I hated the way I presented myself to others. They thought it is my choice. For the reasons not known to me I ended up being a total nerd in my freshman year or say till freshman year.I believed its no shameful to indulge yourself in things which you like. I do not want to blame others for things went improper in my life but a part of me wanted to do it eagerly.

It is girls school so all I have to fight is from girls. Or rather myself. The most terrific thing you are going to face here is false rumors and backbiting. I despised these things. They make me lose my sanity. It made me forget myself. But being a loner is more awful. I wasn't able to go to canteen. I didn't participated in school's function. I missed my fresher party. Because I didn't want everyone to look at me and pass comments. I took a seat infront of the teacher. My bag is always loaded with books. I always carried one book in my hand and a pencil. I attend all the lectures and I made sure my attendance don't drop. I didn't have friends. I shared the seat with the girls just my type. After going through different books and listening carefully all the lectures I wasn't able to answer the questions asked by teacher, Indeed I knew the answers. I was disappointed in myself.I was good at nothing. In parents teacher meetings , my teachers always said my parents that I am shy and I need to be bold just like my younger sister. After meeting what my parents do is to compare us and make me feel more vulnerable. They reproach me of being shy and I couldn't stand the world.

I was so ashamed of myself that my thoughts became suicidal. I did't look at the mirror. It make me realise how weak and poor I am.

At school ,some girls came for me asking for notes and that's all. After that we do not know each other.. They called me copy and paste .

I am fighting my fears. And I am trying my hard to overcome this because if I couldn't I might ended up a girl called copy and paste.

Now , its been 18 years since my fight started. I don't want to miss my farewell but at the same time haunted by the thoughts of going there in perfect Indian dress :saree. My classmates had already made memes of me trying to wear saree with caption awful. Well, I think its hardly going to matter now as I became unaffected from these things. But I know at one core point of my heart it is bothering me and I am careful of what they are thinking of me. Its on 14 the of December and I still at loss. The worst part of being a nerd is that you can't show them how cool are you and you have to hide your identity just like I have done in my senior year. Although I started writing and wrote many things but I didn't showed any of them to my family or my batch mates or my teacher. Neither I have submitted it for shool magazines. Instead I published it on wattpad and teen ink with pseudo name. I am faking my own identity on twitter and Instagram to make friends.

Its painful and hurting . I regret every moment I open my mouth to make fool of myself. I don't want you guys to sympathise with me but I am asking you all to not let these things happen to us ,to shy children who are not able to open up and speak. Let's not make fun of them and help them to fight it. And parents should try to understand them instead of comparing and discarding them. We need someone to confide in and we are asking you all for it with both of our hands stretched out . we are breaking down and wanted someone to stop our fall.