Out of all the things you have, there is always one thing you want more than anything that’s impossible to get or get back.

My brother. I never knew him, let alone seen him in person. I’ve always wondered what he would be like….what he would look like for that matter. He died three years before I was born and I didn’t understand how. He was my mom’s first child, so I’d imagine that it must be really devastating to lose a son.

My mom would always talk about him, how he would always laugh when someone would take a picture of him or how he would laugh when my grandfather would make him laugh. She would sometimes imagine my brother all grown up and describe him to me. He would be much taller than my dad with dark hair just like mine, he would have the brown eyes that would lighten once they hit the sun. He would always be there for my sister and I. He would be the big brother that any sister would dream of having.

My brother’s a city boy, he wasn’t born out on Long Island like my sister and I. So we would drive all the way to New York City and bring him flowers for his birthday. I would bring him a bracelet I made him over the summer to match mine. I figured that if he had something similar to what I have we would be connected somehow, that I would always have him with me every time I put that bracelet on.

I have pictures of my big brother, of him laughing just like my mom said he did. His smile was unforgettable, it was contagious, one look and you would already have a smile on your face.

Many people don’t know the feeling of how difficult it could be to lose someone, especially to lose someone you never even met. It can be frustrating sometimes, missing someone that you have no memory of because to you they never existed...they just existed in pictures and words.