For two months this boy would always stare at me and smile all the time he saw me in the hallways. I smiled back because I thought he was cute and always wanted to talk to him. One day he came up to me and asked my name and I told him my name was Destiny and then he walked away to his friend. I went to class with the biggest smile on my face because he finally talked to me.

The next day he came up to me after my seventh period class, and asked to walk with me to my next class we started talking and he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. After school he called me to walk me home and while we were walking we got to know each other more. We hung out that whole day after school then he went home at night. We talked on the phone after he left and everyday after that it was the same routine. I guess you can say I got really attached to this guy. He was so sweet and kind he bought me things and I always went over to his house or he came to mine. I was fourteen years old when I met him and he was sixteen, I was very trusting and sweet. We started dating a month after talking and my family loved him.

His name was John, he was very tall and wore glasses. He loved Jordans and basketball, but he sucked at it. The thing that I loved the most about him was how he was there for me when I had no one, and how he helped me make better choices for myself when I was doing wrong things. He was so perfect.

And then February came.  Four months into our relationship he started to hit me.  It would be pushes at first, but then it got worse.  If there were any kind of pain he felt or if something happened he didn't like, and he would take his frustrations out on me. I didn't want to be physically abused, but I was so in love I didn't know any better for myself and I let it happen. It hurt but I dealt with it, and hid it from everyone. Every day he was constantly hitting me and hurting me in any way he could. I became so sick of it.

Finally he left me for a little bit. But then he came back wanting to be with me and I took him back. I always took him back after his mistakes, after he did not care for me the way he should have. I was so ashamed of myself for letting someone that claimed to love me hurt me in various ways. I should’ve loved myself enough to know never to let anyone hurt me like that. The worst abuse was to my sense of pride.  I had to apologize to him after he had hit me--when I had done nothing wrong I had to be the one to say sorry. The times he did say sorry I always took him back. Things would be good for a week then he would go straight back to abusing me. Taking John back after an episode almost led to some life threatening situations. This was never my intention, but I felt like he completed me in a way no one else could. His company and just hearing his voice made me filled with joy. I don’t know why, but even after all the pain he would cause  I still believed with all my heart that he was a good person.

I have learned that when you truly love someone you would never hurt them in any way. Love is supposed to be beautiful, not hateful or surrounded by jealousy or envy. You can love someone all you can, but it will never be enough for someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Sometimes you can’t always end up with the person whom you are in love with because they aren’t always good for you. I feel like I will not be able to love someone without having a wall up to protect myself.  The scars John left on my body faded, but I feel like the scars he left on my heart might never heal.  At this moment in my life now I can’t find it in myself to trust another soul. I am filled with anger and disappointment in myself. What is once broken cannot be fixed.