“So, how’s your brother doing?”

Such a common question nowadays. It’s almost become too common. I used to give long drawn out answers on what he was doing each day of the week, but now it’s just a noncommittal “He’s fine.” I’ve gotten tired of the question.

While everyone wants to know how my brother is doing, no one ever asks me how I’M doing… without him. I lived with him beside me for over seventeen years of my life, and for some reason, no one thinks it would be hard for me to let him go. But it is.

He was my idol.

Everything I said and did was based off of what he did.

If he wore shorts when it was fifty degrees outside, heck, I could wear shorts, too.

If he said my writing was bad, then it was bad until he said otherwise.

If he said that Pentatonix was better than Home Free, then that’s just what it was, and I was wrong if I ever said different. Turns out, I was wrong a lot. And he wasn’t afraid to let me know it. Blinded by the darkness of not being my own person, if he told me that I was wrong, then I was wrong until he said I was right. He was the potter, I was the clay.

He was the center of my world. My entire life revolved around him. I wore what he wore. If it was fifty degrees outside, and he wore shorts, well heck, I could wear shorts, too. If he didn’t want to be with me, then I was undesirable not just by him but by the entire world. If I was slower than him, then I was not just slower than him, but slower than the entire world. If I said something stupid, then I was stupid not just to him, but blatantly stupid to the entire world.

I lived in my brother’s shadow for over seventeen years. He was popular with everyone, and I just walked in the wake of his popularity. Now I see that. Before, I thought that people liked me, that I was friendly. But no. People liked my brother. My brother was friendly. They gravitated to him, and I just happened to be there too.
But now, away from him, I’m confronted by a world so much bigger than I was originally facing. He used to bear the brunt of the adult stuff, and I walked behind him, only seeing the good stuff, the nice stuff. But now I can see what the world is really like.

And I’m ready to be my own person now. I may never be popular, but I can be friendly and make new friends. I may not always be right, but I will never be eternally wrong. And if I am wrong, I can own up to it. I’m ready to step out from his shadow and let my own shadow fall on the ground.

Maybe they won’t like it. Maybe they won’t like me. But it’s better than just being a copy of him. Yes I love him. Yes I miss him. Yes I wish I could see him again. But I want to know for myself who I really am without him.
It’s time to step out from behind his shadow. It’s time to let the sun warm me up, instead of standing in my brother’s cold silhouette.

I’m ready.