The sky was a baby blue and looked like a monstrous ocean with white fish swimming over my head. I was so young with her big brown eyes and dark curly hair. I can even remember the aroma she had, because she used to wear the same perfume as I did. My favorite perfume that Dad used to get for us from Nordstroms, that came in a tiny little glass bottle. I bet she misses him so much. He doesn't come here as much anymore. He's absorbed which I understand; but I still come here regularly which is all I need, because I talk to her in my sweet, soft, gentle voice. Sometimes, I'll just sit there and whimper. Even though I don't show my feelings very often, in fact, I don't show them at all. It's almost as if I am heartless on the outside. Although I know I am not heartless; however that is a secret between me and the Lord. I am sad, lonely, and angry, at my mother, at god, at dad. My faith in the Lord just continues to detiorate every time I go to see her. I want to hug her and lay in her arms. This place that I keep coming to seems to be my favorite place now a days. Not that I mind, but I wish I went out in the front yard and played with my friends and rode my bike with them, or play tag, or anything to let me escape. That's all I need, is just an escape.

I usually come around the same time every day. It's usually when the sun is beating down on me, right smack in the middle of the day. The sun is shellacking with it's Arizona heat. There's a few cacti by the street. When I get there, I park my bike on the road and throw it on the ground and travel through the long, soft, fluffy grass to find her. It's kind of ironic how cheerful this place looks, with its beautiful pink flowers, its red roses everywhere and it's big, beatiful trees with its green, orange, and yellow leaves hanging off of it. This place looks like an alluring, enchanted forest. It's such a happy, calm, and peaceful place until I ride my black, and red tomboy bike up.When I was little she bought me this purple and pink tomboy bike and I liked it for awhile. Then one day I asked my dad if I could re-model it into one of the coolest bikes in the neighborhood. So my dad and I took the bike apart and painted it flat black and red, and it turned it into one of the coolest bikes at my elementary school. Anyways, back to what I was saying, I would ride my bike up and drop it, and it would turn this beautiful, enchanted forest, into a huge, wrecked, angry, black storm. On the outside, I looked happy and calm, but on the inside I was boiling with anger and sadness, and you could just tell it was eating at me and destroying me. You could see the flames in my eyes and a dungeon behind them. That right there is what hell looks like. You looked at me, and you were facing hell.

It was the middle of the night and I came to visit her, which was bizzare because I didn't usually come at this time of night. I was more upset than normal; something was peculiar. My eyes were screaming with fire, but this time there were tears in my eyes. I needed her tonight, and she couldn't be there for me. Instead of hell, I saw a different place, a sad place rather than an angry place. I layed there and just wept a pull full of tears. Something was wrong, and I wanted her to know, I needed to talk to her tonight. The grass wasn't so green anymore, it was black and mathced the sky. There were more stars out then I had seen in an extremely long time. They overpowered the moon, only a slither lighting up the whole sky, traveling across the world. And, the flowers were no longer visible. The tree no longer looked big and beautiful, it looked like a huge monster. About 30 minutes of me just lying there in my pool of tears that I had made, my big, wonderful, hero of a father comes to rescue me. He walked up so quietly that I didn't even notice, and he got down right next to me and laid down. He reached over and held my hand, I looked at him with some sense of relief and jumped into his arms and cried and wailed. He just sat there holding me tighter and tighter. At this moment, the flowers came back and the tree wasn't a monster anymore. The stars shined brighter and the moon got a bit bigger. My hero had come to calm the storm, and make my happy place, our happy place once again. Right there, there was no anger, no hate, and I wasn't in hell anymore, I was in heaven. My mind set had changed. I felt happy and blessed to have such an amazing man in my life. Sure I lost something that meant more to me than anything, I lost my soul mate; however I had another one who would do anything for me, sitting right next to me. And in that moment was when I finally realized it.

After this day I was different, I was more grateful and happy. When I walked I wasn't so droopy and my steps weren't so lazy. For the first time in my life, it was like I was walking on a cloud, because for the first time in my life, I was feeling some relief. I stopped coming to the grave so much, instead of three times a week it turned into maybe once a week, to once a month, to only her birthday and the day she passed. We would go and add flowers to her collection. I swear one day she will drown in all the flowers everyone has brought her over the years. This place is more like a memory and a state of mind, rather than an actual, physical place. I know she is not really there, and I don't need to go there to talk to her. She is with me wherever I go, and I can always speak to her whenever I'd like, its just taken me some time to realize it. This happy place, is with me now, no matter where I go.