Have you ever desperately needed a relationship? I did; freshman year.Being a hormonal teenage boy, dating dominated my mind. I felt awfully lame not having a partner when love lustfully engulfed my friends. ‘Fifteen years old and single’ wasn’t the best status to possess , and I wasn’t at fault. People just weren’t too keen on the whole ‘dating-a-transgender’ idea.

My previous boyfriend broke it off with me for ‘being a burden to his life’ - whatever that meant. During that time of being single, I would sit on my couch, curled up with Supernatural flashing on my screen and Eric on my iPhone. My best friend at the time, Eric always stuck right in the middle of the rectangular technology in my hands. His cheeks, large and rosy, were dotted in freckles and always closer to the camera than they should be. We never really talked about anything, but it always cheered me up from being single. Four years into the friendship, I admitted I liked the guy, but his opinion on the transgender thing? Not positive, to say the least.  But alas, my brother forced me to tell Eric how I felt. So I did.

“Okay.. so.. maybe I do like you,” I huffed into the speaker of my yellow device.

“Ha, yeah. Sure,” he barked sarcastically. “You’re totally into a fat-a-”

“Eric,” I sighed. ‘Here we go again with the self-esteem issues..’ I thought, obviously worn out by his repetitive self -put-downs.

    “So you like me, eh?” His left eyebrow sprang up with his question.

“C’mon, man. Don’t be an ass about it,” I muttered, my face flushed. My mood-ring of a hair-do fell into my eyes, helping to cover the Ferrari-Red of my cheeks.

“A’ight,” Eric spoke with a grin. “Partners?”

“Partners.”

Four days into the relationship, I regretted it.‘Moron. Moron. Moron,’ I repeated to myself in my head as I slid down the band  hallway wall holding my red and white plaid french fry container. I hated dating Eric. I even considered it a mistake. “What do I do, Seth?” I looked over to him, seeing the same assortment of food in his lap.

    “Ain’t my relationship,” Seth, my other best friend, snorted, shoving a fry into his mouth.

“Man, c’mon, I’m serious!” I begged, slapping his scraggly shoulder. He just tossed his head back in laugher, blonde mop flopping around his forehead. He was cute, but it wouldn’t divide my attention from the matter at hand, “Honestly though. He’s just so… bad. And not like the bad-boy all the chicks fawn over, like… ew, y’know?”
“So he’s gross?” Seth raised an eyebrow, again looking adorable. He chomped at a Goldfish cracker, wide smirk across his pale face.

    “He’s just.. weird. He treats me like a freakin’ girl, first off. But he also... I dunno. He’s just bad at dating. Maybe he’s just bad at dating me?” I groaned, looking over at the blonde-haired and blue-eyed boy I called my friend.

    “We’re all a lil weird and bad at relationships, my dear friend,” Seth breathed wistfully. Rolling my eyes, I shoved another fry past my lips.

    “Nah man. He’s really weird. And pretty stupid,” I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, bracing myself for Jon’s reaction. “He’s on probation.”

    “WHAAAAT?” Seth gasped before laughing unnervingly loud. “Whyyyyyyy?” he asked, voice dragging on the ‘y’ sound in a hissing sound.

    “Got caught with weed,” I choked out, embarrassed of my choice as a partner. “It’s not like I knew he was like this..” I defended myself sharply.

    “Dump him,” Seth panted between cackles.

    “I can’t,” I puffed, “He’s suicidal… I already tried to and...” I said nothing else, establishing that it obviously didn’t go over too well with Eric.

    “I already hate the guy,” Seth coughed, recovering his breath.

 “Same. Kinda. As a partner at least.. He was a rad friend,” I shrugged, finishing
my food.

    “Enough about that moron,” Seth ended the conversation. Maybe a bit obvious with the fact I liked Seth, I smiled feebly. I made up my mind: I needed to dump Eric.
                          ~
    I  didn't dump Eric. I couldn’t. He reminded me of a lost, stupid puppy. But Seth helped a lot.

    ‘Text message: Heyo. So. Ya think it’d be possible for you to dump Mr.Butt yet?’ Seth’s name flashed across my phone screen, and I couldn’t help the small smile that flickered at my lips. I lay back in my bed, relieved to be not on FaceTime with Eric for the first time in a month.

    ‘Reply: Nah. Can’t. I totally with though. My place at 8? <3’ Okay. So hitting on Seth didn’t fall in the ‘right-thing-to-do’ category, but we liked each other and we talked it out. Problem.. somewhat… solved. I knew Eric would just get irritated and act like he would hurt Seth, but not actually do anything. I couldn’t help myself.

I spent that night with Seth then on Skype afterwards, feeling better for the first time in what felt like forever.
                             ~
    A week later, Valentine’s day passed, and the 28th of February rolled around. My friend Erica and I watched her sweaty boyfriend play basketball at the Rec center. I scrunched my nose, watching the beads of sweat hit the slick floors. Bored with the sport, I pulled out my cell phone.

    -14 missed calls from Eric- My eyes widened. Definitely not good. My fingers flew across the screen, frantically calling back.

    “Leeroy?” Eric squeaked, obviously upset.
    “Oh God, what’s wrong?” I responded, a bit irritated and confused.
    “Goin’ back to jail..” He muttered. Jail? Wait, he’d been to jail before?
    “H-how long?” I stuttered. I felt like I had my chance, like I’d finally be able to dump Eric after what felt like years.
    “Dunno..”
    “Then.. Maybe we should..” I swallowed nervously. “Take a break.”
    “What? Why?” I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
    “It’ll be hard.. Y’know..?” Trying to keep it short and sweet, desperate to get out of the Hell I called a relationship.

    “Fine.” Click. Just like that I was free, ironically unlike Eric. I closed the Phone app, openin up Messages. I sighed and sent the message I typed days beforehand.

‘Text Message: Hey.. Uh. I was just thinking.. And. I realized I want a real relationship. I’ve never had one. Ever. And I’m sick of being seen as a girl, player, and so on. So I realized, I want a relationship that’s 100% real. Hanging out all the time, having anniversaries, playing video games, having tickle wars, cuddling. CARING about each other.. I don’t want a sexual thing goin’ on. I want a real relationship. And…. I wanna try it with you. So, Seth... Will you uh.. Go out with me?’

    ‘Reply: Yes Lee <3’ he responded almost automatically.

Then I realized, I didn’t need a relationship. I just had a lot of hormones. But Seth was different. Almost a year later, I looked back on this, still with him. I sighed and shook my head, thinking of how unintelligent I was. I hope my kids don’t end up like me that year.