Trying to start new can be like taking every broken piece of who you are and what life as you know it has become and pretending it can function better than before.  The reality of it is that you will always have to coexist in some way be it in relationships or friendships and you cant just make someone understand the pain that lives inside you and grows everytime you get close to something that resembles the slightest bit of good out of fear. Its no ones responsibility to put a bandage on all the things in your life that left you with open wounds not easily visable to the basic human mind, yet we so badly want to save people who are so far gone or want to find that one who for once sees through pretending to be okay and wants to try to save us. As beings we automatically try to come up with what we tell ourselves is the answer to something, yet in a moment of honesty we all reach the point where we come face to face with the undeniable fact that we just dont know and we never will. Starting over is trusting that somehwere out there after all this time, after everything...there is change and it may possibly be positive but we are so used to the negative that we may end up the reason the positive we find in anything crumbles. Everyone was given a life, filled with experiences that are meant to provide some sort of understanding and help us develop a sense of right and wrong or who we want to be in life, but all of us can have life and never actually live. Living is dying over and over again until we learn what life is really meant for. As conflicting as that sounds, only some will know what i mean and others just arent there yet but its more the truth than i can say for anything else. People have expressed that life is one big book full of chapters, with those chapters come 3 things...the past, the present, and the future. Some live in the past for so long they miss out on the present and destroy their future before its even built. For a long time i was one of those people, every day i fight my mental state not to continue to be one of those people anymore. One day i learned that my life really was a book...i wrote it all down and if i were to publish and sell it in stores i could finally share my experience and know that my past is only a book well worth burning, all that is me could live and all that was me would go down in flames with the pages of my past in that book. I didnt sell, but mentally i was still able to set fire to my pain so it couldnt ever follow me again. Thats what i told myself anyways, until i realized that the deeper i fell into this starting over process and was reintroduced to to all the things in life i thought id never have again but better...the fear built up inside me and i found ways unintentionally to tear it all apart. I guess what i am trying to say is that i can always be sure that my truth is the one thing in this life that will help me build with someone else, but ill always have this unshakable scared feeling that their truth is bone solid and can be broken and i have to decide whether or not i want to take a risk and put a cast on whats been broken and rebuild to keep the starting new process going or if i need to just find me instead of losing myself in someone else who can never understand that humans are humans until they let themselves become senseless animal...and that is never justified.