My first swim meet was one of the scariest moments of my life. I had only begun my swimming career a few weeks prior, and was certainly not prepared enough to swim four events in a high school swim meet (let alone the most difficult school in the league). To add to the pressure, I had been granted the “honor” of swimming a 200 freestyle (eight laps), which is the hardest event. As well as a 100 backstroke (four laps), and two relays. Why me?!

The night before, I was so scared that I didn’t eat dinner nor did I manage to gulp down my breakfast or lunch the next morning. I kept trying to stay positive by thinking, “It’s all going to be OK.. the worst that could happen is that I drown.” But a haunting thought crept into my mind, “What if my goggles fall off?” “What if I don’t finish every lap?”, I kept thinking. My stomach began to ache.

We waited for the bus for a half an hour after we were let out of school. At that point, I was hoping and praying that the bus would never come. I was debating running away; I didn’t want anything to do with swimming at this point. When I saw the bus drive up the endless driveway, my heart sank to my feet.

On the bus my stomach turned. I was used to feeling car sick, but the pain of motion sickness, anxiety, and no food in my stomach felt like a basketball to the stomach. I thought about my lucky teammates who were exempt from swimming in the meet due to a presumably made up reason. At least my best friend was as terrified as I was. We tried to liven our spirits by listening to energizing music, but looking down at my phone to change the song only made the basketballs feel ten pounds heavier. I thought about the rewarding feeling of finishing the meet. The successful sigh of relief that makes your insides feel like they’ve gone to heaven and back. I tried to smile and pretend like it was all going to be ok, but I was so terrified that I couldn’t smile. I could only laugh hysterically out of fear that the frown cemented on my face was permanent.

When the bus began to slow down, I knew we had reached our destination. As soon as I saw the pool, the realization set in. I jumped into the freezing water along with my teammates for our warm up. We were an hour late to the pool, so a sense of rush and hurry made me swim faster.

My event was first. Honestly the whole experience was a blur. I remember my legs becoming weak, getting disqualified, and almost missing my event. I remember wanting to give up between events, and being overwhelmed by the hundreds of observers, eyes glued to the pool. I would like to say that I came in first place and swam my hardest. But unfortunately that was not the case.

At the end of the day, the feeling of relief that I was hoping for made the whole experience worth it. I realized that if I live my life being afraid of challenges, then I will never learn to face my fears. I’m glad I didn’t run away while I was waiting for the bus, because I would have never known what it felt like to accomplish something I had been dreading for weeks. I definitely don’t want to live my life in fear of failure, because I will never evolve into a more knowledgeable human being. I’m thankful for the support I got from my teammates, friends, and family, and am glad I didn’t walk away from the challenge.