I remember it hurt. Him seeing me like this. When i was in the hospital, looking dead, feeling dead. He was there for me. and in a way i suppose it was sweet. It was sweet. He stayed there for days and days until i started getting better. Just sitting in that boring old depressing room. He was there when i was first admitted too. That was kind of embarrassing. I just remember not being able to breathe. I remember the doctor asking me how i felt when first entered just to make sure i was awake and alert which i was but he asked me how i was doing and how i felt and i couldn't freaking breathe. With the little bit of breathe i had in me without hesitating, i said i felt like i was dying. and it hurt me because i could just see the look of worry and desperation, depression and anxiety in his, and my parents eyes. That was a look i never want to see in anyones eyes again. It felt like it broke me inside. After I said that I don’t remember much. I kind of started to blank out. But I do remember waking up in that dreary hospital room, with him looking at me and my parents. I kept thinking to myself god I cant have him see me like this how long have you been here. I look like crap I don’t have any makeup on and i’ve been asleep and messed up for i don’t know how long. when i final woke up and was alert he said “hey, you're finally awake..”

“yeah…yeah..how long have i been in here?” I said back

“3 days..”

“How long have you been here?”

“Ive been at your bedside since you were here.” he said with his half smile

“I cant believe you..i look so bad.” i said with a chuckle. i think he was happy to see me crack a joke.

“Your’e beautiful.” he said. it made me tear up because no one has actually ever told me that

i went silent for a little because i was just appalled on his answer. he sounded worried, sympathetic. kind of gentle towards me like i was broken. the doctor came in and told me what had happened was, i was way too stressed out about whatever i was. he had no clue and t the point, neither did i. he said i had anxiety and it can be controlled with medication. he asked me if anything stressful had happened recently. he mentioned that it was a safe room, just me and him i can say anything i needed or wanted to. he asked if there was a recent divorce or death within the family just recent. not anything i could remember and then i remembered one of my best friends died and i witnessed. i started to freak out for a second. i didn't know what was happening. it happened again, i couldn't breathe, i could barely see. i wanted to cry and he gave me a medication. i fell asleep again. when i woke up he was there still…he asked what happened when he asked me what happened and he said i need to control it. i told him what happened and he asked me rate my pain from 1-10. i couldn't breathe it felt like i ten but i only gave it a 9. one of the nurses said she knew i was a total trooper because i gave what most adults would give a 10 a 9. after all that happened he treated me different for a long time. One  day i texted him and i got no response. still haven’t. he left me. he left me without a goodbye and thats what changed my life. he taught me some lessons in life. even if they have been there through thick and thin, they can just leave you without an excuse, a lie or an explanation. I believe if someone really loves someone, if they will ever leave there needs to be an explanation.