Through my life I feel like I have been able to grow well in touch with noticing things and applying myself too new skill sets and if I had one person to blame for this part of me I would say it was my father. My dad has always stood out from what the “normal father figure “ is. Instead of watching football on the couch my dad has his kindel out and would be trying to read us quotes from one of his many inspiring religious leaders and spiritual junk. And for a while… thats all this was too me, after all I never really pay attention to that junk but for whatever reason my father seemed to be enchanted by these readings. But around some time last year,I started to think about how happy he was to go to church and to think about beliefs from spectrums all over the world it was as if he was in almost a different place and knew something everyone else didn’t know. He seemed progressively better with his life as a whole. And i'm not saying he had the secret to happiness or anything but when I looked deeper into it i realised that the insight i take for granite comes from him and its not even about a bunch of religious stuff its about applying an instruction manual to people and systems everyday like a creative problem solver… and thats when I knew that I wanted to find out why he had become so different.

Sitting down with my father I start by asking him questions that could have had multiple answers and spiderwebs that trailed off forever but then I get to questioning him on how he first really become spiritual.

“When I was in my deepest despair I remember a night when it was very late, possibly three in the morning and I was working sixty to seventy hours a week and I remembered many nights like this before where I got only 3 or 4 hours to sleep and I realized this was a recurring cycle and that I would be feeling very grumpy and unhappy… it was at that moment that I began praying for me to just be okay tomorrow… to not get angry … to not worry… and in response to my prayer something greater then myself gave me a sense of calm and serenity over me. And the next day I was still very tired but I was at ease with myself besides being sleep deprived” -G

And I started to grow deeply truly fascinated with noticing that my father didn't say words like “jesus “ or “god” my dad didn't specify in any way, he had come to a realization of understanding that it wasn't about words like that and that he had connected his real life too that deeper part of him. My dad rarely even went to church as a kid and yet… years later he is able to tell himself that if he wants to.. he can make his life better. He goes to church and yet there was not a specific day there that changed him there, he was able to look outside of himself and look inside what was fake and true. After separating those my dad began to write often.. and somthing about church had become different to him… he spoke up more and would talk with the pastor.

“my beliefs changed when:
I started accepting myself and others
That I truly believed god loves me
and that i'm worthy of gods love “ -G

It’s amazing how many humans are worried about not being able to figure things out on there own but others have this amazing realization and independence. Often I hear people say things in church like “forgive us .. forgive us for we are sinners and we have wronged” and yes everyone messes up sometimes but I really feel like my dad understood that god would understand and that god already loves and forgives us everyday. My dad didn't need someone else to tell him.. he did it. And thats were i feel like i get that amazing independence from much in the way that he still loves to work with the church.. i still love to work with other people its just sometimes we need time by ourselves to find our own way.

“my belief in god and my faith does not exclude me from, knowing or loving other individuals because under it all i feel like everyones god is the same and god comes to us in different ways”-G

My dad seemed to be really open to the idea of other religions and beliefs because he found that as long as someone can find there way to being happy and having a deeper understanding of themselves and the people around them.. the could have inner peace. Like literally going off the book but still using it for structure when creating a project he will often break down a reading from the bible or a quote from another belief and think about what its real purpose is… he could find spirituality threw everything. But that made me wonder “well … what about our pastor…does the fact that she focuses on a core belief instead of general spirituality make him seem… a bit off?” so I decided to go ask her a few things myself but instead of jumping her with a bunch of questions and making a total atheist of myself I asked her firstly what she thought and religious / spiritual thinker have and she responded.

“listening
valuing and considering
having faith and deep conviction but sharing in the way jesus shares with us
speaking the truth in love but not in an arrogant manner.”- pastor

Going back to what my dad said about his experience alone and the fact that he shared that with me I feel like he certainly does it all. And it doesn't even annoy me anymore that were always listening him reading us quotes on the weekend… if anything I feel like I’m really starting to learn a lot from my dad…I like the idea of an average person just understanding it. Its not about how many days you go to church or the crosses you own or how much you pray…. its about preparing,understanding,sharing, and evolving. And so I decided to ask her what she thought about him.

“extremely inspiring encouraging and life giving”-pastor

And so it is confirmed that my dad isn't just another person ,to say if anything… he's enlightened in a way of openly connecting everyday situations and solving his own problems. Sure you could say “hes not a life saver” or “hes not a hero” and you're right but being able to have that deeper flow of knowledge that breaks things down bit by bit and can talk and share this with me and because of it I blossom in things that aren't even related to the church… Things like pushing myself a little bit harder to be better everyday to get better at art, writing, loving who I am, caring for my family, understanding my friends, and solving problems. And like my mother allways says “happyness can have a ripple effect".