Now
1…..2…..3…..4… The seconds drag on. My lungs burn. My legs and arms pull in different directions. My face collides with rough sand. My only breath is knocked out of me. The water continues to tug on my limbs. I can’t breathe! My mind screams into nothingness. I can feel the bubbles start to escape from my mouth. The water is too cold. It forces me to shiver. My eyes are squeezed shut, in fear of salt itching my vision. Particles of sand, seaweed, and shells swirl around my body. I feel the jerk of my wrist, which is still tightly connected to my boogie board. My chest tightens. I fight to hold on to my breath. The roar of the ocean barks in my ear. My thoughts suddenly shift to my brother, Justin, who was just right next to me before the wave swallowed us whole. My head spins with the lack oxygen.

Find air. Find Justin. Find air. Find Justin. Find Justin...Where is Justin?!?! My body feels like it is about to explode. My level of panic raises. My mouth opens before I can stop it. Salty water floods in. Planting my feet in the sand, I propel myself forward. My head breaks through the surface. Choaking. Coughing. Struggling to breathe. With wild eyes and a heart pumping so fast, I can hear it over the waves, I look through the expanding blueness for my brother. Find Justin…..I screech to myself as I prepare myself to dive into the chaos of choppy water.
One Hour Earlier

The mixture of giggling and squawking fills the air, combined with the gentle whisper of the water connecting with the shore. Digging my hand into the warm sand, the hot sun leaves my skin tinged red. Beside me is giant sand castle, filled with hard work and dedication. Justin continues to lay wet sand on the castle, shaping it to become bigger and bigger. Studying him, I watch as he finds a white feather resting on the sand, and places it on the top of the castle. 

“M..Mom! Look here! Mom! Mom!” Justin squeals, admiring his work. He tugs on the sleeve of my mother’s sundress, but she dismisses him away.
“Not now, Justin. I’m on the phone.”
“But mom! L..look what I made! Look-”

“Give me a second!” She answers, looking the other direction of the sand castle. Her big floppy hat sways in the ocean breeze. Justin’s wide smile fades as he slumps next to me.

“I like your sandcastle,” I exclaim. Justin’s gaze is loosely locked on the water.

“Thanks A-laa-xx-ee-ss,” He replies without looking at me. The sun’s rays itch at my body to cool off in the water.
“Do you want to come boogie boarding with me?” I ask, picking myself up from the grainy warm sand. I grab two boogie boards, and wait for a reply.

“Okay,” Justin answers and starts to follow me down to the shore.

Time Before

People often ask what it’s like to live with someone who has special needs. Who isn’t like “normal kids” and who understands information at a fourth grade level. I often get questions like: Does he affect your friendships? Does he cause a lot of trouble? Is he hard to look after? Is he a good brother? It’s hard for me to answer those questions with a yes or no. As most people see the world in light and dark, living with Justin is a blur of grey. There are great days with him, days that leave me thinking what kind of person he would be if he was not handicapped by his disability, and what he would do in this world, what mountains he would move, and what legacy he could leave for the world. On the other hand, some days Justin is quiet, and will not utter a word. On other days, he is destructive, mischievous, and adventurous. Sometimes his actions don’t make sense, but I can sincerely say that Justin doesn’t mean to cause trouble or do bad things. His world differs from others. Justin’s curiosity of the world around him often gets the best of him, and he acts upon it without thinking. Whether it be shoving a nail in the middle of the living room or painting a wall the opposite color, his actions can cause anger, but I’ve learned that he can’t help these actions. On a fundamental level, he isn’t making these decisions to inflict pain or cause trouble, but rather, he is just trying to discover the world around him. A common misconception is that Justin is not intelligent or smart. But they are all greatly wrong. He sees the world in a different way, and he processes information in a different way.

Moreover, Justin’s handicaps don’t hold him back from being a person filled with love, experiences, a person with a personality and a sense of humor, a person with a story to tell. He has a soul, a beautiful soul, that shines in the darkness of moments. He is full of love, and often thinks of others. He is amazing with children, and many children look up to him as a leader. Even though he pronounces my name wrong everyday due to his autism, he is my inspiration, and an amazing brother. Because of his disability, I automatically feel the need to protect him, and save him from dangers that life can cause. I’ve learned that I can’t save him from everything, but I can always look out for him…

Now

Breaking through the chilling water, the grey sky looming over me is frightening. Waves continue to roll over as I duck underneath them, only to come right back up for air.

“Justin?!?!” I scream over the pounding water. My chest tightens at the sight of wet dirty blonde hair lightly skimming the surface. I throw my body under an incoming wave, and send myself forward using a sloppy form of breaststroke. My hand connects to his, and I lift him from the water. Blood pours out of his nose, staining the aqua water an eerie red. His tired eyes connect with mine, and then looks down at the blood spilling from his nose onto his bare chest.

“Help,” He whispers. Tugging on his arm, we fight through the waves. I can hear my mother’s shouts from the shore as the water hits us from different directions. Through the spray of the water, and I can see a lifeguard fastly approaching. He scoops Justin up in one hand, and places the other around my back. He guides us through the gigantic waves; the water reaches by bellybutton. The salt from the ocean burns my eyes, but we keep moving. I can spot the relief in my mom’s eyes as she holds out two warm towels. The lifeguard carries us to the sand, and begins to immediately clean the blood off of Justin’s skin. My mom’s arms wrap around me tightly, and then move to Justin’s side. She holds his hand as the lifeguard gives Justin gauze to place by his nose.

“That was a very brave thing you did,” The lifeguard states to me, packing up his emergency kit.

“Of course, he is my brother,” I reply as I snuggle closer to my warm towel. The lifeguard smiles at me, and then shouts to the world.

“Red flag everyone! Swim at your own risk!” I move towards my mom and Justin’s direction, and plop into the hot sand. I give Justin a hug as I watch the massive waves crash into the shore.

“Thank y..you for helping m..me A-laa-xx-ee-ss,” Justin utters, which forces me to smile.

“You’re welcome,” I exclaim, still caught in his loving embrace.