Chapter 1: The Flashback


Three days earlier
Oct.7
It was another one of those days. Another one of those days where the person you love suffers the most. Suffers to the point where there is no such thing as good news in their near future. That’s what it was like for her. That’s what it was like for Mirycle. She suffered even more than before. And there was nothing. Nothing at all I could do. Just hear her wailing voice echo and bounce off the hospital walls. She was helpless. Everyone knew it. They just didn’t want to face it. Not even the doctors. There’s nothing they can do to stop it. Nothing they can do to take it all away. Nothing at all to stop the pain. Nothing at all.
I sat there still as a rock. Not daring to move. Not even breathe, as her pain felt cries filled my ears.
“Sssshhh. It’s okay sweetie. It’s okay. I’m here. Mommy’s here.” My moms’ calming voice barely filled the room.
“Mom! Make it stop! Please!” I stared helplessly as my baby sister cried her eyes out. What could I do? What could I say to make it stop? But I knew I couldn’t do anything.
My mom looked at me; her brown eyes explaining nothing but sadness.
“Sweetie, could you go and tell the lady at the front desk that we need a doctor in here right away?” I nodded my head at once. I got up out of my comfort spot, walking towards the door. I stepped outside into the hallway, closing the door behind me. The hallway felt cool. Almost refreshing. Maybe it was because I could finally breathe, relax. At least just a little.
I walked up to the nurses’ desk. Behind the large furniture, there was a black nurse with micros in her hair. All the small individuals were caught in a red scrunchie that were pulled back in a messy ponytail. The poor lady looked like crap. She looked like she had been ripping and running since 6am this morning.
To get her attention, I cleared my throat. She looked up at me with a gentle look in her eyes.
“May I help you, miss?”
“Yes. We need a nurse in room 189 immediately.” I told her.
“Okay. I’ll call someone.” She picked up the white phone from its cradle, putting it up to her ear, then dialed a few numbers. I stood at the front desk waiting for the nurse to speak. When she didn’t I began to grow impatient. What was talking so long to call a doctor?
The lady put the phone back on the hook and dialed another number instead of hanging it up completely.
This time someone actually picked up. “Hi. Dr. Brooks? There’s a patient in room 189 who needs your assistance…Okay. I’ll tell her…Thank you.” the lady hung up the phone.
“The nurse’ll be here in the room in a few minutes,” the lady informed me.
“How long is a few minutes?” I asked her, hoping that a few minutes was only a few minutes and not longer.
“I’d say about ten minutes tops.”
What she joking? Ten minutes? That’s not a few minutes. That’s a few too many.
“Ok, thanks.” She nodded her head in response, turning her head to look at whatever was on the computer screen adjacent to her. I left the busy front desk and precautioned back into Myracles’ room, opening the door as if someone was sleeping soundly and not screaming their head off.
“What did the nurse say at the desk?” my mother asked me when she saw me in the room. The ringing of my sisters’ bellows were uncontrollably loud.
“She said that the nurse would be here in about ten minutes.”
“That’s too long for her. She needs her medicine right now.” I silently agreed with her, nodding my head slowly with my lips in a thin tight line.
I saw my mom swiftly walk out of the four walled room into the hallway.
“AHHHH!!! Make it stop! Make it stop!” The yelling continued.
I stared at her. Helplessly. I couldn’t do anything. Not one. I couldn’t help her. I couldn’t magically take it away. I couldn’t even be in the same room with her.
“Mom!” I walked over to her cot. I leaded down on my knees to be at least a little bit leveled with her. I placed my palm on her ashy, small one. It felt so fragile. Like it could break at any moment if she moved it.
I wrapped my fingers around hers, hoping it would help just a little.
“Shhh. It’s okay. Mom went outside to talk to the nurse about your medicine.” This only made her yelp more.
“Shhh. It’ll be okay.”
“No it won’t!” She yelled at me. She took her hand away. I stood up from my position to return to my green chair from across the room.
After a minute of torturous shouting, my mother entered the room with the nurse.
“She’s screaming her head off. Is this treatment not working for her? What can you do to stop it?”
My mothers’ questions were just unbearable to listen to. I didn’t want to think about any treatment. I didn’t want to think about the agonizing pain my sister was in. I didn’t want to think about any of it. I only wanted a quiet peace of mind. No crying mothers. No screaming sisters. No professional doctors. No front desks with doughnuts sitting patiently, waiting for someone to eat them. None of that. I only wanted to escape to a blissful place. A place full of happy people. A place where anything good could happen. Perhaps Disney World. I hear it’s where dreams come true. Maybe mines will. But even I know it’s impossible. My dreams won’t come true. Nothing my heart desires will. This life I live isn’t fantasy. It’s reality. And right now reality stinks on ice. I have a sick sister who has been dealing with cancer for two years now. Sure now and again she’s okay. But now everything is just going downhill. She’s isn’t getting any better. It’s like Humpty Dumpty. He sat on a wall and fell off. Breaking himself into pieces. When all the kings men and all the kings horses came, they couldn’t put him back together again. That’s what it’s like for her. That’s what it’s like for my sister. My own flesh and blood. She can’t escape it. Only it wasn’t her fault. She didn’t ask for this. She doesn’t deserve this at all. She’s not Humpty Dumpty. She didn’t sit on a wall, knowing she’d probably fall off in the first place. She didn’t place herself in this predicament. No one did. It just happened unexpectedly. Out of now where.
Continuing on with my thoughts, I let my mind drift away to a better place. Not this horrific nightmare. Not this heartache. I thought back on all the good times-the times when we, as a family, would go to Centennial Park during the summer with our cousin, or the time when we would go to the movies together. It wasn’t enough. Nothing was ever enough nowadays. Nothing ever seemed to be the same-with the test results showing up negative, with the crying, with the sleepless nights. Nothing was right. This wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was supposed to happen. Everyone was supposed to be okay. I mean sure, we’d have some bumps on the road. However, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Not to her. Not to anyone. But who am I to control it? It’s not up to me. It’s up to God. He knows what’s best. Afterall, everything does happen for a reason. Maybe it’s to make my family stronger. Maybe it’s fate. Destiny, even. Who knows?