might have had enough power to electrocute her.

"Taylor, I'm very sorry to say this, and I say this with all due respect, but your mother must have been meant to die."

She pulled out the same knife from before. "Take that back."

"Put the knife down, Taylor," I said, calmly, trying to get her to be calm, too.

She did. And she gave the same speech from before.

"I wish you weren't as spoiled as you were. You might understand if you were in my shoes. I was a good girl. I really was. I was popular, youthful, and that all changed when everyone found out who my mother was. They started to think of me as a villain myself. And that's when I turned into a monster. But it's not my fault. It's not my fault."

She didn't notice, but I mouthed the last few sentences of her speech.

"I have to go." I didn't have to go, it's just that I would've been happier in a dumpster, as long as it was several miles away from that area.

As soon as I got home, I went straight to bed. I skipped dinner and everything. I got into my pajamas and got in the bed. It had been a long day. And a long ten days.

I was so tired when I woke up at 11:30 that I decided not to. I went right back to sleep. Why not? I'm aiming to do something new every day, and I haven't done this before, so why not? I shut my brain off and went back to sleep in a matter of seconds.

"Get out of bed, Katie!"

"What?"

"Wake up!"

"Can't you see I'm trying to go to sl..."

I was stunned. In front of me was a bag of potato chips. Actually, there were five bags of potato chips.

"Order from the king!"

"What king?"

"Richie da King, duh! Our king for 27 years? Your whole life? Remember him?"

"And what did he say?"

"If you don't figure out which one of us is talking to you, you will die. Any questions?"

"Yes, actually. Why am I doing this?!"

"You didn't donate enough money to his charity. If you pass this very hard test, he will spare you, because that's the great person he is. In the very likely chance that you fail the test, he will execute you at his castle. Got it? The test begins in three, two, one... you have 30 seconds to guess which one of us can talk."

I heard that you're dumber in your dreams than in reality. I look back at that dream and say to myself, "How did you not figure out that you were in a dream?" But whatever.

I looked very carefully at each bag of chips. I picked the first bag up, opened it, ate a chip, and looked for a microphone or a walkie-talkie or something like that.

Nothing. I searched the next bag. I took another chip.

I did the same with the other three bags, but nothing.

"Time's up! Which bag have you decided on?"

"Um, the fourth one?"

"Wrong! It's the sixth one!"

"What?"

"I'm floating above your head!"

I looked right over my head. Sure enough, there was a bag of potato chips right there.

"YOUR EXECUTION!!!" the king yelled. "Queen Venquise, ATTACK!!!"

"With pleasure!" the queen said, climbing through the window with a dagger.

Wait a second, did he say Venquise? And that "dagger" looks a lot like the knife Taylor tried to stab me with on the first version of yesterday! Then I realized that it was Taylor, dressed in red, white, gold, and black.

"Hiii-yaaa!" She tried to stab me, but missed by a millimeter. I kept retreating, but found myself at a door. Stupid door! Why did Heron of Alexandria even invent that stupid thing? It only causes pain! What problem does a door solve? I could live without doors for the rest of my life!

Note: I was thinking that in my dream, not that I was actually dumb enough to think that the door was a bad invention.

She finally got me in the corner because of that stupid door (see previous note) and put her dagger up in the air, then she charged it right at my...

RIIIIIIINNNNNG!!!

It was my phone. Thank goodness I have my phone! I was about to die!

Note: You're very stupid in a dream. You're moderately stupid within the first few seconds of when you wake up. I was still in the moderately stupid stage.

It was some telemarketer who was calling me. Never in my life had I been so grateful for telemarketers (see previous note).

I went back to sleep.

Finally, an exciting dream! I woke up in the mall. And by the mall, I mean the mall in the mansion. I was in the middle of a massage at the spa.

I never realized the masseuse we hired was so good. I was really enjoying the moment. I went ahead and evaluated my life.

"Hey, Katie!" Spring said.

"Hey, Spring."

Two seconds past.

"SPRING! Why are you here during my massage?! Kelly!"

"My pleasure."

F.Y.I., Kelly is the name of the masseuse.

She politely guided her out of the spa. I would've wished for a more violent way out for Spring, but that works.

Wait a second, we don't have a spa!

That's when I woke up.

Two o'clock. I was kind of hungry. No, hangry. I was very hangry. Or just cranky because I just woke up. And slept six hours more than the average person, at eight. I clapped my hands to avoid ruining my whole "stay in bed" thing.

A couple seconds later, the taco guy at the taco restaurant at the mall gave me two tacos and a small lemonade. Could've used a little less sugar. The lemonade, I mean, not the tacos! I'm an expert on lemonade. I'm a lemonade enthusiast.

That hit the spot.

Wait, we don't have any taco shops in the mall!

I woke up again. It was 1:59. I guess that had to have been a dream. I looked around for anything else that I didn't actually have in my room. Nope, all clear.

I don't think I had any more vivid dreams that night, not that I can remember, but I feel like I have to tuna Spring. I don't know if it's because I'm still mad at her even though she didn't actually do anything in reality, or if it's because that dream was telling me to not drop the soap in the shower. You know what I mean.

After I went to sleep, I had a nice, long 16 hours of sleep to refresh myself for the next day.

"You coming?" Brooklyn said after I answered her at the door.

"To what?" I asked.

"Wish me luck, I'm going to my first driver's ed class. It starts today, Wednesday, August 12."

"I should start looking for a driver's ed class. I turned 15 in April, so I'm obviously of age to start, right?"

"Try on the 23rd. You have to be 15 years and 6 months old to get a learner's permit."

"Whatevs. Yes, I'm coming!"

Cheryl picked her up (hopefully for one of the last times) and drove her to the DMV. It was actually going to be a pretty long drive because the nearest DMV was in Richmond.

Wait, thanks to Kathy, it was 19 miles shorter than expected. On Brooklyn's birthday, she made Richmond 19 miles closer than before. I should probably ask her to change it back. I don't know how many people she's thrown off guard in the past three days. Also, maybe it was kind of selfish for me to ask her to change the distance between Big Mountain and Richmond just to help a plan that would make Brooklyn furious with us.

7 TO 8 HOURS LATER

"They hate me. I got a 69.97%."

"Can't they round up?" I asked.

"Nope. It's a solid 70% or a solid FAIL on a manila folder with your name on it."

See? She gets it! Manila folders bring nothing but trouble. Beware the manila folder!!!

"No sweat. You'll do better next time, Brook. I failed seven times before passing the driving test. And don't get too excited when you get your permit, you still got multiple stages to pass after that," Cheryl said, trying to cheer up Brooklyn.

What she doesn't know about Brooklyn is that she has a habit to hold grudges. She wasn't going to get over failing that driving test until... what year is it again? Oh, yeah, 2043. So I'd say... Christmas of 2045.

"Better luck next time, Big B," Charlotte said.

Where does she get that slang from?

"I'll make you a milkshake if that helps," I offered.

"If I wanted a milkshake, I'd make one myself," Brooklyn said.

"I don't like your tone. I didn't do anything to you."

"Oh, all hail Queen Simpson! Sorry, please don't execute me!"

"Oh, you wanna go?"

"Whoa, there!" Spring interrupted. "Calm down, there, Katie! Let's not have a fight today, shall we? I could give you and Brooklyn a massage if that helps."

"No way, Spring! Ain't no way you're giving me a massage!"

I slapped her; I am a woman of my word.

"You wanna go?" Hmmm, that's strange coming from someone who had literally less than five seconds ago said, "Whoa, there! Calm down, there, Katie! Let's not have a fight today, shall we?"

"I don't feel like eating anyone alive today, so no."

She was about to say something, but then realized that I could eat her alive. That would be disgusting, but if I wanted to, I could.

That's basically everything important that happened that day. I'm just gonna skip to the next day. Thursday the 13th (phew, that was close).

I called Guinness again. This time, I was going to try to eat the most jelly donuts ever in 30 seconds. They must've recognized my number, because it went to voicemail every single time. And by that, I mean I called 11 times. That never happens! It's not a holiday, or a Sunday, or anything like that. They should be wide open on a random Thursday in August. Could it be? They banned me from Guinness World Records? Oh, well. It's not like I need the stupid prize money. And the fame. I already have plenty of both of those. Whatever. If anything, this is the first time I've been turned down by Guinness World Records, soooo... guess that counts. But I didn't actually do anything new, soooo... so, yeah, soooo...

Soooooooooooo...

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... so, yeah.

Today, the new thing that I will do is not do anything new for a day in August. Wait, but that is new. So I guess I should not do that. But not not doing anything new is actually doing something new, which I'm intentionally trying not to do. Whatever, this is too complicated. Is my brain... working? On summer vacation?! I need to stop this now!

Okay, so what was I saying? Oh, right. The infinite vortex. You know what? Let me just wing it. I'll probably figure something out. Or not, whatever. These have been the longest two weeks of my life. And it hasn't technically even been two weeks yet. That day of nothing but rest felt good, though.

I popped open a can of Wendy's delicious soda because storebought couldn't compare to her special soda. Whatever it's made of, I don't care. I just make decoy sodas to replace the ones I steal until I go to the mall and replace them. I could just buy them straight from the mall, but it's more fun to practice stealing Wendy's soda. Been doin' it for seven years now, and I ain't stoppin' any time soon.

I grabbed the TV remote and put on a movie. Starring me, of course. I remember this one. I was working day in and day out that autumn of 2040. I was 12 years old. Every day, I was either practicing, preparing, acting, taking my five-minute break, playing basketball (more on that later), eating, sleeping, or breathing. That's it. Nothing else. For 68 days straight. But it was worth it. That was the day I got rich. I became a millionaire and a soon-to-be billionaire. Sure, if I'm being honest, it was kind of torture, but if you reflect, you'll see that 68 days got me over a million dollars. That's multiple thousand dollars for each day. It was definitely worth it.

The movie was called "4 Score & We Still Beat You." It's about this girl, Ellison Hart (Katie Simpson), who dreams to become a professional basketball player. She gets to practicing, and it seems no matter how hard she tries, she can never get any better. But later in the movie, her dad (Harrison Swinne) makes her look at the bright side. Ellie then realizes that she can focus on her strengths and get the position that she can do best. Her parents fight a bit, because her mom thinks that her dad is setting her up for failure. The fight gets a little out of control and they end up divorcing. Don't ask me, I didn't write the movie, I was just a cast member. Ellie is forced to choose between her mom and her dad to live with until she moved out. She chose neither. She decided to stick to her dreams, follow her dad's advice, and move in with her friend, Julius (Johnny Movel). The coach (Wendy Simpson) was not too forgiving with Ellie's skill. However, her teammate, Tiffany (Jennifer Simpson), stood up for her with encouraged her to keep going. I had to play the role of Ellie, which, I'm not gonna lie, absolutely sucked. You know why? No? Well, let me tell ya. Ellie played basketball. I barely knew how to spell basketball at the time. I might've confused a basketball with a golf ball. Because the sport sucks. It absolutely sucks. Before I go into all the sucky details of it, let me tell you what my lack of basketball knowledge got me. My insane mom decided that I needed to know basketball to act out this movie better and to survive in the world, so she took me out to an abandoned basketball court (and by abandoned I mean exactly what you're picturing) and made a few tweaks so that it was at least functional. We played one-on-one for days on end. One night, we didn't even go home. We played for a day and a half straight. Yeah. She was real serious about this "surviving in the real world" thing. The worst thing about playing Ellie wasn't even during the movie! After I was done with the whole movie, before I could take another breath, I was being hovered 24-7! And when I say 24-7, I mean all 24 hours and all 7 days, for weeks and weeks on end. It was terrible! People asking me for my autograph, snapping pictures, asking questions, hugging me, kissing me, it was awful! Absolutely awful, I tell you! It may sound like I'm confusing terrible with the dream life, but no, being hovered is the worst. Don't believe me? Let me gather some paparazzi for you. You'll have photos of you taken at places you didn't even go to. So, like I said, playing Ellie sucked.

Luckily, that movie's long over. Now I'm on chill mode.

I watched the movie. It was better than I had remembered, probably because I had never actually watched the movie before. I was completely done with it.

I ordered a box of pizza from the pizza guy in the mall and started typing out the past few days (that's right, the past few days that you've been reading) on my mom's computer. It's weird that I don't have one, after all, the most expensive computer in the world is 587 million dollars. I could buy almost 10 million of them. I guess it's because computers are so 2020. Everyone uses phones now. And smartwatches. I started typing and tracing back to the first day of the month, when I went to the waterfall. I let my fingers and my brain do all of the work.

"Yo, Katie!"

"AH, MOM!" I shut the computer so fast and so blindly that I closed it on my fingers. "YOW!!!"

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good.

"Tell me about your last... fourteen days. You've been gone for so long it seems like you're not even my daughter. The last time I saw you was like... oh my gosh, it's been way too long, I can't even remember!"

"Okay, then. In the beginning..."

Get it? In the beginning? I crack myself up! But why aren't you on the floor rolling right now? Wow, I'm pathetic. You know your jokes are lame when you predict in advance that your reader won't laugh at your joke. Even I think my jokes are lame.

After a long 15-minute speech about the past two weeks, and her long 15-minute speech about her last two weeks, she left to go to a concert in Baltimore. I guess we don't have a lot of mother-daughter bonding time. With both of us (mostly her) being celebrities, we both have kind of busy schedules. While my busy schedule often has nothing to do with me being a mini-celebrity, it's still busy.

Wait, am I actually a celebrity at all? I share blood with the famous chef, Roger Richmond I. But that was like five generations ago. Why does everyone else think of me as a celebrity just because my great-great-great-great grandfather made really good food?

After that thought process, I no longer took pride in the title "celebrity." It just didn't fit me. I'm Katie Simpson. You can call me Katie.

I went back to typing. Which was a little difficult with my fingers hurting so much. I came across a dilemma, that dilemma being that I didn't know how the plural form of "Nerdville" would be spelled. I did some research and found an article on that exact topic. What are the odds? And what are the odds that the guy who made this article had the last name "Nonfake," and published this article in the year 204? Maybe he forgot the "3" in 2043? Whatever. How convenient is this?

I clicked on the link, and it took quite a while to load.

So much for convenience, I thought.

After a whole minute of waiting, the screen turned blue. The whole thing. A picture of a manila folder showed up on the screen. A message showed up saying, "You've downloaded a virus. Where should we keep it?"

"What do you mean 'where should we keep it'?! Destroy it!!!"

Kathy must've overheard me.

"Yo, Katie, what's up?" she yelled from upstairs. That must've been hard, seeing as how she was two floors above me.

"You're kind of tech-savvy, right?"

"I guess so."

"I need you to come down here and fix Wendy's computer for me."

She came down and read the message.

"And when and how did this happen?"

"Like a minute or two ago, and I was about to read an article of how the plural form of 'Nerdville' would be spelled for my..."

Why do I keep almost spilling the beans?!

"Oh, I get it. This is for your next story."

I was stunned. In fact, I was speechless for a second. And motionless.

"I... I... I don't know anything about a story. What story?"

"It's supposed to be a secret? Wait, then how did I get in?"

"Wait, what do you mean you got in?"

"Remember around the time of your concert I ended up in your narrating world? I was just wandering around backstage and I found you. If it's supposed to be a secret, why don't you do it more secretly?"

"I don't know, I just narrate and type. This is my place. I'm gonna need you to back up, Kathy. This is my personal space."

"I can respect that."

"No, really, I'm against a wall and you're squishing me. I'm starting to lose oxygen."

"Oh, sorry. Let me fix this virus. In case this, for some reason, happens again, you should watch. Just in case. First, you move the virus to a folder you never use for anything. Here are your options."—she showed me a list of folders in a dropdown menu—"Which one of these folders is entirely empty, or is filled with files that are currently useless and will still be useless in the future?"

"The trash."

"I'll try, but usually viruses won't go directly into the..."

Yeah, it did go directly into the trash.

"You mean viruses like that? Because that virus did go directly into the trash."

"Whatever, Katie! Give me some room! In case that doesn't work, you would put the virus in a useless folder and move the whole folder to the trash. But now that we have it in the trash, it's still on the computer. Which means as long as you can permanently delete this virus, it's gone. But if that doesn't work, we'll have to find this exact brand of computer at the mall."

I crossed my fingers.

"It worked. Hmmm. That almost never happens."

"Thanks, Kathy. Now, please give me some room on this book. It's going to take a lot of time, and there's probably going to be 32 chapters."

Spoiler alert, that's right, there's going to be 32 chapters. I know, I know, August has only 31 days, but there's a surprise/bonus/just cuz chapter at the end. I'm not giving away any more than that.

"Wait, why does the computer ask you where to keep the virus and not destroy the virus? Or why doesn't the virus take over the computer?"

"Hackers these days are dumber than they used to be. They think you're just going to walk into being hacked. As long as you use—or even just have—13% of your brain, you won't fall for it."

"Oh."

Well, that's something new. My first computer virus. I thought the new thing I was going to do was nothing at all. Which would be new, so I wouldn't do it. But since I would not be doing nothing new at all, which means I would be doing something new, I wouldn't do that. Stupid vortex!

I decided the next day that I was done with my break from chaos. Hit me, chaos!

Hi, my name is Chaos!

Don't even think about it, Imaginary Person!

Who's this "Imaginary Person" you speak of? My name is Chaos!

LEAVE!!!!!!

FINE!!!!!!

So, the next day, I went directly to Kathy's room.

"Yo, Kathy."

"Oh, no. What happened this time? I didn't hear you call, I was probably in the shower. Sorry. I'll be there in a second!"

"No, no, no. It doesn't have anything to do with that. I just was wondering if you knew how far Paris is from here."

"About nine or ten hours. Why?"

"Cuz I'm going, duh."

"By yourself? Seems bland."

"That's why I'm bringing you with me."

"Who else?"

"Just us. Sisters' night out!"

"I'd love that! Wait, night? It's like... 7:30 in the morning."

"And if we left now, it would be around 11:30 p.m. by the time we got there. And I thought you were the genius of the house."

"And I still am."

"Uh-huh. Come on, let's go!"

I went to go get the Simpson-copter and started flying up, up, and away until we got all the way to France. I speak fluent French, by the way. Not Spanish, not Portuguese, not Mandarin, not even Arabic, but I speak French.

After parking the helicopter, I came to a man with a suit and tie and briefcase (at almost midnight?) and asked if he knew a good place to eat.

"Salut Monsieur. Je suis Katie. C'est Kathy. Nous sommes des touristes ici."

"Bonjour, touriste. Est-ce que tu parles français?"

"Oui! Je parle couramment le français. Au fait, savez-vous où nous pourrions trouver quelque chose à manger?"

"Faites le prochain droit, alors vous verrez beaucoup d'endroits pour manger."

"C'est bon à savoir. Merci!"

"De rien!"

"He said some good places to eat are down there, at the next right," I translated for Kathy.

"Say whaaaaaaaaaa...?" she said, surprised. "Katie, you never told me you were fluent in French!"

"Eh, I can throw some stuff together."

Sure enough, at the next right, there were dozens of diners, eateries, bakeries, and restaurants.

"Actually, my appetite won't open up until we see the Eiffel Tower," Kathy said.

"Don't you want to save the best for last?"

"Well, I guess you're right. Let's go to that one. They sell croissants. I've always wanted a real croissant."

"I guess I'm ordering."

"If they speak English, I'll order for myself."

Once we got in, I ordered falafel, a baguette, and since apparently it's a must-have in Paris, and they happened to serve it there, I got a macaron. It was all pretty good. I could care less what Kathy ordered, this was good! Like, real good! Like, don't-even-compete-unless-you-want-to-get-humiliated good!

Afterward, we tried to go to the Louvre Museum.

"Did you know that Mona Lisa sat in this exact museum?" I said.

"Did you know celebrities come here on tour?" Kathy said.

"Yes," we both said at the same time.

"Wait, it must be closed. There's no one here and all the lights are off," I said, disappointed.

"Well, now that we have nothing else to do, how about we do what anybody who visits Paris would want to do?"

"That's a good point."

"Let's go climb this big tower!"

We had to ride two different buses to get there, but we finally got to the Eiffel Tower, and at night, too, when everything looks the best. I waited in a very short line of two people (that's right, me and her) to get our tickets and we got to climbing. It was still exciting, even if it was technically 1 a.m., and I would normally be in the bed right now. Though, in Virginia it would've been 7 p.m., so it makes sense that I'm wide awake.

We got the first 200 steps down and we were both already feeling it in our legs. But I'm in the best shape anyone could be in, so I was cool. Kathy seemed to be dying, on the other hand.

"Look, if you stop walking, I'm leaving you behind. You wanted to do this, Kathy!"

"You're right. I should probably get a move on, then."

"Yeah, you should."

After the first flight of stairs, we stopped to look out at Paris. There wasn't much of a view, though.

"Too low, keep going!" I said.

We went up 400, 500, 600 steps. Then we stopped and looked out at Paris.

"Still too low, keep going!"

We went up the elevator to the top floor.

"Now this is what you call a view."

"Yes to that."

Great view. Amazing view. Couldn't describe it if I wanted to. And I do. But I just can't. Other than just... it was beautiful.

"But now that we've gone to the top of the Eiffel Tower, now what? This wasn't a very long or diverse kind of sisters' night out," Kathy said.

"Well, this might be one of 132 sisters' nights out in the history of the world, so you can just wing it and make your own rules. Now, if we leave now, we should be home by 7:30, so let's hurry up and get down these stairs!"

After we arrived back from Paris, Mom and Dad were rushing us to the TV. I didn't know whether to be concerned or excited. The news was on. Who still watches the news? Are you 100 years old? The news is about as exciting as watching a manila folder do its dirty work. How fun is that? Those folders don't do their dirty work in front of humans, so they would just stare at you until you stopped staring at them!

Anyway, there was some breaking news paused when we got to the TV.

"This just in, we have breaking news!" some lady with a white sweater said. Who still wears sweaters? That's so '20s!

"That's right, ladies and gentleman," another man wearing a suit and tie said. "We have proof that former—yes, former—villain Haylie Venquise has been killed somehow near the bottom of the Grand Canyon, but not from falling."

"We sent investigators out to the scene of the cr... incident, to see who was responsible for kill... ridding us of this evil villain," the sweater lady added. Guess she was trying to figure out whether or not this was a good deed. How 'bout you ask Taylor that? She would say the same four words she had said multiple times on both versions of August 10th. And that is the words you, killed, my, and mother.

"What they found," suit-and-tie man continued, "was some kind of technological barricade in the middle of nowhere, roughly the size of a 2035 Jetpack helicopter."

"Oh, snap, they might be onto us," I said to myself.

"They found Haylie's dead body right near the barricade. They used her finger to test the barricade and found that it caused a big electric zap on touch and came to the conclusion that Haylie died from electrocution. However, the investigators found her hair made her to heavy to carry. How will she get to her funeral later this evening at West Big Mountain Church on time? Find out later on Channel 10 News. See you later, be safe!"

"Do you suffer from back pain? If you do, you know that it's terrible when..."

"See? Haylie's gone! Isn't this great? Now we can live our lives in peace forever!" Dad said.

"Yeah, uh-huh—what about Taylor?" I replied.

"Huh?"

"You know, Haylie's daughter, Taylor?"

"Oh, yeah, I didn't think of that. But at least one of them's gone! Oh, I will praise whoever got rid of her forever! I will praise them until the end of the world!"

"Maybe you're over... never mind. I'm going upstairs. In case you haven't noticed, I just got back from France, and I'm so tired from flying, I can barely keep my eyes open!"

That's what I did. I took a long nap from eight to noon. I ate brunch at noon, because my appetite was all messed up from the weird six-hour time difference and all.

After brunch, I had a very random lightbulb go off. Like, the kind that just kind of hits you in the head when you don't even expect one. Ouch!

Hi, my name is A Very Random Lightbulb!

Hold on, give me a minute. I'll be right back.

#CUT#

Okay, I'm back.

Get back here, Katie!!!

#CUT#

Okay, this time I'm back. There will be NO FURTHER INTERRUPTIONS. Isn't that right, IP?

Yes, ma'am! Of course, ma'am!

Ah, that's better. Okay, so this lightbulb that hit me in the head...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're so funny, Katie! That's the best joke I've ever heard!

Why, thank you. You're so kind. That bulb gave me an idea. Something told me I should sabotage Haylie's funeral. But why? Wait, that doesn't matter. The better question is how do you sabotage a funeral?

I got to thinking and finally realized what everyone knows about Haylie. She has 154 miles of hair. In fact, she took a picture of the president from her house. He was in the White House. And she lives in Richmond. But anyway, if I were to steal that hair, I could use it for whatever I wanted! Imagine how much Haylie's hair would be worth in just 15 years!

Right now, it would be little to nothing. Maybe a thousand dollars. In 15 years, when people still remember Haylie, but barely, it would be practically priceless. Or it would be priceless if I didn't put a price on it. I COMMAND YOU TO LAUGH!!! If you didn't laugh, check your sink. I have a surprise for you. I'll give you a hint, it's cockroaches.

Wait, sabotage Haylie's funeral? How the heck do you go about doing that?! It's not like there's a doctor on Pinstagram who posts tips on the daily about how to sabotage funerals! I had to get creative and think outside the box. Not that there was ever a box in the first place. No one created a box on sabotaging funerals!

I would start by entering through the back door of the church. The back door would lead to the stage in the church. That is where the coffin would be. The coffin will be huge because the hair needs to fit. I need to blow up the building. That won't destroy the hair, because in order to keep her hair clean and protected, Haylie uses a special shampoo brand she made herself. I'm not a stalker, she told me that once when I was seven. If the shampoo hasn't worn off by then, then the hair will be preserved, and I will be able to keep it. I'll pay for the building. It's alright. After all, I'll make at least a trillion-dollar profit from the hair!

I didn't care whether or not I was arrested because there's this thing called using your phone to go back in time and not get arrested.

At 5:30, I left and walked to the church. Well, I was about to, anyway, before Mom asked me where I was going and I couldn't think of a liable response for what a 15-year-old girl would be doing during rush hour. I ended up just checking the mail and coming back in. Instead, I went up to the eighth floor, got in the helicopter, and flew to the church.

I got there 35 minutes early; the funeral was supposed to start at 6:15, but I needed time to set the ultimate sabotage up. Things like this don't just happen, y'all.

I used a small 5×5×5 mm explosive unit (a bomb), a state-of-the-art mobile ink transferer (a pen), and an identity concealer set (a mask and gloves). I used the mobile ink transferer to blame this horrible scheme on the evil Taylor Venquise by writing Taylor's last name on the rock she tried to throw at me, just so that it is clear, and leaving the rock in plain sight. Of course, my DNA was already on it, but my DNA was not on it at 5:49 p.m. on Sunday, August 16, 2043. After all of this, I set the explosive unit to go off in 30 minutes. Don't worry, I won't leave it out of my sight. There is a camera inside the explosive unit! I'll watch its surroundings during the funeral on the sly. I took off my mask and walked out the back door and around to the front door. It would be suspicious to walk from the back. I made sure no one would get hurt because the explosive unit would only blow up anything within 15 feet of itself. Everyone would be out of range, and no one would be in the back at that time, because after 6:15, no one would be allowed to go past the stage and the bathrooms. Anyone who gets hurt had it coming.

I took my seat and waited for a little bit. I had practiced my scared/surprised face for when the bomb went off. Not that I needed to, because I was already pretty scared. What if the bomb was more powerful than I thought? What if someone does get hurt? Was this a good idea? Well, obviously, that last one is a no. But the other two gave me the chills.

I tried not to prematurely scream, because then that would make me pretty suspicious. The important thing is that no one gets hurt.

At 6:19 p.m., I braced myself for the explosive unit to go off. I heard a very faint beeping sound from the back. That's the five-second warning. I counted in my head.

Five, four, three, two, one...

Sure enough, that's when the bomb went off. I felt like I did a good surprised face.

When everyone else ran out of the church and left Haylie there just like I had planned, I started to run with them and then quickly ran back into the church. Haylie was still on the stage. I packed the hair in two different suitcases I had left in the back (made of titanium, so there was no damage done) and ran through the back door to the helicopter. The explosive unit actually did not do very much damage to the rear of the church. It was just enough to scare the audience and make them leave. I flew all the way home and kept the hair in my safe. Only I know it's in there.

I've been to war once. Yes, that's right. I've been to war. It wasn't pretty, not at all. There was blood. There was violence. You're lucky not to have witnessed this life-changing trauma. But I must still tell you the tale of the Great War of 2043 for you mustn't take the same path I did.

Let me start with the morning of August 17th, just hours before this war started.

"Morning, Katie," said Kathy.

"Morning, Kathy."

"Any plans?"

"I'll probably go over to Brooklyn's to watch a movie. I could do that here, but I've got nothing but time to burn."

"Two weeks isn't exactly 'nothing but time', Katie."

Oh, crap! I thought. We only have two weeks of summer vacation left until the 1st!

"I guess I might wanna take it up a notch for the last 15 days. This vacation's just been melting away! I feel like I've just been wasting time with the last few days!"

"Well, I liked Paris. I bet you did something really exciting yesterday, right?"

Well, yeah, but I can't tell you that!

"No, not really."

"But I saw you park the helicopter last night! And it would be against the policy if you didn't do something exciting! Section 5A, paragraph 3 states..."

"You better not do anything lame with this helicopter or you will be forbidden to access it until further notice. If you violate this rule with a witness and the witness doesn't say anything, you will both be grounded and forbidden to access the helicopter until further notice."

"That's right. If you get me grounded, we'll go back to our old ways. Remember my 14th birthday?"

"Uh, no, actually, I don't remember. What happened on your 14th birthday?"

"You read my diary out loud to all of my friends at my party, remember?"

"Oh, that. I do remember. Sorry about that, if I didn't already say that."

"It's water under the bridge now. But you did do something exciting, right?"

"I didn't want to tell anyone this, but if you tell anyone else, even anything else even 1% of anything about what I'm about to tell you, I'll kill you and make it look like you fell off the top floor!"

"Okay, okay, sheesh, I get it! What is it?"

"I, Katie Simpson, blew up the West Big Mountain Church in order to sabotage Haylie Venquise's funeral and steal her hair to make a fortune in 15 years. Like, a for real FORTUNE fortune. I actually have to call them and pay to get it fixed 'out of the courtesy of my heart' before they figure anything out."

"Wow."

"Yeah, I..."

"Wow."

"I know. This is why you can't tell anyone about..."

"Wow."

"Snap out of it, Kathy!"

"Okay, I'm back. I was still processing. YOU WHAT?!!!"

"I know, I know, a little extreme. But for the sake of your life, you better not tell anyone."

"Um, just to be clear, you wouldn't actually kill me, would you?"

"It depends on what type of mood I'm in. But don't try it and you won't find out, kay?"

"Okay, then..."

"Good. Now I'm going to Brooklyn's to watch a movie. And maybe spend the rest of my time there doing more extreme stuff, because out of these last 15 days, I have absolutely no time to waste! Except for like sleeping and eating and stuff like that."

"You have fun!"

"You, too! Also don't make me kill you!"

"I won't, trust me!"

When I got to Brooklyn's house, Cheryl was at the door.

"Hey, Cheryl. So, uh, where's Brooklyn?"

"She's at the store with her mom right now. Brooklyn's dad is here with me. Think he's upstairs."

"Hey, Brooklyn's dad!" I yelled upstairs.

"Hey, Katie! Brooklyn's at the store right now, she won't be that long."

"Cheryl already told me!"

"Oh. Okay, then!"

"So, Cheryl, I was gonna do this with Brooklyn, but she's not here right now, so do you want to watch a movie?"

"Anytime. I love movies. And popcorn. I'll get the popcorn and you pick the movie. You're the guest."

"Wait, you're a guest, too, you don't live here."

"But Brooklyn and I are cousins. Plus I got here first."

"Wait, you are? I never would've guessed with your last name being Frastico!"

"Just how it played out. Anyway, the movies are in that closet right by the chimney and fireplace."

"Okay."

Pay close attention now. This is the beginning of the tuna war. This moment started a war.

"You found a good movie yet?" Cheryl asked me after two minutes of me searching for a good movie.

Don't judge me for this, but it seemed like all the movies I'd never seen before would be lame and all the movies that were actually pretty good I'd already seen.

While I was examining her collection to see if I had missed a good movie, suddenly, something randomly hit my hair.

I felt it. Oh, I know this substance upside-down, backwards, and sideways! I'll give you a hint: it comes in a can, it starts with t, and it seems to always be in Amy's hair. That's right. It's tuna. Someone just flung canned tuna into my hair.

I instantly turned around and looked around the room for possible suspects. Wait, there's only two people on the whole first floor, and that would be me and Cheryl. I know I didn't do it. I also know that the only other person in the house, Cheryl's dad, is all the way upstairs. Also he's an adult and adults don't throw tuna at children. It's an Unspoken Societal Rule of Common Sense, or an USROCS (us rocks*).

*That's right, another note: I don't feel like doing the pronunciation the correct way with all the Jibberish symbols and junk.

Anyway, Cheryl was the only one there, so if I were her, I'd want a good alibi.

"Cheryl."

"Yeah, K?"

"Could you explain why my hair is full of canned tuna right now?" I turned for her to see it.

"No, I can't. But it looks hilarious!"

"Cut the crap, Cheryl! It's obviously you who did it, you're the only one here!"

"I didn't do it. I don't know who did, but I promise you it was not me."

"Your promise means nothing. What's your alibi?"

The microwave went off.

"That I was making popcorn. And it just finished popping."

"So you're saying if I were to search this kitchen, there would be absolutely no sign of tuna anywhere?"

"Yes!"

"Whatever you say."

13 MINUTES LATER

"I didn't find any sign of tuna, but the moment I do, you're doomed."

I looked at the scene of the crime and found something that looked like a brightly colored can. Is it a coincidence that tuna comes in a can? I don't think so.

"What's that in the fireplace?"

"I don't know."

I got a closer look, and I saw that there was a brightly colored can burning in the fire.

Wait, what kind of can? If it's a tuna can then Cheryl would be smart to run right about now.

It is a tuna can!

"Cheryl."

"What now?"

"Explain why there's a tuna can in the fireplace."

"I, Cheryl Lorianne Frastico, swear that I did not, I repeat, NOT throw tuna at you, Kaitlyn Eliz..."

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?"

"Geez, man, just trying to get the point across!"

"Since this is only the first time you've said my full name, I'll forget about it. But in other news, you threw tuna at me while I was distracted and you can't deny it."

"Hold on, if I threw the tuna can from here, how would the tuna end up in your hair but the can end up in the fireplace?"

"It didn't make sense to me either, but who else would've done it, Cheryl? You're literally the only person down here who could've done it!!!"

"So you're calling me a liar?"

"And a tuna thrower, yes!"

"I'm not gonna stand for that."

"And what're you gonna do about it?"

BOOM!

That's the sound of me getting punched by Cheryl. That didn't seem very likely from Cheryl, though.

"Cheryl, don't make this mistake. I'm 31-1, and that one loss came from a clone of me from the future that got out of hand!"

"I think you'd be making the mistake, Katie. You gotta remember something. When's the last time you fought someone 30 pounds heavier, 4 inches taller, and a year older than you?"

I sighed. She was right.

"I'm sorry for that. I already regret it, but I don't want you to hate me or fight me. I just need you to believe me."

"But it's obviously you!"

"But it wasn't me!"

"THAT'S IT! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO CONFESS TO THIS, AND YOU LIKE THROWING TUNA SO MUCH, THEN WE'LL BATTLE THIS OUT IN A TUNA WAR!!!!!"

"Wait, what?"

"Roger Richmond Mall @ Sunflower Ave. Be there at eight. BYOT."

Timestamp_ 08/17/43 19:59:44

I brought the cannon, a mixing bowl for dumping tuna into, and exactly 5,000 pounds of tuna in tuna cans to the battlefield. Cheryl brought some pots and pans, a whole bunch of tuna cans, and army members. Amy. Brooklyn. Madison. Charlotte. Spring. She put my own best friend against me. And worst of all, now it's 5-on-1.

Well, whatever is brought onto the battlefield is fair game.

Think of this war as more of a dodgeball type of thing. Dodgeball rules apply to this war. 

Well, actually, there's a twist. You can't catch it and you have to be hit twice to be out. Oh, yeah, there's one more twist. Once you're out, you might as well go home because you're out permanently. Ain't gettin' back in if no one on your team is allowed to catch it!

I looked at the cannon clock. It was eight.

"Let the tuna war... BEGIN!" I yelled out.

This is the beginning of the end.

I loaded the cannon with tuna cans and fired them to the other side. Well, mostly at Cheryl, but I aimed for Amy, Brooklyn, and Madison, too. I didn't want to aim for my best buds, though. Don't judge me!

The first tuna can broke when it hit the ground at a distance of 1500 feet, which actually was a little too far. It exploded, letting the tuna go in every direction, but didn't go that far.

The second tuna can broke at 1300 feet, which was too short of a distance. When it exploded, some of it actually hit the main target, Cheryl Frastico.

The third tuna can broke somewhere near 1600 feet, but I couldn't tell you anything more specific than that, because I lost sight of it when it went behind the gang of trees in the back of the battlefield.

The fourth tuna can crashed into another tuna can that Brooklyn threw. She has a really good throwing arm, by the way. When they hit the ground, nothing happened because they were so close to the ground that there wasn't even enough force to crash it.

The fifth and last tuna can broke at 1400 feet. Bull's eye. It hit almost everyone (everyone but Amy, how ironic), but it hit Cheryl the most. That's two times for Cheryl. Here's your most recent tuna war score update: Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine / 1, Cheryl Frastico / JUST OUT, Madison Janista / 1, Amy Purlett / 2, Spring Ramston / 1, Brooklyn Rogers / 1, Katie Simpson / 2.

Amy and I are the only ones with a little bit of runway. Everyone else is on thin ice.

I opened and emptied a dozen tuna cans into the mixing bowl and dumped the mixing bowl into the cannon.

The tuna came down to them from overhead and hit Amy while she was trying to run behind Brooklyn. However, that plan failed when the tuna flew right over her head. Here's your most recent tuna war score update: Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine / 1, Cheryl Frastico / OUT, Madison Janista / 1, Amy Purlett / 1, Spring Ramston / 1, Brooklyn Rogers / 1, Katie Simpson / 2.

Let's get rid of the rest of these filthy tuna throwers. I opened and emptied more cans into the bowl and then into the cannon and fired. I thought it would hit Brooklyn because it was headed directly for her, but she grabbed a pot, held it back like a baseball bat, and finally swung at it like it was a baseball. It landed in the middle of the battlefield.

I emptied more tuna cans, but while I was doing that, I got hit. I didn't even know who did it. I had to step up my game now. I ditched the mixing bowl and just starting loading the cannon with tuna cans. I put what seemed like 2,000 cans in there. I fired them one by one in every direction. I think one of them hit Charlotte in the stomach.

I'll probably apologize later, I thought.

I surprisingly only hit Charlotte and Spring with that strategy. Here's your—well, you know what by now: Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine / JUST OUT, Cheryl Frastico / OUT, Madison Janista / 1, Amy Purlett / 1, Spring Ramston / JUST OUT, Brooklyn Rogers / 1, Katie Simpson / 1.

Three hits and I win. Take a hit and I lose.

They were a small target to aim for, especially if you consider that we're 1400 feet away. I had to burn a lot of tuna cans, but I still couldn't get them!

Timestamp_ 08/17/43 21:05:58

I'm all out of tuna cans! This is bad! My only source of tuna is what's been dropped and left in the middle of the battlefield! I had to run out there. I was completely unprotected and risking losing the war right then and right there to get a refill of tuna! I closed my eyes on the way there and back hoping for the best. And somehow, it actually worked! I was shocked. But not so shocked that I wasn't attacking them with everything I had.

I put the last of the tuna into the cannon and shot it out at Amy, Brooklyn, and Madison. They were too close to each other. When it hit the ground, it splashed onto all of their backs. Here's the update: Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine / OUT, Cheryl Frastico / OUT, Madison Janista / JUST OUT, Amy Purlett / JUST OUT, Spring Ramston / OUT, Brooklyn Rogers / JUST OUT, *Katie Simpson / 1.

"Wait," Spring said after we had finished, "can someone remind me why we did this in the first place? Because we got nowhere; we all smell bad, there's a big mess here so we're probably gonna get sued, and we've attracted a huge crowd. Looks like half the city. I personally think I wasted almost an hour and a half of my time."

"Wait, why did we do this?" Brooklyn questioned.

"Yeah, they got a point, why did we do this?" Amy asked.

They all looked directly at me.

"Because I got mad at Cheryl so we had a war and she asked you guys to participate."

"Wait, so we're doing this just for your benefit?!" Charlotte said from behind me.

I turned around expecting for her to go off on me when I noticed she was actually talking to Cheryl.

"Yeah, Cheryl! Fight your own battles!" Spring added.

Hmmm. I actually got away with that.

But there's still something that just doesn't make sense. Why would Cheryl throw a tuna can at me, then punch me, and then participate in a tuna war? Now that I think about it, Cheryl's the goody two shoes of our group. None of it sounds like her. It couldn't be her who did it then, because she'll go all out to prove herself right, but otherwise, she's nice and calm.

I asked Cheryl if she had a camera on the roof of her house and she said yes. We watched the footage and we found out that it was actually Taylor Venquise who did it.

I wonder what extrememly weird, unique, unpredictable thing is gonna happen tomorrow.

Wow. I literally just said "I wonder what extrememly weird, unique, unpredictable thing is gonna happen tomorrow" and it's tomorrow and I did not see this coming. I guess everything really is unpredictable. I'll leave you with just as much information as I knew on this day. The doorbell had just rung. I made a sign that scared unwelcome people away, so it couldn't be anyone I didn't know, or at least it wasn't likely. Jenny's at work. Brooklyn and Charlotte are usually asleep at this hour. Spring always rings the doorbell four times and Brooklyn would ring it until someone answers the door (which gets annoying, but I told her and she still hasn't changed). To recap, I've eliminated Jenny, Brooklyn, Charlotte, Spring, and anyone I don't know. It must be Cheryl. I don't know if she's apologizing or if she's mad at me, but either way it is too early in the morning for this drama.

I answered the door. What I did not expect to happen was for my eyes to see Amy's face and body but not her hair. What happened to her hair?! WHERE IS IT?!!

"Amy! What happened to you?!"

"Shaved it off. Permanently."

"We were just kidding, dude! We didn't actually mean..."

I stopped to process, well, everything.

"Is it coming back?"

"What don't you understand about 'permanently,' Katie? This is me now. My hair can't take any more tuna. I just went ahead and saved it."

Still processing. Processing, processing... rainbow circle... restarting...

"Hi," I said, sticking my hand out, "I'm Kaitlyn Simpson, but you must call me Katie."

"Don't you mean you can call me Katie?"

"I mean what I said and I said what I meant."

Amy giggled. "Hi, Katie. I'm Amelia Purlett, but you must call me Amy."

"Amy, you know that's a little... pushy?"

We both laughed.

That's actually the only big thing that happened on that day, so let me skip to the next day.

It's my lucky day. Kathy must've left a fifty in the couch cushions. I keep all the change I find in the house in a savings jar that I keep in my safe. I put it in the jar and noticed the miles and miles of hair that I had kept just three short days ago.

That sent two messages to my brain. One, I forgot to fix the church "out of the courtesy of my heart" so that I don't go to jail. Two, I don't feel like waiting 15 years to make this money. What should I do with it, though? If I want to be rich to the point that it's hard for a human to even comprehend, then I need to hurry up and do it before Haylie Venquise is forgotten. I've got it! I'm going to Shirley's house!

I arrived at the house of Shirley Manning, the smartest person in Richmond. She'll help me make this idea become reality. I won't keep you in suspense. The idea is a hair machine using Haylie's hair giving you whatever hair you want with different colors, textures, and styles.

"Welcome to my house. Did you just come here to look at me or do you want something?"

"Yes. Look, I'm trying to make this invention, but I need you to..."

"Wait, are you..."

"Yes, I'm Katie Simpson. Wow, unbelievable. Yeah, I know. Look, I'm not important right now. Key words are right now. Any other time I'm definitely important. But anyway, I want to make this invention and I want you to help me, but I need you to sign this contract saying you will not give away anything we say in the process of making it because if you do I'll have the right to get revenge using any means necessary. Please sign here."

"Okay... this isn't weird... why don't I have security? Oh, wait, yes I do!"

"Wait! Don't call..."

I trailed off because I realized as soon as I told her why I wanted her to sign the contract she would call security anyway and expose my deepest, darkest secret.

"I'll show myself out."

"Security!"

"Wait! I said I'll show myself... whoa!" I was interrupted by three men in black and white lifting me up and carrying me away. They didn't realize that they only needed one person. I'm as light as a feather.

I was forced to use my own brain to help me succeed.

I went to the lab. I got a printer, some ink, and the hair. I put 200 feet of hair where the paper would normally be and some magenta ink. I printed some hair out and voila! A hair machine! I just hope no one figures this out or I'm screwed because ink, hair, and printers already exist! I'll sell each machine for $400.

Wait a second, how many hair machines can 154 miles of hair make? I did some math and figured out that 154 miles of hair is 813,120 feet of hair and 813,120 divided by 200 comes out to a total of 4,065.6. That's actually not a lot of hair machines for all of that hair.

Let me just put in 100 feet instead of 200. That comes out to 8,131 hair machines. Not ideal, but low supply, high demand, and that's exactly what I want. High demand.

Now I can sell these things for like $500 instead of $400. Even I wouldn't pay $550 for a hair machine, and it seems like I wouldn't be using my invention to the fullest with $450, so I decided to stick with $500. Hey, I'm an entrepreneur!

I got my commercial on HBO (Hot Baby Orangutans), BET (Brazilian Eggs Television), and DISNEY (Didn't I Say No Eating Yams?). It was a 30-second commercial and all of them said that it was $100 per second (I promise you it's just because they know I'm rich and they tried to rob me of my money, so I told them if they wanted to make any money off of me that they needed to lower the price all the way back down, and they did). My commercial only cost $125 per showing. When you're a quadrillionaire, that's a penny on the ground.

By the time it was all done, it was dark out. I left my business running and hoped that it would turn out well by the next morning. If it did, I might even be a quintillionaire. If that happened, I would donate 99.99999999999% of my money to charity. Which charity? Easy. MEEEEEE. Wanna know what that stands for? Take a wild guess. Yep. That's right—MEEEEEE!!! The other 0.00000000001% will go to a different charity. It's called KES. Take another wild guess. Have you guessed? If you guessed "Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpson," you're grounded (if over 18, go to your parents', or if not applicable, grandparents' house and tell them the news) for saying my full first name and getting the right answer!

I got on the elevator to go to my room to get some shut-eye when I ran into Kathy.

"Oh, hey. Where've you been all day?"

I grinned. "In the lab, making this rich family richer."

"Ooh, I must know more!"

I grinned some more.

"Okay, it's time to start getting serious about this party," Spring said at our gathering. She told the gang to meet at my place (don't ask me why she volunteered my place).

"The party is in 11 days, and we must prepare. Katie."

"Yes, Spring?"

"Where is the party going to be held?"

"Floor 0 of this place: the basement."

"Where are all the decorations?"

"Also in the basement."

"The silverware and dining ware?"

"Just guess, Spring."

"Well, you got a point. But watch the next thing I say won't be in the basement."

"Yes, it will."

"A unicorn."

"Actually, yes, I have that unicorn piñata you bought downstairs right now!"

Spring sighed. "Whatever. Do your mom, dad, and sister already know about the party?"

"Of course, they're coming."

"Then you need to start setting up today."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, just me? Why not all of y'all?"

"Because this ain't our house, Katie."

"Uh, Spring, she's right," Amy challenged, "we are going to the party, and it wouldn't really make sense not to help out at all. I mean, we all managed one part of the party each; you with the decorations and the piñata, her with the plates and spoons and junk, me with the cake..."

"Yeah, yeah, but..."

"Okay, so we all agree! Let's go set up this party!" Brooklyn said.

The doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" I answered the door and saw Jenny.

"Forgetting someone?" she asked us.

"Oh, yeah, you're on invitation duty!" I remembered.

I really didn't have that much to do. I just set up some tables and put 100 plates, 100 forks, 100 spoons, 100 knives and 100 napkins. That didn't take that long at all. I sat back on a rocking chair and watched them do the rest of the work. After a while, my phone buzzed. I got a text from 969-696-9696. I recognize that number. Wait, I think it's Larry's number. I read it, and sure enough, it was Larry.

Hey, Katie, my unspoken ex. Look, I'm sorry for what I did. I overreacted, and I was wrong, and I shouldn't be holding a grudge. It's been almost a year, and I've had a long time to think about what happened. I'm not gonna overload your phone with this text, but what I'm really texting you for is to ask you this: Do you want to get back together?

He bolded it. He must really want it. People don't bold stuff they don't really want. I couldn't make my decision here where everybody else is. I had to make the official universal excuse to leave somewhere to go somewhere else.

"I need to go to the bathroom, guys. I'll be right back. Keep working!"

I locked the door, just in case.

The angel on my right shoulder reminded me that Larry saved my life twice. She also said we could build a family and have a happy future life together. The devil on my left shoulder reminded me of the severe overreaction he had the last time we encountered each other before our unspoken breakup. She also made a point that that was just one time, and there could be more in the future. But the angel told me a deal winner for me—he's really cute.

The angel won. I decided to text him back and say:

Yes.

I don't think I put enough energy into that. So I sent another one.

YES!!! ????

I was so excited I let out a squeal. Wait, I shouldn't have that, they think I'm using the bathroom! I waited 15 seconds to simulate washing my hands and came out.

"Uh, Katie, why did you squeal?" Charlotte asked.

"That's not weird..." Brooklyn added.

"I was just so relieved, because I, like, really had to go. Like, a lot."

"If you say so," said Charlotte.

"Weirdo," Brooklyn coughed.

"Whatever, Brooklyn," I said.

I had to tell someone. I was going to spill the beans eventually, and telling this to the wrong person might put me in a pickle somehow. And if I was going to get it out of my system and tell somebody, I knew exactly who to tell.

"Kathy!" I said, bursting through her door.

"Ever heard of knocking?"

"But... this is my room."

"Oh, yeah. Proceed."

"I've got amazing news! Guess who just texted me! Go ahead, guess! Guess!!!"

"Um, the President?"

"No, cuter!"

"The First Lady?"

"No, boy-er!"

"The President's son?"

"No, less-politics-er! You know what, let me just tell you... it's Larry!"

She gasped in surprise. "That Larry?!"

"Yep!"

"The Larry that saved your life twice that gave you your first kiss and first breakup got back together with you?!!!"

"Yes!!!"

"This is great!!!"

We grabbed each other's shoulders and jumped while squealing like girls do in a situation like this. I don't know exactly how long we were there because I didn't care because I just got my boyfriend back! Here's something new for you: first relationship rebound. August 20th, 2043 was the day I got back together with my boyfriend, Larry; my lucky number is 20.

Right after we stopped jumping and squealing, my phone buzzed. It was another message from Larry.

U wanna hav a celebration date tomorrow @ 7?

I replied: 

Yes, where?

Then, he texted me back:

I'll pick you up @ 6:30 it's a surprise

I checked what time it was. It was 2:41 p.m. There were only 27 hours and 49 minutes between that moment and when he would pick me up. I set a timer on my phone for 27 hours and 49 minutes. I know I could've made an alarm but I wanted to always know how much longer it was until he came.

Call me creepy if you want, I don't care. Become Katie Simpson and then you might understand.

That's all for August 20th. Next!

If you don't have a very, very serious case of amnesia you remembered that today is the day that Larry takes me out on a surprise date. I'm gonna start this chapter at 3:47 in the afternoon. Why? Because that's when I started deciding what I was going to wear.

I had a great variety of choices. Which was exactly what made choosing take from 3:47 to 6:27. It was too much to think about. I had a pink floral dress with painted on white flowers and an actual pink rose on the top right, probably where the heart is supposed to be. I had a cyan shirt with white stripes and a short cyan skirt (the exact same shade). I had a super long black dress. I could tell you all my other options, but I have somewhere to be today and here isn't it.

I tried on all the different outfits and it took me over two hours to decide what to wear. In the end, I ended up wearing the first pink floral dress, so I just wasted my time trying on all the other outfits.

By the time I had done that, I only had three minutes to go. I hadn't brushed my hair or packed my purse and my hair was a mess from all the movement of trying on outfits. I grabbed my bag and put my phone and lipstick and junk in and rushed to the bathroom. I got my brush from my purse and brushed so hard some of it actually came out. Now, I know what you're thinking (if you're extremely attentive), I did say I have a bun, but I changed my hairstyle to look nice for the date. Not saying that the bun didn't look nice, just doing something fancy for the special occasion. Not curly, but straight hair. I jammed my brush back into my purse, ran down the stairs (no time for that stupid, slow elevator), grabbed a piece of gum, swished it around for like ten seconds, spit it out on the wrapper and threw it away. I took a moment to catch my breath to look elegant and not like I had just scrambled to get ready in three minutes.

"Good evening, Kaitlyn."

Eh, I didn't mind. After all we've been through, I guess I didn't even care about a silly old first name.

"Good evening to you, too."

"Might I say, you have on a beautiful dress. You must've spent more time picking your outfit than eating today."

I laughed. "Well, actually, that's true. If I'm being honest with you, I just picked my outfit like five minutes ago."

"And what's up with you? You didn't try to kill me when I said 'Kaitlyn.'"

"You're my b... is it okay if I say it?"

"You mean 'boyfriend', Katie?"

"Yes."

"Well that's what I am to you, right?"

I smiled. "Yes."

"So what were you saying?"

"The Katie-Kaitlyn rule doesn't apply to you. You have the VIP ticket; you're my... boyfriend."

That felt good on my tongue. It felt good to my brain and my heart. I, Katie Simpson, have a loyal boyfriend who is taking me out on a surprise date right now. I was so proud and happy for myself that I almost cried tears of joy. Larry must've noticed.

"You okay over there, K?"

"Yes, actually. Never been better."

He took me to an escape room called "I Dare You to Enter!" in Richmond. We were the only two there.

I could definitely with no doubt tell you that I am great with mysteries. Mystery is my thing. It makes sense; I am filled with it myself. The first clue came to me easily. It read, "M1 T2 W3." It obviously wanted us to find something that said either "T4" or "TH4." It was the days of the week, Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday, so next must have been Thursday.

I found a drawer that was labeled "T4" and opened it. There was a slip of paper.

"Larry, I found another clue!" I told him.

The paper read, "If Marianne Torie Walman typed in twice her password three times, what would it be?"

"But we don't know her password yet," Larry said, confused.

"Wait, M, T, and W were the letters on the last clue, so her password must be 123. Twice that would be 246, and three times would be 246246246."

"That sounds good, but it says there's 4 digits."

"Try 2462."

I heard the beeps of the keypad as he typed it in.

"Nope."

"What about 4624?

"Hey, it worked! Oh, I get it, there's 4 digits. There's more than one number four in the password."

All of a sudden a huge door opened.

There was this big green sign that read "WALL STREET" in all caps. We saw another sign with the letters N, Y, S and E in a 2 × 2 grid rotated to look like a rhombus. However, the odd thing was they weren't actually in the order I put them in. The letter Y was in the left part, N was in the top, E was in the right and S was in the bottom. There were also a whole bunch of letter blocks on a table under it.

"I don't get it," I said, confused.

"Wait a second," Larry said, "N is north, S is south, E is east, so W must be..."

"West!" I finished. "I'm so smart."

Larry cleared his throat as loud as he possibly could.

"I'm kidding! Good thinking, Larry." We high-fived.

A documentary about Wall Street showed up. It talked about how Wall Street was thinking about making a Wisconsin Stock Exchange.

"I know, change the N to an I!" Larry suggested.

"Why?"

"Wisconsin's abbreviation is WI."

I took his advice. It worked. I looked at the grid and realized it said "WISE."

"Congratulations!" a robotic voice said. "You are wise to have completed this challenge. But are you wise enough to figure out where the key is located?"

The letter blocks fell of the grid.

"You have 13 minutes and 18 seconds remaining. Use the hints to figure out where the key is."

A piece of paper fell out of a small hole in the ceiling. It was green and had the word "key" on it. I assumed that meant the key was green, but I wasn't sure. I turned the paper over and saw the word "grid." I looked over at the 2 × 2 grid. It was still empty. Something told me we were going to need to put a word into it.

"Wait," Larry said, "we didn't look in the other room!"

"You're right, we didn't! How about you go there and I'll keep looking here?"

"Got it."

He left the room and I kept searching that room for a 4-letter word to put in the grid.

Suddenly, the screen where the documentary about Wall Street had been playing came back up, but this time, it was showing the news. Or should I say showing the "news."

"In other news," a man with what looked like a fake mustache said, "the Wall Street Journal published an absurdly off-topic article about the green key used to open the door to their building. Employee Billy Bob Brown posted a video about this article on his Pinstagram account. Let's take a look at that." They showed the video. "I'm about to show you the key to 1211 6th Ave. where we make the Wall Street Journal. Does this video remind you of anything? Like that article about this exact same key? I know. Let's take a look at this key." He held up the key, but I only got to see it for about half of a second because that's when the screen went black. I did notice that the key was labeled 1211. That's when I realized that's exactly four characters.

I turned each number into its corresponding letter of the alphabet (A = 1, B = 2) and came up with the code ABAA. When that didn't work, I turned each number into its reverse corresponding letter of the alphabet (A = 26, B = 25) and came up with ZYZZ. It worked.

"Larry, I got another clue!" I said.

"That's great! What happened, though?"

"Nothing yet."

Right after I said that, the screen came back up. Like, perfect timing. The screen read, "Warning: This is the property of Marianne T. Walman. If you would like to continue, please enter the password."

"Okay, then, I guess we need to enter the password from before," I said.

"Yeah, but where?" Larry asked, looking around.

"Maybe the grid!"

"But those are letters and this is numbers."

"This is what I used to get the last clue. Just turn each number into a letter by the place in the alphabet that letter is."

"I don't get it."

"So the letter A would be 1, B is 2, C is 3..."

"Oh, now I get it."

"But you have to do it in reverse, so A is 26 and B is 25."

"How did you even figure that out?"

"I don't know. I kind of just guessed."

"Well, if that was your strategy this whole time, then I've been trying way too hard."

I laughed. "You know, you're funny."

"I know."

"Wait, do you remember what it was?"

"What what was?"

"The password."

"No, but I'll be able to trace it back I think. The clue was 'M1 T2 W3,' so we looked in a drawer labeled 'T4' and found a slip of paper asking about what Marianne Torie Walman's password would be if she entered twice her password three times, so it was 123 times 2 which is 246 and three times which is 246246246, and there were 4 digits, so it was 4624."

"Wow, you've got a good memory."

"Eh, it's alright."

I put WUYW into the grid and the screen asked me which key I wanted.

"Put 'ZYZZ' into the grid and I'll tell you what comes next!" I said to Larry.

After he did that, I heard a bell ring two times. That was the two-minute warning.

"Let's speed this process up, Katie!" Larry yelled from the grid.

The screen asked me what color I wanted the key to be. I obviously wanted it in green, so it printed the key out for me. The problem was it took the same amount of time it would take an actual Print-A-Key™ key-maker to make it. It took an entire minute plus some to make the key and I was trying to hurry up and force it out, but I couldn't. Once the key was complete and in my hand, I rushed on over to the door with Larry and stuck it in the lock. It wouldn't turn either way. By now there's like 13 seconds left and I'm completely panicking.

Larry started doing his impersonation of a slo-mo voice. "Waaaait, thhhheeeerrre'ssss aaaaa..."

"Dude, we got eight seconds! What do you wanna say?!!!"

"There's another door over there labeled 'exit,' dude!"

He started running top-speed to that door.

"Throw them to me! I'll catch them!"

"Okay!"

I threw them over there and he caught it. With two seconds left, he stuck it in the lock and it turned. He opened the door and walked out. I looked at the clock. One-tenth of a second.

"Good job!" a guy with an escape room T-shirt said. "With less than a second left on the clock, too! This is a record for "I Dare You to Enter!": the least amount of time left on the clock after escaping!"

I ran up and joined him.

"And are you..." he said, surprised. He actually took off his hat, too.

"Yes, it's me. I'm Katie Simpson."

"Great fan of your books, girl!"

"Wait, what?" Larry interrupted. "What's he talking about?"

"Well, you see, they're actually supposed to be a secret from my parents, so could the both of you shut it about those so I won't be in the tightest, hottest, sourest, pickliest pickle ever?"

"No problem," Escape Room T-shirt said.

"Maybe. It depends. Because I wanna hear about and see these books. In the car. Now."

"Why do you sound so paranoid over some books?"

"Because I am. To the car. Unless you wanna take the next bus back to Big Mountain at 9:50."

I didn't even know what to feel, so I just walked contently with him to the car.

"You sound angry," I said to him, calmly. "Are you?"

"No, I'm not, actually."

"You really do sound like it. Are you denying it to make me feel better?"

"I'm not. I just need to see these books because I don't know what you've said about me in these books. You could have pictures of me in them I don't want people to see, you could have rumors about me that could be spread... do I need to go on?"

"I respect that. I'll let you see the whole profile."

Why am I being so nice to him tonight? I thought. It was true. I'm not this nice to anyone else, even my sister.

After five minutes, he finally stopped scrolling and reading. "They aren't bad. Not bad at all. In fact, I love them."

"Don't make me blush."

"Too late," he said, pinching my cheek. I laughed. "We have another stop before we make our way back."

"What's that?"

"The best couples restaurant in Virginia."

"Young & in Love?"

"Yep."

"Larry, you're the best! I can't believe you got reservations!"

"It was nothing. I did once accidentally keep somebody from drowning."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Wanna know how?"

"Definitely!"

"Okay, so it was a very hot July and me and my family went to that pool near Cheryl's place and..."

I don't need to include the rest of this date for you to get the idea. I totally had a good date with Larry.

"I had a great time tonight with you, Katie. I'm glad we had this time together."

"So am I." I watched the sign for 44th Street as we turned onto it. I saw the gate of the mansion, the fountain, and the black double doors. I knew I would be out of that car in less than ten seconds, so if I wanted to say anything, I would have to say it right then. So I did.

"Larry?"

"Yes?"

"I love you." I didn't even make eye-contact when I said it; I was afraid of the reaction he would have.

There was silence for a minute. A looong minute. He pulled over at the gate and stared straight for a moment.

Finally, he broke the silence. He turned to me slowly and said, "I love you, too."

I blushed again. I said I loved him. He said he loved me. That's today. Tomorrow, he'll be on his knees proposing. Not tomorrow tomorrow of course, but not very long will I have to wait. "We were definitely meant to be together."

"Yes we were."

"Well, see you soon."

"See you soon."

I got out of the car and watched him drive away. I felt like I was on top of the clouds.

I turned around and walked past the fountain to the door and opened it. Kathy was waiting there with a chair and a book. I didn't know how long she was there, but it did scare me a little bit.

"Why are you, um, right here?"

"I've been waiting here for like an hour and a half for you to come back!" Well, that answers my question. "Tell me everything." I bolded, underlined, and italicized "everything" for a reason. That's how she said it.

"Okay, so..."

"And when I say 'everything', I mean EVERYTHING from the moment you stepped foot into the car to when he drove away a few seconds ago."

"Don't worry, I'm not holding back on my sis about my first date with a boy."

"Wait, why did you specify that it was your first date with a boy? Have you had a first date with a girl?"

"Really?" We both laughed. "Anyway, so we went to this escape room in Richmond. It was actually called..."

"So you didn't talk about anything in the car?"

"So you basically want me to explain this date like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich?"

"Yep. First, get out a paper towel, then put it on a surface that is not the floor, then make sure it's clean, if it's not, get a clean one and throw the dirty one away, make sure it's big enough for two pieces of bread to fit on it..."

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. I did leave out something important, actually."

"I knew it. What is it?"

"So you know how I don't let anyone call me by my full first name because I don't like it?"

"Yeah."

"So he asked me why when he called me 'Kaitlyn' I didn't try to kill him, and I wanted to say 'you're my boyfriend', but I didn't know if hat was true. So I asked him if it was okay if I called him that, and he said yes, so now it's official. We are boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Alright, Katie! You go, girl!"

We high-fived.

I'm not gonna make you read the rest of this date again, because you already read about it. I just wanted to tell you that I told Kathy about this date so that it didn't catch you off guard if Kathy said something about it and you never found out that she found out about it.

Here's a first: first REAL girl talk.

It was around 1:30 by the time I got to my bed. It had been a long day. Before I fell asleep, I counted down every big moment of the past few hours.

3:47 p.m. - I started picking outfits
6:27 p.m. - I finally decided on an outfit
6:30 p.m. - Larry picked me up
6:32 p.m. - We officially became boyfriend and girlfriend
6:56 p.m. - We arrived at the escape room
7:59 p.m. - We worked together to escape the escape room at the last second
8:07 p.m. - Larry complimented me on my writing style
8:20 p.m. - We went to the romantic restaurant Young & in Love
1:01 a.m. - I told Larry I loved him

1:02 a.m. - Larry told me he loved me

And on that positive note, I fell asleep.

I was woken up by my mom bursting through the door.

"Come on, sleepyhead! I made us brunch! You've been asleep for like half the day!"

"Wait, you made us brunch? What's the occasion?"

"Your date, silly! We'll talk about it over brunch!"

"Is that really something to do with everyone at the table?"

"No, when I said 'I made us brunch,' I meant I made just us brunch. Now come on! You don't wanna stay in that bed 'til dinner, do you?"

I looked at the clock. Wow. I really did sleep well. It was 12:30 p.m. and I had just woke up.

I got out of bed and followed her to the mansion observatory. She had set up a table with 18 different dishes (8 on each side, 1 in the front and 1 in the back), a banner that read "CONGRATS, KATIE!" in big, red font, a million balloons, and a cake saying "Here's to Katie's first date." My mom almost never sets up anything so fancy for me or Kathy. This seemed like she went all out for this date. Then again, we are both multi-quadrillionaires. I was astonished after looking at what she had done to the point that all I could say was, "Wow."

"Well, you like?" she asked.

"Love," I said, my mouth still wide open from shock.

"Well, don't just stand there, have a seat. Treat yourself to as much as your stomach can handle."

"This seems a little extreme for you. Especially seeing as how this is just a first date."

"My ears don't understand what you just said."

"'This seems a little extreme for you'?"

"No, the other part."

"'Especially seeing as how this is just a first date'?"

"Yeah. There's no such thing as 'just a first date.' As I like to say, YOGOFD."

"You don't like to say that."

"Yeah, you're right, I just came up with that. But it stands for You Only Get One First Date. They're very special, Katie. That's why I'm doing this for you. To celebrate this first date, which could lead to another, and another, and another, all the way until you get your engagement ring which will eventually lead to..."

"Mom! I still have to keep him for that loooooooong period. Don't get carried away."

"True. Wait, why are we still not eating?"

"Oh, yeah. Let's sit down and eat before we get distracted again."

"Good idea. Oh! Speaking of getting distracted..."

"Really?"

"I'm kidding!"

We got to the table, but the chairs were on opposite sides of the table, and the table was like 20 feet long. That made for awkward yelling across the table, so we eventually decided to move one all the way down and keep the other where it was.

"So," Mom said after filling up her plate, "tell me everything."

"That's exactly what Kathy said last night when I got back."

"So you already told her?"

"Yeah."

"Oh. I thought I was gonna be the first person to know, and then I would've told her behind your back, but there's no need."

"Mom, I do not appreciate that. My business is mine."

"Okay, one, I was just kidding."

"You kid a lot."

"Whatever. Two, if you didn't want me to tell her, don't tell me."

"Well, maybe I don't tell you. Let's try that. If you don't want to respect my privacy, why let you in?"

I got up and rode the slide down to the first floor.

My mom and I have a rocky bond. It's not as strong as Kathy's with me. We disagree a lot. She just makes me upset with her sometimes, like this. Call me a drama queen if you want, I don't care.

I have my limits. I want my business to be mine and no one can trespass on it.

That's basically everything important for this day.

I went over to Jenny's house to see how she was doing (or maybe just because I wanted those invitations out by the 23rd) and how the business was running (the "business" being the gigantic party on the 31st), just because (just because I need those invitations ready at least a week in advance).

I was about to ring the doorbell when I almost forgot something. First, a little side note, Jenny has a great house, don't get me wrong. However, her doorbell absolutely sucks. It sucks so much, it's suckier than the definition of suckosity. Sucking is its hobby. When you ring it, you will either be shocked pretty bad (10% of people to ring Jenny's doorbell have been shocked pretty bad), practically deafened by the sound of the ringing because the volume is messed up (15% of people to ring Jenny's doorbell have been practically deafened by the sound of the ringing because the volume was messed up), stuck there because it is holding your finger there like a magnet because it's been infected by the 132nd element, Magnetanium, which makes something so magnetic it pulls in anything with a force of... okay, I think you get the idea (70% of people to ring Jenny's doorbell have been stuck there because of the magnetic element Magnetanium). Funny story, there are actually skeletons where the people who rang the doorbell and got stuck used to be. There were like 28 when Jenny moved into that house about a year ago and there are 35 now. Only 50 people have ever rung that doorbell. And 35 of them are now skeletons at that same doorbell. The cops never noticed because the odd thing about Jenny's house is that the doorbell is at the back door, not the front. I did leave out one group, though it isn't really a group, more just one person. Only one person (5%) in the history of the world has rung the doorbell with no harm done. That person would be... me. I'll tell you how I did it by resuming the story.

I looked at the doorbell again. Yeah, I don't think so. I put on some noise-cancelling headphones and gloves. The gloves will protect me from the Magnetanium and the electric shock.

Like the statistics would suggest, the glove got suck from the Magnetanium and I was able to slide my hand out free. Soon enough, I saw Jenny's head looking to see who it was, and when she did, she immediately came to the door asking twelve million questions.

"How do you feel? Can you move your hand? Did you get shocked? Can you hear me? CAAAAAAAN YOOOOOOU HEEEEEEEAR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE?"

"Jenny! I'm fine."

"Wait, but, but that's impossible."

"No, it's not. Just get some noise-cancelling headphones and a pair of gloves. In fact, you don't even need a whole pair, you just need one, now that I think about it." I showed her the glove sticking to the doorbell and my noise-cancelling headphones.

"Wow. Good job."

"Eh. It was nothing."

"So, what brings you here?"

"Just checking to see how you were doing, how the business was going. Oh, and how those invitations were going."

I put a lot more emphasis on "invitations" then I made it seem.

"You're just here to see how the invitations were going, aren't you?

"We know each other alright, Jenny."

"I know. I didn't think I got your full guest list because you said the party would be huge, but the list only had a dozen people on it, and that's including me, you, Brooklyn, Spring and all them."

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "Did you ever try looking on the back side?"

"No." She flipped the paper over. Sure enough, everyone else I put was right there on the back side of the paper.

"I feel dumb," she said.

"You actually really should."

"Wait, one of these people's adresses is 1136 Unity Lane Cilany, California."

"Yeah, congrats, you can read."

"But her name is Cali Cilany. Coincidence or..."

"No coincidence. Just like my great-great-great-grandpa founded Richmond, Cali's great-great-great-grandma founded Cilany, California."

"That's so cool! It seems like I'm never lumped in with your family as your mom's niece. Even my mom doesn't even get lumped in. It's too bad. It would be cool to live life as a celebrity. How is Cali related to you?"

"Cali is Neon's sister."

For those of you who don't know (which should be everyone because I haven't mentioned him yet), Neon is our cousin. My aunt, Tiffany, has a son named Neon. Neon lives with Cali, so we don't really get together that often. That's why I put both of them on the guest list.

"So, just to confirm the list I'm about to say is everyone you want at the party—you, me, Kathy, Brooklyn, Spring, Charlotte, Amy, Amy's... umbrella?"

"She loves it so much she treats it like it's a person."

"Whatever. Madison, Mary, Cheryl, Mike, Larry, Neon, Cali, Marianna, Florence, Brittney, Wendy, Ray, Roger, Nora, Tiffany, my mom, Neon and Alex. Wait, you said Neon twice."

"Neon Sr. is Neon Jr.'s dad."

"Oh, so Neon is Neon Jr."

"Yeah."

"Never knew. Wait, but who's Alex?"

"Neon Sr.'s wife."

"Florence, Marianna, and Brittney?"

"Florence is Brooklyn's sister, Marianna is Madison's, and Brittney is Spring's."

"Got it. So was that everybody?"

"I think that's everybody. How many invitations do you have made?"

"Last time I checked, 12."

"Who didn't you invite? Well, other than everybody on the back side."

"I think I got everybody."

"No, there are 26 people I invited. Let's go check."

"What about your glove?"

"It's stuck there for all of eternity."

"All of eternity?"

"Don't you have any idea how strong Magnetanium is?"

"A little bit."

"Magnetanium is stronger than the force of 20 cars at top speed."

"Wow."

"Besides, now your doorbell is easy to ring. Simply insert your finger into the glove and push. By the way, Jenny, have you ever considered it would be very simple to get a new doorbell or get your current doorbell fixed?

"Getting a new doorbell cost tons of money. Fixing it also costs tons of money. Besides, every year, half as many people ring the doorbell because there's a big sign there warning people about it." She pointed to it. "See?"

"Yeah, I saw it, but I never read it."

"Go ahead. You can be the judge and decide what edits should be made."

I read it.

THIS IS A WARNING TO ALL PEOPLE ABOUT TO RING THE DOORBELL. The doorbell is randomly infected with Magnetanium, a magnetic element that will hold your finger on the doorbell you see below. The skeletons you see are there because they ignored the sign we put up warning them about the Magnetanium possibly in this doorbell at any moment. We are not responsible for anyone who gets stuck here forever. We also are warning you that this doorbell's volume is not consistent. At any moment, the doorbell could ring so loud it deafens you. There is also a possibility that you will be electrified by the doorbell.

Therefore, it would be most wise to knock the door and hope someone answers. If not, just leave. Please. For your own good.

We are not responsible for anything that happens to you because you rang the doorbell.

"Looks fine to me."

"Oh, good."

I followed her in and she took me to the attic.

"Here are all the invitations I made."

I looked at all of them and immediately figured out who was missing.

"You didn't invite either of us."

"So?"

"You need an invitation to get in. If I don't get an invitation, the guard won't let me in."

"Who's the guard?"

"Some random guy I hired for $50 an hour."

"But if you hired him, why wouldn't he..."

"Just invite us. You want to go to the party, right?"

"Of course."

"And you want me to go to the party, right?"

"Definitely."

"So invite us. And everyone on the back side. I wanted the invitations out by the 23rd, but Neon and Cali might not get theirs until the 25th. At least I let them know about the party a couple weeks ago. But still, by the end of the day, give me the invitations. I'll fly them around town."

"Good. I promise you I'll have them ready by 8:00 tonight."

*---7:59 p.m.---*

I stuck my finger in the glove and rang the doorbell. Jenny answered the door.

"I know I said 8:00 tonight, but can I have like two more hours? I still have like five invitations to do."

"I gave you eight hours to fill out 14 invitation cards. It's really not that complicated. I'm coming back here at 10:00, and if you don't have all the invitations filled out, I will take your invitation away from you."

"You can't make me give it to you."

"Well, then I'll just have to tell the guard not to let you in. Be finished with those invitations when I come back here in exactly two hours."

I would've given her less time, but there was a football game on and it was on halftime break, and my team was on. I really wanted to see it.

Jenny lives five minutes away from me by walking, so I still had some time to get back to the house in time to see the rest of the game.

*---10:02 p.m.---*

I rang the doorbell again. Jenny answered the door again.

"I have all the invitations ready."

"Wow. So I got mentally prepared to wrestle for your invitation for nothing?"

"I guess so."

"Okay. Hand 'em over."

She handed me a bag with the invitations in it.

"Okay. Have a good night. See you..."

I was about to leave, but just in case, I checked the bag to see if everyone I invited got an invitation. I used the "X-Ray Vision Flashlight" app on my phone to look through each envelope and see if everyone got one. They were all legit. I really expected Jenny not to be ready. I guess she wanted to go to the party.

"See you at the party!" I said to her, on the way back to my house.

"You, too!" she replied.

I picked up the helicopter and started delivering.

I started with Cali and Neon first because they were going to be the hardest to get to, so I wanted to get it over with. Besides, if no one else got invited, they were going to. Well, except me, of course. I never get to see Cali and Neon in person. Or at least it's very rare that I do. It would be nice to finally get together with them face-to-face. It took me about five and a half hours there and six hours back because I got tired and took a short thirty-minute nap in the helicopter after putting it on FLOAT mode. I could've put it on AUTOPILOT, but I don't really trust the helicopter that much.

It was 9:53 a.m. by the time I got back to Big Mountain. It might not have been much of a secret anymore, but I decided to fly down to everyone's mailbox and deliver their invitations, too. I got a lot of people's invitations delivered, by the way: Jenny, Kathy, Brooklyn, Spring, Charlotte, Amy and her umbrella, Madison, Mary, Cheryl, Mike, Larry, Neon, Cali, Wendy, Ray, Roger, Nora, Tiffany, Teresa, Neon Jr. and Alex. I went over who I missed on my list when I realized I had gotten everyone's invitation except mine. Mission accomplished. I looked at the time. It was already 2:00. That took way longer than I thought. I left at 10:30 p.m. last night and finished at 2:00 p.m. today.

If only I had had more time to do something else that day. I guess not. I flew home and ate lunch.

"So, how'd it go?" Kathy asked me when I got back.

"Success. Everyone has their invitation."

"But what about..."

"Check the mailbox."

"Oh! Thanks!"

"No problem."

The next thing I did that day was check on the sales of my hair machines. At first, I couldn't believe it, but then I finally realized I had made a total of $5,000,000 off of all of them. That's way below par. But still, it's all free money and I still kept 50 feet of hair for myself. You know. For 15 years from now.

Later that day, a check for five million dollars came in the mail for me. That was a great sensation and it had been an overall good day.

"Listen up, y'all!" Brooklyn said at the gathering she called (again, she volunteered my place when every single one of my friends has their own house). "As you may or may not be aware, we have exactly one week until school starts on Tuesday.

"What does this mean?" Amy asked.

"It means, baldy, that we can't just sit here and wait for it to start. We need to do stuff we ain't never done before and ain't never thought to do before. Are we gonna go to open house today?"

"NO!" we all yelled in unison.

"Are we gonna study for our future tests?"

"NO!"

"Are we gonna read?!"

"NO!!"

"Are we gonna write?!!!"

"NO!!!"

"ARE WE GONNA LEARN?!!!!!!"

"NO!!!!!!"

"ARE WE GONNA HAVE FU—"

"STOP YELLING IN MY HOUSE!!!" my mom yelled down to us. "I'm trying to take a nap!"

"Are we gonna have fun?" Brooklyn said in a voice so low it was like she was whispering.

"Yeah!" we all half-whispered back.

10 HOURS LATER

"I'm tired. I think we did enough for one day. And it cost me like $10,000 for all that," I said.

"I think I forgot almost everything we did. We just did so much," Spring said.

"We went to the park," said Charlotte. "And we brought lazer guns with us. And we wore lazer tag gear. And we played lazer tag. At the park. Katie bought us all that. And it turned out the lazers were real. And you got me with the lazer. And it kind of hurt. And you guys played so hard that Spring passed out, and then the sight of her passing out made somebody else pass out and then eventually all of you were passed out. I had to carry every single one of you to Cheryl's car."

"Whoops," I said.

"Our fault, Char," said Cheryl.

"So, what are you going to do about it? Because I feel like I should get to zap you guys with a lazer."

"No. How about we walk away slowly and pretend it never happened? Sound like a plan, everybody?" Spring suggested.

"Agreed," we all said. Well, actually, Cheryl didn't say it for some reason.

We all slowly walked away and pretended it never happened. Well, everybody except Cheryl. Why, though?

Cheryl watched as the rest of us left, but still stayed. I eavesdropped around a corner where I could see them but they couldn't see me.

"Sorry, Char," she said. She handed Charlotte a powered-up lazer gun. "Zap me."

"You sure?" Charlotte confirmed.

"Yep." Cheryl put her hands up and closed her eyes. "Just, please, not the face."

Charlotte aimed and zapped her with the lazer.

"Oh, shizzle! Oh, my god! Dang it! Agh!" Cheryl did not seem to like her decision. She seemed to really regret it. Also, she didn't say "shizzle" or "dang." This is supposed to be a clean, comfortable environment for the reader.

"Well, uh, thank you for letting me do that, Cheryl... I guess..."

"Whoo... okay," Cheryl said to herself, calming herself down. "No problem." She did say this while holding her stomach with one hand in the spot that she was lazered, so it seemed like what she said wasn't true. There seemed to be a problem, the problem being she got zapped with a lazer.

By this time, it was night and everyone decided to make tracks. Something new for the day: accidentally zapping Charlotte with a lazer.

I'm glad Charlotte gave us one day in between the day she let us know about Cheryl Appreciation Day and the day itself. That would've been a real headache to get the news and have to do it back-to-back.

I didn't want to do anything new that day. I was just going to chill out. All day. I did end up going to the store that day to buy Cheryl a gift basket. I rarely ever do something for the benefit of other people, but this is goody old Cheryl. She would do this sort of thing for us, and is more likely to than anyone else I know.

Afterward, my mom finally apologized for invading my privacy the other day. It takes her a while for her to do this kind of stuff. It wasn't very thorough, but it was something. Anything from her was a surprise.

Then, I watched a movie. One that I'm in, of course. This time, it was "Live and Learn." This movie took place in the future, 2075 to be exact. It was about a teen girl named Rosie Nelson (Katie Simpson) who was in a flying car accident and had a series of hallucinations in which she learned valuable life lessons that she employed in the future. However, she did not tell anyone she was in the accident, though she had a handful of injuries to prove it. They were minor injuries, so almost no one noticed, but her friend, Lexi (Katherine Simpson), did indeed notice the injuries and Rosie ended up telling her about the accident. She also passed on the life lessons she learned and the two helped minimize human-robot conflict. Now, let me share some bad memories from when I was helping with this movie. I did not enjoy those 23 days I spent making that movie. First off, working with my sister was a pain in the butt. She was mad about something I had done and kept doing stuff to bug me during the movie-making process. Here's an example: we were taking five and I had to use the bathroom. However, she decided it would be funny to lock the bathroom door from the outside using the key and pretended it wasn't her. Another example: she found a bird's feather outside and we had to do a scene standing right next to each other, but she had the nerve to pull out the feather to where Jim, the producer, could not see it and tickle me with it in my tickle spot. Only she knows where it is and I'm not telling you. Another issue I had while making that movie is the fact that I had to play Rosie, which meant playing the role of someone who had to be passed out and not move at all for a total of ten seconds straight. Seems easy, but it was not! Playing Rosie also meant I had to have these awkward smiles on my face for some of the scenes. It was weird and unnatural and I did not like it and would not recommend it. Lexi, however, was a funny, fun-in-the-sun, happy-go-lucky, everything's-always-great-to-me kind of person. In other words, she matched my personality a lot more than Rosie did. Rosie was traumatized for most of the movie and I've only had one kind of traumatic moment in my life, but that was years after the movie had already been made. That would be when Taylor tried to kill me. Well, I guess my mom did try to kill me as Savage Sage, but Larry saved me and it somehow didn't even seem traumatic to me for some reason. But anyway, it was unnatural and unsatisfactory. Oh! I almost forgot! When Kathy tickled me with that demon feather and I laughed (like people do when they get tickled), and Jim said to me, "Stop laughing or you'll be replaced by our backup and you won't be getting paid!" This was before I was filthy rich, so I really wanted that money. I had to end up strangling Kathy to make her hand over the feather and swear to not tickle me.

In short, I hated making that movie.

Now, it may seem like that's the case for all the movies I've been in, but it's not. There have been plenty of movies I've been in that I enjoyed making. For example, my favorite movie was "Eat Your Vegetables." Not because of the movie itself, because it seemed kind of cheesy to me, but because of the behind-the-scenes stuff. It just seemed fun. Now, if you don't want to read another forever-long paragraph about the events that happened to me during the process of making a movie then just skip it, but it's your loss. Before I tell you about all that behind-the-scenes stuff, let me tell you what the movie was about. "Eat Your Vegetables" is a family comedy about the importance of eating healthy. The Health family cares a lot about eating healthy. However, the youngest of the family, Timmy Health (Neon Cilany), finds out he has a rare vegetable allergy when his mom (Wendy Simpson) takes him to get a check-up. He cannot eat vegetables. This becomes a problem for him due to the fact that the family is so fond of vegetables that the air in the house is not safe for Timmy. His brother, Dan Health (Harrison Swinne), comes up with a vegetable-based prank for Timmy and teams up with his sister, Scarlett Health (Katie Simpson), to pull it off. This drives Timmy away and he is forced to find another place to live. However, he sees that he is surrounded by vegetables and is forced to fight his allergy and eat vegetables. When he does, he turns into the Vegetable God. With the summary out of the way, let me get into how I enjoyed making the movie. While I played a very small part as Timmy's older sister, Scarlett Health, it was still pretty great. I did get to hang out with Neon, and watching him play a little boy was really funny. I was trying my best not to laugh the whole time. My mom and I actually didn't have to put on an act because, well, she's, like, my mom. Like, my literal, biological mom. One time during the movie, like I said before, me and Harry got to play a prank on Neon, and that was reeeeeeally fun! I loved that; I don't even get to do that in real life! Scarlett did, though! Doing the prank wasn't even the best part, though. His reactions to the prank were all ridiculous! Harry and I both laughed almost every single time. To get it, first let me tell you what the prank was. We dressed up as vegetables and scared Timmy while he was asleep, then quickly ran back to our room, took all that stuff off, and got right back in bed (it was like 3 a.m.) pretending to be asleep, so we weren't suspicious. Neon had to pull off a high-pitched scream, and he failed for the first 9 takes. On the 10th take, he actually did it, but we laughed, so we had to do it again. The 11th take was even worse than the first 9, so we had to do it again. We decided that it would be best for us to stand on the opposite side of the room as far away as possible so that our laughing wouldn't get in, and we ended up getting it done really fast. We had the scream, but not the reaction yet, which was the funniest. They didn't specify what they wanted him to do, so it was just freestyle. So he screamed "Mommy." I laughed so hard I cried.

Those were the main highlights of it. Or at least that all I can remember. But my main point was that I do enjoy participating in the making of some movies. Sometimes, it sucks, but other times, it doesn't.

After I watched "Live and Learn," I made myself dinner. Then, since I was on chill mode, I played video games until I fell asleep.

I went to sleep knowing I would wake up on Cheryl Appreciation Day.

I opened my eyes. I immediately knew it was Cheryl Appreciation Day.

As soon as I was aware of that, my phone rang. It was a 7-way call from Charlotte.

"Hey, Char. What's the plan for CAD?"

"Hey, K!" everyone else in the call group said.

"Hey, y'all."

"What's CAD?" Charlotte asked me.

"Cheryl Appreciation Day, duh."

"Oh, yeah, that!"

"Wait, did you just seriously forget about that?!"

"Uh, no..."

"Oh, my... whatever. What's the plan for that?

"I don't know. I'm still trying to figure that out."

"And you're telling me you didn't forget? Why would you not have figured that out yet if you remembered?"

"Uh... fine, I forgot."

"Yeah, you didn't need to admit it for me to know. How about we all meet at my place and..."

"Wait," Brooklyn interrupted, "how come you got mad when I volunteered your place, then?"

"I can volunteer my own place. You can volunteer yours. I know you'd me mad if I voluntarily spent your money."

"And how would you..."

"Take your wallet. Anyway, meet at my place and we'll ride the helicopter there so we all get there at the same time. Be here by 9:25 or else. Got it?"

"Got it!" they all agreed.

I hung up. I took the elevator to the first floor and waited for them. While watching TV, of course. I was holding that gift basket with a tight grip, because I spent money on that, and while I'm rich, I'm also—and I'll gladly admit it—cheap.

At 9:20, I heard the doorbell ring. It was Charlotte.

"Did you get a gift basket?"

"No."

"Good, because I did."

"Oh, I thought that was the wrong answer."

"You know why you didn't get a gift basket?"

"Just let it go, okay?"

"No, I will hold this against you for the rest of your life. You make us do a job that benefits us nada and forget about it. Wow."

Charlotte sighed.

I went back to watching TV. However, not even five seconds later, the doorbell rang again. That's when I realized watching TV was just gonna be a waste of electricity. It's not like I'm gonna be able to watch TV with people showing up and the doorbell ringing. So I turned it off and answered the door. It was Amy.

"S'up, dude."

"S'up."

"I came prepared. Did anyone else get a gift ba..."

"YES! DESTROY THAT GIFT BASKET AT ONCE!"

"Okay! Okay! Dang! Calm down!"

She destroyed it by eating it. It wasn't that much, so it didn't take her that long.

That's when the doorbell rang again. It was Brooklyn and Spring. For a special occasion, Brooklyn always wears that red dress that I used to hate but now I don't care about because I thought it brought her good luck. On the other hand, Spring dresses up in any color other than green. While I already knew this, I had the same reaction I did a few weeks ago when Spring was in blue. This time, the color was white. White dress, white headband, white shoes (like the ones in Cinderella, actually, just not glass), jade eyes.

"S'up, Brook."

"S'up."

I turned to Spring. "Where is she?" I asked.

"Where's who?" she said, confused.

"Where's Spring?"

"I am Spr..." She stopped. "I am Spring." This time, she said it more firmly and through gritted teeth.

"Sure you are."

Spring turned the color of Brooklyn's dress and grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me in real close. "Listen, Kaitlyn." She spoke in a voice so quiet it was practically a whisper. "I am the real Spring, and if you keep acting stupid like this, I will take my shoe off and beat you with it like I'm your mom giving you a whoopin'. Understand?"

"Seems like Spring. Looks like Spring, at least her face does, acts like Spring, walks like Spring, talks like Spring... I think it's Spring. You're the real Spring, right?"

She came out of the whisper thing. "YES, IT'S ME! Who else could it possibly be?!"

"An impostor."

She groaned. "My sister told me it was a bad idea to dress in all white in front of you guys. And she also said it was especially a bad idea to dress in all white in front of you, Katie."

"Oh, and by the way, don't call me by my first name. First and final warning. Also, don't grab me. You can touch me, but you can't grab me."

The doorbell rang again. It was Mary. She just walked in without saying anything, looking straight down at her phone texting somebody. That's not the Cheryl spirit. I looked at her in disgust and shook my head. She wasn't looking, but even if she was, she probably would've just shrugged and looked right back down at her phone.

The doorbell rang and this time, I knew exactly who it was. I looked at the clock. It was 9:24 and 54 seconds. There's only one of my friends who always shows up last minute. That would be Madison. When I opened the door, sure enough, Madison was right there. I could've used process of elimination, but that didn't come to mind first.

"Sorry, I'm late, I... oh, wait, I'm not late yet. Never mind!"

"Whatever. We're about to leave anyway. Everybody, follow me."

They followed me upstairs and I got them situated in the helicopter.

"Okay, it's about a two-and-a-half-minute ride with the current wind speed, and, uh, yeah. Let's hit the air."

We got there at 9:29, which was perfect, because ideally, we would be surprising Cheryl at exactly 9:30. One of my favorite shows had just come back from summer break and I didn't want to miss the new episode Friday, August 28 at 10/9 central only on 3C (The Cool Celebrity Channel). Sure, Cheryl could have a command for me, but what are the odds that she comes up with 7 things she wants us to do in an hour? She's humble old Cheryl.

I rang the doorbell. I saw Cheryl look through her window to see who it was. I kept the gifts out of sight and we kept a straight face until she answered the door.

But when she did, we all yelled...

"HAPPY CHERYL APPRECIATION DAY!"

"Yep, that's right," I said. "We're taking this day every year to appreciate"—I bopped her on the nose—"you."

I didn't say this, but we rehearsed this multiple times on the 26th.

"Anything you want, just let us know and we'll take care of it for you." Charlotte added. "Also, Katie's paying for anything that involves money within reason."

"Wait, what?!"

"Oh, guys, you didn't have to do this..."

"Don't be so modest, you deserve this!" said Charlotte.

"Also, within reason!!! I'll pay for it within reason!!! And you can't volunteer my money, Charlotte!"

We had a whole thing, and Cheryl probably hesitated like five times to actually ask for something, but I wouldn't know, because I had already left. I really wanted to see the new episode.

The only person to have to do something for Cheryl at the end of the day was Charlotte. Cheryl only came up with one thing she wanted, and that was for someone to get her handkerchief because she was crying tears of joy. When Charlotte told me that, I was just like, wow. Modest old Cheryl. Afraid to ask for the things she wants even when people will willingly give them to her. Well, kind of. Charlotte did volunteer me to pay for anything she wanted, like no one else could. I was not going to willingly do that.

Cheryl Appreciation Day wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, mainly because Cheryl's so nice. She only asked for one thing, and it wasn't a big thing at all.

If you're reading this, Cheryl, allow me to be the first person to tell you this—you're too darn nice. Toughen up. Want things. Don't be afraid to get them. Be less nice. Don't be mean, just less nice.

I got a text from Neon and Cali at almost the same time. They both confirmed that they would come to the party on Monday.

I got another text from Aunt Tiffany saying she could come, too.

The next text I received was from Aunt Perry. She said she could make it, too.

I got texts from practically everyone I invited (well, people who I see in person on almost a daily basis didn't text me) confirming that they were coming to the party. That's why I was surprised when the only person who said they could not make it was...

Kathy.

I knocked on the closed door of Kathy's room. Why is it closed? And more importantly, why is it locked? This is my room, too, you know, Kathy! I sleep here, I do my homework here (most of the time, that is), I vent here, I write in my diary here, and if I'm in a mood, I eat here instead of in the living room.

She refused to open the door, so I had to go up to the fourth floor and use the secret passage that no one else, not even my own sister, knew about. I stepped on a specific tile for three seconds, then took my foot off of that tile, then said something false into the lie detector within one second of taking my foot off. Then, some tiles unfolded and a slide showed up that led directly to my bedroom. I slid and ended up right next to my mirror and my dresser.

"What's up?" I asked.

"Go away," Kathy said, tears running down her face.

"I just want to know. You know you can trust me, and I know you know that."

"I really don't want to talk about it."

"Sister code."

Kathy sighed, knowing that you can't beat the sister code. It's an official thing, and has been since '38.

"It was yesterday. I got an e-mail. It wasn't good news at all." She paused. It was a long pause, to the point that I didn't know if she would continue or not.

"What was it about?"

"Katie, it was about... you. It said you got the same e-mail."

"Well, what did it say?"

Kathy cried some more. "You read it," she said, not looking at me anymore.

I pulled out my phone and read the e-mail. I gasped. She was right, it wasn't good news at all. It was one of those auto-arrest e-mails from the police station. It said that the police would be at my house in 00:24:17, 00:24:16, 00:24:15...

I didn't understand. Why would I be going to jail? I went over what I did in the past few days and weeks. Yesterday, I did practically nothing, but got a lot of texts from people confirming that they would come to the party, the day before that was Cheryl Appreciation Day, the day before that was another lazy day where I watched a movie and played video games and stuff, the day before that, Charlotte let us know about Cheryl Appreciation Day, the day before that, we zapped Charlotte, but how could the police possibly have figured that out? It probably wasn't that, so I kept going. On the 24th, I delivered invitations, on the 23rd, I got the invitations, on the 22nd, I had my first real girl talk, on the 21st, I had my first date, on the 20th, we set up the party and Larry and I got back together, on the 19th, I invented hair machines, but they don't already exist, I did my research. It's not illegal, either. I know this. On the 18th, Amy went bald, on the 17th, we had a tuna war where the mall used to be, on the... wait, that must be it. We had a tuna war and they saw my DNA, and now I'm going to jail for it.

I went back in time to August 17th, 2043 to rewrite history.

I was standing in a closet in Brooklyn's house. There were a bunch of movies in front of me.

I remember this, I thought.

"You found a good movie yet?" a voice asked me. I recognized that voice. It was Cheryl.

I remembered that it was about to rain tuna, so I had a plan.

"Still looking," I said, holding up the case to some movie DVD. I put it directly over my head. The tuna that Taylor dropped landed right on the case. I threw it away (it's not like Brooklyn would ever notice). I looked up at Taylor and mouthed, "Nice try."

I don't even know what she said back, because I had already gone back to the future. Present? Back to the present. Or future? Could it somehow be the past? Ugh! Time travel related sentences are always complicated!

I went back to five seconds after I had left, because things get kind of weird with reality and the time-space laws and stuff when you go back to the exact moment you left and five seconds is the least amount of time without malfunction.

Kathy was still crying, and after I looked at my phone again, I realized the e-mail was still there. What could it be? Why did I get that e-mail?

I thought back some more. If it wasn't anything I did on the 17th, it must've been before then. On the 16th, I stole Haylie's hair... oh! I stole Haylie's hair! And worse, I blew up the church. Aw, man, that's terrible. Guess I'm just gonna have to go back in time to when I did that and not do it this time. Technology is so great.

I went back in time to August 16th, 2043 to rewrite history. Again.

I arrived at the time when I was watching the news.

"We sent investigators at the scene of the blah blah blah blah blah..."

Why am I watching the news?

That's when I remembered what happened to Haylie. If it wasn't the church thing, it was Haylie. If it wasn't the church thing or Haylie, I didn't know what it was.

I didn't do anything obnoxious that day, I was just on chill mode all day. I went back at about 8:00 p.m. that day.

I went back just to lose five more seconds of valuable time because nothing changed.

Okay, I know what to do now.

I went back in time to... okay, I think you get it by now.

Well, actually, I went to the 1st, to stop them from ever convincing me to go to the Grand Canyon in the first place.

"...so, should we hit the bottom of the Grand Canyon?" Spring said, just like on the first version of this day.

"No, we should not. I have never wanted to go to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, and this is a version of your friend Katie from August 30th, 2043, and let me warn you, if you go to the Grand Canyon, I will get arrested. I know I sound completely loco, just trust me! I have just"—I pulled out my phone and locked the helicopter so that it can't move even if you turn it on (the only reason I don't do it every time I get out is because it's already pretty protected by itself and you can only do it 3 times)—"locked the helicopter and you will not get me to unlock it!"

"Okay, if you feel so strongly about it. I'll just get a refund from the hotel. They're very refund-friendly," said Charlotte. "Though, I don't know if you're telling the truth about that other stuff or if you're just crazy."

"I'm not crazy. Now, please, I'm going to trust you guys, don't take me to the Grand Canyon when I go back to my time and the present version of me returns, okay?"

"Okay...?"

"I know it's a lot, just forget this ever happened and don't take me to the Grand Canyon."

I returned to the present/future/past plus five seconds. Again, nothing changed.

I guess I'm just going to jail.

The e-mail said the police would arrive in 00:23:01, 00:23:00, 00:22:59... so I just sat there for 23 minutes and waited for the cops to arrive.

Here's something I didn't expect. When it got to 00:00:00, that same e-mail changed to a completely different message. I read it. Then I wanted to strangle whoever wrote this e-mail.

PRANKED YOU! I know I got you good! You're not going to jail! Just a simple prank I know you fell for!

I don't know who appledinosaur@popopopop.com is, but if I ever find out, they'd better hide.

"Here's something," I said to Kathy, trying to keep my cool. "The e-mail we got, it was fake. The whole thing was fake. It was a stupid prank by some random dude and I'm out to get him for real. While I did do some illegal stuff to probably deserve going to jail, that's just messed up."

"Well, on the bright side, you're not going to jail," Kathy said, wiping her eyes.

While I was furious, I was also very relieved that I wasn't actually going to jail.

I went ahead and undid everything I had changed in the last few weeks (seconds?) by pressing the simple "undo" button so I could still have the memories of going to the Grand Canyon (when you go back in time and don't do something you had done in another timeline, you lose that memory).

I know you've been waiting quite a while for this, but without any further ado, let me present to you the day of the party.

It was the morning of Monday, August 31, 2043. I set my alarm for 4:45. I know, pretty early for a party that starts at 2:00. But it's not like I was gonna be sleeping longer than that, anyway. I went straight to the basement to go make finishing touches to the party. Of course, as a teenage girl throwing a gigantic party being paranoid, all of a sudden I notice ten million mistakes with everything. The piñata was crooked, the plates were much too small, my outfit was hideous... in fact, my whole look was just terrible! I got to work. Well, first, I had to do something about my look.

Good. Now that that's done, I can work on the party. But I'm running out of time. The party's at two and it's already five. Only nine hours to do everything. I wish I had more time!

First, I did the easiest thing, fixing the piñata. Okay. Still have nine hours.

Next, I went to the store and got more plates. Well, I didn't really end up with more because I threw the others away (seriously, did I lose my brain?) and kept the new ones. These plates were bigger, but when I looked at them a little bit closer, I realized the design was an eyesore. I threw them away and went to a different store because the other store only sold ugly plates. That's when I ran directly into a closed door. Like, literally, I was running and when I got to the door, it didn't open; it was locked. I guess they were closed, which makes sense at 5:45 in the morning. Wait, it's already 5:45? Now I have only eight hours to do everything. This is gonna be tough. All I've done so far is fix the piñata and change my outfit.

Well, I guess I just made it worse. Instead of small paper plates, I have nada paper plates. Well, I guess we'll just have to use ceramic plates instead.

Now, those are very easy to break (just stare at it for five seconds straight and see if the plate will survive), but I don't think that'll be much of a problem. At least we still have our silver and gold plates in the kitchen. We'll never run out, we just have to make sure the design isn't hideous and the size is okay.

Okay, now to fix the lighting. It's way too dark in here. I replaced it with a different lightbulb.

Okay, but now I'm practically going blind. This must stop. I replaced it with a darker kind of lightbulb.

Uh, maybe, but it's just not the party vibe. It's kinda dark in here, but not really, maybe it's just missing a lack of color.

Now we're talking! A disco ball should do nicely!

I feel like I'm making good progress. But it's already 6:30. Seven and a half hours left. I can't be slacking off here, seven and a half hours isn't that long to do all this stuff. It just isn't.

Okay, next, we have the floor. The floor is about as bland as bland gets. I guess it's time to repaint it.

What am I thinking? Repainting it myself would cost me hours of valuable time! On the other hand, getting somebody else to paint it would cost me dollars of valuable money. Well, this party is way more important than simple money (I think I was braindead). If only I said 3:00 instead of 2:00. That would give me a whole extra hour of time. I got some guy to do the floor so I could make my changes to the party. He was there in under 30 minutes, but I had to wait for him, so that wasn't that great, but on the bright side, it wasn't that long, so I didn't lose that much time.

What I didn't realize is that repainting it would cause me to not be able to be on the floor, which meant not being able to make any more changes. That also meant the floor would be unavailable until 3 a.m. tomorrow!

"Um, painter dude, can I cancel right now? I kind of need this floor today, so..."

"Sure," he said, reluctantly.

I got why he was kind of mad about that, but I had to cancel because if I didn't, the party was off.

Okay, so the floor stays put. But I still have a million more things to change. The ceiling, the table, the food, the entertainment, the scent... uh! The scent is plain red rose! I gotta have something with a little more pizzazz.

I did "PARTY HERO" instead (if I'm being honest, it smells exactly the same, but it's call something different; remember, I lost my mind). Much better.

Now that I've fixed that, now let's deal with the food. Too much health. There's salad and fruit here. That's an absolute no. I cannot have people complaining about the food. That's something I cannot allow. I got rid of every single fruit, vegetable, grain, and protein in there and replaced them with junk food, junk food, junk food, and junk food, my favorite food groups.

I fixed the food. Great. Now, what about this table? I mean, the size is okay, but it's kind of bland, kinda like the floor. I can't have a bland table and a bland floor. Yuck! What kind of party would that be? I moved everything that was on the table upstairs and replaced with a different table that looked way cooler. Then I moved everything back downstairs and voila. I had a fancier table.

I'm doing great! In less than two hours, I completely changed the whole vibe of the party! I straightened the piñata, I changed the type of plates, I fixed the lighting, I changed the scent, I got unhealthier food, and I got a better-looking table. Like a boss.

Okay, before I deal with the ceiling, I really have to deal with the entertainment. I got Brooklyn to do some magic, but her tricks might be dumb and not work or something. I also got Brittney to bring her band out to play, but I haven't heard them yet, and they might suck. Maybe I'll do the entertainment myself. I mean, they might've prepared for a while, but I mean, they'll have other gigs later, maybe, so, yeah. No harm done.

Now, if I'm doing the entertainment, what am I gonna do? Wait, I know how to play the guitar and how to sing, so I guess I could do that. Well, that's exactly what Brittney's band was going to do, so they might think I'm messing with them, but I'll just tell them and they'll probably understand. I think...

Okay, so the entertainment's taken care of. Now, about this ceiling... it's kinda low. If someone at this party was 7'8'', they couldn't even jump up on the bounciest trampoline in the world! That would be a bummer. I guess I'm just gonna have to drill a small hole so the trampoline will be lower to the ground. Great. Now if someone's 7'8", they can still jump on the trampoline with ease. Well, you can't jump on it if you're 7'9", but what are the odds of that, anyway? No one's gonna be 7'9" at this party (yeah, but someone's gonna be 7'8", because that makes sense).

So, I feel like I'm almost a quarter-way done (WHAAAAAAAAT?!!!!). However, I can't make all these fixes without sweeping. I pulled out the broom and dustpan and got to work.

Well, that wasn't too hard. But the sun's up. How? I checked my phone. WHAT?! It's already 12:30?! How long was I sweeping? I have an hour and a half to do everything else! And I didn't even choose what song I was going to do yet! I guess I'll pass it back to Brittney and them. Not that I even let them know yet.

What's that? The doorbell? Oh, yeah, I told Charlotte to tell me if the party looks good and suggest any changes she thought would help.

"Let's take a look. Just warning you, I am very picky. I'm telling you this right now so you'll know when I make my suggestions."

"So am I, so I think you'll find everything just..."

"Less eye shadow." She started walking around. "Has this hole in the floor always been here?"

"I drilled a hole in the floor so anyone who was 7'8" could jump on the trampoline."

"I don't like it. But it's here now, so it has to stay." She went back to walking around. "The food is leaning way too far in the unhealthy direction. I'll get this thing to be balanced by 1:15."

"Well, okay... I guess you'll be going to the store now..." I said, encouraging her out.

"No, I'm not done evaluating, yet." She continued to walk around. "Why the disco ball?"

"The lighting was..."

"It's so '20s. I don't like it. Get rid of it."

"Okay..." I'm starting to think she disliked every single thing I changed about the party. But I still got rid of the disco ball.

"Why ceramic plates?"

"The plastic ones were way too small."

"Ceramic plates are way too fragile. I want plastic plates laid out on this table by 1:15."

"Okay, then. I guess." I was scratching my head, because I was really confused. So far, the only two things I had changed that she hadn't disliked were the table and the piñata.

"I'm really not feeling this table. I don't like it." She looked over at the other table that was folded and sitting in the corner of the room. "But this one will do nicely."

Great, now she's gonna tell me to make the piñata crooked.

"Oh, and this piñata's at a weird angle. Can you turn it a little bit counter-clockwise?"

"Of course, Charlotte," I said, kind of annoyed that she wanted to change everything I had done that morning. She thought I was saying "of course" as in "sure, I'll do that," but I was actually saying it like "of course you wanted to make the piñata crooked."

"There we go. Perfect. I think my work here is done. But yours isn't. I was on itinerary duty, so I know that the guests will show up between 1:30 and 2:00, which means in the next 56 minutes, you need to get some paper plates. Got it?"

"I got it."

"Okay. Hand in the middle."

I put my hand in the middle, and at the same time we said, "One, two, three, BREAK!"

I ran upstairs and went back to the store to get some paper plates. By the time I got back, Brittney and her band were there. I looked at my phone. It was 1:21.

"Katie, the plates! The plates were supposed to be laid out by now!"

"Sorry, I'll go get them!"

I put up another table and put all the new plates there. Then I took all the ceramic plates back upstairs.

It was 1:32 by the time I finished all of that, but I was very excited to finally be done with the party. I rested on the couch and waited for the first guest to arrive. Until Charlotte interrupted my period of rest.

"Less eye shadow!"

"Whatever, dude, no time. The eye shadow stays."

The guard was there when I got back, so I knew he was there on time.

"Hey, anybody here?" said a familiar voice. It was definitely Spring.

"Hey, Spring. I put up a sign for a reason."

She read it and came down.

"What's up? Love your outfit!"

I looked directly at Charlotte. "I know, right?"

"Whatever," said Charlotte, rolling her eyes.

"Like yours, too."

"What, because it's green?"

"Exactly. You're Spring. You're name literally reflects the color green; I don't see why you wouldn't always wear green."

She laughed. "So, you said the guests would be here at 1:30, and I thought I was late, but nobody's here."

"No, the guests start coming at 1:30, Maddie."

"I'm not Maddie! She's probably going to be late and end up not getting let in by the guard, whereas I actually was the first one here."

"No, the people who built this place were the first ones here."

"You know what I mean."

I heard the doors open. "Neon and Cali have arrived!"

"You made it! Come on down, guys!"

Let me not talk about the thirty minutes when everybody showed up, because that's just a waste of both my time and your time. So instead, I'm gonna skip to 2:00, when the party started.

"Okay, everyone settle down!" said Charlotte. "I'm Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine, aka Char, and I'm on itinerary duty. It's 2:00, and from 2:00 to midnight, we're going to be... PARTYING! Whoo!"

Yep, structured parties are lame. Those are for nerds. Once again, I cannot have people complaining. I want every person on the whole earth to like my party. Well, at least every person on the whole earth that showed up. Charlotte, by far, had the easiest job, because this is what her itinerary looked like:

Before 1:30 p.m., Set up
1:30 - 2:00 p.m., Guests arrive
2:00 p.m. - 12:00 a.m., Party
After 12:00 a.m., Everybody leaves except the people who live there

I went over to Florence. "So, I don't think I've ever met you in person."

"First time for everything."

"Well, just tell me, how's it been? Whatcha been doing all these years?"

"So you want the story of my life?"

"Basically."

"Well, I don't fell like doing all that, so let me just tell you about summer break."

"Fair."

"So, me and Brooklyn were in Italy during the last week of July..."

"Really? Brooklyn never told me about that."

"Yeah. Oh! And I almost forgot I brought something here for you from Italy." She stopped and looked at my ear for some reason.

"Why you starin' at my ear like that?"

"You got something, like right..." She reached behind my ear. "Here. It looks like an authentic Italian pizza."

I was stunned. She literally just pulled a full pizza from behind my ear, box and all. Though I wasn't that stunned. She was Brooklyn's sister, and Brooklyn had already pulled a milkshake from behind my ear, so anything can happen.

"Okay, wow. But thanks for the pizza... wait a minute, didn't you say you were in Italy during the last week of July?"

"Yeah, wh... oh, that's why." Marianna had just opened the box to find one moldy pizza sitting in the box.

"Well, thanks for thinking of me, and for the effort."

"Yeah. No prob. But where's the nearest trash can? I can't look at this pizza anymore."

"Well, you don't have to. There's this thing, it's called closing the box." I demonstrated slowly by closing the pizza box.

"I don't want to look at the pizza box, either, Katie. Where's the nearest trash can?"

"In that corner."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

I walked over to Neon and Cali.

"What's up, Neon! Cali!"

"S'up, Katie," said Cali.

"Hey, man," said Neon.

"Long time no see, what's been up with you two?" I asked, putting on hand sanitizer to wash off those dirty pizza box germs.

"We were just in Italy like a month ago near the end of July," said Cali.

"Did you go with Brooklyn and Florence?"

"Yeah! Did she try to give you that pizza, yet?"

"Well, she did, but..."

"I know, I tried to tell her multiple times, but she wouldn't listen. She always said, 'I know what I'm doing, this pizza is a good idea, you're just hating,' but I just waited it out, and when I see her, I'm gonna rub it in her face that I was right and she was wrong."

"Well, I had no idea about any of this, I just know I got a moldy, month-old Italian pizza."

"There was a part I didn't like, though," said Neon. "Florence didn't have anything to do with it, though. Surprisingly." We laughed. "So you know how Italy's in Europe?"

"Yeah."

"And in Europe, they use euros, right?"

"I know where this is going," said Cali.

"So, we left Cali in charge of all the finances because she was the one who planned this trip. But when we did the first thing we wanted to do, which was go to the observation deck, we had to pay to get in. The thing was, it costed five euros. Now, I know we have a lot more than five euros in dollars. In fact, Cali had just gotten Dad his own car for his birthday. But we couldn't pay them because we had exactly zero euros and they didn't accept dollars. And I don't blame them, because that's not their currency. Now, why did Cali not get us euros in the first place so we wouldn't have to burn an extra 45 minutes going to exchange them? I don't know. You'll have to ask Cali that."

"I forgot, okay?"

"Whatever, it's over now. Just wanted to bring that up."

"I decided I was going to do one thing new for every day of the month. Now, that doesn't mean that I did one every day, that just meant by the end of the month, I was going to have done 31 different things."

"Well, let's hear the list."

"Okay. So, I swam in the 60th Street Waterfall,"—I watched their reaction to the very first thing I said and laughed a little bit—"I went to the Grand Canyon, I swam in the Grand Canyon, I went to the Great Wall of China, I went to the Great Wall of China Shoppe, played spades with 452 playing cards, set a deck of cards on fire, made cherry pie, ate cherry pie..."

"Wait, you'd never had cherry pie before?" asked Neon.

"Nope. For some reason, I just hadn't. I saw someone get literally kicked out of a place, learned how to make a milkshake, invented a holiday, read a list of 10 items or more out loud, stared at a pencil for 2 hours, 58 minutes, and 36 seconds, pretended to forget about Brooklyn's birthday, unplugged for a full day, fought a villian, worked at the milkshake shack my cousin, Jenny, works at, never got out of bed for a day, unintentionally uploaded a virus, went to Paris..." I stopped. I lowered my voice all the way down for this one. "Blew up the church..."

"Wait, what? You're kidding, right?"

"Actually, no, but I'm gonna say yes and you're gonna keep quiet. You're going to keep quiet. RIGHT?" I said, as I punched him on the shoulder. Kind of hard.

"Ow! I mean, I guess?"

"Do you guess? Or is that a yes?" I punched him again.

"Anything to make you stopping punching me! Yes!"

"Okay, so, I was in a tuna war..."

"A tuna war?" Cali said, confused.

"I'll explain later. I invented something, I got back together with my boyfriend..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who's the BFF?"

"Huh?"

"BoyFriend Forever?"

"That's not what that... never mind. His name's Larry, he's cute, he's smart, and I like him."

Cali and I squealed, like girls do in a situation like this.

"Anyway, I had my first date, I had my first real girl talk, I flew to Cilany and back, I accidentally shot Charlotte with a lazer, I helped out with Cheryl Appreciation Day, which is pretty self-explanatory, a day to appreciate Cheryl, and I threw this party."

"Wow."

"I know."

"And that was 31 things."

"I kept track."

"So, about this tuna war...?"

"Oh, yeah. So, it's basically dodgeball with tuna. Dodgeball rules apply, with two exceptions. You can't catch and you must be hit twice to be out."

"Seems neat. Did your team win?"

"Well, I did win, but it was just me. It was like 100-on-1."

"Really?"

"Well, not a hundred, but I was outnumbered. Like, a lot."

"Well, good job on your win."

"Thank you."

"I could not imagine how busy you must've been in the last month."

"As much as it seems like that would be the case, it's not. I was chillin'."

"Really didn't sound like it, but whatever you say."

"Well, I'm gonna go help myself to some fruit salad. I got kiwi, watermelon, cantaloupe, honeydew, sliced bananas, strawberries... I think that's it."

"What do you mean 'that's it,' that's a lot!" Neon said. "I'm gonna go get some right now!"

"I can never tell the difference between cantaloupe and honeydew," said Cali.

"Well," I told her, "a wise man once told me something to help me remember that, and to this day, I still remember which is which."

"What did he tell you?"

"Come closer."

"He told me..."

"Yeah..."

"CANTALOUPE IS FREAKIN' ORANGE!"

"Dang! What was that all about?!"

"That's what he told me. Exactly like that. And you'll always remember it."

"Okay..."

"Trust me, you won't. I was told that when I was 13 years old and I'm 15 now. And guess what? I still remember."

"Good afternoon, to all who attended this party!" Brittney said out to the crowd. We all cheered. "I'm Brittney!" She played a short melody on the guitar.

"I'm Shannon!" a girl behind her to the left said. She played another short melody on her guitar.

"I'm Cierra!" the girl beside her said. She banged on the drums a couple times.

"And I'm Garrett!" he played a short melody on his electric keyboard.

"We are The Rockstars of Today!"

We clapped and cheered and stuff again.

They played their first song and I went over to Marianna and Madison.

"Hey, you guys made it on time!"

"No, don't make it seem like a surprise with me," said Marianna. "That's all Maddie, not me."

"Is it, though?"

"It is."

"Okay, then. By any chance, did you happen to go to Italy?"

"Yeah! Did Maddie already tell you?"

"I didn't," said Maddie. "Were you in Italy, too?"

"No, I wasn't. But Neon, Cali, Florence, and Brooklyn said they went to Italy last month, so why not y'all?"

"We could've been in Hawaii."

"Oh, right, Maddie came back with a lei, so that gave away a lot."

"Well, I do have some story to tell you about Cali. Not Florence, surprisingly."

"Seems like nobody likes Florence."

"She's... well... she's Florence. I know you wouldn't really understand because you don't really know Florence, but if you spend one week with her, you'll be able to put her name in the dictionary with a five-paragraph essay for a definition."

"But if that story about Cali you were talking about has to do with Cali not getting euros, I already heard about it from Neon."

"Oh. Well, we could tell you about Hawaii, because it seems like you know quite a bit about the Italy trip already.

"Sounds good."

"And that was our song, 'All the Birds in the Sky,' and if you liked that, follow us on Pinstagram!" Brittney said.

"So first," Marianna started, "we went to Pearl City. That's where we got"—she pulled out her lei from her pocket—"these leis from."

"It's also where we got lemonade in a coconut. I have a picture of it on my phone, I'm pretty sure," Madison added.

"Wait, but was it better than lemonade in not a coconut?" I asked.

"Everything's better in Hawaii!" Marianna assured me.

"I really thought you were about to say 'everything's better in a coconut.'" We laughed. "But you really think everything's better in Hawaii?"

"Yeah."

"The beaches?"

"Definitely."

"The weather?"

"Incomparable."

"The prices?"

"Uh, well... they're okay..."

"Aha! Caught you slippin'. In Hawaii, the price of a two-liter bottle of soda is whatever the price of a two-liter bottle of soda in Wyoming costs squared."

"Squared? Really? It's not that bad."

"Oh? Let's look it up right now."

I looked up the price of a two-liter bottle of soda in Wyoming. It said $4.79, so basically $5. Then, I looked up the price of a two-liter bottle of soda in Honolulu, and it said $23.49, almost $25.

"See? Look! I told you, squared."

"Wow. It's really that bad?" Maddie said, shocked.

"Yeah. I've been to Hawaii before, it's not good at all. Not at all."

"Ladies and gentleman! Boys and girls!" Brooklyn said from the stage. "I present to you all... The Amazing Brooklyn!"

A whole bunch of dry ice just showed up out of nowhere. Wait, I don't have a dry ice machine...? Where is it even coming from? Then, the lights dimmed. That would be normal except the disco ball only has two modes: ON and OFF. That's it. What's going on around here?

"For my first trick, which has already been done in the time that I've been on this stage, I made dry ice appear out of nowhere without a dry ice machine!"

Those who somehow didn't notice looked around and saw she was right.

"I shall now make the dry ice disappear before your very eyes!" She pulled out her magic wand. "Alazamackle! Rolliesadee! Dry ice be gone, before they go pee!"

We laughed. When Brooklyn waved her wand and pointed it at the dry ice, it magically disappeared in just seconds. If you blinked too long, you would've missed it.

All of us clapped. I gotta admit, that was impressive. It would've sure beat me doing the entertainment myself.

"Now, I will need a volunteer from the audience."

"Katie!" Maddie said, tapping me on the shoulder.

"What?" I asked.

"Get up there!"

"I've already seen these tricks. I thought she'd be doing something new, but she's already done this set of tricks. You go!"

"Sure!"

She walked up there.

"And we have a volunteer!"

Everyone cheered for her.

Maybe I should've gone up there.

"Pick a card, any card!" She was holding a full deck of cards.

Maddie examined each card carefully. Though she was looking at the back of them, so that seems kind of difficult to do. She finally decided on a card.

"Show your card to the audience! Then, put the card in your pocket. To make sure I don't look, I'll go backstage, and you tell me when you're done, okay?"

"Got it!"

She went backstage and she showed us the card. It was the queen of hearts. Once she was sure we all saw it, she put it in her pocket and told Brooklyn to come back out.

"You all saw the card?" she asked us.

"Yes!" we said.

"Well, okay, th—" She dropped all the cards on the floor. Luckily, they all landed face down.

"You want me to help you?"

"Thank you."

This probably shocked everybody else, but for me and anyone else who saw this before, we know this is all part of the trick.

"Okay, let's start over. Pick a card, any card. Same drill, I'll be in the back, you show the card to the audience."

She picked up a card, but made this weird face at the card and I knew exactly why.

"I'll be in the back, call me when you're done."

Before she showed us the card, I made a prediction (well, I knew, I didn't predict it, because I already knew) to Marianna about what the card would be. "I bet you it's the queen of hearts."

"But that card's in her pocket right now!"

"Confident?"

"Yeah!"

"Bet you $10 it's the queen of hearts."

"Bet."

She showed us the card. It was indeed the queen of hearts.

"But, but, but, but how?" Marianna asked, confused.

"I don't know how, I just know. Now pay up," I replied.

"Fine," she said, reluctantly handing me a crisp ten-dollar bill.

When Brooklyn came back out, she immediately said, "Check your pockets."

She checked her pockets, and she found her phone and stuff, but nowhere did she find the queen of clubs.

"That's my time, thank you!"

We clapped, but we also all turned into philosophists trying to figure out how Brooklyn did any of this.

"Well, that was cool!" Maddie said, once she came down from the stage.

"Brooklyn's got some talent, I know," I said. "She's not just a regular magician, she's a milkshake magician."

"Whatever the heck that means."

"I know, right?"

I got a slice of pizza from the snack bar and hit the trampoline. Wait, am I supposed to do that in the opposite order? It doesn't matter. Let's get on this thing!

I went up so high I could barely see the stage. Well, maybe that's because the basement takes up the whole square block. But still, I was pretty high up.

What's that? How do you stop bouncing? Simple. You just... you, um, you just have to... oh, no.

"Um, can somebody move this trampoline to be not under me?"

Larry saw me and ran like a lifeguard to get the trampoline. "Here you go! I've removed the trampoline from underneath you."

I looked down right underneath me. The problem wasn't solved at all. Yeah, the trampoline's gone, but the trampoline was the only thing saving me from landing on the hard basement floor.

"Uh, Larry!" I yelled down. I was making my 1500-foot descent and was starting to panic about falling butt-first into the floor. Sure, it could be worse, but landing on your butt isn't painless. No, not at all.

"Oh, I gotcha!" Larry said, standing directly underneath me.

I didn't get what he was going for. Maybe he was going to sacrifice himself by letting me land on him instead of the floor? Maybe he was just having a brain fart?

I covered my eyes and hoped for the best. I was falling for a second or two, but then I felt no impact or motion, so I opened my eyes. I was in Larry's arms. That's right, Larry had saved me... again.

"Could you stop always being a hero?"

"Sure, I'll never save your life again."

"Sounds mean when you say it like that."

"You're the one who asked me not to be a good person."

"True."

"This is the first time I've seen you today. Where were you?"

"Catching up with Marianna, Neon, and Cali."

"Who's Neon and Cali?"

"My cousins. Speaking of cousins, I wonder where Jenny is."

That's when Jenny showed up out of nowhere right behind me.

"Hello!"

"Ah! Where did you come from?"

"You know that hole in the floor you put right over that trampoline?"

"Yeah?"

"Well, I did a front flip into it, landed on the trampoline, bounced back up, my mom removed it for me, then caught me, and I landed in a split. Everyone was watching me, I don't see how you didn't see it."

"What?"

"Just kidding, I showed up hours ago, you probably just didn't notice."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you start with that?"

"To mess with you."

"Classic Jenny. Well, it's almost 5:00. I'm startin' to get hangry for dinner."

"Did you skip hungry?"

"I'm always hungry. If I'm not hungry, I'm hangry or I'm dying."

"I don't know if it's just me, but something tells me that if you're not hungry in the next few years, there's a likely chance that it's not because you're dying. At least, that's my thought."

"You're still coming up with theories aren't you?"

"What do you mean 'still coming up with theories'?"

"We all became philosophists the moment Brooklyn finished her last trick, thinking up theories for things that don't even need them."

"Well, I don't know what you're on, but I'm not on it."

"I'm not on anything, I'm just wacky Katie. Now get out of my way, the food's right behind you."

"Yep, you're hangry alright," she said, quickly moving away from the food.

I grabbed a fork and a plate, and if anyone was smart, they wouldn't look in the direction of my fork or my plate. I hunted down some steak, some mashed, greens, mac, a roll, and a glass of strawberry lemonade, my favorite drink.

"Hey, what's up?" Charlotte said when she passed me. "You been on the trampoline yet?"

"Yeah, I don't know how you didn't see me. I was like a million feet in the air."

"A million feet?"

"Well, it was high, but you know what I mean."

"I must've been in the bathroom. Then I saw there was no more TP, so I had to get some from the third floor."

"Wait, not to, like, embarrass you or anything, and not saying I expect you to say yes to this, but did you use, like, all the toilet paper?"

"No!"

"Just asking, because I put five rolls in there at the beginning of the party. Oh, no."

"What?"

"The bathroom must really stink. And that thought almost ruined my appetite. But my appetite is bigger than the average bear's. I think I'll be fine."

"You are wacky Katie, so that makes sense."

"I also gotta say, the food's great! I never would've thought to add all this. It's, like, really good!"

"Well, I might wanna try some. I mean, I bought it, I don't want any of it to run out and I not get any of it."

"So, when are we gonna bust the piñata?"

"Oh, I totally forgot! Well, we'll bust it, say, around 7:00, maybe 7:30. We all kinda just got here."

"It's 5:00."

"Yeah, I know."

"The party started three hours ago. We didn't just get here. Come on! It'll be fun!"

"I know the food's gonna be really good! I promise you right after I get off the trampoline and right after I eat..."

"Please do that in the exact order you said it in."

"Yeah, I know. I'm not an idiot. It's not like I'd be the girl to eat a slice of pizza and then jump up and down a million times."

Wait, didn't I...?

She walked away and in the meantime, I checked my phone for anyone who could possibly be texting me right now. I sent an invitation to practically everyone I knew, so I don't know who would be, but I mean, things happen, and the police could be texting me about something. Again. Well, that was an e-mail, but still, it's possible.

Sure enough, no one had texted or called me since yesterday at 4:21, but I did check just to make sure. As soon as I put my phone down, I saw my mom walk on the stage.

I was confused. What the...? Why is she up there?

That's when I remembered I also got her to do some entertainment. She was doing a short five-minute comedy routine for our entertainment. I saw the last one she did right before that concert she did a while back, but not a single one since.

But this time, to make sure she didn't mention my name in a negative manner, I attached clear wires (that appear invisible to the naked eye) to her feet that deliver a small (well, kind of small) shock every time she does. Technology is awesome. How does it know?

"Hello, Big Mountain, the biggest city in Virginia, population..." She pretended to count us off. "...I think about 26."

We laughed, and that's when she kept making us laugh.

A bunch of people took the front row seats before I got to them, and they're lucky I had just eaten something.

I really wish I could let you see the rest of it, but it's the property of Wendy-ize It™ and you're gonna have to go see her next show if you want to see it. I don't blame her, though, it's for the business.

"Wow, she's got some talent," Spring said, like I didn't already know.

"Yeah, she does. What was your favorite?" I asked her.

"Probably the one about the [property of Wendy-ize It™]. That one really caught me."

"Yeah, if I were to choose, it would be difficult, but it would probably be the one where she was like [property of Wendy-ize It™]."

"I liked that one, too."

"Well, I'm gonna go check up with Char to announce the piñata contest, because I'm ready."

"Wait, there's a contest?"

"You'll see," she said, walking away.

Within seconds, Charlotte announced the piñata contest.

"What's up, party people?!" DJ Char yelled out to the crowd. In case you didn't figure this out, that's Charlotte I'm talking about. Charlotte Beccastan-Tamorine. The girl I was just talking about toilet paper with, which sounds weird when I put it like that. "Y'all know what time it is?"

"It's 5:45!" we all yelled back, not knowing what to say.

"No, well, yeah, but no, it's piñata time! Gather around the piñata, everybody!"

We got around the piñata and Spring handed the first person she saw a fancy silver stick with a crystal ball on one of the sides.

"Sorry, forgot to take this crystal ball off. But that's the prize to the person who successfully busts the piñata. This fancy crystal ball. But I'm keepin' the stick, FYI."

We got to busting the piñata. With just a crystal ball on the line, it wasn't that big of a deal, though, so I wasn't that competitive. But I won. I'm just good like that. All 26 of us went at least three times and finally I busted the piñata. It must've just gotten tired of getting hit, otherwise we would've been there until midnight hitting that thing.

What's that? What was inside the piñata? I'm glad you asked. There were 15,000 pieces of candy in that thing, fruity, chocolaty, black, white, dark chocolate, milk chocolate, bubble gum, jawbreakers... everything you could think of.

But I wasn't on piñata duty, so I had no idea about any of this. I just got straight to work on filling my gigantic bag with as much candy as I could get before all of it was gone. I'd say each of us got about the same amount. Except me. Because I brought a bigger bag.

Next time, Spring, provide equally sized bags and don't allow any outside ones. So that it's fair.

I've been to plenty of parties where they forced people to sit down and eat dinner, but again, structured parties suck, so you eat whenever you want to. Well, it better be before midnight, because you don't live here (unless your name is Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpson, Katherine Isabella Simpson, Wendy Rosie Simpson, or Raymond Caraman Simpson*), but other than that, do you.

*I promise you this is the last note: Let me rephrase that. You don't live here unless one of those is your name and you live in Big Mountain, Virginia, to specify for any other people with the exact same name as us.

By now, it's like 6:35 and it's starting to get dark out. Perfect. This is when parties start getting really fun. And I ensured that was true my getting the entire Wendy-ize It™ crew to show up to the party and film a scene of their movie with everyone in it.

At 7:05, every single person who worked for Wendy-ize It™ showed up. I announced what they were doing here to everybody.

"So, these are the people from Wendy-ize It™ here to film a scene of their movie... and you're all gonna be in it!"

Everyone jumped up and down in joy a million times, and not on the trampoline (but it sure looked like it).

Mom did her thing, but we were all in the background eating food like it was a restaurant (which it was supposed to be, but it costs less to do it in your own house).

I heard next summer I'd be helping out with a movie that's coming out by October 2044.

They left around 8:30 and now it was time to break out the "ballroom."

I told DJ Char to announce that.

"Okay, everyone into the, uh, 'ballroom,' so we can dance ourselves out!" she said. She turned to me. "Where is this, uh, 'ballroom' you speak of?"

"Well, tell them to follow me."

"Oh, and follow Katie, she'll lead you there. If she doesn't, no one will, because she lives here."

"I won't get lost, it's a left and a right."

"Well, how am I supposed to know that?"

"You're not."

I led them to the ballroom and there was a big chandelier on the ceiling that you can turn into a disco ball with the flick of a switch. Now, the switch is in plain sight near the door, and anyone could flick it if they wanted to, so not ideal, but it's still something. But it does have some protection, I put up a "DO NOT TOUCH" sign above the switch so maybe somebody might get discouraged to flick the switch...?

Anyway, we started out with a dance party. DJ Char put on the hot new songs that we've all heard a million times and already knew all the words to. Then, we did some karaoke. That was really fun. I crushed it, by the way. I know you already knew, but I just wanted to point that out. Cuz I'm great.

After we had had enough karaoke, we went back to dancing to hot new songs, but the songs got slower and slower to the point that the whole mood of the party changed from happy and exciting to... romantic. That's why when me and Larry bumped into each other (literally), it was one of the top five most awkward moments in my life, probably at #2*.

*Sorry, broke my promise. That's right, it's another note: Since we're talking about this right now, let me tell you about the five most awkward moments in my life.

Top Five Most Awkward Moments in My Life

1. That moment right after I said "I love you" to Larry on my first date with him and was waiting for him to say something back (preferably "I love you, too").

2. That moment when the party I had on the last day of summer break in 2043 got all romantic and me and Larry bumped into each other.

3. That moment when I fell in Joe's arms and then Larry saw me in Joe's arms and thought I was cheating or Joe stole me from him.

4. That moment right before my first kiss with Larry when he had just saved my life twice and I was trying to figure out a way to repay him.

5. Whenever I time travel and then try to make a time-travel-related sentence about it (#TimeTravelRelatedSentencesAreComplicated).

Okay, now back to the story.

So, it was really awkward. But I've had more awkward moments than this. Well, I've had one, as you can clearly see from the chart above. And the top four were with Larry, no coincidence. But somewhere in my mind, I felt a little lightning spark and I had the sudden urge to do something that I wouldn't naturally have done otherwise. I grabbed Larry by the shirt, pulled him in, and smooched him like there was no tomorrow. When I let go, neither one of us knew how to react. I blushed. We were both under pressure though nothing was happening and by now nothing had happened for the last, like, 20 seconds.

"Hello, Katie, how are you?"

"I'm fine..."

More silence.

But then, he must've had the same spark I had had a few seconds ago, because he pulled me in and smooched me like there was no tomorrow. There's something about "I Like and Love You a Lot" by Billy Diddly Doo that made us do completely unnatural things, for instance, pull each other in and kiss them like the world would end if we didn't.

By now, I could probably compare my self in a lot of ways to a red rose. I was wearing a long green dress, I had two arms as thorns, and it felt like all the blood in my body was right in the front of my face. I didn't know what to do, I kissed him twice, we said hi already, the song was about to go off, so I just quickly said bye before I somehow did something to get us broken up. I was still processing, and was only at, like, 0%.

Katie, what the heck was that?! I thought, pounding myself on the head with my palm a couple of times. You malfunctioned back there! Do you want to be a happy wife and mother of three, four, or even five one day? Well, you gotta step your game up! This just cannot do!

I turned around and looked back at Larry. You've already been on a date with him, just do what you did there and you'll be sailing smoothly. Go get 'em, Juliet! (I know it was Romeo who did it, but I'm a girl, so I just thought Juliet first)

"Hey, Katie!" said Charlotte, standing directly in the way of me getting to Larry while I was mentally prepared.

Or not.

"I saw you making out for real with Larry! How'd it go?"

"Well, we did that twice, and said hi, and then I had no idea what else to do. I didn't even know I was gonna do that to be honest, but I blame 'I Like and Love You a Lot' by Billy Diddly Doo."

"So, good, bad, in the middle?"

"I'd say completely and totally atrocious, but I'm trying to fix that, if you'll get out of my way..."

"Say no more."

Okay, now go get 'em, Juliet.

I got there and almost started to panic but then remembered the last thirty seconds of training I had had in my brain. I'm an expert now (not)*.

*Okay, now I'm starting to get tired of these notes. Therefore, I am going to make a promise you, like, for real this time, and you can find me and slap me in the face for the rest of my life if I don't follow through with this, that I, Kaitlyn Elizabeth Simpson, will not put another note in this story. That is, after this one: Outside of the parentheses is the party version of me. In other words, what you see outside of the parentheses is what I was thinking on the day of the party. Inside of the parentheses is the real me. Like, the one after the party. This has been the case since the beginning of this chapter, so if something didn't make sense before, go back and maybe it will now.

Okay, we're back from the last note, I promise.

I remembered my thirty-second training course in my own brain and suddenly was very confident.

"How about we dance?"

"No problem with that."

I danced with every skill Mom gave me. Dancing is in the Simpson blood. Well, for some reason, Dad just can't dance. He just can't, not for a million dollars. But the rest of us can.

Larry noticed and said to me, "You're a really good dancer."

"Thank you. It runs in the family. My mom's a celebrity, in case you didn't notice."

"I noticed."

Out of nowhere, the next song that played was a whole lot faster. Or in all of our heads, a whole lot less slow. We had to transition from whatever slow dance we were doing to a fast dance. So it would match. Because what fun is it to dance slow to a fast song?

I looked at the ballroom clock. It was 11:10. In twenty minutes, we should probably start getting people situated upstairs with the cannon. We're gonna shoot some summer break memorial fireworks. Now granted, they will only appear for about three to four seconds, but anyone outside at midnight will surely see it.

At 11:25, I told Larry I had to go. He let me go and I told DJ Char to announce that we were about to go upstairs and to follow me because she'd get lost.

We all got up and I started drawing pictures of memories from summer break and shooting them out as fireworks using the cannon. That was really fun. I really hope people stayed and watched, because I put my heart into it all. I had a great summer in 2043. It was probably my best in my whole life. I know if I had the opportunity to do it again, I would. But it's time. In less than 12 hours, I would be walking through those school double doors into a classroom and all my non-school stuff would be stuffed into a locker. This was my way of making the last few moments of summer break count, because it ends on August 31st, and August 31st ends in a few minutes. The last thing I shot out at exactly midnight, and it was...

..."embrace summer break."

Once everyone left, I got myself some sleep.

I woke up, got my things, ate breakfast, went to school, and walked through the double doors with only one thought.

Summer break was nice, it really was, but it's over. So in the meantime...

...let's do this.

THE END