While almighty, divine, and glorious are all wonderful words, I still don’t find them quite beautiful and powerful enough to describe my best friend and savior- Jesus Christ. I’m not sure if I ever will find a word truly worthy enough to describe Him and all that he’s done for me, but I do know that the feeling I receive from being his follower is absolutely indescribable. I start and end each day knowing that no matter what is going on in my life or the world, I am loved unconditionally by an almighty God, and I hope that the joy I receive from knowing this truly shines from me, so that it may show others this truth. This year especially, God has changed my life in numerous ways, and our relationship has developed into something brand new, to a level I never knew was possible. Though I have been a Christian since the early days of Sunday school and have always found joy and peace in God, I have never felt closer to Him than I do right now, and I feel so blessed to be at this point in my relationship with Him.
After struggling through an eating disorder and anxiety this year, I learned that these troubles, while challenging, were not too big for my God to take care of. Once I stopped trying to control my life and worries, and instead let myself be carried in God’s healing arms, I began to experience life in a new and wonderful way. Once an obsessive exerciser who had to power walk at all times, I can now slowly stroll through my neighborhood, taking time to look on in awe at God’s magnificent creation. The trees’ leaves are brighter, the birds’ songs are lovelier, and the flowers I always have to stop and sniff now, smell sweeter. God took a rough time in my life and turned it into a miracle. Upon excitingly telling my youth pastor all of the changes I felt within my body and soul after giving God complete control over my life, he smiled & told me that after someone trusts God to take them through a situation such as an eating disorder, they see life in such a brand new way- it’s like everything is new. I delighted in this, since that’s exactly how I was feeling after giving my life to God again-like a baby, everything brand new and exciting. I feel that after everything I have struggled through this year, God has really blessed it to make me a much stronger person, especially in faith and my relationship with Him. I have always been a perfectionist, and now I finally have been able to really let go of my desires to please others & my passion for the world to accept me as it says I should be. Now I just truly want to be the best child of God that I can be & do what honors and pleases Him, not the world. I have such an excitement for Christ, and when people comment on my ability to keep a continuous and genuine smile, I’m not afraid to share where it comes from. (Or, rather, who it comes from.) God has taken me from being a full out worry wart, to someone who laughs off life’s lemons & instead just tries to brighten others’ days. He has also changed my heart from being selfish and self-centered, to being caring and having a desire to make life better for others. I am eager to accept whatever God has in His will for me, as I have learned His plans for my life are much bigger than those I could ever dream up myself. I had always been a passionate member of the “I hate running club,” but this year God called me to run long distance in track. I have developed wonderful friendships from this, and God has also used it to draw me closer to Him, as I have to trust on His guidance and grace to help me through each and every practice. The way He fits all of these pieces together, from our mistakes to His recoveries, amazes me. It’s like He’s working with the most jagged puzzle pieces, yet He creates with them the most beautiful masterpieces.
He has also really taught me that everything happens for a reason. I was upset a lot this year over choices my friends at school were making involving things like drinking, but God used this as an opportunity for me to really get closer to my friends from church and spend a lot more time with them. I also am trying to be a positive example to my friends who are getting into harmful things, and have been working on starting a youth group at my school. Basically, I learned that with trusting in God with what He’s called you to do, and asking Him to help you fill out your calling, anything is possible. These verses have really been special to me this year: “For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, they are plans for good, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11 and “I love you, Lord, You are my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my Savior. My God is my rock in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me and my place of safety. I called on the Lord, who is worthy of praise, and He saved me from my enemies.” Psalm 18:1-3.
I feel like I could write an entire book just on the changes God has made in me this year through my relationship with Jesus Christ, but I guess I should probably wrap things up. Basically, God took me from being a person who couldn’t quite figure out what I was supposed to be doing from one day to the next, to someone super excited about the blessing of getting to live each day I am here. He has made me appreciate my family and friends, especially from church and Five Pines, so much, and I realize that while I don’t have blessings as others might through material things, God has given me a world full of love. I am no longer the insecure girl who has to wear make up and who has a fear of making a mistake; I have comfort in God. I skip through the hallways at school (and while some people find this odd, it brings others a smile ?) and sing every chance I get, as I know now that every second can be a beautiful one & one of praise to God. Things that made or broke my year, like if I got straight A’s or not, are now second priority to knowing God loves me no matter what. I find so much peace and comfort through this. Choosing to live my life for Jesus has been the best decision I could have ever made. It fills each day with beautiful meaning, and having God’s presence to guide me along this journey fills each day with joy. I am so excited to continue growing in my relationship with Jesus, and to get to serve God & share His all consuming love with others!