While sitting at the family dinner table one autumn night, admiring the newly placed Christmas decorations, I distantly listened to my parents and my two younger siblings aimlessly babble about their sufficiently boring days. I sipped my hot cocoa. In some far corner of my mind, I heard my younger sister, Erin, inquire, “Mom, which relatives are coming in for the holiday?” Excitedly, and without thoroughly processing her words, I began to respond, “Ama and Bop are coming...” before I trailed off, shocked at what had just slipped out of my mouth. Mom and Dad both shot me a sympathetic glance and Erin and Robert solemnly avoided eye contact, nervously aware of the pain revealed in my expression.
It had been eight months since the passing of my grandfathers, Bop and Papa, but it struck me that this was to be the first holiday season without their company. While the initial shock of losing two of the most influential men in my life (in the course of five days) had finally begun to somewhat dissipate, my new, worrisome revelation probed at my buried angst. Coping with grief is difficult no matter what your age, or background is, but from a teenage perspective, the loss of a familiar, friendly face, voice, smell, it all contributes to the mayhem and stress in our already tumultuous worlds.
When my grandfathers were dying, both of them suffering the agonizingly slow process of cancerous demises, I had three coping strategies: music, exercise, and Madeleine. That’s what got me through the miserable year of my sophomore existence. They are the same three precious gifts that I turn to now for continual comfort in my times of anxiety. So upon my mournful revelation, I decided to follow up on my “happy options” as I call them.
Madeleine is my dedicated best friend, a skilled artist in all forms of hair and make-up, and better than any counselor or medication when it comes to brightening my day and making me feel less gloomy. Anyone suffering from the loss of an important figure in their life knows exactly how important it is to have a solid support system. People to cry on, and comfort you, to relate, to listen, and even to share your experiences with the loved one you lost. Madeleine does all that and more for me. In my opinion, the first step to overcoming grief, particularly in the looming face of the upcoming holidays, is to find a friend to talk to, or a relative, someone to relate to, and help you enjoy the wonders of living.
The second most important outlet for filtering potent emotions is without a doubt exercise! Scientifically speaking, exercise triggers an abundance of neurotransmitters, such as endorphins, serotonin, dopamine, glutamate, and GABA. All of which contribute to the feelings of pleasure and happiness. From an athlete’s perspective however, exercising, particularly at a high intensity, can bring about a single-minded frame of determination and focus that provides the ideal distractor from the lurking cloud of sadness that would otherwise threaten to pour. My personal recommendations include, yoga, rollerblading, and dancing.
Similarly to exercising, listening to music produces a stomach-fluttering feeling of goodness aided by neurotransmitters. Music is like reading to me, it totally just transports me away from whatever I’m currently situated with and to a whole different world. Whether it be homework, an argument with my parents, or losing an important person in my life, music has always been my right-hand man. Waking up on both mornings of my two grandfathers’ funerals,  I can recall the excruciating feeling of despair and dread knotted in my soul. I remember how I did not cry, how the tears stayed bottled up inside me, preventing me from alleviating my tormenting, inner anxiety. I also remember playing the song “Funeral” by Band of Horses, and the power strummed in the words, the sheer magic and beauty coming in through my earphones. That song was the key to unlocking my tears when I really just needed to cry. There is an inexplicable beauty in what music can empower us to feel.
Upon applying all of my happy options, the last thing I did was remind myself: the holidays are a time of celebration! It is a time to take a break, reconvene and reconnect. It can also be a time to reminisce, but, in my mind, I know Bop and Papa would want to see me strong, and in good spirits, so what I do now, and what I try to do in all my weak moments of grieving is this: smile! Make the most out of whatever you are doing! Create some yummy cookies, play some Christmas tunes, and share a few laughs and stories with your family and friends.