I am seventeen years old with a rare disorder, internal hives, ADD/ADHD, etc. I have helped take care of my family since I have been about eight or nine years old. Taking care of my oldest sister is hard but I have survived it all. My sister and my father have the same rare disease I have. How can I ever be me when I feel so restricted and confined?
When I was younger I was always sweet never had a rebel bone in me until I hit about 7th grade and got mixed in the wrong crowd. But that isn’t the whole reason why I am a rebel. I am a rebel because my father is pretty much a controlling, restrictive Hitler like figure. He is so restrictive and controlling it makes me wonder if he ever wanted me as his child. I know that I am the cause my mother is a constant depression. The rebel part of me is just me trying to be who I want to be and not who my parents want me to be.
Would you rather learn your life lessons from your mistakes or be restricted and never learn real life lessons because you’re constricted? I know that I rather learn from my mistakes in my life so that I can learn from them and no for the next time I get in a similar situation what not to instead of running to my parents because I am scared to live a little. It is so hard to be who I am because I am so restricted.
I have plans for me but I have no way that I will ever be able to complete my plans for my life because I will never be able to make my own decisions since I feel like I am confined and a slave to my own parents. I feel like I will never be able to be who I want and it makes me want to cry myself to sleep every night.
If I could just talk to my parents, I would defiantly tell them that this:
Mom and Dad just shut up and listen to me, I feel like you both don’t love you just act like it because you want me to be your guys slave. I know you probably don’t care but I am ready to leave any day now and you guys aren’t going to stop me because I need to be able to have my own life and learn from my mistakes. I think if I move out it actually might bring us closer but yes it may hurt for a while but it is what it is. I don’t know if you ever will care about my opinions but it is my life and I need to learn from my mistakes instead of held back from living my to the fullest.
I have no clue how to show them my true self when then don’t show interest in learning who I am because they only want me to be what they have planned for me. I feel like I have to try but first I need to move away and see how that works out for me.