So, I had this dream. You held me. You shyly scooted closer and put your arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. It was nothing sexual. You just hugged me. Held me tight. Made me feel loved, wanted, and cherished. It was great the feeling of being in your arms. It was so realistic. We were just sitting on the bleachers. I imagine things were going on around us but I don't really remember, I was focused solely on you. Your arm was strong and muscled. Your chest was hard but soft at the same time. I could lean against its solidity, but it cushioned me. You put your face in my hair. I wrapped my arms around your waist and held you tight. We held one another with love. Then I woke up. I went to school. And the distance between us killed me. You didn't hug me. You didn't talk to me. You didn't smile at me. And I didn't have the courage to tell you. To tell you how I feel. To let you know that I dreamed about you holding me and how it felt right. It was simple, but beautiful in its simplicity. I realize that it was just a dream. But it felt like reality. And real life feels like a nightmare. I miss you. But what's to miss? I never had you. I wish I could though. Already, I had feelings for you. The dream amplified them. And I don't even know if that was the real you, or the version I made up to make myself happy. You were caring and loving and warm and strong. I just can't wait to go to sleep again in hopes of making it to the crushing dream. While the dream makes me so happy and alive it also crushes my heart. Because I have to wake up and realize that you aren't mine. But it is worth the pain, because having you, even falsely, is worth any pain the world could hand me...