I hate the way we kissed. I hate the way he stares into my eyes, whispering softly in my ear about how much he loves me. I hate the way I stare back back with wide, fake eyes masking my true feelings.

I close my eyes. Not to savor every second his soft lips touch mine. I close my eyes, to shut out my feelings.To shut out my feelings of self hatred. Feelings of guilt. Feelings of a traitor.

We peck quickly, and I flinch back

"I love you, a lot." He was so serious about saying it, that it made every piece of me to want to fall apart. I looked down. Not because I'm nervous. I looked down because those same words can never excape my lips. Those same words cannot even form properly in my mind.

"I know." It was my trained response. I bit down my welling tears, trying to shut everything out of my fast-beating heart.

I care about him. I trust him. I never want to lose him.

But I don't love him.