My Transformative Experience Wasn't Even My Own | Teen Ink

My Transformative Experience Wasn't Even My Own

November 16, 2013
By A_Jean PLATINUM, Citrus Heights, California
A_Jean PLATINUM, Citrus Heights, California
40 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
&quot;we all carry these things inside that no one else can see. they hold us down like anchors and they drown us out at sea.&quot;<br /> &quot;i&#039;m trying to figure out which parts of my personality are mine and which ones I created to please you&quot;


In the beginning of my junior year, my best friend was diagnosed with an eating disorder and depression. We started out the year with many friends but, gradually, the number dwindled to just the two of us. I watched her go days without eating and nights without sleeping. Over time, she came to rely on me as her outlet for stress, frustration, fear and sadness. I wanted to be the best friend I could be, but I later realized that the stress took a drastic toll on me.

Each day I worried about her and analyzed every word. Some nights I found myself unable to fall asleep as I worried I'd made some little mistake or said the wrong thing. My grades slipped because I couldn't focus on my classes and was eventually knocked out of the scholar program, of which I'd been a member for 3 years. When she was hospitalized and finally got the help she needed, the stress was lifted, and I realized how negatively the experience had impacted me and how truly alone I had become.

My friend's battle took a lot out of my life. I lost friends, GPA points, sleep and weight. But the emotional turmoil was by far the worst part of the year. There were days I couldn't stop myself from breaking down at school. I became quiet and sad; it felt like my life was falling apart before my eyes.

But the summer after my junior year was rewarding for me. I spent three whole months apart from my friend, focusing all my time and energy into my Gold Award Project for Girl Scouts as I rebuilt an entire elementary school library.

When I returned to school senior year, I was ready for change. I stepped back into the healthy friendships and lifestyle I had neglected. Though I still care very much about my friend's wellbeing, I've distanced myself from her and no longer allow her situation to prevent me from being myself and doing the things I enjoy. Now I go to class, hang out with new friends at school, play soccer, do my homework, read and play the piano. In other words, I feel like me again, and it's great.

This experience taught me that while I will always be a good friend, I can never allow myself to become so involved with someone else's life that I neglect my own. I've learned the best way for me to help a friend is by staying strong and true to myself.



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