I keep waking up in tears and I can't stop. Everyone says “ its not your fault” and “it would have happened sooner or later”. They try to make me feel better, but all they are doing is

making me feel worse. They blame it on everything- but me. When I’m really the one to blame.
I never thought I could feel this cold. I always thought you would be there to keep me warm.  Each day I slip farther away from happiness. I tried to help you up into the cabin that night, on Moore Street. It was my fault we went out that night. I knew it was the worst weather to go out in. I thought the roads were fine..
I didn't think there would be black ice on the roads.
It’s my fault you are where you are right now.
I remember the last words you said to me, that night on Moore Street. It was the lyrics to our song.
No, I don’t dance, but here I am Spinning you around and around in circles it ain’t my style, but I don’t care I’d do anything with you anywhere.
Then a quick but faint “I love you Lucy” slipped between your lips. As you slipped into a deep sleep, I whispered “I love you more, David.”
Every part of my body has pulsed with sadness ever sense. I have this thought that plays over and over again in my head.
Maybe if  we would have stayed in that night , everything would be fine. I wouldn't be slipping into depression right now. I wouldn't be driving into the  physiatric facility at this minute. Everything would be fine. You would be fine! I would be fine!
But things are not fine- they are tragic. Without you they are just plain unlivable. That is+where the trouble begins and I end.

I remember it like it was yesterday. It was a cold, winter day and I was forcing us to go on a drive, in your down the country roads. We were listening to our favorite song, “I Don’t Dance”  David made a corny joke and I laughed . I was such a sucker for his corny jokes. Even if they were not that funny, I laughed.  I leaned on your shoulder to keep warm.
We ended up at the Moore Street convenience store. David  grabbed some snacks and I got us blueberry slurpees. As we exited the store, he insisted that we go straight home because of the icy roads. I begged that we just keep driving down the country roads a bit longer. All I wanted to do was spend as much time with him as I could, before you started third shift again.
We got back into the car and headed down Moore Street. I yawned and curled up next to him. As I placed my head on your shoulder I closed my eyes and fell asleep instantly.

BANG!!!!

Everything went quiet...

I don't know how long I was unconscious, but I remember instantly jerking awake with an unbearable headache. I’m on the cold, icy ground. I curiously look around. I’m confused why i’m on the ground. But then I hear David’s soothing voice in the distance . He’s…. Screaming, but I don't know where he is. I swiftly get up and start searching. I finally find him near a tree. He is slightly bleeding from his from his head , and is going in and out of consciousness. I start freaking out and grab my phone from the snow. I dial 911 and they send an ambulance and a few first responders.
As we are waiting I ask him” Where does it hurt?” and I quietly whisper in his ear “ I'm sorry, this is my fault.”
David whispers back,” Don't blame yourself, this was the best night of my life.”
Then he slips out of consciousness once again.
It takes about 20 minutes for the ambulance and police to get there. They see me next to David sobbing. They also see David’s 1967, Royal Blue, Pontiac Firebird, smashed into a pine tree.
The EMT’s rush over to me and David. They take his pulse and annonce him alive. They then strap him on to the gurney.
He whispers the lyrics of our song and a quick, “ I love you Lucy” into my ear.
With tears in my eyes, I respond, “ I love you David. He then slips out of consciousness.
I met them at the hospital and stayed there for a week. Davids doctor was, Dr. Andrew. A Harvard graduate,with a doctoral degree . He made sure that David was being taken care of, and he showed much sympathy for me. He tried making me feel better about the situation, but
I just couldn't get over the fact that it’s my fault, that David is where he is right now because of me.

It has been seven months since David has been admitted into the hospital. I have been there everyday.

I have slipped into a state of depression and have high anxiety. I can't drive and I am being put in a physiatric facility by my family. I have gone crazy without David .
I am in the back seat of my parents car, driving into the parking lot of the facility .It is March 7, 2009.  I get enrolled and put in my room. I get daily counseling and  horrible food. My therapist , Dr. Jackson, asks questions like “ What are you feeling?” and “How does that make you feel?”
I’m here for a few months, until I start feeling happy once again. Dr. Jackson saw signs of me becoming myself once again. Of course she took her time to make sure I really was getting better and then they released me.

I  am released, December 9, 2009. It is David and my’s one year anniversary. I went to visit him at the hospital. I stay there for another week. I talk to him and tell him all the funny stories, I remember from when he was awake.
Like the time last summer when he came home from work and I ambushed him with water balloons.  And the time when we went to the lake and made smores and fell asleep under the stars.
One day I was telling David, about the time we had a snowball fight and then fell asleep by the fire, when Dr. Andrew, came in.
He pulled me out into the hall and said,” Lucy... David doesn't seem to be showing signs of ever waking up. In fact it would be a miracle if he did... I’m sorry.”
When I heard that he might never wake up, I instantly froze and  I started to sob. The doctor pulled me into a hug and told me everything would be alright.
I went back to David’s  room and sat by his bed. I grabbed his hand and started to cry even harder than before.
I just kept saying  No, I don’t dance, but here I am spinning you around and around in circles it ain’t my style, but I don’t care I’d do anything with you anywhere. And then a faint “I love you”
I stayed at the hospital for two weeks before having to go back to work.
The  night I left the hospital and drove home. I climbed into bed and cried myself to sleep. I couldn't get the Dr. Andrew’s words out of my head. They were like knives stabbing into my heart. I keep visiting the hospital in hope of David becoming conscious. Each time tears were brought to my eyes, Knowing that the event is all my fault.
One day, about a month after I got the news,  the doctor called me while I was on my way to see David. He insisted that he needed to speak to me immediately.  When I got there he pulled me out into the hall once more. I instantly got worried, thinking I would have to make a decision that I don't want to.  All the bad scenarios at this point were playing in my head. Like ,
Ma'am he's not ever coming out of a coma. I suggest you pull the plug and try to move on.  Or even, Ma’am i’m sorry to say this….David has about a few week left in him.  However, that was not the case.
  Dr. Andrew said, with many scientific words that I did not understand, that David would be fine and could wake up anytime now. But there is no way to tell how long it will take.
I was filled with so many emotions, I was jumping for joy,  but I was also crying with distress. Not knowing when he will wake up killed me. It’s like those knives were still stabbing my heart but not as hard now.
Every week I visited David at least twice. Each time I saw him, I got the feeling that he would wake up as I walked into the room.  But when I walked through the door he never woke up.

It had been two weeks and David still has not awaken. My hope is increasing each and everyday, thinking that if I have enough faith , David may wake up. The more defeated I felt the harder I worked to make sure I didn't break down. It is hard to stay positive but I just know that is what David would want.
All of a sudden on the morning of  ,Saturday March 24th,  I got a shocking call from Dr.Andrew. He told me that David had awaken from  a coma. I was so happy I began to sob. I quickly threw on a blue cut off, a black and white flannel around my waist , some ripped blue jeans, my  black converse, and topped the outfit off with my “Tea Party” beanie( youtuber merch). I jump into Davids 1967 Royal Blue, Pontiac Firebird, and raced to the hospital.
As I burst through the infirmary doors I was met with a huge smile from Dr. Andrew. While we walked back to David's room we conversed about Davids condition.
Dr.Andrew said “ You see David had awaken in the wee hours of the night and he wouldn't stop screaming for you. So we called you as soon as it was a reasonable time this morning.”
I quickly pushed a “thank you’ through my teeth .
I rushed into the hospital room, where I found David staring at the cards I left on his table by his bed. As I took another step into the room he turned his head and had the biggest smile on his face I had ever seen. At the exact same time we began to cry and I rushed to the sid of the bed. I grabbed his hand and squeezed.
As tears ran down our faces we hugged and I heard the words I had been waiting to hear for the past year …” I love you Lucy.”
I practically fell to the ground when I heard his voice. When I finally picked myself up I  leaned over him sealed our love with a kiss. As our smile met once again I felt tears run down my face.  In my head I knew they weren't happy tear and they weren't sad tears either… They were mixed feelings tears. I was overjoyed with David being awake but my heart kept going back to the fact that It was my fault he was asleep for a year. 
Dr. Andrew awkwardly stood in the doorway and waited . As we pulled our lips apart he cleared his voice, as he was trying to let us know that he was there. I apologized and sat in the chair next to David. Dr. Andrew began to explain everything to David. Everything from what happened that night, how long he had been in the infirmary, everything else allying from then to now.  But he began to explain the future. I became very puzzled as he showed us two pictures and explained
“ You see in this picture David’s brain activity is very low, but in this other picture his brain activity is extraordinary. Its as if he became a genius when he was in a coma. It is amazing!”
I was so puzzled I asked” Is that good? Will he have to do any surgeries or therapy of any sorts?”
Dr.Andrew just chuckled and said “ No . It is quiet an abnormal case. Most people that come out of acoma have even smaller brain activity and have to sometimes relearn certain grade levels and subjects. Its like your brain holds you back. But.. in Davids case he only has increased his brain activity, resulting in his intake of information to almost double by the hour. This is an amazing scientific discovery!”
David and I sat there in confusion.  After awhile I got the courage to ask “ Umm sir…. What does that exactly mean?”
Dr. Andrew explained even simpler this time, that this meant David could understand and process information faster than other people. Also that he would not need any type of surgery and or therapy.
As David and I heard those words, our frightened faces turned to happiness as if it was like the snap of the fingers. 

David stayed his last night at the hospital and in the morning we gathered his belongings and went home.
As we parked the car in the garage, I inaudibly said”im sorry”
Somehow in someway David heard me and looked at me as if I was crazy. He questioned my apology, “ What are you apologizing for?” You did nothing wrong.
I exclaimed that it was my fault that he was in the hospital for that year. And That I don't understand why he could love someone that almost killed him.” He looked to me with tears in his eyes and said “ because no matter what I will always love you. You are the bee to  my flower, the peanut butter to my jelly, the only thing that is important in my life. I could never not love someone that is so important to me.”
When I heard him express his feelings like this i began to cry tears of pure happiness. I practically screamed “ I love you” and hugged him. He just smiled and said “ let’s go in side. It’s time I be back in my own home”.
When we entered our house we were met with our four crazy dogs Daisy, Turbo, Annie, Holly. They were so excited that our family was back together again. After brining all of his stuff,  we put his belonging in our bedroom and rested ourselves on the couch with some chinese take-out. We dazed at the romantic comedy that was playing on the TV when I heard the most shocking words in my life. David jumped from the couch and ran to our room. It all happened so fast that I couldn't even comprehend what was happening. As he swiftly came back he fell to one knee.
He said “ Lucy you are the stars to my stripes, the arrow to my heart, you are the love of my life and I can not live without you. So please do me the honor of letting me have your hand in marriage.”
As I sat there in absolute shock, I began to cry. As the tears streamed down my face I said
“Absolutely yes! Yes! yes! yes! yes!
Then I jumped into his open arms and kissed his big smile. We began to cry together as we hugged. This was the best night of my life and  I know nothing could top this… except our wedding date.

The next morning I was awaken with the faint soothing voice of David, in the kitchen . He was singing our favorite song. His voice seemed to dance in my ears and i continued to listen. When he got to my favorite part of the song, sang with him.
From my mouth the words  fell,
Love’s never come my way, I’ve never been this far 'Cause you took these two left feet And waltzed away with my heart No, I don’t dance, but here I am Spinning you around and around in circles It ain’t my style, but I don’t care I’d do anything with you anywhere Yes, you got me in the palm of your hand, girl
As the words came out I heard David start coming down the hall to our room. When he made it to the door of the room he smiled at me. I got up and grabbed his hands and we started to dance. I rested  my head onto the his shoulder and we danced and danced to the beat of the song. I wished that it would never end but I knew we had to get to work. So  he spun me one last time and then we went and had breakfast. 
David had prepared my favorite breakfast, pancakes, bacon, and apple juice. It was the sweetest thing in the world. It was the first time we had ate together in the longest time. It was so perfect. We both happily ate the amazing food and talked about what happened to me during David acoma. Everything from therapy to the mental institution to present day. I for sure he would leave after I told him about the mental institute but all he said was
“That makes me love you even more, this shows me that you are the one for me. You never stopped hoping for my awakening….I love you”
I responded with a soft and shocked “ I love you too!”
After breakfast we got in the car and went off to work. We work at our own Cafe, “Baristas and Bears.” It is a family business that we soon may pass down to our kids. We worked  twelve hours and went home to advise our family of our engagement.
When we told our parents they were tickled pink and so ready to help  plan the wedding with us.
It was June 23rd when we decide the wedding would be on December 19th , in memory of a passed uncle of mine.

Well the day has finally come upon us...wedding day! I put on my gown that had lace from the waist line up and the skirt of the dress had little gems and glitter placed randomly upon it. It was the most beautiful dress in the store where I bought it. While I put the finishing touches on, my mother helped me with my veil and hair. She looked at me and  sighed in awe.
While she looked at me she said, “ I am so proud of the women you have become. You are so beautiful.”
Then she pressed a flower pin into the palm of my hand. She exclaimed that it was a hand me down from her mother and she wants me to have it now. I looked at it and a tear fell from my eye. I looked up at her and smile.
My mother wiped the tear off my cheek and told me “ Oh don’t do that you’ll ruin your makeup. Now let's get you walking down that aisle.”
I chuckled and started to walk out of the room. When I reached the hallway that lead to the aisle I took a deep breath and let the DJ know to start the music. When the beautiful song began, I started to walk down the aisle with a big smile. At the end of the chapel, I see the love of my life and my heart starts to beat faster and I just can’t wait to call him “my husband”.
When I reach David he grabs my hands. While the ceremony is progressing I get lost in David's deep blue eyes and I can’t help but smile. The ceremony goes on, we say our vows , then we say our I do’s, and finally seal our love with a kiss. We have a small, beautiful, and family filled reception. David and I dance to our song and feed each other cake. It was so fun and a very memorable night. So many perfect pictures that hang in our house and soon along with many more upcoming pictures.
Our life is so good and It is going to become so much better

7 years later

It has been seven years since we got married. It is our anniversary and we are trying to find a babysitter. We have had two sets of fraternal twins. Two girls, Quinn and Addilyn and two boys, Isaiah and Adrix. They are four years apart and absolutely the most beautiful kids in the world. They are David and I’s entire world and couldn't live without them.  All four of our kids can be a handful but we love them with all our hearts.
Time is hard to replace and I will always feel guilty about that day, but as long as I’m with the man I love for as long as I live, I think that I’ll be just fine. As I don’t dance our hearts do.

In dedication to David Hoppough.

To this day my heart still pounds for the missing love. 
Three years ago my uncle passed away from cancer. He loved to drive his race car and hunt. He was the best man anyone could think of. His nickname from my sister and I was “Uncle lucy” hence the girls name in the story. I used his nick name and first name so that he would always be with my family. The day that “David and Lucy” got married is the day that my uncle passed away.
So I composed this story to show the struggle that my uncle went through. He will always be in my heart and I will never forget him.

Forever you will be in my heart.