Everything was fine. I was going through high school without a worry in the world, nothing could bring me down. I was feeling great, Homework and Assignments were always done on time, and my grade sure weren’t the best compared to this school, but they were great for me. I never had to worry about the pressures of parents and school or have anybody riding me about my grades or about joining sports teams or anything.
It’s my last year at this school, and it’s the worst year of my life. Nobody understands what’s going on with me, not even me. I attend a Private high school, which has Mandatory Boarding for last year of high school, without being able to go home when you want. WE move in Sunday nights and go home Fridays at around four- Seven pm depending on if we have extra-curricular. It’s like we are zombies in this school. We are not allowed to think for ourselves. They tell us that they are preparing us for university, but to be honest, this is nothing like university. WE are their pets and they control us with chips, that tell us when we can eat, when to do work, when to go to class, when we have free time and even when we are allowed to go home. I mean I am not at University yet, but I sure as hell know that this isn’t it.

One problem I face the most, is the rule that we have to tell that when we are going home, and getting permission to go. I mean it breaks my heart. I am a huge Family person, and I know many teenagers aren’t but I am. I love my parents and my brothers and of course my pets. I love spending a night by the fireplace talking to my mom about my homework and my writing. I loved being able to watch television with my brothers, when we would watch our favorite shows or movies. My dad use to come up to me and tease me a bit like he did to everyone, not that I say I missed that, but he did it because he was trying to brighten up my day if it was a bad one. I absolutely loved being able to do my homework on the couch with my dog curled up beside me as I watched my television shows. I miss being able to do what I want to do. This school controls its children, never ever send your children to a private school that makes them live there. In the end your children will hate it, and you will regret it.

My mom tells me all the time she wishes I was home, because I was the one who would watch my baby brother so she could make dinner or could go out to get something, if she needed it. She said she missed me walking around the house and being able to ask me about my day. My dad says that he misses me, because when I was home, he was barely ever there. He told me the other day that he missed seeing me, even if it was only for an hour a day. My brothers both wish I was there, they tell me that they liked how if they needed something it was alright that they could come to me.

This school does not allow me to leave without permission, and if it is during a certain time of day they say “Sorry, no you cannot go home.” Since when does a child need permission to go home? Since when do teachers become an all-day thing? And since when do teachers tell us they don’t want us to go home? Like is that not screwed up.

I have two entire reporting periods/terms of living in this s*** hole. I have been here for a term and a week, and I already cannot stand it anymore. I want to go home, but my parents were made to pay for the boarding plan, but I think its bs. I mean I want to go home, I want to sit in front of the fireplace and I want to be able to sleep in the comfort of my own bed. I want to be able to watch television when I want where I want, and not have to get permission for it. I hate this, I want it to be over. My final year was supposed to be fun, and yeah living with friends is amazing but we are going to kill each other soon, we see each other every day and night except for Saturdays. That’s one day a week that we don’t see each other.

Today is Tuesday, and I only got back Sunday night. I am tired of this, I want to go home, I want to have a life where I don’t have to get permission to do homework or to go to sleep. I want my life back. My life. I am not some robot, I am able to think for my slef, and if the schools logic is to make us be independent then why are we under their control, why are we being told what to do and when to do it. I don’t understand this. I want to go home, I want to just go home and stay there. I want to be able to sleep in my own room for more than twice a week, I want to work on my time, and I want to see my family. I have talked to many people and they all say the same thing.

“Why can’t I get permission to go home, when I want? And why do I need to be here all the time? If I am independent why can’t I make my own decision to go home?”

I have asked all 70 girls in my boarding house and that is the one thing we all ask. “Why do I need permission to go home, especially if I live 5 minutes away by car?”
This school is sucking the life out of me. I want to cry, but I cant. I want to scream, but I wont and I especially want to go home but I don’t want to make my parents disappointed in me, if they think I cannot do this. To be honest, I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to just stop time or speed it up to the summer.

I want to go home, is that so much to ask?