It was as if time was frozen and only I could move. Just me. My head was throbbing with sharp pains. Would I ever get this ringing out of my head? I wish this game had ended like every other game did. With me healthy. All of our girls jogged to their positions and switched into Game Mode since we only had 2 minutes until the striped man would blow the whistle. I cautiously stepped across the line. The line that means I am a Varsity Starter. The line that locks you in until you are subbed out. We played our game while the Archbishop Murphy girls played theirs.

We were now in the second half. The ball flung through the sky and came down slowly. I saw the perfect opportunity to head the ball to my teammate. I didn’t believe that I could complete a header pass to Cassie. I didn’t try. I lost the ball to the Archbishop Murphy player with a cornrowed mane. As I took a few steps back, I could hear Spencer, the head of defense, let out a roar which sounded “Brittany, head the ball next time. You can’t lose that.” I threw my head down and all I saw was green.

My Chance had rose to the surface and revealed itself yet again. I had to prove to Spencer that I could do this. How can a person prove something to someone, if they don’t believe in themselves? My chance had arrived. I was not going to ruin my chance. I am a Varsity player. A Varsity player needs to be able to do this.

I see myself bend my knees in anticipation as I ready myself for the impact. The ball came quicker than I predicted. The hit was too strong for my head to handle and lead me straight to the ground. I tried to pick myself off the wet, cold ground, but I couldn’t find the strength to lift any of my limbs. I searched and searched for any strength to rise. When I finally could stand, the air was full of yells. Not just my teammates, but everyone. Parents. Coaches. Other team’s players.

Everything went silent. It wasn’t that they had stopped yelling, it was the fact that I couldn’t hear them yelling. It was as if time was frozen and only I could move.

I heard a flash of sound which had whipped past me like a train. I began to hear more, but too fast to translate into words. They were either just pieces of words or just mumbled yells. A women shouted frantically “Sit down if you are hurt. SIT DOWN!” I could hear. I could. I heard everything all at once. All the parents, coaches, and the other team’s players. I sat down. The shouts and howlers stopped as Coach Lowell knelt down beside me. I think he asked if I could stand. I didn’t know the answer. I replied with a frail sounding sigh as my pain multiplied when I tried to think. The bench was unfriendly and very icy. I watched as my team ran from one side to the other. I felt their exhaustion just by looking at their faces. I just wanted to play. A pain began to unravel in my head. I decided playing wasn’t an option.  At least my team won.

The weeks that followed were full of doctor appointments and freezing benches. You could say the weeks were overwhelming and stressful. The doctors kept saying just rest and you will get better. I tried to rest and relax, but watching my team go to districts and not being able to play killed me.  They had to bring up a junior varsity player which played in my position till the end of our season.  I truly had mixed emotions about her taking my position. First, I felt angry that I abandoned my team for all those weeks. I felt it was my fault. That somehow I meant to get hurt. That I did it to myself. Later, I was cheerful for the girl who had the opportunity to play a Varsity game. After the season I questioned my soccer abilities and my love for soccer in general. I started to think I need to explore new sports. Soccer wouldn’t own me anymore.