Have you ever found out something that changed your whole life completely? Have you ever found out something you weren't suppose to? Ever have to keep a secret for over two years? I have. I saw the messages, heard the phone calls and saw things that I probably shouldn't have seen. Maturity comes across everybody at a certain point in life. Whether its simply you just growing up, or maybe something forcing you to be mature, even if you weren't ready for it. Well, I was forced. My parents relationship involved fights, disrespect, cheating and divorce. All of these situations and more forced me to step up. I had to grow up and understand what was happening. But not just for me, for my brother too. Maturity made me grow up and learn things fast. I learned a lot about relationships, both mom and dad,and how to handle myself and my brother through certain situations. I was about ten years old when I first found out that my dad was cheating on my mom. The woman's name was Ashley.

It was a Saturday morning. I hated saturday mornings. My mom left for work at 8:00 am. My brother and I were left alone waiting for my dad to walk through that porch door around 10:00 am. You see, my dad “worked” thursday, friday, saturday and sunday nights. And we would be lucky if we even saw him during the day. Some saturdays would be better than others, this was not one of those saturdays. It was now 11:00 am, finally I hear the squeak of the old porch door open. Foot steps walking through the kitchen. My heart beating a million times per second because I never know how my dad would be when he came home. That day he was beyond hungover. Julian, my brother, being around six or seven years old, yells out, “Daddy?!” My eyes burning just looking at him. I knew what was going on, he was out last night, drunk, with “her”. He says, ‘hey guys, I worked really hard last night,so i’ll be upstairs.”

His eyes bloodshot, the smell of fast food and alcohol swept throughout the house. He goes upstairs and sleeps until my mom gets home. Myself, scared. Julian? What was going through his head he was so young.

I learned how to stay calm and not to get myself upset. This waS for two reasons. My brother, and I had to stay strong. I taught myself to keep everything in. To pretend to not notice something was wrong. If I ever did say something, my dad would flip out . He would always be on the edge, the littlest thing would set him off. He would throw things, yell, and then leave. Why would he act like this? What did we do to him to ever deserve this? I guess we’ll never know.

It was a weekday after school. My dad picked me up from school, he told me that he had to meet someone real quick before he brings me home. Of Course I had no idea what we really going to do. He drove us down the street to stop ‘n shop. He told me to wait inside th car while he went inside of the store. It’s been about ten minutes and as I watch out f the car window, I finally see him. But its not just him, it; hi and another woman. He kisses and hugs her then starts walking back towards the car. My heart beating and my hands shaking. What was going on? It’s all starting to make sense now. The lady on the phone wasn’t a co-worker, it was her. Leaving and going on random business trips wasn't for business. It was for her. Loss of money, weekends, phone calls, gifts, lies, everything, it was all for her. The woman's name was Ashley.

After I started figuring out what was going on, I became so much more observant. I started t figure out everything that my dad was doing to my family. Although as I became smarter and more mature I realized what was actually going on. So why didn't my mom? Was she scared? Keeping it in? I learned that in the end of this, she knew but maybe just didn't want to fully believe it for many reasons. One including that she didn't want to hurt my brother and I. My dad thought I was young and stupid and didn't pick up or realize what he was doing, his gave me the perfect advantage to keep figuring out what my dad was doing. The more I found out the more I had to keep fro my mom. The more I was finding myself t hate my dad. The more I found out the more I wanted my brother and I to stay close so he would never get hurt in the end of this, because something was going to happen sooner or later, and it did. But if I knew all of this information. Why didn't I just tell my mom? I guess i should've but I was just so scared and didn't want to be the one t ruin my family. tried everything i my power to cover up for my dad. I would just keep acting stupid, young and innocent. I’d look over shoulder while he was texting, he had two phones.. psh, stupid. Anytime there was a fight I learned how to keep myself and Julian calm. And trust me there was a lot of fights. Let me tell you one of them.

It was a summer day, something was going on with my dad being late to come home. Just like always my mom was stressed out worrying about my dad and preparing herself for the fight thats about to happen. I go downstairs into my room and realize that there was a message left on our home phone. I listen to it and its a woman's voice saying my dads name and to call her back. Her words were slurred and she sounded so dumb. I was already used to situations like this happening. I was used to the disgusting feeling at the pit of my stomach. Anyway, after listening to the message I deleted it to make sure it was never to be heard by another set of ears. Well I thought I deleted it , I didn't . The fight started when my dad came home and told my mom all the money in our bank account was gone and he spent it all at the casino. My mom broke down and ended up leaving for a couple hours. Who could blame her? My brother and I go downstairs, I keep him calm by playing with him and really doing anything I can do to keep him and myself distracted. My mom finally comes home, there was so much tension in the house. My mom comes down to check on my brother and I. She says,
“Hey guys.” Her voice is weak, her eyes are bloodshot from crying. She’s had enough. We’ve all had enough of the bullshit. My mom goes to reach for the home phone. My heart drops, the message is still there and thats the moment I realized i must have not deleted the message. I can tell by her face she is listening to it. The pain in her eyes is so visible. Shes so hurt and broken. Seeing her like that made me even more hurt and broken. She walks upstairs and not another word was said that night. But this still continues. They still stay together, my mom is still staying. I couldn't take it anymore, so how is she?

So many more stories I could tell. When my mom broke her leg on mothers day and my dad didn't come home to help her when she called him begging and crying. My dad caused us so many financial problems. All the tears, stress and pain. My dad was a horrible father, and was never there for my brother and I. My mom was always there for everything. I love my mom and always will. There will never be a day that I will ever pick my dad over my mom. Although my mom finally got enough strength to leave my dad. That day was pure hell. That was the day I had my first anxiety attack. The first couple months were all really bad. That year was a hard time to get through, but I did. My mom and I got so close, her and I both gained so much strength from each other. We started to stick up her ourselves, not letting him walk over us anymore. I’ve learned a lot along these two years. I now live with he woman named Ashley, and believe it or not, I love her. For almost ear I hated her guts, but maturity helped me realize that I have to move on and look past the person I think she is. It wasn't completely her fault for what happened, it was my dads. I will never forgive him for that, eve if I did learn to move on from the past.

Without all these experiences I went through at an early age I would never be the person I am today. I try to always look on the brighter side of things even up to today when i’m facing a problem because I know that I can get through anything. I’m thankful for the all the positive things I’ve learned throughout the negative experiences.