The time it took me to realize my inner-self and to realize that people come and go throughout your life has been one of the greatest achievements I applaud myself for realizing. Although everyone realizes that at one point  in their lives, the only difference is people realize that at different times, and that’s okay.

Growing up was always a difficult challenge for me. It was always hard to keep one friend, one REAL friend at least, and for some reason I always blamed myself. I always thought that I was too shy or I needed to act a specific way in order for people to genuinely like me. I always thought that having a lot of friends would be the key to success, but I was wrong, and it took me all these years to finally realize that. Although it took me so long to realize that people would come in and out of your life, I am also glad that it took me this long. I am glad that I was able to grow. That’s the stage kids my age try to skip. Kids my age tend to disregard the “growing” stage, they want to hurry up and live instead of taking the time to realize that you need to grow in life. The most important stage in life is the ongoing process of growing and learning from your mistakes and also learning from your successes. There’s always something or someone who provokes you to act or think a certain way. So let me tell you about the time my thoughts on friendship completely shifted.

It was an ongoing set of situations that made me think the way I think today. I was always a very shy sweet girl. I never really spoke my mind due to my shyness, which gave the idea to many people that I was weak.  Well, at least that’s how I assumed people thought of me. I think 4th grade was the year that made me start to realize things. During my fourth grade year, I had trouble with friends. I had two very close friends: Jessica and Jocelyn. Jocelyn was very close to me because our parents were close. I used to go to her house all the time. Jessica, on the other hand, I met through school. During this time, I attended Dirksen Elementary in Chicago. Everything was fine throughout the year except one incident that occurred. It was after a field trip, when Jocelyn and Jessica decided to talk about me after we all departed from the school bus.  They created rumor and told my teacher the rumors they created. He believed them and started bashing me in front of the whole classroom. I was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and little fragile Alana did nothing about it. This day is pretty vivid to me because although minor, it shows how quickly someone can turn their back on you. Going to school at Dirksen was difficult. I went to school knowing I no longer had any friends and it saddened me.  After that year at Dirksen, my grandmother and I decided to move to Park Ridge.

It was the beginning of sixth grade and I was very eager to make friends and try and be a little more outgoing, but it was so difficult for me because I’ve been shy my whole life. After opening up, I realized that it wassn't too bad. Of course, you learn the way of the school and the people of the school throughout time so. I came across a few best friends Amy, Maddie, and Isabelle. These were my best friends. We all had so many fun times together until the middle school drama happened, and everyone was gossiping about everyone else. Sixth grade was so full of unnecessary drama, moody and unsure group of kids. That group soon departed from each other. After that group, I came across another one. Ali, Claire, Nafiya, Samantha and Katie--we all clung to each other at the hip, until an adjustment was made. Samantha suggested that we needed a leader for our “posse.” Someone that would arrange hang out days and to be the one discussing problematic issues throughout our difficult time in 6th grade. All of the girls decided that I would be the one to fit the role. After I was elected president of our group the drama just continued. My group members felt as though I spent too much time with the “popular” kids and didn’t have enough time for them. Finally, we all got tired and called it quits. We were all still friends but our group situation wasn’t a problem anymore because everyone was overwhelmed and fatigued.

This unnecessary drama continued up until the summer of eighth grade. The summer of eighth grade was such an important growth stage for me, personally. I made a promise to myself to start the year off fresh and to stop being so shy. “I gotta stop being so shy and antisocial,” I told myself constantly.  I promised myself that I would speak up, stick up for myself, and make a bucket list for things I’ve never done before, and I did just that. I made many friends and spoke up and I also wanted to make it mandatory that I’d be known as “popular.” Freshman year hit and I just kind of sat back and observed the high school life. I wanted everyone to know me I begged for my grandma to buy me makeup and I begged my mom for a new flat iron, because I wanted to be considered pretty like the popular kids. “Alana, you don’t need anymore makeup, your collection is as big as mine,” my grandma said. “Alana, why do you need a new flat iron? You need to start embracing your curls,” my mother said.  Finally, it was sophomore year and I had similar goals as freshman year, just modified a bit. My caring for being “popular” slowly decreased. Drama was still happening behind closed doors, but in reality no one really had time for it.

Junior year is now finally here, and I’ve been great. As for my goals, they completely changed. I now don’t care what anyone thinks about me, what anyone has to say about me or the friends I have. Although I have many acquaintances, I have one extremely supportive best friend and her name is Julianna. Julianna and I met during eighth grade year in a class we all called “triple dubs.” Julianna just moved from a small town called Chippewa because her mother wanted to live back in Park Ridge. Julianna and I talked throughout the class, hung out many times and even discovered we had mutual friends. She has always been such a great friend. Prior to my junior year, my main goal was to be what many people know today as “popular,” and with many friends. But as the ending of my junior year is approaching I’d rather end it with one best friend. I realized that I have a decision to make. The decision between keeping a group of negative recurring drama filled friendships in my life or simply keeping one healthy and happy relationship with someone who hasn’t changed on you since day one. I realized that not everything requires a reaction and sometimes you need to let people do the dumb stuff they do.
I realized I should've let Jessica and Jocelyn gossip about me. I realized I should've been nicer in middle school and I realized that being “popular” isn't gonna get you anywhere in life. I realized that people who bring in bad vibes and negative energy are people I should just let go out of my life, and I did just that. It was the decision of mind over matter, those people who brought negative energy were also one of my friends I thought that I wouldn’t be able to easily drop someone out of my life just that easily. I realized that my health and sanity is more important. Once I started eliminated those kinds of people out of my life, my focus for success became more clearer. My main goal of success became more easy to see. I came to the realization that people of these sorts are distractions, you realize that people that help you accomplish or encourage you for success are the kind of people you should be around, although it took me years of tears, stress, anger, envy and hate to realize this. I can honestly say this has been such a great an amazing accomplishment for me.