I will never forget the day my brothers and I were called to the office from our fifth grade classrooms. We were told nothing by the staff except that our dad was on his way to pick us up. The three of us sat quietly by the doors of the school waiting for our father and wondering what was wrong.

When we saw our dad, I noticed he had a strange look on his face. I studied his face to see what was wrong. I could see pain and sadness in his eyes, I could see, “How am I going to tell them and comfort them from this pain?”

He didn’t say a word. He quietly signed us out and waved for us to follow him to the car. When I got into the car, I seen that my father had already picked up my older brother. We drove silently to the hospital. The whole way there I felt a sting of sadness, the burn of love and pain in my heart. I knew it had to be my great grandma, because she had been sick for so long and every day she slipped by more and more. As we drove I noticed this fear, that feeling of losing this person whom I loved so much, creeping up inside of me. My hands were shaking and sweating. My heart was beating fast, and I could feel a lump in my throat which made it hard for me to swallow. The thought of losing her was unbearable!

When we arrived at the hospital, we all walked in without saying a word. We walked into her room. Everyone that loved her was there. I looked at their faces. I could see the pain and heartbreak in their eyes. I then looked at my grandma; she laid on the bed motionless with her eyes closed breathing slowly and weird. The doctors had her on strong painkillers, and she was just out of it. It was like she wasn’t fully there. As I looked at her it was like I was slowly watching her slip away from me.  All that kept running through my mind was, “Please God! Don’t take her from me! Please!”

I remember my mom walking up to me and saying, “Grandma can’t talk right now, but she can still hear you. You each need to hold her hand and tell her you are here, and that you love her”  I was too scared to grab ahold of her hand and say those words to her. I know by saying those words, it was also like I was saying goodbye to her. I didn’t want to let her go! She was my world and I couldn’t bare the thought of this world without her in it!

Unable to move, my mom put her arm around me and walked me over to my grandma laying in the bed silently breathing. I remember putting my hand in her hand and saying, “Grandma I’m here, I love you grandma! Show me you can here me!” After I said that, she squeezed my hand! I knew she heard me. I knew that it was her way of saying “I love you too baby”and that she was saying goodbye. My heart sank! I didn’t want to let her go!
I remember each of us taking our turns telling grandma we were there and that we loved her. I remember the nurse coming in, because my grandma was breathing differently and her heart rate and blood pressure were dropping. My dad had us give my grandma one more kiss and tell her that we loved her again . He then took us by our hands, and walked us out of the hospital. I wanted to stay and support my family, but they didn't want me to see my grandma pass away. They didn’t want me to see her take her last breaths.

All I could think of was all the happy memories we had. I remember when I would make her notes and drawings to make her smile when she was having a bad day. She would always want to brush my hair and braid it. She always told me crazy stories of her life. I remember listening to the sweet classical music she would have on once and awhile, she also played polka music. I lived at my grandma’s and great grandma’s house for six months before we built the house I am living at now. Once I moved into my house, I still would visit them and sleep over at their house all the time. As we were walking out of the hospital, all the good memories of my grandma kept running through my mind.

After we left the hospital and we got into the car and started to drive down the road. We drove for about five minutes when my dad got the call telling us grandma had left us. She was gone! My heart felt like it stopped. I said, “No, I don’t believe you! You’re lying!”, I then looked over at my older brother Alex, who was extremely close to my great grandma. I saw that he was crying uncontrollably. It then hit me! Tears fell down my face like rain. I have never felt a pain like this before. I can’t believe that she’s actually gone!

I sat there quiet crying and staring out the window. My heart felt like it had a hole in it! I felt like I couldn’t breath! I started to think about all the things that I still had to say to her and wanted to share with her, but didn’t get a chance to say.  I started to think about all the things in my life that I will never be able to share with her. Why does there have to be death in our world?

In my mind and heart I still feel her here with me! At least I hope she is in spirit!  I pray to her each night and talk to her in my prayers!  I will never forget her or stop loving her! My grandma and our memories will forever be etched in my mind!