The muscles of my chin tremble. I gasp for air. Suddenly, tears burst forth like water from a river. I keep telling myself, just let it go he doesn’t care and he’ll never care because he’s sick. My head's throbbing from all the crying, i'm dehydrated and dizzy. I was only fooling myself, I should of never of believed him, when it comes to him there is no change. It’s been ten solid years and throughout that decade I’ve gotten nothing but let down, after let down, after let down from him and it pains me. I look around at other fathers, and see how their able to treat their kids how there supposed to. I look at my dad and I can’t even recognize him anymore, I see a long lost friend, not a dad, but it's the alcohol taking a toll on him and his image. My dad's a heavy drinker, an alcohol abuser, just a straight up alcoholic and it's affected my life immensely.

I’ve been a daddy’s girl for as long as I can remember but then it happened… the worse. I was six years old when my parents got a divorce, i handled it how any normal six year old would. When I was seven that’s when I noticed the change in my dad. He stopped coming around, he cut off contact with me and my brothers, and he didn’t give my mom money for anything so it was just my mom, my brothers and I. It killed me inside to see my dad act the way he was. I started to take notice in the fact that he was drinking more and more on the days I did see him, they weren’t sips they were gulps of liquor getting poured down his throat. My brothers got over the fact that my dad wasn’t around but I just couldn’t let it go, I knew my dad was a good person, I knew he had such a huge heart and his intentions were not to hurt anyone but I just didn’t understand why he would do this to his kids and himself. I’d get a rage of anger through me or break down and cry every time I thought of something he did when I knew it was the wrong thing. Every time I got on the phone with him I couldn’t help but argue with him and stick up for my brothers and I, I get so angry that I don’t hold back, I say exactly how I am feeling. The truth is my brothers and I never deserved to be treated like this especially by our dad, it's upsetting but being apart of this situation has helped me open up my eyes and realize so much about me and my life.

Being put into a situation as tough as this one it's made me become a stronger person who can hold her own ground. It’s made me realized that I can’t change the fact he's my dad but I can change how I react and take part in the situation. I have grown in a way by knowing that life doesn’t revolve around me, my brothers mean the world to me and there happiness comes before anything. I have finally realized that I have so many other people in this world that care so much about me and would do anything for me. I have a lot of people in my life who cares about me, I have my family and friends and that is more than enough. This has made my family closer, we are strong and know we can get through anything when we have each other.

Here I am facing not only facts but one biggest fear a child may have. My dad is an alcoholic who chooses to not get help, and everyday he hurts himself more and more by not getting the help he needs. I have made peace with the situation in the way where I do my own thing, I stay positive and enjoy my life instead of allowing it to revolve around my dad. You can’t change people that do not want to be changed so when my dad finally hits rock bottom he will realize the damage drinking has done to himself and his life and hopefully get help. I am proud to say that I am able to whip away the tears and replace it with a smile.