I never really thought of her this way until recently. She has been my best friend these past few months, almost my sister in a way. We’re so close, we share secrets, laugh at jokes, and help each other through anything. She’s always there for me, and I can count on her, she really is a true friend. I don’t know what set off the feeling, but it just showed up one day, like a meteor into my heart. We were texting, just like any other day. Sending funny pictures to each other, being the silly girls we are.

This time when I looked at a picture of her, I felt different. I looked at her auburn locks, her emerald green eyes, and porcelain skin. I always thought she was pretty, but i never saw her like this. This time I thought she was beautiful. Every feature about her was perfect. I couldn’t help but think wow. I didn’t know what to say, what to think or what to do. I was overcome with an immense feeling of butterflies fluttering in my stomach and my face was hot. I replied with an “lol” and continued the conversation.

At night I can’t help but think about her before I go to sleep. She’s so kind to me, more than anyone else is. She understands my feelings, tolerates my quirks, and most importantly helps my through my problems. She supports me, loves me and cares for me. She’s something different than any other person I know. She doesn’t judge anyone, not matter what they do, and she is so forgiving and kind, she’s practically a saint. She is truly the most important person to me because she cares no matter what and frequently tells me she couldn’t imagine living without me.

We’re two of a kind, her and I. Both obsessed with music and celebrities from the 1960’s, classic movies, and we have similar quirks, well some of them. Even though we live 1,626.67 miles apart (yes, I’ve looked it up) I still feel like she’s sitting right next to me, giving me support when I’m down. She has helped me get through addiction, alcoholism, abuse, rocky relationships, and everything in between. I owe her my life. She’s there for the highs, the lows, the ups and the downs. I often ask her how she isn’t fed up with me, dealing with my multitude of problems. Time after time, she’s there, willing to metaphorically hold my hand and take me through it.

At night, I would stay up late, looking at The Beatles poster tacked to my ceiling. I look at them, and think they’re cute, handsome, attractive, all the adjectives you would use to describe a male you find appealing. Then I think to my dear friend. I think she is beautiful, but it’s not just her looks that make me feel like this. It’s all that she does and the love that already exists between us that makes me feel this way. As I thought about these new, developing feelings, it popped into my head. I loved her.

I never thought of it that way before but it made sense. I had always dated boys before. I may have had a slight crush on a girl once of twice, thinking a girl was very pretty, but nothing more than that. This was entirely different, even different then how I had felt for past boyfriends. The best way I could describe it is this deep, overwhelming love, that I had never felt before. Whenever I talk to her, I’m happy, I feel over joyed, and i get those butterflies in my stomach. We’re the sort of friends that tell each other “I love you”. Whenever I say “I love you” to her, i truly mean it, with all my heart. She had no idea how I felt.

I laid in bed, late at night thinking of her. Her kindness, her sense of humor, her beauty, everything about her. I think she is perfect. I always have nothing but innocent thoughts of her. What it would be like to hold her hand, hug her as tight as I can, to cuddle with her on the couch and watch an old movie, or just a kiss on the cheek. I’d never want to hurt her, make her sad, angry, or unhappy in any way.

I know she doesn’t feel the same way. So when I lay in bed at night, with my headphones in my ears, I think of her as the music plays. I can never let her know this feeling that I feel. I love her with all my heart and I would give anything for her to be happy.

I love you.