She sighs and rolls her eyes.

“Someday you’ll understand.  Someday you’ll know what I’m going through.”
Another sigh.
“You don’t understand me right now, but you will.”
A huff of breath.  “Whatever.”

Noise from the other side of the room tells her that her mother is leaving.  Her eyes fill with tears as she listens to the sounds of her mother walking to the other room.  She closes her eyes.  But they snap open just barely before they close.  The footsteps turn around and come closer.

“One day you’ll understand.”

“You’ve said that.”  She looks away.  These days she can’t stand to see her mother’s face.  One look and all the pain and regret of the past few years is brought to the surface of her mind.  One glance and all she can wish for is to remember the days when the only wrinkles on her face were caused by laughter.

“Don’t give me that.”
“Why.”  She tries harder.  There won’t be a difference if I’m the only one trying.
“You don’t understand.”

You act like you’re the only one hurting.  You act like I know nothing.  You think I don’t notice when you won’t look me in the eyes?  You think I don’t care?  You think that when I run to the store I’m actually buying tampons?  You think that the spots on my bedroom floor are from slipping food and not because I cut too deep and couldn’t find a towel in time?  I thought you would notice when I started locking my door, but of course, you didn’t.  I thought you would notice that I’m twenty pounds underweight and it all started when you first hinted that I should start eating less.  You don’t think I understand but I do.

I know what it feels like to love someone so much that you can’t even begin to imagine going a day without seeing them.  I know what it feels like to have a love burn so bright that everything else seems pitch black.  I know what it feels like to be ripped away by a single sentence, by lonely words trying their hardest to abandon their meaning.  I know what it feels like to look into someone’s eyes and will yourself not to cry this time.  I know what it feels like to want to say more than just a simple hello or bye to the one person who once cried just because you cared to give him a daisy you picked up from the sidewalk.  I know what it feels like to not be able to trust anymore because the person you loved most unconditionally was the one who cut you the deepest.  I know what it feels like to have no to confide in, no one to share the pain with.  I know what it feels like to live half a life and long to be done.  I know what it feels like to have to take care of someone else when you can’t even take care of yourself.  I know what it feels like to be the outsider always looking in and never being able to open the window.  I know what it feels like when there is a chasm between you and the one you are closest to and there’s no way to get across because the only way would be to meet at the bottom with broken bodies.  I know what it feels like to run around aimlessly trying to get lost.  I know what it feels like to cry yourself to sleep every night and then wake up in the morning with red eyes and the urge to die.  I know what it feels like to scream without sound because the one person who could hear you is gone.  I know that one day you will wake up to sirens and be relieved that you can drown yourself without fretting about what will happen to me.  So okay, sure, maybe I don’t understand exactly what you’re going through, but I do know more than you give me credit for.

“Okay, Mother.”