Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear so immediately that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you’re in love or creating things together or partners in crime. It’s so clear, right off the bat, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing, that this is what you’re for. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you make a life. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but. It definitely makes me believe in something.

When it comes to relationships people are always so scared of the what-if’s that they forget the what-is. They spend so much time thinking, ‘What if I get hurt?’ and ‘What if it doesn’t work out?’ that they stop thinking about that things that are already real. They forget the feeling they get when the person they love walks into the room and the excitement that rushes through them when the phone rings because it might be the person they are waiting to hear from. Never let the fear of what-if stop you from letting yourself take a chance on love…because “what if” this is the person you’re destined to spend the rest of your life with?  I don’t know what it is about him. Maybe it’s the way nothing else matters when we’re talking, or how he makes me smile more than anyone else has. It could be the way he says the right things at exactly the right times. But whatever it is, I just want him to know it means everything to me. I know people will say I’m too young to have already experienced love. But I am 100% sure that I have and will love this boy forever. 

Matt. The brown eyed, brown haired boy that stole my heart. I knew the first time I saw him I knew that it was going to be the one. He’s the handsomest guy I have ever met. Matt is the type of guy anyone could ask for. His smile, makes me smile. When I laugh he laughs. He is the only guy that can make me truly laugh. He looks at me like I am the only girl in the world, and who wouldn’t ask for that. When he walks into the room my heart skips a few times. He took her out on my first ever date, it was the best night I had ever had. I never knew that our love would become so serious and strong. I know that we are only in high school and people probably think it isn’t going to last forever but this might. Maybe we can be high school sweethearts, time will tell. 

We met at school. He was a junior, I was a freshman. I had no clue who he was until he started talking to me. I thought it was unusual a junior talking to a freshman. I had a boyfriend at the time and we hadn’t been in a relationship for too long. After the longest time of talking with him. Matt told me he liked me. But I didn’t go for it… I stopped talking to him for a seemingly-endless time. Then he started dating my best friend…  Because I told him to. It was the biggest mistake of my life. After that I didn’t talk to him for the rest of the year. I despised him, even though it was my fault. Seeing him in the halls and not saying a word was the hardest thing. I thought we would never talk again, he thought I hated him and I thought he hated me. I thought I had lost him forever.

Until the summer of my sophomore year, I decided to text him for the first time since last year. I had missed him greatly, I wondered if he missed me- If he ever thought about me. Every minute he crossed my mind and he didn’t even know it. So I got the guts and texted the boy. Every minute I checked my phone, hoping, waiting, praying for a response. The minutes felt like hours, like when you look at a clock hoping that time will pass quicker, but it just drags. Finally, I hear the little ping, my screen light up, and his name appears on the screen. My heart leaped, he actually answered! To be honest I didn’t think he was ever going to. I thought he had moved on, and found something better. From that day it just blossomed, sending him that text was the best decision I had ever made. Conversation started slowly, asking each other how we each were doing. I thought everything was going good. I still liked this boy, a lot, he didn’t even know it. I wondered to myself if he still had feelings for me. Even though he didn’t ever talk to me, or at anytime look at me.

We kept talking for months, getting closer and closer everyday we talked. It felt like we had never stopped talking. Then it turned into us talking on the phone every night, and texting all day long. We’d ask each other weird questions to get to know each other more. I learned a lot just by asking questions everyday. I got the instinctive to ask him finally who he liked. I got the answer I was looking for, he told me that he liked me, and he had never stopped liking me since the day we stopped talking. Hearing this made my heart skip a beat, he actually still liked me. This is where I messed up, not telling him I felt the same way towards him… I thought that I should wait it out and see where this was going.

But I was wrong, he kept asking and asking and I never told him. I said “I don’t know.” or “I haven’t really liked anyone for a while.” This was slowly making him give up (he told me this later), it made him feel like there was no hope for the two of us. He was on the verge of never speaking to me again, but I kept my ground and still didn’t tell him. Even some of my “friends” were telling him that he should just let me go and move on to someone that he could have a actual committed relationship with. And not to deal with all of this back a forth stuff. But after a long time I told him that I did feel the same. I had ever since the first day I had met him. He was the only guy that had put a real smile on my face, the person I wanted to wake up and have a text message from. Then on August 19th he asked me in Toziers to officially date him.

We are still together and it has been almost 4 months. This is the best relationship I have ever been in. It is really different dating a senior and all, I know that some people think that it is a little weird that a senior is dating me, a sophomore. And most people believe that we are just going to break up after this year anyway, seeming he’ll be graduating and going off and I’ll still be here. Others think that if we do stay together all I’m going to be doing is wondering if he’s behaving or is he with another girl. But I trust myself to stay true to him forever. And I know that he will do the same to me. I really want this relationship to last a long while, maybe even forever. I really love this guy, I never knew what love felt like until I met him. ‘I love you’ means that I accept him for the person that he will be, and that I do not wish to change him into something else. It means that I will love him and stand by him even through the worst of times. It means loving Matt even when he’s in a bad mood or too tired to do things I want to do. It means loving him when he’s down, not just when you’re fun to be with.

I love you means that I know his deepest secrets and do not judge Matt for them, asking in return only that he does not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love Matt enough not to let go. It means thinking of him, dreaming of him, wanting and needing him constantly. I want to have a future with him, he is what brings out the best in me. Yes, we have been thinking about a future and if we see each other staying together. Having a house together and maybe a family. I know that we are young still but who knows it may happen. I know that it will be hard and all with me still in high school and him going off to college, and joining the Army though the ROTC program. After June 12th it is going to be rough, and hard. It will be a long, painful journey ahead, for the both of us. But we can stick through it.

On June 28th Matt gets deployed, for 4 months. He is going into the Army. I have known that he has been wanting to go for a while, but I never in a million years thought it was actually going to happen. Every time I think about him leaving, I cry. I cry long and hard, just thinking about how much I am going to miss him and how long I am not going to talk to him for. We only have 6 more months together. He is going for Truck Driving one of the safer jobs the Army offers. But I worry all the time about him, what if he gets hurt?, what’s going to happen to our relationship?, and will he forget about me? I am going to try my best to not worry when he’s gone, I know that I can do it. I have my friends and family to support me. But some of them don’t believe in me, they say that it will be too difficult and stressful, to hard on me.

Not being able to talk to him for that long is going to be the hardest part. I’m used to waking up to a text from him, or waking him up on the weekends because he loves his sleep. But I won’t have a good morning text anymore, or someone to send a sweet message to anymore. He won’t be here for my birthday, our year anniversary, or even his birthday. I won’t have anyone to share my laughs with, he’s the only one that gets my sense of humor. When I have a rough day I won’t have anyone to go and rant to, he knows just what to say when I need it said. I know I shouldn’t make this all about myself, because he’ll be going through the same things that I do. But every day I think about this for minutes and those minutes turn into hours.

The more I think about it the longer and more harsh my tears are. He always tells me not to think about it because we have so much time together, but this time is going to flash by like it was only 2 months. He says I don’t have to cry, but I do. I feel like I’m losing my other half, he is my go to person, my partner in crime. Without him I don’t know what I am going to do with myself. He is my whole world, unaccompanied by him is something that I am going to have to get used to. It will take a while to adjust to but I know I can do it. The long path ahead is just starting, there will be bumps and ruts. But through everything I know that the two of us can stick it out. Even if Matt is 29 states away, I just have to remember he will be back soon.   

Six months is what we have together. We have to make it last. Everyday we will use to our advantage doing as much as we can as a couple. People may say that we can’t do the long distance that it will be too much of a push on us. But if we stay true to each other and ourselves we will be thriving. Together through thick and thin, we will always stick together. Matt is the single most important person in my life. One thing I’ve come to realize with Matt leaving is love isn’t always happiness. There are tears, anger, confusion, fears, but at the same time there are smiles, laughter, joy, and understanding. All of those things can happen. That’s why love is such an emotional thing. You can feel so many different emotions at the same time. That's why it’s so overwhelming. But I know one thing; I would not take back any single thing. Everything that has happened between us happened for some reason. and us being strong and making it through this, it only shows that our love is strong enough to last a lifetime.