I was in fourth grade when I first noticed her. Fourth grade was when I started to notice the girls in the classroom as well as the playground. Her name is Olivia I watched her from a distance sometimes, still scared to go up and talk to her. The fourth-grade year came and went and we were in fifth grade. Fifth grade was the year when we only we out on the playground twice maybe three times a week. I realized then that I liked her. Olivia is pretty, not just on the outside but also on the inside. She was very kind, funny, and awkward all at the same time. Olivia is the type of person that has quite a bit of friends but likes her space and alone time. She also doesn’t really care for new people in her life.

When I first told my friend, Chris that I liked a girl in his class, he laughed and said, “What’s her name?”
I told him and he said, “Holy s***, I’m friends with her!!”

I was excited because I didn’t really hang out with him on the playground, I usually hung out with the kids that played football. The week after I told him we went to recess on Tuesday and I hung out with him. He went over to Olivia’s group and I went with him. A couple of times throughout recess I thought she was looking at me, but I couldn’t tell. The week after that day I got on my IPad that morning and saw that I had an e-mail. I thought to my self, “Who in the hell e-mailed me? I never get e-mails.” I checked it and it was from her. I was freaking out but I was also ecstatic because that meant she knew I existed.

I walked into school on a cloud of joy and fear. I’m going to fast forward to the middle of the second semester of fifth grade and the beginning of sixth grade. We were dating, it was awesome. Apparently, she had had a crush on me in fourth grade as well but was scared to say something. We dated for a year and a half until I screwed up. You might be asking how can a 12 or 13-year-old screw-up something that good if it even was that good. Well, I asked a girl that I had messed with in fourth grade, for like two weeks, to send me a pic of her in her bra. Olivia saw this and broke up with me. I was crushed, she was the first girl I ever said I love you to other than my mom. And of course, she was in half of my classes.

I got really depressed and started hurting myself, but it wasn’t helping I still felt like s***. So I started being a jerk to Olivia because in my little head I thought I love her that's why I’m doing this. My dad got married and we moved during the summer. I moved on but not fully. I ended up having to go to a different school and I missed her a lot. I came back for the eighth-grade year and things were different. When I was being a dick to her it really hurt her and she started hiding the pain with alcohol and drugs. She also started dating older guys then settled on a pothead named Ethan. They had sex and he broke up with her and she was devastated.

I still love Olivia and I won’t be able to not love her. I love her just the way she is, not what she does but who she is. She was my first and inescapable love. I’ll Never be able to forget about her and what we had even a little bit.