My junior year is coming to an end, and I’ve learned so much throughout this school year. I’ve dealt issues of my own and I’m still trying to overcome them. I’ve made new friends; I’ve also gotten closer to a couple of my friends. In my opinion, it’s been a decent year. This year was a stressful year. Dealing with changes in emotions. Dealing with family issues. I would say a lot more, but that will be said throughout this writing.

Throughout the beginning of the year, it went by pretty quickly and it went well. I was doing okay in most of my classes but I was getting through. It gets a little tough junior year but I’m glad I made it through. As time went by, it started getting more difficult than I thought. I started to struggle with my classes that I’ve ended up resisting to go to school. I’ve always told my parents I’ve felt sick just to stay home. It got to the point they’ve gotten sketchy about me staying home frequently. I began dealing with emotional issues and panic attacks thinking that I wasn’t going to make it through. This was during the time I was dealing with my depression getting severe, when I was developing major depressive disorder.

I’ve gone through thoughts of suicide and wanting to hurt myself any way I possibly could. I’ve had thoughts of overdosing because I couldn’t handle the s*** I was going through. After frequent visits to talking to my psychologist, she was concerned for me. She wanted to keep an eye on me everyday so I wouldn’t think of hurting myself. It got to the point where I couldn’t handle it anymore. That it was best for me to go away to a mental facility to recover from my negative thoughts and the little voice that was developing, causing me to try to hurt myself.

My stay at the mental facility was a life experience. I cried a couple times because I thought I wasn’t going to be able to go back home in a week. As I was taken away from my dad, I started bawling. He couldn’t bare seeing me like that that he ended up crying as well. As the days went by, I was slowly improving. I felt myself being able to overcome the little voice and not listen to it. I learned coping skills to deal with if my mental state began to get bad again. It helped me a lot as time went by. After that, I was finally able to be discharge and be on my way home.

Months passed by after the incident, I was slowly becoming more aware of my emotions and able to understand what I was going through. It was tough at first, but I still did my best. But all the sudden, things weren't going the way they were supposed to. My depression was getting to me again. It was difficult to get up every morning, that I ended up staying home and missing a lot of school days. It wasn't the best decision, I had constant panic attacks. Worrying if I'm even going to pass for the year from the amount of days I've missed. In the end, I realized that I shouldn't let my depression hold me back.

Nearing the end of the second semester, I've been improving. I've been doing better with my mental state and regularly taking my medication. I had to be reminded a couple times, but it wouldn't really affect me if I missed a day or two. I felt myself improving, from the help of my boyfriend. I don't talk about him much but he's been there for me more than my own family. Which I'm really grateful for. I know my parents need to be reminded every so often to what it means and what I'm dealing with. It leads to arguments but in the end, they learn something about it.

Now that we're a few days away from nearing the end of the school year, I can say that I've improved a lot. I've used the coping skills that I've learned before and used them to try to keep myself calm for the entire year. Until something tragic happened that I will never forget. On May 30, 2016, I lost one of my kittens at the age of 7 weeks. My poor Osa. I regret not trying to prevent what happened to her, but things happen for a reason. I should've thought twice with what I've done so it wouldn't lead to her death. I know I shouldn't beat myself up about it, because I know she enjoyed her life living in the household that brought in her momma and took care of her since the first day she arrived. I love my kittens. All 4 of them and the one looking down at us. I will never forget her. She will always be in my heart and in my thoughts, no other kitten will ever be like her.

My junior year has been rough, but I know I did my best. I've learned new things, made new friends, got close to people, having a pet for the first time and experiencing the birth of kittens. And for the worst, I've noticed deaths, struggles, family issues, but in the end they're all life experiences and I'm glad I got to experience them in less than 10 months.