I have been haunted by a terrible, evil demon since the age of eleven. Its name is Tourette Syndrome. Ever since I found out I have had horrible self-confidence and I tend to seclude myself, but it still hasn’t stopped me from making friends and functioning. I have recently learned to truly accept Tourette’s as a part of me that effects my life both positively and negatively. One of my most terrifying moments I have ever had with Tourette’s was at my grandparents.

My family and I were at my grandparents for the week, and it was getting to the point in the trip where you have already done all of the fun things to do so you just relax for the rest of the time. The past week I had been at summer camp, so I had been holding my tics in all week. My Tourette’s was worse than usual at that time because I had held it in but I was with my family so I did not let it bother me. Little did I know that one of my worst experiences with Tourette Syndrome was about to happen.

It all started with a laugh. I was up in the drafty upstairs of my grandparents’ house. My brother and I were sitting on their cold, plastic couch, but neither of us cared because we were having fun and joking around. My brother told me an old, embarrassing story, but instead of the normal reaction, which would be to laugh a little and then tell my own story, I suddenly could not stop laughing.

Tourette Syndrome is a twisted, terrifying monster, who takes anything beautiful it can grab, and then distorts it into something painful and terrifying. Something so pure and simple as a laugh was suddenly turned into a distorted cry. I simply wasn’t in control of my body anymore. I was up on the ceiling watching this odd girl laugh. The laugh was not happy, instead it seemed pained and distorted. Soon, the girl began to cry. “Why was she crying when she was just laughing,” I thought. Her body convulsed and twisted every which way. She started barking and yelping like a dog, and in her eyes was the most terrified look ever. She truly was not in control and it was as if she was just realizing that. She punched the couch out of frustration with tears rolling down her cheek. I was left thinking, “What an odd girl.”

Suddenly a rush of realization came over me, and I was brought back into the horrible black hole that is Tourette Syndrome. I was a puppet for this sick, twisted Tourette’s and it just kept laughing at my struggle. I was not in control of any part of me. I tried to scream out for help, but Tourette’s wrapped its sickly long fingers around my neck and choked the screams out of me. Tourette’s cold hands were always there; moving my arms, opening my mouth, screaming in the place of my own voice. It had stolen everything from me and I was left a hollow shell, meant only for its use.

I looked over to see my mom hovering over me with her eyebrows furrowed. I tried to tell her what was happening, but I could not. My mouth was not my own. She looked at me with a knowing expression and simply held my hand soothingly. She struggled with trying to hold my arms back, but Tourette Syndrome was stronger than her.

Suddenly she stood me up and lead me with a strong hand down the harrowing stair steps. Once we were downstairs, she opened a backdoor that led to a beautiful summer. A beautiful scene where Tourette’s could not be found. She simply said to me, “Run.”

I do not think I have ever been more free in my life. Wet grass tickling my toes, wind caressing my face, and Tourette’s had no place here. Such a beautiful experience could not possibly be spoiled by something so little and weak as Tourette’s. A feeling welled up inside of me, a feeling of power. I was strong. I am strong. I can defeat this thing called Tourette’s.

No wait, we can coexist. We are inhabiting the same body, are we not? Tourette Syndrome was not some evil antagonist. It was a part of me. It is a part of me. Had it not taught me so many important lessons like patience and empathy. Had it not been my constant companion since the age of eleven. Tourette Syndrome is a part of me, and there is nothing bad about that.

Even so, at that moment I had never felt so apart from my family. But, that can still be a good thing. It is good to be able to differentiate yourself from others. Tourette’s differentiates me from the norm. That makes me a special individual.

This thing that at first seemed like a curse now seemed like a blessing. I may be different, but that is not necessarily a bad thing. Even though I may not always be in control of my body, it will not hurt anything to let someone else go for a spin.

After all, everyone has something weird about them. Some people have OCD, some have eighty pairs of shoes, and some people even have twelve toes. But, there is nothing wrong with that. Just as I have accepted Tourette Syndrome as a part of myself, everyone should accept their differences. They are what makes us human. My family is very proud of me for accepting every part of me. Even though Tourette Syndrome causes me stress, sometimes, overall, it is not a big deal. 

Even though my memory at my grandparent’s is a painful one, I will also cherish it forever. It helped me on my way to accepting every part of myself. Running and screaming in that backyard is the most free I have ever felt, and I am so thankful for that memory.