Trust and Time both start with the same letter, yet so do many other words. The one thing both of these have in common is the pace the both go at. Its ever changing as snow flakes sprinkle from the sky. When the topic comes up I immediately close up and shut down. Don’t. Never do it. All they will do is judge you. Continuously these words are repeated in my head. Swirling all around me, until they begin to suffocate me. Denying me of the breath I question whether I need or not. Swiftly with years of practice I avert any question that has to do with me and how I feel. People say trust comes with time, but to me there isn’t enough time for trust to build. Brick by brick. As the conversation begins to drift with questions to a place where there is no longer light in my head I steer it in another direction. The place with no light should never see the light. A place where something lurks never showing its face. Only coming into your dreams, never letting you forget they are there. It is also full of cobwebs running from one pitch black corner to another glistening with tears. As each new tear is shed another tear appears on the cobwebs full of memories. Memories which should never be shared. Memories that should be forgotten in tartarus. Memories that should have never happened in the first place. A regret. An insecurity. The thought of telling someone leaves you without a breath. A frigid grip latches on to your heart forcing it to pump harder and faster. Your complete body tenses up with the thought and shivers with every heartbeat threatening to let your secret out. As you sit there your face heats up as it would after a three mile jog. Instinctively you begin to rub your sweaty palms against your jeans. With a shaky breath you simply state ,” I don’t want to talk about it”.

With even that statement and them leaving you alone you can’t find peace. There will always be that looming cloud over your head. Casting an ever permanent shadow over you. Peoples advice is to tell someone and lift the pressure of boulders from your shoulders ,yet it would have the opposite effect on you. It changes from boulders to the weight of the world. As the words timidly come from you mouth you realize you are no longer secure. Your heart beats at a rate that should not be possible and once again the darkness consumes you more than safe. Making you think whether you should wait for effect of telling someone or end it right there and save your self from ridicule from everyone who finds out. Their beady eyes watching your every move snickering when you have your back to them. Everything they do reminding yourself you were right. Don’t. Never do it. All they will do is judge you. Begin again but this time they don't stop getting tighter around you. Your breath comes in shallower than ever until you no longer hear them. Instead you are standing in the dark room facing your demons.