Mom, I wish that you could have seen all of the wonderful things that I was able to acheive in my lifetime. It pains me to know that you were so unwilling to be there for me. You chose men and drugs over me. When are you going to realize that it's time to grow up? That you need to start living for a purpose. We never stopped loving you, I wanted to hate you so bad. You have no idea how bad I wanted to hate you. But I couldn't, you are my mom. Nothing can change that.

There is a big difference between a mom and a mother. You were a mother when you weren't on drugs and weren't chasing men. You were a mother when you kissed me goodnight, when you walked me to my bus stop, and when you cleaned all of my wounds.

I have tried to look at you with those same eyes, but you have made it diffficult. You walked out of my life and began a new one filled with hate. You stopped respecting yourself and you let men have their way with you. You stopped calling, writing, and visiting all together. I gave up waiting. Waiting for you to come back. Waiting for you to find yourself. You made it hard for me to trust anyone. I distanced myself for so many years, I challenged everyone and ended up losing the people that I began caring about. And for the longest time I hated myself. I blamed myself for all of your mistakes. But in all reality, none of what happened was my fault. It was no one's fault but yours.

I really wish that I could have gotten to know the real you. And that you could have gotten to know me. I wanted you to be the one that I shared all of my secrets with. But that will never happen. Life has passed you by. I may be young but I know when to let go. I hope that someday you will be there for my siblings. The other three children that you birthed. They may still have some faith in you.

I will always love you because you are my mom. I will always love the mother that you once were. And I will always remember all of the good memories that I have of you. Don't fall back into the same patterns, give up the drugs and abusive men. If not for yourself, do it for your children.

Good Bye Mom.