When I was in sixth grade, I had basically no friends, no self confidence, reserved, and quiet. I never stood up for myself. I only wanted to fit in with the other girls, didn’t want to be recognized or noticed. I hated being picked on in class, I was embarrassed about talking in front of the other people in the room. What if I said the answer wrong? What if my voice cracks? What if I’m not loud enough and she makes me repeat the answer? I hated asking for help, I always asked a friend to do it, after a while they were annoyed with it. They only told me to “ go and do it yourself! ” So they made me go do whatever it was that I didn't want to do, the person I had to talk to probably thought that what I had asked wasn't a big deal. But for me it was so hard, I was already nervous so I talked quietly. After they made me repeat it because they couldn't hear me, it was even hard the second time
I guess my all time low point in my life so far have been in middle school. In sixth grade I  lacked of self confidence, I barely ever rose my hand in class I accepted that I had no power against what anybody else did. I couldn't defend myself at all, if someone told me to move or something I immediately did it and accepted that I couldn't sit there. I used to be quiet had a small group of friends in which I felt I was obligated to share all of my secrets with. I remember I seventh grade I became “ emo ”, wore all black, cut my hair a certain way, listened to a certain kind of music. I just wanted to fit in with the people I surrounded myself with, I wanted to have a normal conversation with my friends I wanted to jump in on inside jokes and laugh along with them. Not have them laugh at me for not knowing and when I tried to ask “what’s so funny?”  but they always said “ it’s nothing ” or my personal favorite “ you're not going to understand.” Although it was bad at school it was worse at home. My parents forced to go do activities with my friends and won't let me dress certain way, I was too “ emo ” for them.
I started to regain my self confidence by trying to get out of that “ emo ” phase I was in, I didn’t want to be known as someone that lacked confidence. I wanted to be known as a strong independent woman, I felt that is what I should be. So that’s when I started to make a change in my lifestyle and how I acted. First I started by changing my wardrobe from dark things with skulls to colorful upbeat and happy things. I also started to changing the music I listened to, started getting into Bob Marley, I listened to other artists who tried to make their music create a positive change in the world. Instead of  “ Pierce The Veil ” and other gothic bands that made me doubt myself in many things that I did. Before I’d moved on in the back of my mind  I always make myself do things the “ emo way ”, I wanted to fit in.

In sixth grade or maybe seventh grade Mrs. Gray started a group for girls who were shy or she could needed help or something along those lines. We went to a place called Trigger Boxing, and since I went to that group my life has never been the same. When we went there we pushed ourselves to the limit, we boxed our little hearts out. When we came back to school the next day we’d be so sore and our muscles ached. Bill the owner and Gabby his apprentice make us workout until our muscles shook, they did not take crap from the girls, period. They wanted us to be prepared for anything or one that came our way tried to hurt us. We mostly took boxing to boost our self confidence and confidence in general, the type of boxing we took was self defense.

But now in present times, I’m doing okay. The good thing about eighth grade is that I’m not dealing with self confidence issues, I basically do what I want. I’m not struggling with that problem anymore. But now I’m struggling with a new problem that came along. I am dealing with depression. When I wake up I don’t want to do anything, I don’t have the motivation to or will to do anything. When I smile or laugh it feels fake, I’m doing it so they don’t think something is wrong. Because I know they will want to talk about it, and try to come up with different solutions. But I’ve already tried to get rid of it but it stays exactly where it wants to.

I want to focus more on me overcoming self confidence. I overcame that, it was hard for me but you can do it too. I’m doing okay in the present, I’m working on the problems that face me today. Lately I been trying to stay positive it’s hard when I’m alone though. When I’m alone I think about depressing thoughts, and I am not motivated to do anything. I overcame about myself confidence I don’t care how I look in front of other people (I don’t want to be a jerk though). I don’t need to dress up and wear makeup to be comfortable in my own skin, I feel comfortable in a sweatshirt and jeans. I don’t need to wear a dress and put makeup on my face because my freckles annoy me.