Foster home

Foster mom

Foster family

I have never thought I would be in one. I mean I kind of did before, but come on. Me. In a foster home.

My mother is not on drugs. She is not an alcoholic. Not a rape victim. I was not sexually abused. I do not do drugs or drink. I am not in illegal activity.

I Am a good kid.

But why am I in a foster home.

Why am I out of all people in a foster home.

Everyone around me has basically thought I have a perfect life. My mom buys me almost everything. Hair salon, nails, new clothes always at the tip of my fingers. I have my own bed room. Pink walls.

But why am I in a foster home. In the system. Dealing with DYFS and therapist. People who want me to be put on meds.

I do Not live a perfect life behind doors. Not one bit. My closest friends know what I go through everyday dealing with a raged mother. They are my personal witness.

I honestly don't even care to have my mom around. Everyone thinks I am just going to go back to her or I'm going to need her soon. Well guess what, I don't. I say I'm fine but I'm not, but it doesn't mean I want to live with the devil any longer.

My mom cannot control her mouth let alone her hands. And I am not the only one who has to deal with it, I just feel I deal with it the most.

Step-father. Second-hand caretaker. Works at the Borgata. Truly a very nice man. Has two kids of his own and a ex-wife has to deal with my raged mother too.

Why does she act like she is from the streets I don't and will never ever know, but she does.
She says she is sorry for whatever she has done (which she swears is nothing). But she needs to say that to the scars I bear everywhere on my body.

She says I am lying when I told me case worker she used to beat me for no reason sometimes. I never ever lie so why would I lie about something so serious.

She says she loves me. I took her when I am in a foster home to tell me that. It took years.
I know she is lying. She doesn't love me, but it is okay. All I honestly need are animals and I will be happy.

She goes to court pleating to the judge to allow me to come home. That's totally funny because she has been trying to get me in a foster home for a decade. She treats me like dirt and even calls me everything she can possibly think of but she "wants" me back. Like I'm some abused puppy whose owner wants the dog back because they "learned" their lesson.

Bullshit.

I am having problems at school. The teachers blame it on my "home situation". They get mad that the students gossip but there ever teacher knows I don't live in Ventnor anymore.
They think I my grades are bad and I keep getting in to trouble because I'm stressed because of my "situation". Honestly, I'm not good at Algebra, English, or Reading. And it isn't my fault the teachers over react or don't agree with what I think or don't hear my side of the story and assume everything. It is not my fault , but why does it keep seeming like the fault just falls in my hand.

Many people around me think I should forgive her. The Lord always forgives. My mother forgives me. Well I don't believe in God.

Some people think I should tell my case worker I made up everything so I can go home to my perfect house, my perfect life, my perfect room in Ventnor. Well guess what, I'm scared. I'm scared that I am going to wake up with someone with a gun to my head because I'm living in Pleasantville, in "the hood". I'm scared that when I go home the cycle will repeat.

I am scared

I have low self-esteem. If you know me personally it's obvious. But id doesn't really effect me. I know most girls are prettier than me and all I do is just where make-up. And I am definitely not that pretty when I cannot have my nails done every three weeks or my nappy half straight, half curly black girl hair under control.

I am very into astrology. And I know for a fact I can't get along with Libras. I am an Aquarius and I don't get along with Libras. That is my main problem with my mom, besides that fact that she doesn't deserve hands.

I feel so sorry for my step-dad who is always in the middle of everything and has to deal with the same problems I do with my mom. He cries when I call or when I see him. He cries which makes me want to lay down and cry. I love him and I feel sorry everyday when I think about him. But I can never fathom when he is such a good person and is with my mom.

There is more to the story. More to my story that I could never share or say out lout. That I don't want to share. But there is more. There is also two sides to the story. Mine and my mothers. Which ever one someone listens to or believes, I am still in a foster home.
I Am 14 Years Old And Have Been In My First Foster Home For About 3 And A Half Months Now And It Literally Feels Like ForEver.