Once again, I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I'm blaming myself for your unhappiness, for your bitterness. I'm feeling sorry for doing nothing, yet making you angry.

I was young when you left. Heartbroken. I'd see you and wave, you'd turn your head. I'd run up to and hug and you'd push me away like I was an ankle-biter nipping at your feet. She'd hit me in front of you and you'd close your eyes so you wouldn't see. Thought I was dumb enough to think that you were nice, that if you didn't see it then you couldn't do anything about it. But your ears were open. You could hear. You could hear the pain I yelped out. You could hear those wet, cold hands hit across my red, sore face. I was a young girl who couldn't defend herself, but you could. You were strong. You could have helped me. I asked, no I cried for your help, and you gave me nothing. You gave me the silent treatment.

I was in the seventh grade when I had my first surgery. Did you care? No.. Did you come and see me? No..Did you even call and ask me if I was alright? No.. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't make a peep. I was quieter than that mouse that steals your bread. I was a sophomore in high school when my second surgery came along. Again. Did you care? Did you come and see me? Did you even call and ask me if I was alright? I couldn't be quiet. You left me with years and years of pain. I told you everything. The beatings that you could have saved me from. The neglect that I didn't deserve. I told you everything, and yet you walked away with your head held high. I gave up on you.

November. A month that I'd gladly skip if it was possible. I cannot function when November is around. It's like a pimple right before picture day. You were all I had. You allowed him to hurt me. You were supposed to be my protector while my love was gone. I trusted you. You knew what happened! You did or said nothing. You kept inviting him over. You had me go shopping with him. You forced me to live with someone who neglected me. I had no one.

I wanted what we had, but you chose her instead... Out of everyone you chose her. Bangor trips. Getting your nails done, going out to eat. She was what I could never be. I blamed myself for him leaving and for you not wanting me. Maybe I wasn't girly enough. Maybe I'm no fun to be around. I wasn't sure what it was, but it sure did baffle me.

I did everything you two asked me to do. I did the dishes, I cleaned the whole house, I mowed the lawn, I did everything. I babysat my sister, I cleaned all seven dogs. I was maid. What more did you want from me? I cooked, I cleaned, I did everything but sleep. I didn't sleep because I hurt too much. I could feel my heart break and shatter, when you were supposed to make it feel good and whole. When you were supposed to fix it, you were stomping it into the ground.

Everything that you guys have done makes me sound like a hopeless slump. It makes me feel depressed. Instead of making it sound like you did nothing, maybe I should be thanking you. I only thank you because you've pushed me far enough away where I found true love. Where I can see exactly how terrible you two were. I thank you for giving me this life so I can make someone else's life better. I want to help those who want to be helped so they don't feel pain like me. So you have permanently messed up my head and heart, but you have also made it so I can help someone else. So thanks for nothing.